Why do people always assume ABDL guys will settle for nothing less than a "Mommy?"

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Bartolome

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This REALLY BUGS ME. I, as a guy whole loves being diapered, just want to find a sensitive and understanding girlfriend, not a "Mommy." I do not think that is an unrealistic expectation. But everywhere I go in the ABDL community I'm constantly reminded by others that I'll never "find a mommy" because of the lousy statistics. I'm not some internet-drone. Why do people assume ABDL guys will settle for nothing less than a full time mommy? I have an adult life to live. Being ABDL doesn't change that.
 

Bartolome

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boo-yak-a-sha Bart!

Like your post.
Thanks, I was worried about pissing people off.

I mean, I'm a writer. I'm working on my 2nd novel, the one I think could really make it. Why would I want some domineering person to pull me away from my writing whenever she wants because I'm her baby boy?
I don't want to live some unrealistic Daily Diapers Story Time Dream. I just want to make a connection, find love, and share with the person I love that I enjoy age play and would like if it could be a small part of our relationship.
 

ptarmigan

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I would personally find having someone in my life like that being very distracting, even from a fetish side. There's a side of me that wants to be taken care of and then there's a side of me that wants none of that. And even if my significant other didn't want to take care of me like that it wouldn't be a huge deal. I mean that's just how I see it.
 

SnowBlitz

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This REALLY BUGS ME. I, as a guy whole loves being diapered, just want to find a sensitive and understanding girlfriend, not a "Mommy." I do not think that is an unrealistic expectation. But everywhere I go in the ABDL community I'm constantly reminded by others that I'll never "find a mommy" because of the lousy statistics. I'm not some internet-drone. Why do people assume ABDL guys will settle for nothing less than a full time mommy? I have an adult life to live. Being ABDL doesn't change that.

This is a stigma that follows us seemingly everywhere. And I could not agree more with your post good sir.
 

Bartolome

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I really appreciate the overwhelming response; I had no idea there were other ABDL guys on the internet who felt the same as I. Makes me reassess the internet community. Thank you, all. I am glad we have spoken out and I HOPE we have been heard.

I bought that book about Age Play for when the time comes... I think that sort of normalizes it. When it happens, I'll be ready. But if I hear those damn statistics one more time about the breakdown of the ABDL community again I will have my own kind of breakdown.

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SIDE NOTE: My last girlfriend did ABDL stuff for me because I did... other... things for her.

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https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7279158602159018814#editor/target=post;postID=5668694921641920049;onPublishedMenu=posts;onClosedMenu=posts;postNum=0;src=postname

Link on my blog
 
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Bart, from your posts the last couple of days, I can see that you are really struggling with your anxiety over finding a girl.

Just concentrate on your novel, don't get hung up on having a strange sexual interest. I realised a few years ago that women are very considerate of new ideas in the bedroom and it is more of a deal to you then it will be to them. I have had three girlfriends who I have explained my fetish to, every single one gave it a go in some way or another.

Just relax, get out into the world, stop reading bullshit on the internet about stats and stuff. Put the diapers out of your head, even go to fetish parties, there are far weirder people out there, trust me. Just be true to yourself and if someone does not like the fact you wear diapers, get rid of them and move onto the next girl. You are more than a fetish, but if you keep putting the fetish first it will always win.

Here for you man, every bloke on this forum knows what your going through.
 

Bartolome

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I'll try. Thanks for putting that in language I could get through without finding reason to argue every point. I will try your advice. It's more than anxiety. I've had a really hard life. I will try. But I know I won't be able to get it out of my head. It's OCD and as much as I try it is very very difficult to control it.

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Bart, from your posts the last couple of days, I can see that you are really struggling with your anxiety over finding a girl.

Just concentrate on your novel, don't get hung up on having a strange sexual interest. I realised a few years ago that women are very considerate of new ideas in the bedroom and it is more of a deal to you then it will be to them. I have had three girlfriends who I have explained my fetish to, every single one gave it a go in some way or another.

Just relax, get out into the world, stop reading bullshit on the internet about stats and stuff. Put the diapers out of your head, even go to fetish parties, there are far weirder people out there, trust me. Just be true to yourself and if someone does not like the fact you wear diapers, get rid of them and move onto the next girl. You are more than a fetish, but if you keep putting the fetish first it will always win.

Here for you man, every bloke on this forum knows what your going through.

Struggling? No. Agonizing.

I'll try. Thanks for putting that in language I could get through without finding reason to argue every point. I will try your advice. It's more than anxiety. It's an uncontrollable obsession. I have those because I have OCD. I've had a really hard life. I will try. But I know I won't be able to get it out of my head. It's OCD and as much as I try it is very very difficult to control it.

And for reasons I'd rather not go into, I've been through a relationship experience that I doubt most guys on this forum could relate to. It involved so many complex lies, so many deceptions, it was staggering. And that's made it very hard for me to trust people, especially women. The degree to which my ex played around with my head almost like a god damn X-Files episode can't really be described without writing an essay on extreme sociopathy and spousal manipulation. She wasn't just a "crazy ex." She was dangerous. It's a load more complicated than that. You probably wouldn't even believe if I told you everything she did, there's stuff I'm still only remembering now and it's been two years. She wrapped my brain around her finger. I can't go on. You wouldn't believe me. Suffice it to say I have been manipulated, abused and traumatized. Physiologically, I can't get just get over that. I have PTSD and a bunch of other kinds of craziness. Asperger's. If I could take a genetic rifle and aim it at the human genome I'd blast Asperger's into democularized goo. Then I'd hack at it with an axe until I was really exhausted, at which point I would set it on fire.

I also find it very hard to socialize. "Get out there" is easier said than done. I appreciate the sentiment though, that's just another one of the one thousand and counting things I have to work on in therapy. Like I said, I don't trust people in general. And they get sick of me because of my obsessions.

I just want to be able to engage this community positively. I'm doing so much better at that than a few months ago before I lost my job. I was just thanking you and the others for the support.

By posting here about these things working out positively I AM trying to combat the negativity in the only way I know how, by writing.

But trust me when I say that every guy on this forum does NOT know what they're going through. Lots of people say their exes were psychopaths. Mine WAS a dyed in the wool sociopath. And she really f'ed me up, mentally. My experiences have not been typical. They're been very, very extreme.

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Really, I'm afraid of even going to shows where I have friends in the audience, I just can't take that much social exposure. I don't get out much because it intimidates me like you wouldn't believe.
 

CuriousOne

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I understand fully. But it's to be expected. Everything to do with the media is sensationalized, and, in my humble opinion, anyone who denies this fact is probably kidding themselves. I can't think of a single ABDL ever having come up in the media that wasn't an extreme case. Heck, have you ever watched a talk show that featured mild cases? Perhaps an episode of hoarders or something where they were only mildly filthy? No. People don't want to watch average joes, so unless you have some really impressive story, or saved a kid who tripped on some railroad tracks in an effort of selfless sacrifice, you don't see moderate people in the news. In the end, people see a show that mentions it, laugh their butts off at how gross we are, and forget it until they meet one. Then the second they do, all those gross sensationalized things they might have seen come flying to the surface, and they judge based on the only information they have.

So they see AB, and think "Here is a grown *insert cussing here* adult who just wants to be a big baby and a burden to everyone." Some simply don't stop to think that maybe the A doesn't mean they are an adult, and the B means they want to be a baby, but maybe they are a bit of both. And then, this whole post ignores the simple fact that it's child related. Any child related fetish has a chance to be branded as pedophilia. (Though frankly there is probably no single "fetish" that is as opposite of pedohilia as ABDL, not that I know of anyway.)

In the end, I get you. I don't want a mommy, or to live as a baby full time. The guilt of being such a burden would drive me insane. What I would like is someone I can show it to, without any disgust or awkwardness, when I need to. I agree with you, being a full time AB just would not work with me, ever. You want something entirely reasonable. The problem is, the media gives people what they want, and they want things that are so embarrassing or freaky that they can scoff and laugh.
 

Bartolome

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I started a blog where I'm trying to clear a lot of these issues up from the perspective of someone who grew up in the mid-nineties when the internet community was really just forming and wasn't as formalized or rule based as it is now and there was a lot more porn clogging up the diaper sites, which were mostly DPF and a few personal pages. I plan to address a lot of these misconceptions.
 

HouseGirl

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Apologies if I'm stepping on toes here, but I'm sure there are 'mommies' out there who are also happy with having a completely normal life most of the time - I'm one of them. I have a full time job, project work and other commitments and fetishes are only one part of sex, and sex is only one part of my life. I would get bored quickly if my entire relationship revolved around age play. I think most female dommes would say the same (as would ABs). I think when you collect groups of people on the internet in one place that focuses on a specific interest (that they generally don't get to speak about in real life), then it's easy to think that this interest bleeds into every single area of life. In reality, it generally doesn't, and I think it's definitely possible for you to find a woman that's happy to indulge you sometimes and live a 'normal' life the rest of the time. Be positive!
 

Bartolome

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You didn't step on my toes. But I think holding out hope for any kind of "mommy" who's actually into the scene is just asking to be disappointed and I don't want to argue that point because it would only get in the way of me staying positive about the prospects of finding someone who accepts me, who I could please, and could please me. I don't think it's realistic to hold out for a "mommy" and frankly I've never had any luck with internet dating (or dating to begin with).

I got upset last night at another poster b/c they kept talking about how I shouldn't give up on finding a "Mommy" and I got kind of rude because it was a conversation I just didn't want to have. I made up my mind. I want a relationship, not a FANTASY. I accused her of danging false hope in front of me. Thank you for not doing that.

I'm glad to know you think it's "definitely possible" that I'll find what I want. I have been depressed for over half my life, in addition to all my other psychiatric issues, and I'm trying very hard to convince myself that it is possible. You have no idea how hard it is to try to change an obsessive, habitual, and post-traumatic way of thinking.

Honestly, my last relationship was with someone so insane and manipulative that I have a hard time trusting women, period. It was my only long term relationship and the only one I had in something like 9 years. And like I said, she was insane. Literally. In a sociopathic, dangerous, evil, immoral computer hacker kind of way.

Thank you for your comments.
 
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