Who here wears out of psychological/emotional need?

PetPuppyAlex

a smelly squishy house pet from the Northeast
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  1. Diaperfur
Simply put, my mental health greatly declines when I am out of diapers for any length of time more than 3-4 days. It stays that way until I put a diaper on and, once it's on, I feel almost instantaneously better. I have grown pretty agoraphobic through the pandemic and still rarely leave the house nowadays. It has very little to do with the actual virus (e.g. fear of getting sick), I just went through a lot outside of COVID, and it all happened to go down right at the very infancy of the pandemic. The isolation that the pandemic brought drove me to a very solitary existence. I didn't really mind. I met my fiancée and we moved in together. Things have been great between us, and I have grown very comfortable with being in the house all the time (and essentially being a homemaker) and my fiancée loves it.

Through the pandemic, my fiancée kept me padded 24/7 because she noticed how much it improved my mental health and ability to emotionally regulate. We kept it going to this day with very few short breaks after realizing there was a drastic improvement in my personality once wearing was the norm. The only way that I can describe it is: once I accepted diapers were just the underwear I was meant to be in/felt most comfortable in, I didn't feel comfortable going out/doing things I used to do/being with people I used to be unless I could comfortably be padded around them. I made my world very small, willingly, because I was so happy with my Mommy (fiancée) and my diapers I truly felt like I didn't need much else.

Recently, we experienced a family crisis that resulted in an abnormally long break (about one week) with almost zero wearing. Now, given, this was a family crisis that dredged up a lot of trauma for me -- I had a million reasons to be as out of it as I was! I went off on my fiancée unnecessarily, I felt like a terrible partner, I despaired about my situation and slipped into a depressive state (in fairness I kind of had my foot halfway in that door; it's the time of year). I didn't recognize the diapers as being the cause of such a hard mood swing. I can't possibly call it since there was so much overwhelm this week. But, it is funny.. I put a diaper on and within 20 seconds felt 100x better than I had in a week. The stress of the family crisis was dulled to a low roar, the situation felt controllable again, I felt able to control my emotions again and like I was in a safe space and state of mind again... And then it hit me, Why on earth do I ever take breaks from diapers then? Should I not? Or actually.. should I? Is this unhealthy? etc. etc. etc.

I've been diapered for 90% of our relationship. In those times, I can trace the "bigger" fights we've had to times I had also not been diapered for maybe 4-5 days. It seems there is a pattern where every few months, when we do have breaks from diapers -- either forced by circumstance or physical issue (bad rash), I am a mess until I get a diaper put back on me. What is this? Am I hopelessly addicted to diapers? Is it a bad thing if I am, but both my partner and I have the means to support it forever? Is it bad to pick being at home with a paci, a diaper, and my Mommy over being with friends and doing what people in their late-twenties do, all while not feeling like I'm really missing anything important? Is this a thing? Are YOU hopelessly addicted to diapers 24/7 to the point where you have issues functioning emotionally or otherwise without them? If so, do you think it's a bad thing, or do you think that it's just a benign preference assuming someone can financially support it with little issue?
 
I've noticed that when I go for a couple of weeks without wearing, I start to get more testy as time goes on. Things that didn't bother me as much tend to aggravate me more than they should. It tends to build up to me being really anxious and stressed out, and then I throw on a diaper to cope with it and INSTANTLY feel calmer. I've had two weeklong stints of 24/7, definitely felt relaxed during those. Not currently in a position to go 24/7 for even a week though, I'd love to see if it has a calming effect again.
 
When I am deprived of diapers, I am more tense, stressed, and depressed. As soon as I get pinned up, it is a big sigh of relief.
 
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