- Adult Baby, Little
Well where to begin. I've been feeling pretty awful this past year but since November its been pretty bad. I'd been feeling pretty good prior to this but one Wednesday I decided to eat an weed brownie , not really knowing what would happen. What followed was a bad drug induced panic attack. I'd never taken drugs before in my life so this was a first. I totally freaked out. I legitimately thought I was going to die. I was tachycardic , couldn't really breath properly and extremely anxious. I'd had panic attacks before so this was nothing new but the intensity of it totally floored me. I think because of the influence of the weed I couldn't see past what was happening. In the end I rang 999 (UK emergency services) and the paramedics came and saw to me. They decided to take me to the hospital as my heart was racing so much , that I could have arrested, which totally filled me with even more dread as the paramedic said intront of me and I heard him!. I went to the hospital and basically sat it out untill the weed had wore off. I went home and went to bed. What followed on from that was months of depression and feelings of hopelessness. At that time I was suicidal. I felt so awful that I couldn't see myself getting to the end of the year. I felt so out of touch with my own body and couldn't look to the future or have any perspective on past events. Couldn't feel optimistic or enjoy things that I usually really enjoyed doing. The desire to do them had gone. My desire to be little and wear diapers and do all the things had gone. My sexual libido or the desire for sex or masturbation had gone. Add to that months of panic attacks , at a time I was having like 5 attacks a day. When I went out drinking I'd wake feeling really sad and kinda melancholy. At the time I was taking Citalopram 20mg. Now I'm on mirtazapine 15mg which has its own setbacks, I'm tired and have put on alot of weight. Virtually none of my clothes fit me, I'm fat basically. Now I have Autism and have had anxiety attacks for a few years now. If anyone , preferably with a background in mental health can tell me your thoughts. I've spoken to a few professionals but they've all given me weird looks and not really taken me seriously. I feel like I'm cracking up. I need some sort of help. I just wondered if anyone could share thoughts / possible outcomes. Thanks for reading.