What would you do?

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I'm kind of at a cross-roads. I've talked to my parent about getting spanked. She spanks me every now and then now but not like a regular normal thing. Oh, BTW, my parent is my wife. When she spanks me it's a real spanking. She puts me over her lap and spanks me with the back or her hairbrush on my bare bottom. The hairbrush has a nice big flat back and it REALLY stings. She's really good at scolding me with just the right words and try as I might I usually end up crying. I just feel ridiculous going over her lap and getting spanked and then crying about it. It takes me to a whole different emotional level.

The thing is though that in out discussions we have talked about using spankings more like they would have been administered in the 50's. I would get spanked a couple of times a week as needed. I hate getting spanked. They are as traumatic as they were when I was a smaller child. I agree with my parent that I deserve to be spanked and I would benefit from getting spanked. I'm really proud that my parent loves me enough that she wants to spank me. I love everything about it except actually getting spanked.

If I accept her proposal then I can never change my mind. She has a paper she wants me to sign such that if anything ever happened she wouldn't be accused of abuse. I agree with that. The paper isn't really for compliance. She has other ways which I don't want to get into, to assure my cooperation in getting spanked.

It's also a big step because it isn't just agreeing to the spankings but rather accepting her parental authority over me.

What would you do?
 
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Erm

I gather the following:
  • You like being spanked on a fetish level
  • You dislike being spanked on a psychological level
  • You want your spouse to fulfil the role of a mother to you
  • Your spouse wants to fulfil this role for you

Correct?

If so, then I would strongly advise you to at least agree on a "safe word" or the like. This would ensure that you could fulfill your desire without being seriously hurt - and without your spouse worrying about your desire for her to keep spanking you.

I'm not sure what you really mean by the 1950's administration of spankings, but if you're going to draw up a document indemnifying her from charges of abuse (on specified regions of the body - groin, bottom, etc.), it would be a good idea for the two of you to sign it and then each take a copy for safekeeping. If you're serious, get it notarized and stored in two safe deposit boxes.
 

Fire2box

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I wouldn't do anything since I don't like being spanked sexually or non-sexually. Also personally I see no reason why you felt the need to post this.

It's sort of like me going up to anyone in public and say "I like to wear diapers, would you like to try them?"
 

dogboy

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I would be more concerned why you need that much physical punishment, particularly to the point where it could cause you bodily harm. All psychologists tend to accept practices when they don't cause harm to the individual or to others, but what you are describing seems to cross the line. When that happens it is advisable to seek some understanding as to why you have a need for this. At the very least you will need to set boundaries, and yes, definitely a safe word. If your wife cannot stop at the safe word, then you need to stop altogether before you get seriously hurt.
 
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Fire2box
I not really sure what you said...or why you said it. We don't all want, do the same things. I would hazard a guess that the majority of big babies like to be spanked. You maybe just love diapers.

Also personally I see no reson why you felt the need to post a reply.
 
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Trevor

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I wouldn't do anything since I don't like being spanked sexually or non-sexually. Also personally I see no reason why you felt the need to post this.

It's sort of like me going up to anyone in public and say "I like to wear diapers, would you like to try them?"
Except that it's not like that at all, since this is a community where people talk about things like this. It may not be right in the sweet spot of AB/DL activities, but he's not the first one to ever make the connection. It's not as though he asked for our thoughts on fire eating.

To the OP, I think h3g3l gave some pretty solid advice. This is something where you and your wife will have to proceed with some care if you want to get it right (whatever right happens to be for you). To me, an agreement that you can't change or back out on sounds good in a AB/DL story sort of way, but not so good in real life application. If you're both new to this, take it slow and be willing to adjust over time.
 
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I gather the following:
  • You like being spanked on a fetish level
  • You dislike being spanked on a psychological level
  • You want your spouse to fulfil the role of a mother to you
  • Your spouse wants to fulfil this role for you

Correct?

If so, then I would strongly advise you to at least agree on a "safe word" or the like. This would ensure that you could fulfill your desire without being seriously hurt - and without your spouse worrying about your desire for her to keep spanking you.

I'm not sure what you really mean by the 1950's administration of spankings, but if you're going to draw up a document indemnifying her from charges of abuse (on specified regions of the body - groin, bottom, etc.), it would be a good idea for the two of you to sign it and then each take a copy for safekeeping. If you're serious, get it notarized and stored in two safe deposit boxes.
Actually it's the other way around. I LIKE being spanked from a psychological perspective but I dislike the actual spanking. Calling it a fetish implies there is a sexual element to it which for me there isn't. Yes I want her to fulfill the role of mother to me and she wants to parent me. By a 1950's administration of spankings I guess what I'm trying to get is that "it's ok to spank a child." Today it is really taboo. I have a personal issue with spanking or even being physical with children. But in the 50's it was expected that you spank your children. You weren't fullfilling you duty as a parent if you didn't spank them. I guess I have a screw loose because I don't really feel like an adult, I feel like a child and by getting spanked in a very real way lets me feel like 1) I am a child. 2) She is my parent. Having a safe word for me is not workable. I didn't have a safe word when I grew up and I shouldn't have one now if I'm being spanked like a child. She doesn't get carried away but she does know how to make me cry. She has never broken the skin nor would she ever. She isn't a sadist, she's my parent.

I guess what I'm trying to figure out is should I go through this door. Do I want to be her child so badly that I can give up being an adult?

Except that it's not like that at all, since this is a community where people talk about things like this. It may not be right in the sweet spot of AB/DL activities, but he's not the first one to ever make the connection. It's not as though he asked for our thoughts on fire eating.

To the OP, I think h3g3l gave some pretty solid advice. This is something where you and your wife will have to proceed with some care if you want to get it right (whatever right happens to be for you). To me, an agreement that you can't change or back out on sounds good in a AB/DL story sort of way, but not so good in real life application. If you're both new to this, take it slow and be willing to adjust over time.
Actually we've been married 9 years. She has been spanking (and diapering) me that long. This is just sort of a step beyond. She has always wanted to be the "head of the house" and it hasn't really worked that well for her because, frankly I don't always accept her authority. To make this work she has to be in charge always as my parent would be. For instance let's say that I was out late and I didn't call her. Maybe I come home at 7 when she expected me to call if I was past 5. Under the way it is now, I would probably have some excuse and we would argue a little and go to bed mad. Under the new arrangement I would offer my excuse, she would remind me of the rules and tell me she needed to spank me for disobeying her. She would set out the big straight back chair and put me over her knee. After she spanked and scolded me to tears she would hug me and hold me and tell me she loved me and it would be over. IF there were a safeword or I decided that it wasn't fair and reverted to adult then it wouldn't work. It's like saying you can be the president but if you do anything I don't like you can't be the president. Does that make sense? Do you see why we want it this way?
 
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Trevor

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Actually we've been married 9 years. She has been spanking (and diapering) me that long. This is just sort of a step beyond. She has always wanted to be the "head of the house" and it hasn't really worked that well for her because, frankly I don't always accept her authority. To make this work she has to be in charge always as my parent would be. For instance let's say that I was out late and I didn't call her. Maybe I come home at 7 when she expected me to call if I was past 5. Under the way it is now, I would probably have some excuse and we would argue a little and go to bed mad. Under the new arrangement I would offer my excuse, she would remind me of the rules and tell me she needed to spank me for disobeying her. She would set out the big straight back chair and put me over her knee. After she spanked and scolded me to tears she would hug me and hold me and tell me she loved me and it would be over. IF there were a safeword or I decided that it wasn't fair and reverted to adult then it wouldn't work. It's like saying you can be the president but if you do anything I don't like you can't be the president. Does that make sense? Do you see why we want it this way?
We have a "safeword" for our president, it's a vote and/or impeachment if such becomes necessary or one may leave the country. The president isn't a dictator and there are means of redress built into the system. There just isn't a way in this society that you literally submit yourself now and forever to the will of another. I do get what you're saying though. I just think that to proceed into this without the expectation that there would need to be adjustment or setback is unrealistic.

If I were a "parent" in such a situation and my "child" was invoking the safeword simply in an effort to avoid punishment, it'd be a very simple conclusion to stop the whole thing. You do this because it is enjoyable to you both. Even the unenjoyable parts combine into the whole thing. If it doesn't work for you both, then it doesn't work. Exercise may not always be fun, but we can enjoy the benefits of good health.

If you are both serious about this, it requires (oddly enough) a very adult perspective benefits of the end result. It's not just does she get off on punishing you and are you psychologically cleansed by the catharsis of the aftermath (or whatever it is you're getting out of it, the details are unimportant), but what does this do to your relationship in a larger sense? Very few other aspects of a relationship with someone are served by a lack of communication, flexibility, and understanding, so I don't see how this one will be. I don't see how it can just be a binary, all or nothing decision.
 
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Actually it's the other way around. I LIKE being spanked from a psychological perspective but I dislike the actual spanking. Calling it a fetish implies there is a sexual element to it which for me there isn't. Yes I want her to fulfill the role of mother to me and she wants to parent me. By a 1950's administration of spankings I guess what I'm trying to get is that "it's ok to spank a child." Today it is really taboo. I have a personal issue with spanking or even being physical with children. But in the 50's it was expected that you spank your children. You weren't fullfilling you duty as a parent if you didn't spank them. I guess I have a screw loose because I don't really feel like an adult, I feel like a child and by getting spanked in a very real way lets me feel like 1) I am a child. 2) She is my parent. Having a safe word for me is not workable. I didn't have a safe word when I grew up and I shouldn't have one now if I'm being spanked like a child. She doesn't get carried away but she does know how to make me cry. She has never broken the skin nor would she ever. She isn't a sadist, she's my parent.

I guess what I'm trying to figure out is should I go through this door. Do I want to be her child so badly that I can give up being an adult?
Okay, sorry, I picked up on your use of the word "traumatic" to describe spankings, and found that 2+2=5.

You want to cast off the worries and control of being an adult. You want to do this irrevocably and therefore make it so that you are a legal non-person without your spouse (as are children).

What I would do is not go down this road; however, you seem to want to do so: IF this is what you want, this is your path as I see it:
  • File Quit-Claim documents on every piece of property you own (real estate, vehicles) and name your wife as 100% owner.
  • Draw up legal documents giving your wife 100% legal authority (Power of Attorney) over you.
  • Have yourself declared incompotent and your wife appointed as your guardian (something along the lines of a DimCap, although I don't know if you can do this voluntarily, as in this country there are still rights you cannot sign away).
  • Draw up documents terminating your wife's Power of Attorney in the event of divorce proceedings. File these before you appoint POA to your wife, or otherwise draw up a parallel document outlining this with your POA form.
  • Remove your name from any telephone listings.

You will want to be (I would be) very very careful about going down this road and constructing it so that you cannot return. I've built in a safeguard against divorce; the last thing I'd suspect you would want would be for things to go bad and you to be left a non-person.

I don't think I can stress this enough, though: I'd advise against taking steps that move you "outside the home" in increasing your power-distance between you and your spouse. I think if you want to have this persist in all aspects of your life, then clearly you need to speak with an attorney (for the legal aspect of it), and sit down and figure out how the two of you will maintain your standard of living (as children don't work).

*shrug*

Hopefully this advice serves you well. To answer your initial question, I wouldn't go down this road, but if you must, here's how. I've not been down this road, but I think the points here are reasonable and "hang together." Good luck to you and your wife, however you decide to proceed.

If you are both serious about this, it requires (oddly enough) a very adult perspective benefits of the end result. It's not just does she get off on punishing you and are you psychologically cleansed by the catharsis of the aftermath (or whatever it is you're getting out of it, the details are unimportant), but what does this do to your relationship in a larger sense? Very few other aspects of a relationship with someone are served by a lack of communication, flexibility, and understanding, so I don't see how this one will be. I don't see how it can just be a binary, all or nothing decision.
Well-put, and something (OP) that you'll need to work out before taking this kind of a step. I had purposefully left this out of my original response, but, yes, the two of you will need to sit down and figure out what this element of your relationship does to the larger whole.
 
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We have a "safeword" for our president, it's a vote and/or impeachment if such becomes necessary or one may leave the country. The president isn't a dictator and there are means of redress built into the system. There just isn't a way in this society that you literally submit yourself now and forever to the will of another. I do get what you're saying though. I just think that to proceed into this without the expectation that there would need to be adjustment or setback is unrealistic.

If I were a "parent" in such a situation and my "child" was invoking the safeword simply in an effort to avoid punishment, it'd be a very simple conclusion to stop the whole thing. You do this because it is enjoyable to you both. Even the unenjoyable parts combine into the whole thing. If it doesn't work for you both, then it doesn't work. Exercise may not always be fun, but we can enjoy the benefits of good health.

If you are both serious about this, it requires (oddly enough) a very adult perspective benefits of the end result. It's not just does she get off on punishing you and are you psychologically cleansed by the catharsis of the aftermath (or whatever it is you're getting out of it, the details are unimportant), but what does this do to your relationship in a larger sense? Very few other aspects of a relationship with someone are served by a lack of communication, flexibility, and understanding, so I don't see how this one will be. I don't see how it can just be a binary, all or nothing decision.
Well yes you're right. And I think you actually understand what it is to me. I guess maybe a better analogy would have been the real thing that I would like, a parent and a child. The child doesn't get to decide that they are adult if they don't like the situation. They are the child until they grow up. I once asked my mommy when I would "grow" out of getting spanked. She just smiled at me and said "Honey you haven't even gotten out of night diapers yet."

You are also right about getting something out of it. What I expect to get out of it is sort of an acknowledgement/acceptance that I am a baby. I just have this huge need to stop role playing as an adult and be myself. I wonder how I will like it. Will the gratification of being myself, a baby, outweigh what I have to give up to get there or will it be even better because I have given those adult things up and it makes being a baby more real.

It certainly will take some tuning and changes along the way. We have already talked about it. I will be allowed to bring things up and explain my thoughts to her but ultimately she is the parent and has the final say.

It's just a big last step and I can only decide once.
 
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It's just a big last step and I can only decide once.
It's a HUGE last step; consider it carefully, deeply, and for a while. As we're posting at the same time, you may want to consider my prior post, on the previous page.

ANOTHER UPDATE: The crux of it is this: I am not an attorney. If you want to take this outside of your home and have it pervade your life, you'll need to consult with an attorney (see previous post). As I've also said, there are certain rights you cannot sign away, but hopefully you can consult with an attorney and/or retain counsel that puts the right forms/petitions in your hands. Again, this is if you decide to go down this road (which I'm advising against).
 
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NO! Remove your name from telephones, have your wife sign all the legal documents, have your wife be the legal owner of everything, but do not do anything h3g3l suggested, although in suggesting it, he advised against it. Run on sentence FTW.
 
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NO! Remove your name from telephones, have your wife sign all the legal documents, have your wife be the legal owner of everything, but do not do anything h3g3l suggested, although in suggesting it, he advised against it. Run on sentence FTW.
Warhead Theory: I have replied with the best, most direct, and most effective solution that meets the requested goal. I leave the decision of its use elsewhere (here, to the OP).
 
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It's a HUGE last step; consider it carefully, deeply, and for a while. As we're posting at the same time, you may want to consider my prior post, on the previous page.QUOTE]

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful advice. Yes this is definitely not something I want to do without a LOT of thought. But I don't want to be paralyzed by thinking too much either. This really is something that I have always wanted. I just feel like I am a baby. I'm really unhappy as an adult.

I didn't think I had indicated how far I really wanted to take becoming a baby because I thought you would all think I'm a nut...which maybe I am. We have been to see an attorney actually. I got this idea from another forum somewhere. I can become her child legally by adoption. In the same proceeding I can be declared incompetent and she will become my guardian and parent. Divorce is not possible.

Before I met my parent I had screwed up my credit. Actually I had to declare bankruptcy. That was quite a while ago but in the interim I managed to get some more credit cards and got myself in credit trouble again. My parent has her credit all separate from mine and she agreed to bail me out but I had to agree to put statements on all three credit agencies stating that I am too immature handle credit as a responsible adult. I did that. Then she got me a credit card from "upside" that is primarily for children. She puts my allowance each week on my card and she can monitor it and see how I spend it and suspend it if necessary as my parent.

I really already live partly like a baby. I have parental controls on all the televisions and it's set to allow me to watch pre-school shows. Except sponge bob and Rugrats which are allowed even though they aren't pre-school. But if I don't cooperate when she tells me she is going to spank me, then she takes away sponge bob and Rugrats. It used to really irritate my parent when we would go out to eat and they would give me the check. So she started asking for crayons for me on the way in and then when we were seated she would take out a bib and put it on me.

It's just that last step that I'm thinking about. From a legal and credit perspective I'd be in a lot better shape if I am adopted. There's lots of other stuff too but I don't know if I want to get into it. I just find it helpful to get other ideas and perspective. Thanks.
 

IncompleteDude

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I think what you also need to consider is not just, "Do I want this now?" but "Will I want this 10, 20, 30 years from now?" Children are both a gift and a (usually temporary) parasite. Now perhaps that relationship can be symbiotic in your case, I don't know. I would hope if you did this, your wife doesn't use it against you someday. For example, if you got divorced, you would certainly be left with nothing, maybe not even the clothes on your back, and probably a learned lack of life skills leading to poverty and other problems. I'm going to assume you don't intend to have kids of your own, and the complications that would bring. This is something you need to be very careful about and consider the long term implications.

I also strongly recommend seeing a councillor and/or psychologist. Not to make you not do this, but to ensure you are seeing the situation from a clear perspective. You need to be aware of the mental issues that are driving this, how they affect your judgement, and how they could impact your relationship depending on your course of action. For example, borderline personality disorder can often lead to a needing of dependency, but can also wreak havoc on relationships. To be clear, declaring yourself as a minor/dependant is something only necessary for people with serious mental disorders. If you believe that you need this, then find out what those disorders are. Maybe this is the best way of resolving them, but you need to find out and know the options.

This isn't roleplay anymore.
 
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dogboy

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Incomplete Dude, you have hit the nail on the head. This is why I said what I did in the previous post. I believe I was borderline personality disorder as a child, and I still have to re-assess my reality. What concerns me now with what babypants has said is that he is "role playing his real life". That's a dangerous perspective on life, and somewhat delusional. I see no problem is this sort of role playing if it is occasional, but as a constant lifestyle it seems self destructive.

I wonder babpants, are you presently employed? If so, how will you separate your social actions on the job, from your home life dependency? If you are not employed, how will this affect your relationship with your wife down the road" And like Incomplete Dude said, how will this play 6 months from now, or years from now" All things become old eventually. I love to wear diapers, but I usually only wear two time a week. That way when I do, the experience is still exciting for me. I would give all of this a lot of thought, and I would seek some outside help.
 

avery

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I don't really feel like an adult, I feel like a child and by getting spanked in a very real way lets me feel like 1) I am a child. 2) She is my parent.
but you aren't REALLY a child. you're an adult. you may not FEEL much like an adult, but you are. it sounds like you and your wife have both forgotten that.

there's nothing wrong with elaborate role-play scenarios, but both partners need to remember that it's just role-play, so that they can go back to being ordinary adults when they need to. safe words should be agreed upon, and the role-play should be kept to the confines of the home for the most part. involving other people in your fantasy-play is rude and unnecessary.

from the way you talk about it, it sounds like both you and your wife are too drawn into this fantasy to ever see it for what it truly is. i guess the only advice i can give you is to remember that from anyone else's perspective, what you're doing is totally crazy. as far as the spanking goes, all i can say is what trevor has already said. the ONLY rational way to make these decisions is to talk it over as mature and consenting adults first, before you enter into the role-play. it seems unlikely that you'll take that advice, though.
 
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Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I think you think that I am predisposed to one solution but I'm not. I really am trying to consider this carefully. Some of you are asking questions already answered so I have to discount your answers a little because in skimming you probably missed important parts...maybe.

With adoption there is no divorce. The parent is legally bound to support and provide for me and I am legally bound to obey her. I'm not running around role playing as a baby all day long. This is NOT what I said. I feel like I am a baby. I don't feel like I am an adult and yet here I am stuck in this big old adult body. So all day long I have to pretend like I'm an adult. Think about it this way. There are people who are born as boys but as they grow up they feel like they are girls. It isn't sexual. It isn't a fetish. It happens well before puberty. They just feel like they have the wrong body. I'm not that way but I do feel like I have the wrong body. Does that make sense. This isn't a fantasy for me. And unlike some other disorders there are no surgical cures for my body. I have found a very kind and understanding person who is closer to me than anyone else in the world. She is my parent. She fits perfectly into my needs and I fit perfectly into her needs.

Avery, I really do appreciate you comments. I think you are trying to give me good advice but when you talk about "enter into the role-play" I makes me feel like you don't understand what I am trying to say.

Incomplete, you said good things for me to think about. One clarification, one can't declare oneself to be minor/dependant. That is done by the court in response to a petition. As part of the petition there has to be included the recommendations of a professional. In this case my shrink. I have been seeing one for quite a few years and he actually thinks this is a good idea to have someone acting as my guardian. This thing in my head just drives me crazy and I used to think about ways to make it go away. Now with my parent I am much happier. Avery I don't know why you say it's unlikely. We have been talking about this for months. Pro and Con. The little cliche "mature and consenting" is hard for me to figure out though. What would I consent to? Talking? And mature is really strange for me. I used to think I was mature. But in 9 years my parent has shown me over and over that I am actually immature. Then I finally realized that being immature is a good thing for a baby. When anyone says that I'm being immature I don't take offense and I usually thank them. Rational conversation might be a better way to put it. I don't know. But we have done a lot of talking. And I have two "outside" opinions, the attorney and my shrink. And now I have all of you. We haven't decided yet. It's a big step. Thanks for your help.

ps. avery, I don't know what a child is anymore. Nor an adult for that matter. And WE haven't forgotten that. I live with it everyday. It drives me crazy.
 

avery

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the trouble with becoming a full-time legally-dependent "baby" is that it's not socially acceptable. even transgenderism isn't socially acceptable outside of certain circles unless you can "pass" as the opposite gender. you're obviously never going to pass for an actual baby, so your only options are:

1) to maintain the ability to function as an adult whenever necessary; or

2) to completely cut yourself off from everyone except your wife.

the second option sounds like a total nightmare. you wouldn't be able to have any friends. you'd hardly even be able to go out in public. it sounds like you're already crossing some social boundaries with the bib and crayons in restaurants. you've been expressing yourself perfectly well in this thread; you obviously aren't mentally retarded in any way. it would be deceptive to the people around you to act mentally retarded, and it would be fraud to claim legally to be incapable of caring for yourself when it isn't true.

you say that divorce is impossible, yet in fact adoptive parents are legally permitted to disrupt an adoption, even after it's been finalized. i don't know what the laws are for adoption of adults, but i imagine the adoptive caregiver has even more legal rights in that case. if your wife someday got tired of being your mommy, you would find yourself homeless and jobless without any work experience, and your life would essentially be ruined. you would probably spend the rest of your life in a mental hospital.

given those choices, i'd say that it would be best for you to accept that becoming a full-time "baby" simply isn't feasible in today's society. as much as you don't feel like an adult, you are one, and there's really nothing you can do to change that. role-play, however, is a perfectly legitimate outlet for your desire to regress, as long as it's kept confined to the privacy of your home. and as i said before, the responsible way to arrange role-play scenarios is to discuss them beforehand as rational adults, which is what you are.
 
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