I wore them in Elementary School. Especially during my 2nd Grade year when I was put into special ED by a teacher who had zero patience in me and my learning style and such. And she decided that as she put me into special ED, my restroom privilege's were from that moment of time were gone. And for those who have looked at my other posts, you'll see that I have been battling it out with a life long issue with urinary incontinence which has been nothing short of annoying and scary at times and such. Even these days with me being a cashier at a retail charity thrift store for job training reasons and such. I have been discovered by prying eyes of customers and such.
But back in Elementary School, especially during the 2nd grade, that teacher when she found out what I was doing to help myself cope with the loss of the restroom privilege's and such, she decided to go and make my life a living hell for it. Which it wasn't all that cool thinking about it. I just wish I could have known it back then. When I came to the realization of it, I was in high school, and I asked a couple of my teachers that I had especially my file holder who helped me graduate from High School. She told me that what my 2nd grade teacher wasn't within normal policy and that sort of a thing could cause her to have her teaching license taken away from her permanently.
As that teacher was in a different school district, my file holder wasn't able to do much outside of let me know what my rights were and I told her that I was wearing diapers to school during those days and she told me that if any teacher was to give me trouble, to just go to her ASAP and talk to her as she was willing to help me out with anything that I had to deal with at School.
Pretty much, making my life unbearable was one thing, but it was the shocking thing which has left a permanent mark on me which hasn't gone away, and I tried to just leave it be and not pick at it or think about it for quite some time. But alas it has haunted me in my dreams and such. Which is really making me sick and probably causing me to stay up and start losing mental control which is having impacts on my social life. Which this isn't good and having this along with my PTSD and Depression along with my Anxiety which is not a cool thing either. Yeah, I'm a mess from this which probably will not be able to be fully healed and such.
What happened on this day, After lunch, I took some quarters that I earned cleaning desks for teachers after school so that I could buy me some pencils as my 2nd grade teacher kept on taking the pencils away from me. And so, I had to resort to working for the money so that I could go and buy the pencils from the vending machine in the school's library and such. And after that, I would go to the Faculty Men's room which was seldom used as there was just one or two male's there which the great majority of the faculty was mostly females. So, I had it easy as I was in there to change my diapers and such. However, this day, it was different. A classmate of mine who was instructed by my teacher without my knowledge was following his instructions to observe me from afar. Much like how one of those nature show hosts who observe wild animals from afar.
Normally when I got into the restroom, I would lock the door, but this day, to my disgrace, I got cocky and so, I just left the door unlocked as it did have a dead bolt lock and the door knob also locked which there were two points for the door to be locked. As it had a window, I would go into the handicapped cubicle and do my changing there so to help myself not be seen. But, this little observer just casually walked in on me and I found myself face to face with him. My new diaper just barely up between my legs and such. Thinking fast, I reached into my coat and pulled a pencil out which was a Where's waldo pencil and I knew that he was a fanatic of that character and such. And I decided to just use that as "Hush Money." to hopefully keep him silent about it.
But did it? Well, I'm typing this right now, so obviously, it didn't. He rattled on me. And I found out after the last recess of the day before we would be in class once more and go home once the bell rang. And right now as I'm typing this, I am starting to shake as this is the part that makes me the most upset. What happened was that this teacher called for a congregation of the entire 2nd grade and the 1st grade as well as the 3rd grade to all be in the classroom. And I was then called front center and there, she had me facing my fellow students. None of the other teachers were there and such. And she instructed them all to keep quiet about what she was about to do. And there she did it. I felt her hands at my waist sides and before I could react, my pants were yanked down and my diaper was exposed and being shown to EVERY SINGLE STUDENT.
My fellow students all gasped myself included as I was overcome with complete and total shock with what just happened. My mind started kicking into overdrive and it was to a magnitude which I have never had it kick into which was overwhelming me completely. This teacher, this person who was entrusted with the safety and security and confidentiality of each and every single student in her care as she was performing her duties of being an Elementary School Teacher. This lady who I thought would have been understanding if something like this should happen. Went and did this horrible thing? How-come? Why? What was it that she was trying to accomplish? And a crap ton of other questions were rushing through my 8-year-old boy's brain. And I decided that I wanted out. She didn't have me in her hands as she let go and was on the floor red faced from laughter. I pulled my pants up and went storming for my coat and grabbed it and just got past all the fellow students.
This was the first and only real time that I could think of when I just up and completely ditched school. And I was just angry, livid and felt betrayed by the classmate who loved where's waldo. And even worse by this teacher who failed to do her damn job with keeping things confidential and by all means and rights, she should have just told the classmate off and perhaps get in contact with his parents should it be severe enough. But nope, she went and did this crap. Back then, as the school was literally planted right there at the edge of a park and leaving the school grounds, you would be immediately in the park.
So, I would walk through the park to get to and from school because I didn't wish to be hassled by dogs that apathetic owners would let hassle us. I see now that this was their way of saying; "Get off my damn lawn!" and such. So, here I am, I got out of sight of the school and once I looked and saw where I was, I just lost emotional control and just started crying and I just had to will myself to get home while I was crying and sobbing uncontrollably and such. As it was a frigid Middle to late February day. There wasn't anyone in the park during this time as it was just too cold to be in there. But there I was, just walking all by myself going home.
Just one of the worst days of my childhood as I was humiliated in front of what could easily be the entire school and understanding that they were all talking about me behind my back didn't even help matters either. And the next couple of weeks ahead wasn't going to be any bed of roses either for me as I had to serve a week worth of detention for ditching school and on top of that, had to go without lunch for those two weeks and serve a complete lunch detention for the two weeks. I did try to go to the principal but she didn't want to hear me. "Children are to be seen, not heard." I was told as she threw me out of her office which really upset me to no end. And because of a "Drama Queen" of a sister, I wasn't even able to try to tell my parents. She kept on having break ups with imaginary boyfriends and rejection form other boys as she wanted to be their girl friend. I guess for her, school was Tender and so, she kept chasing after the boys like a vampire after blood.
So, with that, I wasn't able to get my parents involved which didn't make me any happy. After this bit, I just looked at when the last day of school was and got my calendar and just started ticking away the days of when the school year was to end. I still was wearing diapers and was heavily depending on them for my urinary issues and such. And it was widely known and I just prayed to God that at least during the summer, everyone would just forget and never remember any of it. Which I guess that torrent of constant prayers was heard and answered and obliged as no one remembered when I went back for my 3rd grade year.
However, my 2nd grade teacher made some communications to my 3rd grade teacher and as she needed to give it some time to; "Let the dust settle and get things into the groove." She too had my restroom privilege's taken away from me. But a good four weeks into the school year, she worked to soften the ban on me and soon, she hand selected a couple of my fellow male classmates to accompany me to the restroom when I needed to go. And so she had this done for a couple of weeks finally when the school psychiatrist got back from a family matter that he had to attend to which took a week and a half for him to get things done. He didn't really say what it was as he was tight lipped about it. He decided to observe me for another week and he had a colleague from another school fill the void as he was in the class with me and I had to ask the teacher and she would signal him and he would take me.
After the week; he told me, "You know boy, I don't see anything wrong, you don't wreck things, you don't make a mess, in fact, you're a few years ahead of your fellow classmates with your restroom etiquette and such. I don't think you should have any kind of bans or anything preventing you from being able to use the restroom at all. Also, I know that your 2nd grade teacher imposed the ban on you last year, and she hasn't given me any kind of a straight answer what-so-ever. But because she is in a position that she is with the district. I can't pursuit it much." And the rest of it is very blurry and mushy in my mind. But the report went to my 3rd grade teacher and soon the rest of the faculty that I was to be allowed to use the restroom and that I should be allowed to go there solo and such.
And so, after this, I went back to just using the Maxi-pads that my sisters and mother had on hand for my dribbles and just did that for years up until they couldn't take the increased amount of dribbled urine which I went into GoodNites in Jr. High and was in those Depend Refastenable briefs back in 2002/3ish as I outgrew the GoodNites. Looking back, it makes me realize that should I ever become a father, I will have to keep close tabs on my children. I will have to ensure that my kids will never, ever go through that kind of B.S. That I went through as I don't want them to have to deal with any of it. But that being said, when I wasn't discovered, it was smooth sailing up until that awful storm which was horrible.
And if you made it all the way down here, thanks for reading and hearing me out. So, now, I am just going to go to bed and perhaps see what I could do to get myself some psychological help as this wound as old as it is, it's still a painful wound to carry.
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