What ruins the "baby Mode" more than "that" dreaded phone call?

DonnieDiaper

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If you've been following me under ANR [Adult Nursing Relationships], then you know that my wife Lilly has gone to a lot of trouble to get back into the swing of things related to our ANR and our "Mommy/Baby" (actually more "Mommy/Toddler") relationship.

To understand what this is all about, you can catch up by going to here.

So Lilly has been wanting to do this, even more than I do, and we are getting so close to it actually working. Lilly has even planned a mystery get-away for a few weeks, once her milk comes in, so we can go where no one knows us, and devote the whole vacation to mother and child routines. She has only told me about the surprise vacation, but not the destination. I am SO looking forward to it.

In relactating, the most important part is consistancy, the second most important part is attitude and stress reduction.

This morning, after she pumped ten minutes at a time, twice on each side, I dry nursed ten minutes per side, and then cuddled down into her arms and accross her lap as she nursed me with a bottle.
I was in such a relaxed state that I fell asleep, wetting my diaper as I slept. Twenty-five minutes later I was awakened by the phone ringing, and here's the stress part:

It was one of my attorneys in Chicago, informing me that Mr. J of a certain corporation had decided that he has paid for licensing for seven years and that is long enough! My best friend from schoool and I own the rights and the patent, and we know we are in the right in pursuing our licensing fees. My lawyer says that Mr. J claims that after seven years he owns the rights by eminent domain. He (my attorney) also says that Mr. J is full of Sh*t!

Mr. J's partner, Mr. Y, has already agreed with my attorney that they owe this money, but he only owns 33% of the company, and Mr. J is in control of the books. Mr. J is bull-headed, and likely to draw things out, just to be an a** about it.

In the long run, it's not going to be a problem, but could hold up my residuals (a good chunk of our income) and may require some court time on my part. THAT is the monkey wrench in the works, because if I have to go to Chicago, that is going to mess up the whole set of plans that Lilly has worked so hard to set in place!

I called my best bud, and we have decided to let the attorneys handle it, and take the attitude that everything is in God's hands, and this will settle itself. EASY to say, but not so easy to DO. I have been so sick to my stomach over this that I can't even eat. I think Mr. J is living in my head right now, and he isn't even paying rent! Any suggestions on how to get this out of my head? Better still, to get Lilly past this because she is looking at the pessimistic side of this, and is so worried, I am afraid that it will mess up everything.

I don't need legal advice, that is what I pay the attorneys for, but I need advice on how to calm Lilly down, and myself.

BTW: My friend does know about my IC, but does NOT know about my little side.
 

TeddyJoy

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Switch to being the big for a moment. It sounds like your wife could use some comforting for a night. Back rubs are big. Sometimes a light touch with just the finger tips in a circle around the back is all that's needed. Don't let her cook. And if necessary, a bath with balms and relaxing music. I just might go do that last one myself. Once she calms down, I bet you will too.
 
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DonnieDiaper

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TeddyJoy said:
Switch to being the big for a moment. It sounds like your wife could use some comforting for a night. Back rubs are big. Sometimes a light touch with just the finger tips in a circle around the back is all that's needed. Don't let her cook. And if necessary, a bath with balms and relaxing music. I just might go do that last one myself. Once she calms down, I bet you will too.
Thanks, Already thought of some of these things:
Tried being the "big" tonight, she hated that part!
Comforting and snuggling - in process on and off
Back rub - already started about 4:00
Dinner - ordered in, arrived about an hour and a half ago
Dishes - just finished - washed and dried by yours truly
Bath in the garden tub for two - currently filling
She already has informed me that our snuggling and "nursing" session will "go long" tonight

It's kind of funny - when she holds me and pats and rubs my diaper butt, it seems to calm her as well as me. Lilly loves being a mama to me.

The most upsetting part is the chunk of money we will be forgoing if this doesn't get resolved.
I reminded her that we have a new contract that starts in late spring with another company, and it will dwarf the current contract by at least 3 to 4 times the amount.
(It's also a single payee, no partner, this one is totally mine.)
She is worried about the time between contracts, I told her we could just take out a loan or dip into our savings.

BESIDES: We can just wait and see what God (and my lawyer) can do with Mr. J... perhaps a change of heart?
 
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BellasMommy

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So here is something I learned nearly half a century ago. I think the fancy name for it now a days is called conscious stream writing. It is where you get a pen and pad of paper and using complete sentences you WRITE down everything that is crossing your mind about the situation. How much of a dick you think he is, (used bad words!), How worried you are, how much you love Mommy Lilly, how pissed off you are, etc.... Write it all down and keep writing until there is nothing left to write. You don't have to figure it out, you just have to write your thoughts.... Anything that comes to mind, in complete sentences. But you have to WRITE it you can not type it. It may take you 20 minutes, it may take you half an hour. Just write and keep writing until there are no more thoughts coming.

For me, doing this is almost like running an emotional marathon and I feel exhausted when I am finished, but it is amazing how it gets all the clutter out of your mind. There is some Neuro link between thought and action with putting it down on paper.

There is also a thing called Emotional Freedom Technique "Tapping" that helps your brain stop the cascade of endorphins and emotions that tend to cause chemical releases in the gut and mind that start forming a vicious cycle that builds and builds like a wild fire. You can Google EFT tapping and there are lots of sites and you tube vids to explain it. It will help with the tummy butterflies and the icky feelings almost immediately!

Maybe you can teach Mommy Lilly some of what you learn with it, too. I don't see a reason to stop induction. There are still babies at the hospital that can use her life giving milk if you have to take off for a couple days to Chicago and you BOTH need the bond and calming feelings between you now more than ever.

Just thoughts that may help from a different prospective!
 

DonnieDiaper

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BellasMommy said:
So here is something I learned nearly half a century ago. I think the fancy name for it now a days is called conscious stream writing. It is where you get a pen and pad of paper and using complete sentences you WRITE down everything that is crossing your mind about the situation. How much of a dick you think he is, (used bad words!), How worried you are, how much you love Mommy Lilly, how pissed off you are, etc.... Write it all down and keep writing until there is nothing left to write. You don't have to figure it out, you just have to write your thoughts.... Anything that comes to mind, in complete sentences. But you have to WRITE it you can not type it. It may take you 20 minutes, it may take you half an hour. Just write and keep writing until there are no more thoughts coming.

For me, doing this is almost like running an emotional marathon and I feel exhausted when I am finished, but it is amazing how it gets all the clutter out of your mind. There is some Neuro link between thought and action with putting it down on paper.

There is also a thing called Emotional Freedom Technique "Tapping" that helps your brain stop the cascade of endorphins and emotions that tend to cause chemical releases in the gut and mind that start forming a vicious cycle that builds and builds like a wild fire. You can Google EFT tapping and there are lots of sites and you tube vids to explain it. It will help with the tummy butterflies and the icky feelings almost immediately!

Maybe you can teach Mommy Lilly some of what you learn with it, too. I don't see a reason to stop induction. There are still babies at the hospital that can use her life giving milk if you have to take off for a couple days to Chicago and you BOTH need the bond and calming feelings between you now more than ever.

Just thoughts that may help from a different prospective!
Stayed up until 2:30 this morning.
I think you might have a good idea, we will try it today.
 
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DonnieDiaper

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Talked to my attorney today.
He has a luncheon meeting with Mr. J tomorrow.
He is playing it soft and low-key for now, non-agressive.
Lawyer thinks that Mr. J misinterpreted the 7-year price lock,
and doesn't understand the C.O.L.A. (Cost of Living Allowance) that was supposed to kick in on January 1st.
He must think that it means he is done paying for the licensing, and doesn't understand that his costs are not going away, they are going up!

Mr. J is probably NOT going to be a happy camper after lunch, but he has no choice, "Pay up or shut down."

I told my attorney to send me the bill for the lunch.
 
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DonnieDiaper

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DonnieDiaper said:
Talked to my attorney today.
He has a luncheon meeting with Mr. J tomorrow.
He is playing it soft and low-key for now, non-agressive.
Lawyer thinks that Mr. J misinterpreted the 7-year price lock,
and doesn't understand the C.O.L.A. (Cost of Living Allowance) that was supposed to kick in on January 1st.
He must think that it means he is done paying for the licensing, and doesn't understand that his costs are not going away, they are going up!

Mr. J is probably NOT going to be a happy camper after lunch, but he has no choice, "Pay up or shut down."

I told my attorney to send me the bill for the lunch.
Just got off of the phone with my attorney...
I am soooo happy!

He made Mr. J. understand that the licensing contract is still in effect, and the first COLA payment is due with-in 30 days of January 1st.
So my lawyer saved a chunk of my income, and there is a check for the first annual COLA payment coming.

I looked it up and the Federal COLA allowance is 7.7% for 2022.
Since we are partners, my best friend and I will be splitting a little over $25,000 in a couple of weeks, and we both will continue to receive our monthly licensing fees.
Lilly is quite happy about it now, and is already planning on what she wants to do with this little windfall: the vacaton she has been planning and wanting.

Needless to say, I believe that we both will sleep much better tonight!

A big THANK YOU to TeddyJoy, BellasMommy, and all of the rest of you that have kept us in your thoughts and prayers, and provided encouragement!
 

JensBabyGirl

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16D259CA-E1E2-409D-B2CE-C4A584FE51A0.jpeg
 
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BlueGrey

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I'm glad it all worked out well for you.
 

AJFan2020

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I find that a knock on the door can be even worse. It is usually either the plumber or the heating and cooling people especially on weekdays between 9 AM and 5 PM. This is why I always try to stay in adult mode on weekdays during these hours.
 
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