What Makes You....YOU?

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Pramrider

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Couldn't decide whether to put this here or in the "Off Topic" forum, but here might be better because some members might post about some serious experiences that shaped their life which would clearly make this a more mature topic.

Now, I'm not referring to your *B/DL side so much since there's already plenty of threads about what caused you to be as such (though I realize the same influences mentioned here could be involved in your infantilism feelings). Rather, what do you feel has contributed most to your personality makeup in general? What has made you an extrovert, introvert, stingy, generous, slow to anger, quick to explode, generally trusting of others, or overly suspicious, etc.? All the facets that make up you as a person. For example, your personality as it is today could have been shaped by inherited traits, early childhood experiences , school experiences, parental, sibling, or peer influence, experiences dealing with people outside of school or the family, and so forth. Any of these could have had either a good, bad, or negligable influence on who you are.

Myself, I think most of my personality was formed due to my dad, both for the good and bad. Good, because he was a very kind and meek person before he became mentally ill, and I've always been that way. Bad, because the mental illness kept him from being the dad I needed him to be, which caused me to be seriously lacking in self-confidence in anything I ever tried to do. I had no one to teach me the things a boy and young man normally learns from their father. To this day, I'm still leery of attempting something I'm not familiar with doing for fear of goofing up royally.

Who or what do you think has shaped your personality the most?

Pramrider
 
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Boogeyman

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Bad parenting made the wonderful, happy child you see today. I don't see why people don't do it more often.
 

Palko

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Being an only child has been pretty significant, as no siblings = no early training in social skills. I also had a working mother as my sole caregiver and didn't see my dad until I was 10, so she didn't have a lot of time to help me with that area. Consequently the introversion I got from my father was magnified, and most of the friends I had seemed to appear out of the blue like the eagles in LOTR. Eventually that stopped happening and I was kind of marooned on an island with my spiraling neuroses.

Anyhoo, in compensation for all that, I am sporadically amusing in the right context. It's anyone's guess as to where that comes from. I blame violent video games and flag burners.:rolleyes:
 

Rational

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Yeeeeah i was raised by females for like forever. And as a constlation i was the only child for my first 10 years of my life. And that has pounded in my brain some phemonen behavior. And probably is why im not into sports like football, basketball. Since i didnt get introduced to them when i was young so i didnt develop interests. And im more sensitive to feelings. And leads that i think purple/pink are awesome colors. And they where overly protective of me and didnt let me explore the world and its properties. Thus leading me to be a really sensitve squishy easily hurt (physically) babyish behaviorish boy. I even tryed to put make up on one time *.* My dad decided to leave me when i was a toddler and that it gone with him. And another awesome thing happened when i was toddlerish when i was at daycare i was acting like a cat and i was being watched by a lady. And she locked me in a room alone until my mom picked me up which coulda been a long time. Since i hissed at her and must of scared her. And thats probably why i dont like being alone for long peroids of time. And i think im good for now o_O
 
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Long post, you have been warned.

I used to feel alone during my puberty (mostly in school and jr. high), I was really anti-social because I felt I was being mocked, so then I used violence as an alternative to keep others from mocking me, which turned out for the worst. In 6th grade I decided to change that and became more social but also a jerk (because I thought that popular guys were popular because they were a bunch of jacks) which may as well have helped me to get a bunch of friends but also a fewer bunch of enemies. I wanted to make my social circle even bigger so then I moved to another school when I entered 7th grade, but that turned out to be a bunch of bad memories, because my foolishness knew no bounds and proceeded to make retarded stuff. I returned to my old school when I entered 8th grade (which happens to also have a jr. high) and it went well, my grades went down like...WAY down but I made some more friends and my old friends became even more important to me. 9th grade...I'll never forget that, it was hell all right. The first semester was awesome, I worked on my grades and myself, I suscribed in this local gym that's 20 minutes from my house, it was more like a boxing gym. I got in love with it, it was the only thing I talked about with everyone (including parents and teachers) and it was a nice therapy (I used to stress very often). The rest of the year I turned into my old self again, I remembered that everyone was dating their prom date after winter vacations, I really wanted to invite this girl (call her "M"), which is an important and special friend of mine to date, but she got invited first by this guy that will be called "C" (I used to hate him but nowadays he is one of my best friends ever). That sent my self-esteem all the way into a dark and grim abyss (sorry for being this poetic but it felt like crap), which drove me into doing stuff like smoking, listening creepy music and...well, CRAZY stuff which I will not mention right now -_- such things repeled my friends away; the depression was overwhelming, I thought it was a merry-go-round of sadness, with me being stuck on one of the wooden-horses. In the end, 9th grade turned out to be my favorite grade overall, I learned a lot about me, my friends, my family and some important lessons that shaped my actual mentality and personality, most adults told me, during elementary school, that being a jerk and a bad loser would bring me strong and painful conscequences, never thought it would be that strong and painful. Right now I think I'm feeling awesome, me and my family don't fight as much and better yet, we talk even more these days, I have my group of friends (and the've promised that they will never leave me behind...I won't either :p) and my grades are near top-notch, I even got a scholarship at my city's most important highschool (/brag, sorry -_-) and most importantly, I have more confidence and respect for myself...I guess that life is really a mystery, but really worth living =).

I can't complain about my family, nothing really bad has happened between us, just that we used to argue A LOT and I used to answer A LOT and so on...I'm truly grateful and proud of my parents, they do a lot for this family but they don't have time for themselves, someday I will pay them back, they deserve it =).

Sorry for this dramatic piece of drama and sadness, I think that more than pulling it out of my chest, is something that I considered crucial in my life =).
 

Rational

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Lol motor i dont have the attention spand to read all of that XD.
 
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I had a very strange childhood which gave me a strange personality and a suprisingly large amount of life experiance. Every adult I've ever talked to says I'm wise beond my years.

I was a really messed up eight year old. I was weird, didn't have a lot of friends, and weak minded, which allowed me to be the target for everyone else. I also had no way to vent my stress, so it built up at an allarmingly fast rate. I ended up being suicidal. My favorit thing to think about was to run away for three days untill dehydration would kill me. Well, It's taken me six years to fix my reputation, and in that time is what i dedicate my being too.

Slowly, I made friends and i joind the boy scouts. I've done amazing things in boy scouts that most people will never do. when i was eleven, I went to Alaska, and while i was there i went sea kyaking, white water rafting, mountain climbing, river fishing, Hiking down the most amazing trails, and ate the freshest samon ever. And, in experiances like these, I learned amazing things from camping skills to personal lessons.

I spent almost all of middle school in self reflection. I had already done things that most people wish to do befor they died, and i was still unhappy. why? well, no matter what I did, i still didn't like who i was. So i changed it. It took a long time, but i did it. I was able to become the goofy funny person that everyone likes, and the kind caring person that people feal comfertable around. I have created morals that act as my ten comandments, which i have to follow or i feal terrible. I am able to befriend anyone willing to let me, and i have done so with a lot of people that normaly can't make friends. one of my friends recently confessed to me that they were going to comit suicide the day after they met me, but because they met me they decided no to.

I no longer live for myself, and I couldn't be happier about it.
 
B

Butterfly Mage

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Oddly enough, I'm actually a pretty happy person most of the time. I've had a whole lot of therapy in order to become as actualized and stable as I am.

I would say that being an abuse survivor shaped my destiny in a profound way. My dad was basically a monster that got sexually aroused by watching his second wife beat me. H also tried to starve me to death. My mom was a lifelong alcoholic who didn't clean up her act until three years ago.

In 1982 the person I used to be either died or became incapacitated. I sort of took over the host body and exist as an alter with a dissociative system. (Break out the DSM-IV for what that means).

So, what made me "me" was somehow making it through a lot of years of really sadistic abuse without going stark raving mad or becoming a super-criminal. Although my clinical diagnosis precludes me from being an actual police officer, I do work for the Dept of Public Safety & Correctional Services in a civilian capacity.

My childhood sucked, but I'm pretty happy as an adult.
 
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Introversion around people I don't know or are just aquainted with, especially at school, is extremely high with me. When I'm with my tight friends though, we're loud, we're crazy, and we laugh until our stomachs hurt.

My friends have said I'm caring, hilarious, creative, and quite the worry wort.

But I have zero self-confidence. I believe I put this upon myself, as I see all people too good for me. They're perfect, I am not.
 

Maverick

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I've always been a pretty shy and introverted person, but for some reason, I could never get along with my peers. I never really made any friends, not even when I was little, and I've always been made fun of and ridiculed by my peers. I'm not even sure why. I guess it drove me into my shell more and definitely contributed to my lack of trust for other people. I have some social phobia too, and much of the time I feel like I'm on my own. Probably because no one would help me when I was little and getting ridiculed by everyone at school. I was basically the school's official loser--still am, actually. But it doesn't upset me as much as it once did. I used to get really upset about it, but now it's just "meh, whatever." I'll be out of high school in two and a half years, anyway. :)
 

EvaIlyxtra

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I feel like my personality now came about from bad experiences in elementary and middle school, and the imbalance of how I was taken care of during early childhood.

I have aspergers. Only until high school have I been able to deal with it positively. During elementary and middle school, I had little or no social life. I felt like anoutcast until I started talking. High school and work have allowed me to expand my social life and reflect my personality in social life.

Also, I feel that I am not the manly person that I should be because of my strained Ttachment with my dad and my attached relationship with my mom. With this I receive the nurturing feeling of life and the power of anger.
 

FairestandFallen

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My father read LOTR to my sister when I was 3, and to me when I was 6. I mark that as my love of reading and writing. As for my taste in music, my father played The Beatles a lot when I was little, and as to my interest in theatre- some of the music was show tunes. :)
I've always switched between being shy and exroverted, but now my shyness is like an extreme paranoia. I hate public places, PDA (even having my boyfriend's arm around me) makes me uncomfortable- this I attribute towards the guy who was my first kiss, who was slightly older and I trusted waaay too much, as he proceeded to rip out my heart and stomp on it. (though, long before he happened, I couldn't talk in front of my class without crying, so... I'm also just shy?)
A lot of who I am came about from the books I've read, and I continue to change with that.

EDIT:
I realize now that I completely left out middle school.
Upon entering sixth grade, I became extremely depressed. I contemplated suicide, but not very seriously.
In seventh grade, I cut myself a few times.
In eighth grade, I cut myself on a regular basis, but with a thin razor, and as I am tan the scars are difficult to spot. It got to the point where I was planning my suicide down to the minute detail. At that point, my mom found out about the minor cutting I did in 7th grade, and sent me to a psychologist. While the lady didn't help much, I did stop cutting, and it's been almost to years since I actually took a knife/razor/etc to my skin with the intent of harming myself.
This has changed my view on depression very much, and has affected my viewpoint on multiple things...for obvious reasons.
I went through several bad relationships in 9th grade, and they have taught me multiple things. (the first one is the one mentioned in the original post: I then dealt with a girlfriend who dumped me but didn't want to and caused me to feel guilty for the next five months, and a boyfriend who scared me off by talking about marrying me after two weeks of dating- not that bad sounding, I know, but still not fun)
 
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Pramrider

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Also, I feel that I am not the manly person that I should be because of my strained Ttachment with my dad and my attached relationship with my mom.
Yes! I could have added that exact line to the comments concerning my personality and how my dad's condition affected it, though I felt detached for other reasons. This caused more attachment to be felt towards my mom all my life.

~Pramrider
 

dogboy

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I guess I'm a complex compilation of past experiences. I was adopted when I was 2 and became an only child. I grew up with my cousins who were native Americans, and violent all the time. I learned to fight at an early age. Since they were older, I usually took a beating. An older cousin would make us little ones stand around barefoot while he threw his hunting knife at our feet. They also killed my pet cat with an arrow. Eventually my parents moved to get away from them.

As a child I would sometimes hear voices, and I would never drink from a glass that was out on the counter, because I was afraid it was poisoned. I was haunted as a child, and would have night terrors, probably because of abandonment issues. Who knows what damage was done to me before I was adopted.

My adoptive parents were good to me, and gave me what they could. I was always musical, and would conduct the television when I was 4 years old. Later I took both piano and organ lessons, and by the time I was 12, I was on the cover of "The Hammond Times", which was a magazine that Hammond Organ put out. I also had my first church job by the time I was 12 or 13...can't remember.

I always needed a best friend, and was usually abused by them, because I needed them. I was relatively kind, intelligent, musical, very sensitive, and probably an easy mark for every ass hole in school. I had two psychotic breaks, one when I was in 7th grade, when we moved, and the other as a college senior. I think I fell somewhere in between borderline personality disorder, and some other maladies, probably because I was given up at a relatively late age. Abandonment, need you, love you, hate you is all part of that as well as deviant lifestyles, drug abuse and suicide, all which I dealt with in college.

Like so many, I grew up and found my own way, a fight back to some sort of normalcy. I'm well respected in my community, and well known as a musical performer. Yet, much lurks down deep in my mind. I can appreciate what Link said about committing suicide, because 9 years ago I lost my job when I was down sized. I gave myself until March to get re-established. If that were not to happen, I was going to go back to New Jersey, sit under the boardwalks that held so many good and bad memories, and just simply die.

Things have a way of working out, and now I'm doing O.K. Life goes on. All the things which made me who I am, I discuss here on this site, from thread to thread. It has been a good catharsis, and the members have been so very kind to me. I thank all of you, and if I can be of help to you, it is my joy and my purpose.
 

Crassi

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Oh, toughest question I've faced on here. Well, bear with me. I've always been haunted by amnesia. So I don't really remember anything from my youth. But at age 6 I started to writing in a diary, that doubles as memory for me. But I believe I was a happy kid, didn't have any real problem, life just went by. I had friends, I had good parents.

But when I was 8 my world collapsed the first time. I got runnover by a drunk motorcyklist (at least that's that's what I've been told) which broke my body. Crushed my ribcage, punctured my right lung, severed a main nerve and destroyed alot of muscular tissue. After surgery and alot of spareparts in my torso I tried to go back to life as it once was, which I failed miserably. Since I to this day remember nothing about my accident only had to trust other people about it made me afraid. I couldn't take any risks, were afraid to go out and everything. I becamy shy and insecure. Lost all my self-confidence and basically destroyed my life.

Life was a bit melancholic and I kinda lived in the shadows for years. Then, two years ago I got my second big blow. Instead of hurting me physically, this one tore down my mind. A terrible love experience (won't write it here, saving it for a blog) caused me to fall into depression. And that depression, God. At two occasions I've contemplated suicide, I've self mutilated myself, I've hurt other people. Worth noticing is that this depression ain't over. It has lasted for almost two years now. I went to a doctor who diagnosed it for me, but I refuse to do anything about it. It's my head and no one is going to mess around there again. So I'm in a different stage of life now I guess. Not only sadness, but anger and grief too.

Life's hell. I'm just learnign to live with it, again.
 

dogboy

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Wow Crassi, I had a similar experience but with a much better ending. When I was 14 I was crossing a busy highway and got hit by a car running the light at about 40 mph. It broke both the tibia and fibula in my leg, and punched a big dent into my head. I too have no memory of that event, and some things from my past have been erased. It was 6 months before I was able to go back to school.

That situation was life changing in that I totally changed friends. My old friends never came to see me, and someone I didn't know from up my street did come. We became best friends all throughout high school. He was the starting linebacker for the football team, and very big into sports and weight lifting. He helped rehabilitate me, both physically and emotionally. I ran with him and weight lifted, which more than just conditioning, gave me a lot of self confidence. By my junior year, I really began to discover myself, and by my senior year, I began to become a leader. Like Link, I re-invented myself.

I hope that something like this will happen for you Crassi. I hope you can move on from your love experience. I've been there as well, and I know how tough it can be. Try to get out and meet others, maybe by becoming involved in something. Look at what Link has done. Anyway, we are all here to help. Don't hesitate to use us.
 

RobotRock

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The music I listen to has definitely played a huge role in making me who I am today.
 
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