What happened for you to become ABDL?

I12BLittle89

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  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Little
A storm hit my area last night and kept me awake nearly the whole night. I tried to get to sleep but no luck. My mind kept thinking up new stuff. One thing I remember was reflecting on why I think I became ABDL. It started with me being potty trained at 2. I remember it well. One day my mom took my diaper off and I was traumatized. I don’t know how to explain the level of trauma. My life had fallen apart in an instant. I remembered a detail that I previously didn’t remember. I remember how cold I felt. I asked about it later in life and my mom said it was because I had stopped wetting them. I basically potty trained myself. Last night I was disappointed in myself. Wishing my younger self had continued to use the diapers. So I could have more memories of wearing diapers.

Then when I was about 5 I wet my pants at daycare. I got up to go to the bathroom but when I went through the door. I looked down and saw I peed my pants. I don’t remember feeling like I had to go or the feeling of peeing my pants. The babysitter got angry with me and grabbed me by my arm. She threw me on the floor and ripped my pants and underwear off violently and pulled out a diaper. I apparently started to smile because she said something like “you think this is funny?”. I was forced to wear a diaper and sit in wet clothes until my parents came to pick me up. The other kids’ parents came and the babysitter made it a point to tell everyone how I wet myself. When my dad came to pick me up. He was told and he had a look of shock and didn’t say anything that I remember. He wasn’t angry or disappointed. It seemed he was more concerned but didn’t know what to say or do. We got home and I took my diaper off in the bathroom and went pee. I left the unused diaper on the floor of the bathroom and my parents wanted to talk to me. My dad asked if I needed to be put back in diapers. I said no because of all of the shame I experienced. I so badly wish I said yes. That would have been 1995 and I could have experienced more of the plastic backed diapers.

From that point onward I had a fascination with diapers. I always wanted to be wearing one but it was taboo. So it was repressed most of my life. Still kind of is. It wasn’t until I was about 13-14 and found out my younger cousins wore L/XL Goodnites. I had never heard of them before. I snuck over to their overnight bag when the stayed the night and pulled a girls goodnite out and I looked at it and thought it was HUGE. I freaked for a minute because I thought there was something horribly wrong. My cousins were about 8-10 years younger than me but they were obese. So they wore L/XL. It didn’t make sense at first because I associated diapers for young children and young children were smaller. Which they were quite a bit shorter than me but were fatter. Which I didn’t put the pieces together on that. So when I pulled that goodnite out. I actually thought I shrank or something. I put it on later and it was huge on me at 13-14 years old. I never was able to get myself to use them. I don’t remember what happened to it. I eventually threw it away because I didn’t want my parents to find it in my room.

When I got a job at 17. I bought the race car Goodnites and hid them in my parents’ pop up camper. I did that for awhile. Sneaking out to the garage at night. Got caught plenty of times but always had a good excuse why I was out there. Can’t remember what it was. Goodnites became my gateway drug to ABDL.

So I feel pretty confident that I had an attachment to diapers in my youth. If anyone knows anything about attachment theory. You bond emotionally with an object for comfort. When your primary caregiver begins to have less and less involvement in your life as you get older. The type of stuff where a mother will let their child “cry it out” because the mother can’t always be there all the time. When the child wants a change or wants fed or simply wants held. They begin to get less of that. They get fed and changed but it seems they get held less. This is a traumatic experience. So children tend to bond with objects for comfort. It is believed that people who have blankies or teddy bears in their adult lives are a carryover from attachment. Diapers get taken away in most cases because most children potty train and never go back. If it’s anything like my experience. It was likely traumatic. Adults sometimes go to their attachment object for comfort in stressful situations. It isn’t too often but many adults still sleep with teddy bears. It is believed that it could go as far as someone attaching to the last object their caregiver touched or one they touched regularly. So the last time you got a diaper change or that was the only time you got attention was to get a change regularly. So you associated the diaper with comfort in the absence of your caregiver.

I grew up being physically abused by my older brother and my mom was emotionally distressed all of the time. There was not a lot of stability in my home. So as I became an adult. I began to find myself coming to diapers for comfort but I didn’t know it at the time. I eventually found out it correlated with moments of increased stress. My childhood trauma has lingered and has created an anxious, depressed and jumpy adult. The usual stuff doesn’t help to calm me down. I’m getting counseling but it’s slow going. I have wanted to become a little but my wife doesn’t approve of this. There’s just something to letting go of everything for a moment.
 
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My older brother wet the bed. My parents got him an alarm but it never worked. They never got him Goodnites. I heard my dad talking years later about how “there’s these diapers they make for teenagers for bedwetting.” He scoffed at the ideas like a type of “can you believe this crap” kind of tone. He said the pediatrician suggested Goodnites but my dad just let my brother suffer with a wet bed with plastic bed covers. I kept wondering how life could have been different if he chose to get him Goodnites. I secretly wished last night that I had chosen to wet the bed on purpose so that I could push the issue of getting Goodnites. I even went as far as wishing I had purposely wet myself during the day. Just to keep the idea of needing diapers and idea.
 
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I am not AB but unashamedly DL as a result of my childhood and teenage bedwetting.
 
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I've talked about why I think I became an ABDL in the past in detail. But the cliffnotes version is that I basically wet the bed until about 15 when my bedwetting finally began to slow and at 16 stopped completely. I wore goodnites to bed until I was 11 or so and couldn't fit them anymore. Then mom got a bunch of select pullups which were basically useless for heavy bedwetting. Diapers all my life gave me a sense of security, because I love the soft texture and the fact that if I have an accident, it won't be a big deal.

I also long suspect that I began having severe anxiety issues after being overdosed on sodium hydrate by a nurse when I was 4 years old, shortly after I was diagnosed with autism, because they wanted to rule out tuberous sclerosis. And this was likely a major contributor to finding comfort in childhood and my forever white coat anxiety.
 
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I just realized that I don’t want to be disrespectful to people who struggled with childhood bedwetting. Me wishing I had bedwetting is me on the outside looking in. It’s easy to wish that until you have it.
 
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No clue. Had a sudden inexplicable attraction to diapers as a child for no attributable reason. Just suddenly one day being alone and nobody looking, eyeing a open box of Pampers gave me butterflies in my tummy. And in sneaking one the smell and sound and feel was overwhelming and intoxicating.

Grew into full on AB/Little as I got older and realized I genuinely loved kids and childhood and childish things and yearned to be little again myself.
 
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I was born.

Like LittleAndAlone, I really don't have the foggiest idea.
 
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I'm all DL. It started at a very young age, around 4 or 5. All I remember is one day I saw a box of Kimbees disposable diapers at my uncle and aunts house and a switch turned on. I just couldn't get those diapers off my mind and little me at a very young age devised an intricate plan to get one. I remember every detail of it as if it were yesterday.
I'm now 57, that switch never turned off. I remember thru the years there were some dry spells of not longing for diapers, but there were more times of wanting them than not wanting them.
I have very vivid memories of many of my diaper times when I was able to get some. All those times involved stealing diapers.
What actually triggered my DLism idk and I'll never know. 53 years on, I finally stopped asking why. It is what it is.
 
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I12BLittle89 said:
I just realized that I don’t want to be disrespectful to people who struggled with childhood bedwetting. Me wishing I had bedwetting is me on the outside looking in. It’s easy to wish that until you have it.
You're not being disrespectful.
 
I went into more detail about this in a different thread so I’ll try to shorten it.

My realizing that I was into ABDL came from a punishment. When I was in daycare during the Summers, I took diapers from the nursery part and would wear them for the day, and would later start wetting them. The start of the Summer after, I got caught in the act wearing the diaper after having wet it. After being spanked and given a diaper change in front of the other kids, I was given the punishment by my parents and the caretakers that I would stay in diapers as I went through “potty re-training.” I was kept with the toddlers and told I had to ask a caretaker when I needed to go potty, but they wouldn’t let me go if I only needed to pee, so I was wetting my diapers constantly, and getting spanked for it because I was “missing the potty.” A couple of weeks later, after giving up asking and was just wetting my diapers as I needed, the caretakers said since I was making no progress in making it to the potty, that I would start being treated like a baby. I was moved to nursery, made to dress like a baby, be fed formula and baby food during lunch and snack times, sleep in one of the cribs during nap time, and I couldn’t go to the bathroom, so I was now peeing AND pooping my diapers. While the whole experience was humiliating, especially with the other kids teasing me the entire Summer, I found myself enjoying being treated like a baby in the nursery, because the caretakers would give me the same care and attention as the other babies and I enjoyed the comfort and softness of the diapers.
 
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Some of my earliest childhood memories are related to diapers. When I was 3-4 I used to pretend that towels and blankets were big diapers. I also had a great grandparent at the time in diapers and they would be stored in my childhood closet. I remember climbing all the way up to get them and them being about half the size of my body once I managed to tape one on.

Similar to your story, I had a traumatic experience in pre-school. I was crying for some reason and the teacher also threatened to put me back in diapers. I found this scary but also deep down I remember really wishing that she would. I wanted nothing more to be back in diapers at the time. I had other traumatic experiences as a child in different forms and I think the idea of being a baby again was the safest frame of reference my young mind had at the time.
 
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Couldn’t say exactly why. One of my earliest memories though is being at nursery at a church my parents were visiting when I was 4 or 5 maybe. At some point while I was there I guess they were doing diaper checks and one of the helpers asked me if I wore diapers. I quickly said “no” but then I remember thinking about what if I had said yes? Would they have put a diaper on me? And then wishing I had.
 
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Don’t know why I am a DL, I just know I’ve always had the desire to wear from a very young age. I wish I did know why because then I could tell my wife. She takes the stance of “if you don’t understand why you like to wear then how do you expect me to understand it?”
 
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There was something always inside me that that wanted my diapers back when I was really young. I must've been potty trained at a very young age. I don't even remember a thing about it. I just always wanted them back. Seeing them all around me just made me very jealous of those who could wear them. The crinkles were noticeable and the plastic was soft to the touch. In grade school, there were 3 girls who were in my class that wore diapers. 2 in wheelchairs and 1 that had a bad leg, but still wore diapers. I could hear her crinkles a mile away and I secretly wanted to make those crinkles my own. Once, I saw the diapers for a split second. She was stuffing them in her backpack and I could hear them crinkling in her bag as they were stuffed. For years and years there would be no diaper around my waist until I was around 17 and that was only a pull-up. I didn't wear my 1st plastic backed diaper till I moved into my apartment and ordered a pack of Bambini Bellissimos. That was at around age 25. So it took a really really long time to get back what I wanted my whole life. I only order thick plastic backed diapers and love the smell of baby powder and oil. I wet and love to mess.
 
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TheMat said:
Couldn’t say exactly why. One of my earliest memories though is being at nursery at a church my parents were visiting when I was 4 or 5 maybe. At some point while I was there I guess they were doing diaper checks and one of the helpers asked me if I wore diapers. I quickly said “no” but then I remember thinking about what if I had said yes? Would they have put a diaper on me? And then wishing I had.
Exactly my point. Social norms made you say what you now wish you hadn’t said.
 
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PaddedInHaslet said:
Don’t know why I am a DL, I just know I’ve always had the desire to wear from a very young age. I wish I did know why because then I could tell my wife. She takes the stance of “if you don’t understand why you like to wear then how do you expect me to understand it?”
You could say it's just as primal as my attraction to you as a lady.
 
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PaddedInHaslet said:
Don’t know why I am a DL, I just know I’ve always had the desire to wear from a very young age. I wish I did know why because then I could tell my wife. She takes the stance of “if you don’t understand why you like to wear then how do you expect me to understand it?”
Yeah my wife has a hard time with it too.
 
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Heyaa, my son actually got me into diapers….let me explain. When he was an infant I absolutely fell in love with the feel and smell of his diapers, figured I’d try some for myself. Started off stealing my moms medical diapers she would occasionally wear, then moved up to ABDL diapers and such. That was over 3 years ago and I’ve been 24/7 for the past 3 years, 7 months ago I started having problems controlling my bowels so as of now Im bowel incontinent due to IBS. That’s pretty much it(oh btw the irony now is that my son just moved up to pull-ups and I’m still in diapers loll)
 
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Yeah I have IBS due to stress. I had the type that makes you constipated for like 4 days then you poop like 4-5 times in one day. It seems to move around because of my diet and stress level. But it has regularly been nothing but constipation for a few years now and I used to drink a crazy ton of prune juice to clean things out. Just so I could get some relief. I didn’t trust leaving the toilet. So I wore abdl diapers and it felt good to lose control. But after awhile I felt weak because of how much got flushed out of me. So I stopped doing that. I’ve had the uncontrollable diarrhea IBS a handful of times. It happens once and then goes away for awhile. I’ve thrown a few pairs of underwear in the trash. It seems to always happen at work and I’m in the army. It isn’t something that I could just start wearing a diaper. I know it’s stress related. Only recently I’ve been feeling more normal like I did before I joined the army. So things are looking up.
 
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PaddedInHaslet said:
Don’t know why I am a DL, I just know I’ve always had the desire to wear from a very young age. I wish I did know why because then I could tell my wife. She takes the stance of “if you don’t understand why you like to wear then how do you expect me to understand it?”
Does she have to understand it? Do you have to understand why she needs her Target/Starbucks runs? (Or whatever her thing is) It was hard for my wife at first too. Counseling helped some. Now it doesn’t matter why. When she indulges me we both have an amazing time. But it took years.
 
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