What caused you to be AB/DL? (it matters!)

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I was a very happy baby and succesfully completed all the stages of early childhood developement...except the last one. My mother became pregnant when I was 4 and went into a pre and post partem depression that lasted for many years. She could not take adequate care of my younger brother, who remained autistic until age 5. Through no fault of her own my mother neglected him severely. She also neglected me and my older brother. I was so lonely for her that I longed for the days of infancy when mom was happy and so was I. I would smell the odors of a nursery and be overwhelmed with sadness and a terrible desire to wet myself and be diapered by any good woman who really cared about me. Mom was not there, and yet she still lived in my house.

This is the genisis of my own paraphilc infantilism which blossomed in my teens and now is firmly set in my psyche. Did I choose it?...Hell No. Do I like it? No again. Is it my fault, or yours? I say no, what do you say? What caused you to want to do such odd things? Do you know? Tell me.

"We didn't create all our problems, but we must solve them all." DBT
 
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I do't know. I don't have time to read them all. Would anyone care to participate in this one?
 

Pojo

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When you put in the title of a thread, there is a search button you can use to see if there are other threads that are like it, so you don't make more than one...You don't have to read all the threads -__-
 
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Thanks for the info Pojo! I will try to do that in the future. Where the hell is the button. I am a dinosaur about computers and especially the internet so bear with me. Oh and just cause I'm curious and I don't want to spend the rest of my evening dicking with this god forsaken button box, do you mind talking to me about the question i posed above? I just want tp talk to someone who knows what its like.
 

Kraiden

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Meh, there's other threads, but there's nothing wrong with starting up a fresh discussion about it all again.

As for me, well, Nothing in my life "triggered" it, It was just always there for as long as I can remember. I simply never got rid of that sort of infantile urge to have a pacifier. I guess at some point I should have got rid of that "urge" for one, but it never happened. Stayed with me all through my childhood, and eventually when I was 13 I bought myself one again, used it, went "ZOMG THIS IZ AWESUM!" and stuff just snowballed from there.
 

care_a_lot

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I think mine started when I was 7 for a reason. It was the most painful year of my life. My parents got divorced. My aunty celebrated that fact with my father right in front of me. My great grandmother died and I felt like my whole world had collapsed. The night I was going to turn 8 I lay on my bed crying that I didn't want to turn 8. Why? Because I had this funny feeling that life was only going to get worse from then on in. Now I'm 24 and I have to admit I definetely had a point there. So much pain in this world that its nice to rever to being a child again and being looked after by my mummy. I never really had a close relationship to my dad so having a father/daughter relationship would just be too weird for me. But a mother/daughter relationship is what I long for. The safest place when I was a child was in my mothers arms. I used to slip my hand up her sleeve because it was warm in there. :)
 

dogboy

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When this came up before, I heard from Bittergray. I think he is the guru on the subject, and you should look him up. As for me, I was adopted at age 2. In between, I spent some time at the adoptive orphanage. I don't imagine potty training went well. And of course, I changed parents, so who knows. There are a number of theories on this. Some say that early life was hard as in my case, so the past is traumatic, but a place to recreate until you get it right. For others, they believe that their childhood was so good and secure, that as they age and life gets more stressful, they want to go back to where it's safe. Clearly, there are a number of different and complicated reasons. Some even believe we are hard wired to regress.
 

Pramrider

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In all honesty, I wish I knew. The only things that were *wrong* in my early childhood was that my dad had a complete nervous breakdown while my mother was pregnant with me. Far back as I have memory retention, she had to be away working night shift in factories to put food on the table. My dad was never the same after his breakdown. I'd dearly love to hear anyone's thoughts as to how those early childhood events could somehow have caused the infantilist (AdultKid) feelings and desires in me.

~Pramrider
 
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I've asked myself this question a few times, and I'm still unsure. I'd say it's mainly to do with my childhood. I had a pretty normal life. I was smarter than most kids. (I almost skipped first grade.) I had a lot of friends. Everything was good, except for one thing. My father was an alcoholic, and almost shot my older brother and me when I was 2-3. He's in jail now. His parents owned the house we lived in, and they made us move out to another house. Since then, my mother remarried, but I still don't really consider myself as having a father. What kind of father would ask "Why is he even alive?" referring to me. As for my mother, I can never seem to please her. I'm never good enough for her. I practically have no relationship with either of them, and I'm usually in a semi-depressed mood.

I think it ends up with me wanting to have the good childhood I didn't have.
 
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Thank you for your kind posts. I have a lot of collateral information from my mother and my brothers to show where my infantilism originated. I'm one of those who's still trying to get it right because my relationship with mother went south early in life, about age two-and-a-half. But before that time life was beautiful. Perhaps there should be a forum for people to tell there personal stories. I would be very interested in such a thing from an AB perspective.

Thanks again.
 

Starchild

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Im not really sure how i became a AB, i have some theories, i know i was quite late to potty train, and was generaly slower to grow up than normal, mum says she noticed and the doc told her i was 1 year behind in my development, i know when i was 5 i was caught by my sister trying to put one of her dolls plastic pants on! i will never know why i wanted to wear them.
I also know when i was at school, because i had/have learning disability i had a special needs teacher, and she kinda treated me like a little kid, which i suppose nowadys would be considered a form of abuse, but i liked it, the extra attention, the way she spoke to me in a simplified child like way and the fact i got special treats like sweeties and stars if i was good, i also seemed to bring out the maternal instincts in the girls at school, they obviously saw the way my special needs teacher treated me, and thought it was cute so copied it, they helped me tie my shoelaces and protected me from some of the boys who bullied me, and would comfort me with cuddles if i was upset, im sure this is where i started to feel like being treated like a little kid was nice and i started to think of the girls as my mummys, some of the girls i knew even let me call them mummy, i know this sounds like fantasies but i can assure you its tottaly true.
i also rember, and this may sound a bit odd, but at some point whenever a nappy advert came on tv, i was transfixed, no im not a pervert, i wasnt getting off on the babys, but there was somnething about the nappies they sounded so safe and secure and nice, and i started to accosiate nappies with being loved and cared for, i really wanted to wear a nappy again so started of with white plastic bags with holes cut in for legs stuffed with toilet paper! then eventually i saved up my pocket money at got my first pack of Pampers, and that was that!
 

Maverick

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I don't know what exactly triggered it. I discovered infantilism at the age of 9. But thinking back, I had many moments where I'd do babyish things. I just never realized I wanted to be a baby. It was like I'd do them for some subconscious reason that I didn't understand until I discovered infantilism on the internet at age 9 and was like "Yup, that's me."

Why am I an infantilist? I don't really know that either, though I have some ideas. Maybe it's because I lost some of the affection mom gave me when my sister was born when I was 2½ years old. But many people have had siblings born when they were 2 ½. Maybe I was more sensitive and needed more motherly affection than most people. I don't know.

Maybe it's because I had a happy babyhood, but when I entered school everything went horribly wrong. I was bullied really badly and was pretty much the "arch-loser" of the school. I've never even had a friend in real life. So maybe I want to return to a time when I was more happy-- my babyhood.

Or maybe it's because of a traumatic experience. I only know this because my parents told me about it; I don't remember it at all. When I was 2 years old (which coincidentally is my desired age), I escaped from my crib in the middle of the night and ran straight into the corner of a dresser... luckily I hit my forehead and not my eyeball or something. Anyway, it made a really big mess; there was blood everywhere and I'm sure I was screaming my head off. Basically I was rushed to the emergency room and had to get stitches on my forehead and I was awake during the operation.

So, I don't really know. I probably never will know. I just have some theories.
 

Vladimir

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It used to be a slight, almost unnoticeable embarrassment fetish (not telling the details), which evolved when I discovered TBDL and similar sites.

No idea why I had it.
 

MsClara

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I can't remember a time when I wasn't at least latently DL. When I first read about ABDL behaviour on the internet my weird obsession with diapers and diaper wearing going back as far as I have memories, made sense. As for what caused it I have no idea. I have a 2.5 years younger sister and apparently I used to help change her diapers when I was like 3 / 4 y.o. but is this a cause or merely first recorded symptom? Also that seems a bit incestuous, so I like to think it was the cute blonde girl from next door who came over to play with us and wore a diaper one time ;-) I was 5 and she was 6 and the worst part is I don't remember any of it, but I know it happened because next time we were going to play that game she refused to wear the diaper again. I believe I volunteered but nothing came of it :-(.
Truth is I've read dozens of these "Why" threads and the short answer is no-one knows why, and no-one has a "cure".
Out of all the stories I've read some a quite similar to my own background some a completely different - especially as I was not abused in any way (my parents used to spank me but this was the early 1990s when you could still say spank and not think about CP porn sites ;-D.) All my sympathy for those who ended up here through abuse or suffering, hope things are better in your lives now or soon.
But what I was leading on to say; there are a wide spectrum of people, who all gather loosely around the ABDL label, who engage in quite a wide variety of behaviours with different motivations, so it makes sense for there to be lots of root causes. What makes me a DL is probably a lot different to what makes you an AB, you an LG, you a sissy. Don't get me wrong I have love for you all [celebrate diversity group hug!] but I read some stories you write and see some of the art you make and it makes no sense to me; I just don't "get" it because even though it has diapers in it (and we all love diapers here right?) the activities, emotions and the people you want to share with are totally different to what I want.

What do we make of all this?
1. There is almost certainly no common cause for all ABDL desires.
2. There is may be no common cause for two people sharing the same broad desires eg. being AB as opposed to DL.
3. Our categories work as short hand but don't have enough detail defined to work in research.
4. Just a hunch - we are probably looking in the wrong places for reasons. Anyone here a trained psychiatrist / psychologist?
 

Lil Snap

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I don't know If there was a defining moment that set my DL/AB (toddler, really) interests. My parents divorced when I was around 3 (nasty) I wet the bed for years longer, but I don't remember being diapered every night. I do remember sneaking diapers when I was 4-6, and getting caught wearing one by my grandmother. But I think Sunni has it right on the "wanting a happy childhood" part. There have been times that I have mourned not having grown up with a nicer set of circumstances. Its been a while tho, so what can you do?
 

quattrus

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I remember a strong desire to wear diapers since so early in my life that I honestly never questioned myself that much about the "why", I sorta always took it as it was some innate inclination. Actually, there's an event that I consider the official beginning of my DLism, that was when I was 4 or 5 and my mom playfully offered to make me wear one of my little sister's diapers... needless to say I accepted and since then I started stealing her diapers until she got out of them.

I've always considered to have had a very happy childhood. Since I was very young my personality has been quite different from other guys my age, but I always loved myself the way I was and the times someone teased me it just worked as a reinforcement of my ego.


In the end, I think that Ollie has just caught what's probably the truth about the whole thing:
Diapers being awesome that's what. ;)
...sometimes the answers to our questions are so simple that, searching for something more elaborate, we fail at seeing them... :D
 
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