What aspect of ab/dl is most difficult

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dprpantsnpypants

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From my wife's point of view it is a jealousy thing. She see the diapers as competition; she thinks they mean more to me than she does and to be honest, it is hard for me to prove otherwise. The problem is that our regular sex life (without diaper references) is not that great, I mean, it is good enough that we have a bunch of kids but I don't really satisfy her. I think if we could have rock-star sex without any mention of diapers then then she would be a lot more comfortable with me wearing and even incorporating them into sex. The other thing is regarding the comfort aspect - I certainly use diapers a lot more when I am stressed because they really help me to unwind. But my wife is of the opinion that she should be providing that role. Again, I can't really argue with her about that - it just is what it is!
 

cgh

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I think most people struggle to understand the 'why' aspect. It's easy enough to grasp the concept that someone likes to wear diapers or be treated like a baby but it can be much more difficult to understand why they do. I suspect parents in particular might worry that they've done something wrong during upbringing that has caused their offspring to become ABDL.

The problem here is that a lot of ABDLs also struggle with the 'why' aspect. There are plenty of threads on this forum trying to figure it out. In my opinion there isn't a single answer, and in many cases I firmly believe there isn't actually a specific cause. It's a bit like asking someone why their favourite colour is blue. It just is.
 

Drifter

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What aspect of being ab/dl is most difficult for your family to understand?

I'm guessing here but I suspect the main thing is that this is looked at as a mental illness involving a disgusting habit and no one can understand why people, who appear otherwise normal, don't take the steps to cure themselves.
 

blablafreckenlover

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Probably that it isn't necessarily sexual sometimes. Like they hear I want to be little and they immediately assume it's foreplay toward sex but sometimes I just want to be little because its fun.
 

YAHLD

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Well considering my family I imagine it'd be just about every aspect of it because they'd struggle with the why,what I get from it,ect and with all that is already wrong with me I have no doubt they'd assume it was some kind of mental illness and ask doctors to "cure" me of it which of course is impossible.
 

pamperedyellowone

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So far it's having a pacifier and overcoming shyness of using it in public, now if anyone asks me about it I reply back with " it's just a pacifier what's wrong with that " ?
 

ClandestineWing

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When my friend came out to me, I had the hardest time understanding why, out of all things that could turn someone on, why diapers? It just seemed really odd to me. She couldn't give me a definite answer, naturally. My second most important question was why she felt she had to choose me to trust with this secret, but that one is more personal than ABDL related.
 

Adidas

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Family…. This implicates that family knows about it…. I have an example from my own experience:

I once told my mom about my DL-ism. But not until I was lots older loving diapers: Well over 30, only then I was daring to tell her about it. The 'question' came along why I did not yet have a relationship. So I told her this aspect as part of my sexual life. The first response she had was like "Oh, I hope you do not like young children, since they wear diapers…". So the rest of the evening was about explaining that this absolutely is not the case. It is the objects I am fascinated about, not per-se the person wearing it. Today I felt it as a mistake talking to her about it. I should have kept it a secret, or at least, let her read "The Den of Bittergrey" website articles first.
My partner -on the other hand- is the opposite: He is very understanding and gives me the space to do practice my DL part in my life :smile1:
Since then I never had a binge/purge cycle again...
 

Calico

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I don't know if there are things my parents still don't understand about my diaperism. Back then it was about I cannot change this about myself and it's not like I chose to like them and it's just something I choose to do. We would all stop if we could and that is something lot of people wouldn't understand. Also diaper wearing or using them is not always about regression or being lazy to use the toilet. Yes I have worn one out of laziness and regression but I don't wear them anymore for those reasons.
 

tall2826

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The only person in my family who knows about me being and AB/DL is my brother and he doesn't really care that I indulge in if and he just thinks it's weird. As far as he is concerned as long as it does not affect him in any kind of way he will leave me alone about it.
 

Neonite

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i've never had a conversation about it with my family and i hopefully never will, but around close friends that find out I get a lot of "what you poop in them???? even if you dont how can you wear them knowing they're for poop?????"
 

cm90210

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The most difficult aspect for me is the way in which I feel misunderstood by my wife (whom I've told and accepts me) -- I think she really secretly hopes it'll go away someday and is also grossed out by it (and therefor me). As others have noted, while it's great to have some acceptance and to be 'open' it's also hard to constantly have the weight of another persons "why?" Over me. I ask that question of myself too and even I don't know. I just like diapers. I can't explain it or shake it. I know my life is better if I accept it.

It's almost as if she expects me to reveal some deeper level desire that's secret regarding diapers. But I don't know what that even is or could be. I understand it no more than what I've told her. But I feel on trial a bit.

By proxy I feel misunderstood similarly by the general public although I realize that a piece of that is my own projected judgement on them.
 
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RainbowShy

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For me, it's knowing I can never tell my parents about how I feel. Even though they know I have a lot of special needs, it's not exactly something I can mention and say is due to them. I can't even tell my doctor or my therapist how I feel. It's not because I haven't really accepted the idea of wearing diapers, but I think it's what others will think if I mentioned it to them. The only one I've told are like... two of my best friends. One is a teen little and the other I've known for several years, but I haven't mentioned to her in a long time. She's probably forgotten about it and assumed I've moved onto something else.

It's also hard seeing all those little kids running around so carefree. It makes me realize that I'm not one of them anymore. I feel as though despite my mental age, I'm still physically a twenty-five year old woman who happens to be a child deep inside. I can't really explain it very well though.
 
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For me, I'd say it's a paranoia kind of thing. I've only told one person. Rationally, I'm fairly confident that my closest friends wouldn't care. My family would probably be fine with it, though I suspect they would encourage me to seek counseling if I told them, but not force it. But I don't just tell people. There's always a risk of gossip, of something winding up overheard or discussed by mistake. Or of misjudging people and giving them power over you in a way that could be dangerous. All the what-ifs that lead to secrecy and fear.

For me, it's knowing I can never tell my parents about how I feel. Even though they know I have a lot of special needs, it's not exactly something I can mention and say is due to them. I can't even tell my doctor or my therapist how I feel. It's not because I haven't really accepted the idea of wearing diapers, but I think it's what others will think if I mentioned it to them. The only one I've told are like... two of my best friends. One is a teen little and the other I've known for several years, but I haven't mentioned to her in a long time. She's probably forgotten about it and assumed I've moved onto something else.

It's also hard seeing all those little kids running around so carefree. It makes me realize that I'm not one of them anymore. I feel as though despite my mental age, I'm still physically a twenty-five year old woman who happens to be a child deep inside. I can't really explain it very well though.

You can tell a doctor or therapist. They have very strong confidentiality rules and it is their job to make sure your overall health (both physical and mental) is good. Plus, they've seen worse.
 

Barnboy

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For me, I think dprpantsnpypants comments hit the spot. My wife kind of accepts this part of me but I know she is not comfortable and therefore I end up wearing very rarely and usually hide it. This to me is not healthy as I feel I have to hide this part of me in order to enjoy it. Yes, there is the competition aspect. I believe I can sexually please her on my own without referencing diapers. But I know (and I have shared this with here often) that the diapers would being my sexual pleasure to the next level. Ultimately, between our busy and different schedules, it can be difficult to satisfy her needs and then I know it makes it harder for me to bring up diapers since she wants more of me and less of that side of me. That to me is the struggle that makes my DL side the most difficult. She will never fully understand that nor do I at this point expect her to. Its one of those compromises you make as a married couple.
 
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RainbowShy

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You can tell a doctor or therapist. They have very strong confidentiality rules and it is their job to make sure your overall health (both physical and mental) is good. Plus, they've seen worse.


But my parents usually go with me for personal reasons. Besides that, I wouldn't know how to tell them (the doctor and therapist), even if I could.
 
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But my parents usually go with me for personal reasons. Besides that, I wouldn't know how to tell them (the doctor and therapist), even if I could.

I don't want to totally sidetrack this. But a couple things.

1. You absolutely have the right to have your parents not be in the room, for any reason at all. If you're not comfortable without them or worried about explaining it later, that's fine. Just want to let you know it's available.

2. You just tell them. If it's sexual try "I have an unusual sexual practice I want to talk about." If it's not sexual, try "I have an unusual behavioral habit I want to talk about."
 

dogboy

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For me it's a convenience/inconvenience thing. Whenever a family member comes to the house to stay overnight, I have to bag and move my diapers and other baby stuff out of the guest bedroom closet. I wish I had room in my bedroom, but my wife has a lot of clothes and there just isn't room. My wife has had some recent health problems, and each time she went into the hospital, our daughter came to help out. I love her greatly and appreciated her being home, but I did a lot of packing and hiding. It's not that big a deal, just something I have to think about and I must be thorough.
 

JazzBaby

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None of my family or friends know about my AB/DL side, but my mom has noticed me acting little recently. She has seen me suckling on my pacifier as well as cuddling and sleeping with my stuffed animals. She has asked me why I have been doing it. She asked if the reason I'm doing it is because I felt I didn't have a good childhood so I'm acting like a little kid. I've told her no and denied that I want to act like a baby or little kid. So I know she will definitely never understand me.
 
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