Were you spanked as a child

I wonder if the same meta analysis says giving immunizations lowers IQ? [sarcasm]
 
Many times
 
Nice points, Calico. srmousse, no. Of course not. Vaccination wasn't even what was being studied.

For those interested in who informs my opinion, Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist, mother, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting, among others

Dr. Dan Siegel Clenical Professor of Psychiatry UCLA Medical School, and dad.

Dr. Jane Nelson, marriage and family therapist, and child counselor, with a doctorate in educational psychology, and mother of 7

Dr. Thomas Gordon, clinical psychologist, known for Parent Effectivness Training

Dr. James McKenna, biological anthropologist, professor, and cosleeping advocate

Pat Faranga, father, and advocate of modern Homeschooling, who worked with John Holt on Growing Without Schooling Magazine, and basically took the torch after John died, rereleasing some of John's books

John Holt, former teacher, turned homeschooling advocate

Lori Petro, brilliant communicator, Mom, and founder of TEACH Through Love

Alfie Kohn, lecturer, author and father, who draws from social science research when he writes his books

Dayna Martin, mother, author, speaker, and radical unschooler

For the record, the reason I like all the parenting vlogs I do, is because The Parenting Junkie, for example, knows all this, and I don't have room at my house for an entire parenting library, nor does everyone on ADISC have that. I'm part science, and part empirical evidence, just like everyone else. I want to parent this way, because it is based on science, and peacefully parented children turn out so well. I do have all my eggs in respectful, kind, and gentle, but that doesn't mean 1 basket. I'll take aspects from RIE that make sense, and ditch what doesn't, in favor of Attachment Parenting, and baby led-weaning. Do what works. Ditch what doesn't.
 
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Only once in my entire life when I was too young to remember. Never happened since then.
 
When I was almost five my father was spanking me with a rasp file. My older sister who was like 13 years older pulled a gun on my father and ends up shooting him in the shoulder.
She threatened to finish him off if he spanked me again.
She moved away within a year.
I got spankings again after that, but only with regular stuff like belts, switches, paddles, and hands.
I still think my interest in impact play comes from getting spanked in front of class in school by teachers, principals, and coaches.
I love my father a lot. He was awesome. I learned a lot of good from him. The bad stuff I let die with him.
Typing it out makes it sound traumatic, but I just thought that was childhood.
 
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My father was a bit of a sadist , he would make us stand on top of a rock wall , on one side was him and a piece of his favorite 2X4 on the other certain death an 1100 foot plunge to the rocky shore line and rail road tracks,We got more than spaked we got the daylight beat out of us.it was the biggest secret of our small town ,it wasn't until he escalated to shooting us ,that people could no longer act like it wasn't happening and we got taken away ,he was stripped of parental rights and fled the jurisdiction to avoid murder charges , i never saw or delt with him in this world again ,i found him in the social security death index in 2006 ,and felt nothing .he made his own choices .
 
I was but I wouldn't ever do it to my children. It's not the right way in my opinion.
 
I was spanked until the age of 7. Not sure why my parents stopped. However there was always a paddle in plain site in the kitchen.
 
I don't see this as a black-and-white issue, I see it as a variable problem, with a variable solution. A few kids are going to behave with little or no feedback. Most kids are going to behave for the most part, and will require some amount of feedback, but those amount will vary from kid to kid. And then there are going to be a few kids that won't behave regardless of what happens to them. In summary, kids are wired to use feedback to adjust their behavior. Most of them react as intended, a few don't require it, and a few aren't affected by it. So one single solution doesn't work for every kid.

So I think spanking is required, to some degree, for most kids. It really depends on the kid - I've seen kids ~4 misbehaving and a parent literally give them a tap on their butt and it sends them running away, crying, as though they'd been painfully spanked. But they recover almost immediately, and stop misbehaving. That's much more of a psychological than physical feedback for them, and it's usually effective. I think that's probably the best kind of feedback - psychological.

I think what "gives spanking a bad name" are the rare and unfortunate examples of where parents are going overboard, or with the few kids that simply aren't going to behave regardless of what you do, which can lead to extreme punishments by parents that are desperate to try to get their kids to behave. We've all been in the store where the "little monster" is throwing a tantrum and the parent is either ignoring them or making ineffective attempts at light restraint/punishment, and thought "why don't they DO something about their kid?" It's hard to say though, are they just not wanting to increase their feedback, or maybe that's one of those kids that it just won't matter with? It's hard to say if you don't know the kid.

I also think it's fair to say that kids were better behaved a few generations ago when corporal punishment was more acceptable. That doesn't prove it was the right thing to do - I think it just demonstrates a different spot on the spectrum - more spanking does lead to better behavior - but what is the "correct" point along the line? It's that "set-point" that society is adjusting, looking for the best tradeoff. I personally think the current culture here in America anyway has the set-point too soft. I believe there are too many kids growing up into young adults that don't have enough respect for other members of society. I see the increase in self-entitlement, road-rage, and other antisocial behavior as a result of this softer approach, and I think it's hurting society as a whole. Which is ironic, given that the softer approach was intended to help society as a whole. We see self-entitlement, lack of independence, road rage, etc, as "new problems", but don't recognize the cause. Now we're just sitting back and waiting for them to learn how to behave in society by gaining wisdom and teaching themselves, when we used to be teaching them when they were children. The older generation will talk about "kids these days...", referring to the generation of young adults that didn't get the social education they needed when they were young - and again ironically that older generation IS the generation that caused the problem they are lamenting about now.

Just my 2¢ on the subject
 
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I was a real asshole as a kid and deserved the spankings I got. It was never at the level of abuse. Actions have consequences.
 
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Yes I was until I was 11 or 12. I hated it & would fear it happening. Which I guess meant I would avoid doing anything which risked a smack bottom.
 
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I was spanked infrequently when I was <10 years old. I think my parents stopped because they realized it didn't work on me and that I was probably going to retaliate as I was getting older--and I'm sure I would have.

My philosophy on the practice is that if it's to be done, it should only be done on younger children who generally can't be taught not to do things any other way. Beyond that, each parent should really get an understanding of their child to determine what parenting style they should be using. There's no 'one size fits all' solution with parenting and the authoritarian style can be completely counterproductive in some cases.
 
The worst spanking i still renember to this day was after a ran away from my mother at a shopping center and almost got run over by a car. I was about 7. .... i could have gotten killed because of my Behavior.... and trust me after that spanking i never left my moms side in a parking lot again......... thats when giveing a child a spanking is appropriate
 
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My father did a few times and I remember it. He would make me drop my pants and bend me over. One time he went easy and I giggled; he didn't like that and he wailed on me, it hurt me in several ways. Other than that I had a good up bringing. I was a DL prior to the spanking.
 
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No. My mother is really against physically correcting children, with spanking being an absolute no-go zone with her.
 
Yeah unfortunately. I was off hit with a belt on my bare butt and occasionally a tree branch as well. Not too often as I hated getting into trouble and I would have to make my mom or grandparents really really mad.
 
I don't know about the "connection" if there is any, but....

I was spanked. Beaten with a leather belt. Tortured with sleep deprivation. Tortured with being forced to stand at attention under a blazing sun until I was ready to pass out.

My step-father always said, "Are you going to cry? Well, I'm going to give you something to cry about."
And he did. He always kept his promise to inflict more pain on me.

After he died of a massive stroke a few years ago, I found out where he was burred, and under the cover of darkness, I snuck into the cemetery and urinated and defecated all over his grave. Luckily, I wasn't caught. My only worry was having to explain to a judge why I urinated and defecated on his grave. Thankfully, I was never caught.

Urinating and defecating on his grave? Yes, it was the least I could do, for a childhood of pain and horror. 😠
 
It's a matter of situation and appropriatness ( if that's a word). Is a spanking one or 50 smacks. is it with the hand or a paddle/belt. does the crime fit the punishment. Now Kids have a lot more cps protection which is bullshit, they can cry foul and are encouraged to cry foul at the drop of a hat ex you wouldn't let them play video games or use their phone all night. Parents give in to this because it's easier than dealing with the problem. However if your kid is about to put a knife in to an electrical socket are you going to smack there hand/ butt whatever to get their attention or stand there and say "oh don't do that or I will have to put you on time out" Of course you are going to smack them. it's for their own good. centuries of raising kids have been the same, it works. Now all the goody two shoes have this and that to say. it's crap what matters is the degree of a smack or spanking and I don't think it really has an effect on whether or not it creates a diaper fetish. maybe a bdsm fetish. I think diapers may go back to early toilet training and personal likes and dislikes with no one person being the same....... forgive the rant it's just my 2 cents kids and society are very different now.
 
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binkyb said:
.......kids and society are very different now.
Click to expand...

People have been saying this about following generations since there's been people, but every generation figures it out.

There's a George Carlin quote that has stuck with me, approximately "anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac." You're both idiot to someone and a maniac to someone else. Some parents that spanked went too far, others didn't discipline enough. Some parents were maniacs and others were idiots, but all someone else's maniac and idiot too.
I don't know if what I mean is coming across. The example of perspective hit me in a profound way.

It's been an interesting thread. I was raised old school and value that. I was beat as a child. My older sister shot my father in the shoulder after he beat with a construction tool. I didn't have a normal childhood. My father was a hard man.
I am a fan of impact play. I think spanking should only be between consenting adults. I think my enjoying being spanked was seeded by going to a school where they believed in corporal punishment. I moaned the fist time I got paddled in school. Everyone in the class laughed. I think pain, humiliation, and feeling like it was a show in front of everyone made it delicious for me as an adult.
 
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Growing up in the 1960's, I was spanked on rare instances. I had to really mess up to get it. Once it was done it was forgotten and we moved on. I think my parents did it right. If it was a mild infraction I just got yelled at. That was usually enough to deter me again. I also remember one instance of a friend getting spanked in elementary school, but he really deserved it.
 
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