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Very shy introduction

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CuriousKid

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Hello.

Im incredibly shy/nervous about posting here. I am not sure if I belong here or not.

To get the basic stats out of the way for you I am a *(nearly) 25 year old girl from Australia. I am pretty kink aware/open minded etc and I am involved in the BDSM scene. I publicly identify as a sadist/top/Domme. I love this aspect of my life/personality/sexuality and is my primary fetish (for lack of a better term) I have always been curious about AB stuff, but probably not for reasons you might assume.

Though my fetish is BDSM, I have also had for a very long time an interest/desire to explore the AB in me, but its something very personal and secret to me because it runs completely contrary to the Top/Domme aspect of me. What draws out the AB in me is exactly that contradiction - its an escape from everything, the desire to be comforted/nurtured etc. For me AB is not exactly a sexualized thing.

I also have borderline personality disorder - this means I have extreme, rapid mood changes that I can not control - frequently anger or sadness, they last for only a few hours or days (unlike bipolar where its weeks/months) These moods are intense and overwhelming. I have a very hard time doing what is called "self soothing" calming myself down etc... Even though I know logically that I am over reacting etc, it doesn't make the feeling go away. The only ways I can achieve this is usually by medication such as Valium or in worse cases self harming. Neither of them are particularly good coping mechanisms.

As I have been quite unwell lately my BPD is out of control, and these have been happening a lot, and really really strong. I have been trying to come up with ways to "self soothe" when I am in distress... and thinking outside the box I thought about AB and the feelings etc which are attached to that. This weekend I finally caved in and decided to order a Nuk 5 pacifier and bottle teat for myself, they should arrive sometime this week. Im both terrified, and hopeful.

**blushes and runs away to hide**

ETA: I am 24, turning 25 in just a few weeks, sorry if I confused anyone by doing so.
 
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Mesmerale

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Welcome to ADISC. :)

First off: Your ages contradict (25 in the post, 24 in your stats). I strongly suggest you correct/explain this before it gets you banned, because no one wants to see that.

Secondly, good for you for taking an active interest in your AB feelings. I'm glad that you aren't too afraid (for whatever reason) to delve deeper into this whole scene.

You don't have to worry about it not being sexual for you. That's how it is for many of us, and it tends to be the difference between an AB and a DL. There's nothing wrong with it. :)

I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been well lately, but I congratulate you on being able to think so abstractly. :) I hope that the idea works as it should, and things get easier to handle.

If you want to step in slowly, you could read the wiki for a bit, or maybe look for threads to add your input too. We also have an IRC channel that you can join by clicking the "Live Chat" button up toward the top of the screen, if you'd like to try diving in and talking to us a bit more interactively. ;)

Again, welcome, and I hope you find everything you need here.

~ Mesmerale
 

Peachy

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Hi and welcome!

Don't be shy, we don't bite, only nibble gently (I can tell you, peaches get nibbled on all the time! :eek).

Oh, and you seem excited about your birthday...since (as Mesmerale pointed out) you made yourself a few weeks older than your profile would suggest.

Peachy
 

CuriousKid

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Im not sure if my profile shows my birthdate or just my age. I am 24, turning 25 mid Aug. No deception intended.
 

Mesmerale

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I figured it would be something like that. :)

S'all good. I just figured it'd be best to clear that up quickly, even if it's not exactly my place.. :blushie:
 

the0silent0alchemist

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ooh another aussie finally joins our ranks, weclome to adisc, now the million dollar question running through my mind is which state or territory your in right now.

as peachy said, we dont bite, althogh I on the other hand chase people around the room with a big stick if they annoy me :D (jk of course, id NEVER hurt anyone intentionally, also beware my black humour if we coss paths XD. but aside from that let me skipthe wierd, awkward, and downrght violent wecomes i sometimes give and say, welcome, have fun, be nice and well be one BIG happy family
 

Calico

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It always bugs me when people say their age but it turns out they aren't that age but will be in a few months or a few weeks or that week or that month because it feels like a lie because it's misleading. Say "I will be (insert number here) years old this year" so people know you are going to be that age. If your birthday is this month say "I will be (insert number here) this month."

Yeah some members here bite, I sometimes see asshole behavior here such as accusing people of lying than questioning them first.

BTW welcome.
 

Darkfinn

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Well... grabbing a diaper and paci/bottle/blankie/plushie is a great way to de-stress... just let your cares drift away. It works pretty well for lots of us.

Good luck.
 

CuriousKid

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I am sorry you feel that way Calico, however it has already been brought to my attention, explained, rectified and apologized for once I am not sure why you felt it neccicary to do so again. If it makes you feel any better there are 4 weeks, 3 days, and about 7 hours till I turn 25.

BTW - Thanks.
 

CuriousKid

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I hope so Darkfinn, I just really really hope that it does the trick. I know its a little abstract, but conventional methods don't seem to be helping latley and I figure there is no harm in trying right? Its not like a paci has any negative side effects like the Valium.
 

the0silent0alchemist

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hmm, it MIGHT shift your teeth abit if you se it TOO much, but even then that only happens over long term use
 

Calico

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I am sorry you feel that way Calico, however it has already been brought to my attention, explained, rectified and apologized for once I am not sure why you felt it neccicary to do so again. If it makes you feel any better there are 4 weeks, 3 days, and about 7 hours till I turn 25.

BTW - Thanks.

My post was for everybody to read so they will quit doing it themselves in the future.
 

the0silent0alchemist

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put it this way, its got the same kind of speed youd expect to see in mountain building or continental drift, in other words they move quite slowly,
you'd have to have it in ALL the time sucking on it for hours and hours for itto have a noticable effect.

oh and may i reccomend bottles of juice, the sucking combined with the drinking has an amazingly soothing effect
 

CuriousKid

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Cool. It shouldn't be a problem then. Im kinda planning to use it for a few hours every few days. Im just hoping that I *can* use it that long, I tried the Nuk 3, but it made my cheeks hurt after 5 minutes I think it was because its too small. So I am hoping the nuk 5 solves the cheek hurty issue.
 

the0silent0alchemist

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im NEVER sure how big nuk 3 is but i assume it means the upper ranges of a babies pacifier age brackets so i KINDA know the feeling. letshope it helps
 

Raccoon

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Yes, destressing is widespread - which makes sense to me, though I am one of the ones who gets all excited by indulging. Actually many use roleplay to change their moods, where they have their "safe place" or where they can roleplay being someone they don't know how to be in real life: confidant, assertive, not shy, dommy or subby, or just cool. Much of my junior high school days (age 12-15) was spent being a James Bond-like agent.

In grade school I made attempts to furplay though I did not know it by that name, and none of my playmates had a clue what I was going on about, and such "pretending to be anthro animals" went nowhere.

Yes you belong here, assuming we suit you; one of the things about ADISC is it is normal to be different: especially when it comes to how the fetish is a means of your self-expression, especially solo. Like the big-block drag-racers can nod to the tuned import tuners, and even the guys who make a sport of getting high fuel mileage, even if they do not quite get the joy of the other's sport themselves.
 
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