Very new to everything. Please read and respond! Bf is a DL and I'm still learning.

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ILUIRUUT

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So my bf and I committed about 2 weeks ago. I've known him over 4 months now. Right from the get go I was very honest and open with him, which in turn led him to being very open and honest with me. He told me about his infantalism before we started dating, and I have been gradually learning ever since. He is such an amazing person, I really want to understand what this means for him.
He mentioned this is something he does on his alone time to feel safe, and is only mildly sexual. He said it is mostly for comfort.
He has shown me his diapers and onesies that he has.
He went away for the weekend and said I could stay at his place if I wanted. I have trouble sleeping and I sleep way better here.
Since I was here alone and unsupervised, I decided I would try out his diapers to see if I could relate to his attraction to them.
Right now I am mildly intoxicated while in my second diaper of the night, and I'm quite enjoying the wetting aspect. It's comforting, and it's warm. My only thought is they are much too large for me. I'm nervous I may wet his bed.
Funny relation to that topic is a few weeks into dating before we had committed, but after I knew about the diapers, we had gone out together and had gotten quite drunk. It seems my bladder couldn't cope and I wet my own bed. I had really wished for one of these right about then! He was extremely nonjudgmental about the ordeal even though I was mortified.
All in all, I feel I could be accepting to all this entails. If it's something he wants to do with me, that's fine. If it's something he wants to do alone, that's fine too.
One thing that rings in the back of my mind, and I know it resonates from my own family history and my ignorance on this topic, but the sexual aspect scares me.
What happens when we have children? Does this transfer to a sexual attraction to other baby like things? Sexual abuse plays a very large part in the history of my family (I myself am unsure if I was or not, my mother blocked it out until well into her 40s) and it is an extreme fear for me about my future children. Also, after explaining the infantalism the first question I asked was if he was ever abused, and he told me that he was. I don't know if they are connected and he has never told anyone else about the event.
If anyone has a suggestion on how I communicate my fears without insulting him, as well as moving forward with this in general, it would be greatly appreciated.
 
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swimbutterfly22

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Hi Iluiruut,

I find it very hard to respond to your post in a way that makes sense haha. I think wearing diapers and infantilism in most cases isn't related to sexual abuse. There are many DL's that haven't been sexually abused or at least they're pretty sure about that. Maybe in his cases his infantilism is indeed connected to the abuse or maybe he just thinks that as it seems logical.

Also infantilism and diaper wearing is in most cases not connected with pedophilia or something that could lead to the desire to abuse children. So no unless your boyfriend has these desires already it's very unlikely his infantilism would translate into something like child abuse.

I can relate a bit because I'm a DL myself but there is absolutely nothing in my mind that relates sex to children. Also I couldn't imagine the desire to abuse children would ever get into my mind.

I think it's good when you discuss with him the time when he was abused but don't immediately connect infantilism to it. Making it discussable is always a good think. I think infantilism can be a way to cope with the emotions that come from being sexually abused and maybe this actually makes it less likely that someone would start sexually abusing his/her own kids. That because he/she already found a way to emotionally cope with a trauma.
 

ILUIRUUT

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Thank you for your insight. I know from all I've researched, and the way he talks about it, that this is an irrational fear. I just thought I would get another opinion.
 

DLsGirlfriend

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So my bf and I committed about 2 weeks ago. I've known him over 4 months now. Right from the get go I was very honest and open with him, which in turn led him to being very open and honest with me. He told me about his infantalism before we started dating, and I have been gradually learning ever since. He is such an amazing person, I really want to understand what this means for him.
He mentioned this is something he does on his alone time to feel safe, and is only mildly sexual. He said it is mostly for comfort.
He has shown me his diapers and onesies that he has.
He went away for the weekend and said I could stay at his place if I wanted. I have trouble sleeping and I sleep way better here.
Since I was here alone and unsupervised, I decided I would try out his diapers to see if I could relate to his attraction to them.
Right now I am mildly intoxicated while in my second diaper of the night, and I'm quite enjoying the wetting aspect. It's comforting, and it's warm. My only thought is they are much too large for me. I'm nervous I may wet his bed.
Funny relation to that topic is a few weeks into dating before we had committed, but after I knew about the diapers, we had gone out together and had gotten quite drunk. It seems my bladder couldn't cope and I wet my own bed. I had really wished for one of these right about then! He was extremely nonjudgmental about the ordeal even though I was mortified.
All in all, I feel I could be accepting to all this entails. If it's something he wants to do with me, that's fine. If it's something he wants to do alone, that's fine too.
One thing that rings in the back of my mind, and I know it resonates from my own family history and my ignorance on this topic, but the sexual aspect scares me.
What happens when we have children? Does this transfer to a sexual attraction to other baby like things? Sexual abuse plays a very large part in the history of my family (I myself am unsure if I was or not, my mother blocked it out until well into her 40s) and it is an extreme fear for me about my future children. Also, after explaining the infantalism the first question I asked was if he was ever abused, and he told me that he was. I don't know if they are connected and he has never told anyone else about the event.
If anyone has a suggestion on how I communicate my fears without insulting him, as well as moving forward with this in general, it would be greatly appreciated.


Hey! I'm a non-ABDL too! I just mostly lurk around here, trying to understand for my boyfriend, who is an ABDL! This community is so awesome about sharing what they know and being supportive of your relationship. I really applaud you both for being so open! It took a long time for my boyfriend to open up to me about that. Some people on here haven't told their spouse of 50+ years! I have tried on a diaper myself, but it just reminded me of having my period, and it was really uncomfortable for me so I just took it off.

As for the sexual side, remember that he is an ADULT Baby Diaper Lover. Meaning that while he might like playing with blocks and wetting his diaper, he still likes adult things. I was really concerned with the parenting aspect also when my boyfriend and I started to get more serious, so I came here and the community answered all of my questions. Basically, there's a little hint of jealousy because the actual baby's toys are so cool or their clothes are so cute, but some wish they could fit in them. But it's not sexual. Infantilism is NOT pedophelia. For more information about that, you can listen to The Big Little Podcast Episode 112: Parents Who Are Age Players. They interview ABDLs in functional relationships who have children of all ages. That was really reassuring to me. If you have any questions or worries, talk to your boyfriend. He sounds really open with you! If not, post on here or message me. We're all here to help and support each other. :)
 

ILUIRUUT

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Hey! I really appreciate the response and the fact that you're kind of in the same boat I am. I am understanding more as he talks about it, and a lot from others like you. Some parts are easy for me to understand, others are harder.

I'll be sure to listen to that interview, maybe even together after if it's helpful. I want to know more about his thinking, and I know that will come with time and open conversations.

Thanks again!
 

MetalMann

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You can also read a book called, "There's a Baby in My Bed".

We all come from different walks of life. There's not one common trace of evidence that explains why we do what we do.

Some say bedwetting, but most of us never had bedwetting problems.

People had normal lives growing up without any kind of trauma or abuse, physically or mentally losing parents, divorce and so on.

Humans tend to try and find answers for everything or come up with their own theories. That's when irrational thinking takes place. When you think about diapers, it seems juvenile, yes, we tend to act younger than our age. Yes we like to do activities that young kids would do. None of this involves kids.

Most parent ABDLs tend to keep it in the bedroom and/or discrete. It also tends to lower the amount of ABDL activities when taking care of children.
 

tehse7en

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I want to applaud you for coming here to learn about the abdl lifestyle and trying to accept your partner and even share it with him. That's huge. I've had the exact opposite reaction from prior girlfriends, so it's nice to see that some women are making the effort to understand it! Good on you :) And I wish you the best with it. This lifestyle can definitely bring you both closer together, the shared vulnerability and intimacy that it can bring is beyond words :)
 

ILUIRUUT

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I want to applaud you for coming here to learn about the abdl lifestyle and trying to accept your partner and even share it with him. That's huge. I've had the exact opposite reaction from prior girlfriends, so it's nice to see that some women are making the effort to understand it! Good on you :) And I wish you the best with it. This lifestyle can definitely bring you both closer together, the shared vulnerability and intimacy that it can bring is beyond words :)

I have quirks myself and we wouldn't be as interesting if we didn't! He is a beautiful human inside and out and this seems small in comparison to all the rest. If it does present issues in the future I hope we can find a way through that.

What are some of the biggest challenges that you have had so far? With your exes, what was their issue with it? Were any interested to understand or learn?

- - - Updated - - -

Hey! I'm a non-ABDL too! I just mostly lurk around here, trying to understand for my boyfriend, who is an ABDL! This community is so awesome about sharing what they know and being supportive of your relationship. I really applaud you both for being so open! It took a long time for my boyfriend to open up to me about that. Some people on here haven't told their spouse of 50+ years! I have tried on a diaper myself, but it just reminded me of having my period, and it was really uncomfortable for me so I just took it off.

As for the sexual side, remember that he is an ADULT Baby Diaper Lover. Meaning that while he might like playing with blocks and wetting his diaper, he still likes adult things. I was really concerned with the parenting aspect also when my boyfriend and I started to get more serious, so I came here and the community answered all of my questions. Basically, there's a little hint of jealousy because the actual baby's toys are so cool or their clothes are so cute, but some wish they could fit in them. But it's not sexual. Infantilism is NOT pedophelia. For more information about that, you can listen to The Big Little Podcast Episode 112: Parents Who Are Age Players. They interview ABDLs in functional relationships who have children of all ages. That was really reassuring to me. If you have any questions or worries, talk to your boyfriend. He sounds really open with you! If not, post on here or message me. We're all here to help and support each other. :)

What was your first reaction when he opened up to you about it? Your first thoughts you had?
 

DLsGirlfriend

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I have quirks myself and we wouldn't be as interesting if we didn't! He is a beautiful human inside and out and this seems small in comparison to all the rest. If it does present issues in the future I hope we can find a way through that.

What are some of the biggest challenges that you have had so far? With your exes, what was their issue with it? Were any interested to understand or learn?

- - - Updated - - -

What was your first reaction when he opened up to you about it? Your first thoughts you had?

He didn't tell me actually. I found out through a mutual friend who is also an ABDL. It was hard on both of us, more so on him I think. But we came out stronger in the end. I absolutely panicked and started with Google. I found episodes of Dr. Phil and My Strange Addiction. Although the one on My Strange Addiction isn't nearly as extreme, it was portrayed in a really negative light. The Dr. Phil episode made it look like he would require constant babying and care if we decided to get serious. This was really hard for me because things were starting to get more serious and I was (and still am) madly in love with him. I lost it. I asked our friend all kinds of questions. If it wasn't for him, I would have lost my sanity. It wasn't until I found this site that I got a grip. Reading from real people has really helped me to learn what I might expect and how I should react to save his feelings if I somehow react negatively.
 

Trevor

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He didn't tell me actually. I found out through a mutual friend who is also an ABDL. It was hard on both of us, more so on him I think. But we came out stronger in the end. I absolutely panicked and started with Google. I found episodes of Dr. Phil and My Strange Addiction. Although the one on My Strange Addiction isn't nearly as extreme, it was portrayed in a really negative light. The Dr. Phil episode made it look like he would require constant babying and care if we decided to get serious. This was really hard for me because things were starting to get more serious and I was (and still am) madly in love with him. I lost it. I asked our friend all kinds of questions. If it wasn't for him, I would have lost my sanity. It wasn't until I found this site that I got a grip. Reading from real people has really helped me to learn what I might expect and how I should react to save his feelings if I somehow react negatively.

Another reason why I wish community members would be more thoughtful when choosing to appear on television. TV shows are there to get ratings, and that means they're going to want something sensational and attention grabbing. A story about an ABDL who holds down a job, pursues relationships, and has this as an outlet for fun just isn't as exciting to these programs as someone who appears to be very unusual and just barely in control.
 

ILUIRUUT

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Another reason why I wish community members would be more thoughtful when choosing to appear on television. TV shows are there to get ratings, and that means they're going to want something sensational and attention grabbing. A story about an ABDL who holds down a job, pursues relationships, and has this as an outlet for fun just isn't as exciting to these programs as someone who appears to be very unusual and just barely in control.

Yeah... I told him I googled and he said that wasn't the best venue as it makes it seem more weird than it is. He just told me to ask him any questions I had and he'd answer it as best he could, for which I'm thankful.
I'm glad I found this though because there are some things I don't think he can really answer for me. It's nice to hear other aspects and outlooks.
 

tehse7en

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I have quirks myself and we wouldn't be as interesting if we didn't! He is a beautiful human inside and out and this seems small in comparison to all the rest. If it does present issues in the future I hope we can find a way through that.

What are some of the biggest challenges that you have had so far? With your exes, what was their issue with it? Were any interested to understand or learn?

I'm REALLY happy that you are able to see the whole picture of who he is. To answer your question:

My lack of self-confidence mixed with shame and guilt have been a huge obstacle in my path regarding my abdl side. When I first discovered this side of myself I was frightened that people would find out about it. So I turned to the internet to find acceptance. This lead to me posting a few pictures on forums. I had a desperate need to share it and be accepted. My gf at the time snooped on my computer, found the pictures, and shared them with my fraternity and her sorority. My parents found out. I had this guy-next-door, nerdy jock, friendly funny guy kind of reputation and that was completely destroyed when 400+ people saw my pictures of me in diapers and subsequently maligned me for it. This left a very deep groove in my mind. It was traumatic. It increased my shame and guilt exponentially which I then repressed for over 10 years, pretending I was fine. I went through numerous binge and purges with diapers.

So definitely my self confidence has been a huge issue combined with shame and guilt, feelings of self-loathing, being weird, being a freak. BUT. In December of last year I started seeing a sex therapist to get over all of this and it's been very positive. I've learned that diapers are a part of me and always will be and that I need a partner who will accept me for the whole me, not just part of me. She is helping me being assertive (respectfully) about my diaper side and that it's normal and okay and nothing is wrong with me! So this is a very good thing.

My ex girlfriends couldn't understand it and most made knee-jerk reactions, assuming that I was a pedophile or that I was disgusting and "normal" men don't wear diapers, or just being narrow minded. Only one of them took the time to do a little research (my last gf) and she said she came to daily diapers and a few other sites, and we would talk about it occasionally. She seemed like, she was on the fence with it, but I could tell she wanted nothing to do with it. And her reticence strengthened my feelings of being weird. She even said that she wished I wasn't kinky, and that she had no one to talk to about this, which meant to me that she was ashamed to be dating a guy that had a diaper fetish. We split early this year and she came clean and told me she felt like it was unhealthy and something she wasn't willing to accept or to participate in.

I've had girlfriends tell me to "never mention this to anyone ever again" or "that's disgusting, what's wrong with you?". So I've had a pretty long road with all of this. I'm trying not to freak out about dating again and having to go through this again with a future partner. I can't help but to expect the worst.
 

PCBaby

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Funny relation to that topic is a few weeks into dating before we had committed, but after I knew about the diapers, we had gone out together and had gotten quite drunk. It seems my bladder couldn't cope and I wet my own bed. I had really wished for one of these right about then! He was extremely nonjudgmental about the ordeal even though I was mortified.
All in all, I feel I could be accepting to all this entails. If it's something he wants to do with me, that's fine. If it's something he wants to do alone, that's fine too.
One thing that rings in the back of my mind, and I know it resonates from my own family history and my ignorance on this topic, but the sexual aspect scares me.
What happens when we have children? Does this transfer to a sexual attraction to other baby like things? Sexual abuse plays a very large part in the history of my family (I myself am unsure if I was or not, my mother blocked it out until well into her 40s) and it is an extreme fear for me about my future children. Also, after explaining the infantalism the first question I asked was if he was ever abused, and he told me that he was. I don't know if they are connected and he has never told anyone else about the event.
If anyone has a suggestion on how I communicate my fears without insulting him, as well as moving forward with this in general, it would be greatly appreciated.

Hi IluIruut,
firstly let me say that was a great first posting and also welcome to Adisc.
I'm glad you mentioned your fears about having children with your boyfriend. But perhaps a little background is needed . The proper name for ab'dl's is Paraphilic infantilism and is classed as a fetish. Like most fetishes there is a complete spectrum of behaviour. For me any relationship when i am a baby has to be completely non sexual for others it can go as far as not being able to function sexually without wearing a nappy (diaper). From what you have said your boyfriend obviously get's a mild sexual thrill or turn on when he wears a nappy. However that will not usually translate to seeing children in nappies, in fact it is very rare for an ab/dl to harm children in any way or form. I have to be honest with you and tell you that yes occasionally it does happen, but of all the many groups i have been in and the many hundreds (if not thousands) of ab/dl's i know or have spoken to there has only been 1 person that has harmed children, and it turned out he was a known peadophile before he started a group for ab/dl teens. the fact tha\t your BF has been open about his involvement with diapers is a good sign if he was any sort of pedophile he would have kept it very secret. So although your fears are genuine from what you have said i don't think you have anything to worry about.

As your relationship develops he may want to engage in some form of roleplay, all i can advise about that is that if you feel uncomfortable with it, you should stop and then talk things over with him. Explain what you mayh be able to do and what you won't do. You may also want to lay down some basic rules that you both agree to.
Whatever happens in the future i wish you both a long and happy relationship.
 
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tewks7979

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I am a adult baby and for me its cause how i get treated everyday...my mother and father got divorced and the state wouldnt help out they said she made too much but she was only working 1 job less than 30 hrs a week, in the begining, after that she worked 2 jobs and was barely home.. from yrs of being treated like a baby i have found myself only wanting to be babied all the time...i have 3 kids and i act like a big boy to take care of them but ill be honest when they spill something i sometimes find myself getting sorta fussy. I opened up the diaper side of me to my ex-wife and she tried to use against me.now my new gf she knows and she also (well awhile ago) i found out she might not beable to have real kids so i put it out there that ill be her baby. She was actully unsure at first and not we havent discussed in awhile. But ill be honest acting like a baby feels norm to me. My advice is to be honest when ur sober not lit, cause in that stage when ur lit people can misconstru things. But if a couple of drinks relaxes u then that is ok but only to relax cause some people are deathly scared to come out as adult baby
 

ILUIRUUT

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I'm REALLY happy that you are able to see the whole picture of who he is. To answer your question:

My lack of self-confidence mixed with shame and guilt have been a huge obstacle in my path regarding my abdl side. When I first discovered this side of myself I was frightened that people would find out about it. So I turned to the internet to find acceptance. This lead to me posting a few pictures on forums. I had a desperate need to share it and be accepted. My gf at the time snooped on my computer, found the pictures, and shared them with my fraternity and her sorority. My parents found out. I had this guy-next-door, nerdy jock, friendly funny guy kind of reputation and that was completely destroyed when 400+ people saw my pictures of me in diapers and subsequently maligned me for it. This left a very deep groove in my mind. It was traumatic. It increased my shame and guilt exponentially which I then repressed for over 10 years, pretending I was fine. I went through numerous binge and purges with diapers.

So definitely my self confidence has been a huge issue combined with shame and guilt, feelings of self-loathing, being weird, being a freak. BUT. In December of last year I started seeing a sex therapist to get over all of this and it's been very positive. I've learned that diapers are a part of me and always will be and that I need a partner who will accept me for the whole me, not just part of me. She is helping me being assertive (respectfully) about my diaper side and that it's normal and okay and nothing is wrong with me! So this is a very good thing.

My ex girlfriends couldn't understand it and most made knee-jerk reactions, assuming that I was a pedophile or that I was disgusting and "normal" men don't wear diapers, or just being narrow minded. Only one of them took the time to do a little research (my last gf) and she said she came to daily diapers and a few other sites, and we would talk about it occasionally. She seemed like, she was on the fence with it, but I could tell she wanted nothing to do with it. And her reticence strengthened my feelings of being weird. She even said that she wished I wasn't kinky, and that she had no one to talk to about this, which meant to me that she was ashamed to be dating a guy that had a diaper fetish. We split early this year and she came clean and told me she felt like it was unhealthy and something she wasn't willing to accept or to participate in.

I've had girlfriends tell me to "never mention this to anyone ever again" or "that's disgusting, what's wrong with you?". So I've had a pretty long road with all of this. I'm trying not to freak out about dating again and having to go through this again with a future partner. I can't help but to expect the worst.

I understand your reluctance to opening up again. I can see how others would see this, but I know I'm not like most people. I seem to draw in unique personalities because I have a different energy about me. I think that's why he opened up so quickly.
I know I still have some lingering questions and hesitance about this, but I also know they are mostly my own issues or insecurities. I think most people's reactions, like your exes, come from their own fear and insecurities.
I have to talk myself through these so I can understand and accept. Just like my initial relation to pedo etc. Is because many people in my family were abused. This fear is something I have to work through by myself, and maybe with him in the future if needed.
 
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