Unsure of what to do. Advice?

RetroGirl15

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Just needing some advice. My grandmother is coming to say with my mother and I; however my grandma doesnt know that I am IC . Plus she literally gossips with everyone about anything, doesnt care if needs to be a secret. For example, I twist my ankle; she will tell everyone about it. Scared that shes gonna gossip about it when found out.
 
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LVDL69

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I think if you stress to her how much you don't want her to gossip about it, she'll respect it. After all, she's supposed to love you. If you don't think that will work, then hide your stash where you know she won't find them and if she finds the location but not the stash, just say they're drugs or sex toys and she'll avoid that spot like the plague.
 
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SuzakuAkatori

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I say if she ends up disclosing the fact you are IC, its best to cut off all contact with her. Someone who has no respect for privacy deserves no respect.

Let her know that gossip will not be tolerated in regards to you and that this is her last warning.

Afterall in the end you cannot ultimately control what others do, only what you can do about it.

RetroGirl15 said:
Just needing some advice. My grandmother is coming to say with my mother and I; however my grandma doesnt know that I am IC . Plus she literally gossips with everyone about anything, doesnt care if needs to be a secret. For example, I twist my ankle; she will tell everyone about it. Scared that shes gonna gossip about it when found out.
 
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LePew

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gossiping about a twisted ankle and ic are totally different things because of the way they are perceived by society. I would really hope that a stern discussion with her where you call her out as liking to chat and gossip but then talk about how some lines can't be crossed with privacy - I think that could be an effective conversation.
 
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Nowididit

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How about just being discreet? Put your things in your room, clean up after yourself and keep covered around her. Buy some cloth backed diapers to wear while she's there. It's only a temporary visit so being discreet for 2 weeks won't kill you.
Also, if your mother knows then there's a damn good chance your grandmother already knows, especially if they are mother and daughter. Mothers and daughters that are close will talk about everything.
Ask you mom if she told your grandmother.
 
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Mfluder

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Sounds like the 3 of you should sit down and have a chat about boundaries, and what things are expected to stay private.
At least then if she blabs she can't turn around and say "oh I didn't think it was a big deal" and will need to be accountable to you.
I've got family with boundary issues too :/
 
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warmfeeling

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RetroGirl15 said:
Just needing some advice. My grandmother is coming to say with my mother and I; however my grandma doesnt know that I am IC . Plus she literally gossips with everyone about anything, doesnt care if needs to be a secret. For example, I twist my ankle; she will tell everyone about it. Scared that shes gonna gossip about it when found out.
If your grandmother loves, she should respect your thoughts and feelings, hope it all goes well 🤞🏻
 

RetroGirl15

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warmfeeling said:
If your grandmother loves, she should respect your thoughts and feelings, hope it all goes well 🤞🏻
She doesn't respect anyones feelings tbh. No wonder shes so fat and jealous of anyone whos skinny.
 
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Jrodabdl

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RetroGirl15 said:
She doesn't respect anyones feelings tbh. No wonder shes so fat and jealous of anyone whos skinny.
My grandmother was that way. Always hated girlfriends of mine that didn't fall into a certain category and idk how she would have reacted if she knew I was still in diapers. But I think keeping distance and discretion will be for the best. Maybe a trip of your own to visit friends or just get away is in order. Best of luck
 
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iluvdps2

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RetroGirl15 said:
She doesn't respect anyones feelings tbh. No wonder shes so fat and jealous of anyone whos skinny.

Keep your distance, minimize time with her, and if she or your mother ask, let them know that you don't appreciate the lack of boundaries.
I realize this is your grandmother - and none of us get to pick our family - but none of us deserve to have negative people in our lives.
 

Mfluder

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RetroGirl15 said:
She doesn't respect anyones feelings tbh. No wonder shes so fat and jealous of anyone whos skinny.
That's a reason to get your mom involved and lay it on the table. Now she has 2 people she's accountable to if she decides to be inconsiderate.
Don't treat it as a request, it's an order to her. You are an adult and have a right to privacy and healthcare. Even from family. If she can't accept it, explain the consequences will be a granddaughter who she's free to gossip about how she won't speak to her.
Had to have a similar convo with my own family, about boundaries in general, not diaps.
 
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siysiy

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RetroGirl15 said:
Just needing some advice. My grandmother is coming to say with my mother and I; however my grandma doesnt know that I am IC . Plus she literally gossips with everyone about anything, doesnt care if needs to be a secret. For example, I twist my ankle; she will tell everyone about it. Scared that shes gonna gossip about it when found out.
Hi kiddo

It would be nice to think your grandmother would respect you boundaries, but from what I am reading you don't think she is going to do that.

Having to be padded because you are IC shouldn't be something to be embarrassed about, but at the same time I can understand is not something that needs to be talked about.

You know your living situation the best. But I think you and your mother needs to talk to your grandmother about boundaries as you need to fill comfortable where you live.

But not just what your boundaries be willing to listen to your mother, and your grandmother's boundaries so you can all live to gether happily.

Also you might need to explain how breaking boundaries is breaking trust. And for any relationship with anyone there needs to be trust, I know you should have to tell your grandmother that it should be the other way around.

Now this is me reading between the lines. Your question of what do I do when my IC becomes public knowledge?

If that happens just hold you head up, answer any questions honestly and direct. Then cary on with life. Becouse you are doing nothing wrong.

I really hope this is helpful.

Hugs
 

littleph0enix

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RetroGirl15 said:
She doesn't respect anyones feelings tbh. No wonder shes so fat and jealous of anyone whos skinny.
to be fine is this is what you think I dont think you have much you can do about it. Like the best thing sounds like just make sure she never finds out since if she does its just pretty much game over.

Though one could say that this could be an opportunity for you to learn to not give a f*** about what others think about your needs, Like at some point this is something you hopefully will conquer naturally but being IC is not something you picked to be so honestly I feel that anyone that likes to pass this kind of info about should be ashamed for the kind of damage they do to others.

All I can say is I hope she 1) does not find out or 2) that she does not pick to be a shameful person, I am sorry that you are being forced in to this kind of position when it sounds like you are not yet ready to come out about it to more people in your life.
 

Belarin

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Keeping your distance to conceal it and trying to hide it is probably the best bet if you think that explaining things will not work.

Not sure how old she is but if she does find out and discussions around it leave you feeling like she is going to gossip then maybe politely remind her that one day maybe sooner than she thinks she may well be the one who needs incontinence products and that if she tells anyone about you there will be nothing to stop you telling everyone about her need, put the shoe on the other foot so to speak.
 
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iluvdps2

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Belarin said:
Keeping your distance to conceal it and trying to hide it is probably the best bet if you think that explaining things will not work.

Not sure how old she is but if she does find out and discussions around it leave you feeling like she is going to gossip then maybe politely remind her that one day maybe sooner than she thinks she may well be the one who needs incontinence products and that if she tells anyone about you there will be nothing to stop you telling everyone about her need, put the shoe on the other foot so to speak.
I like this idea quite a bit. Other ideas seem quite idealistic regarding changing the ways and mindset of a little old lady that was described as bitter.
 

Belarin

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iluvdps2 said:
I like this idea quite a bit. Other ideas seem quite idealistic regarding changing the ways and mindset of a little old lady that was described as bitter.
Sometimes you need a carrot, sometimes a really big stick. 😂
 
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