Unsupportive girlfriend

NappiedB

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  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Little
  4. Carer
Bit of a rant but my girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now, we met back in school and things have been going really well (I’m 21 so it’s been a good 5 years or so). I’ve only just had the courage to tell her about this side of me and it’s hasn’t gone very well. She’s very confused and not open minded in the slightest - and basically said that if we’re gonna stay together I need to give up diapers and not even enjoy them on my own cos it gives her the ick just thinking about it. While I completely understand it’s not for everyone and would never make her get involved in something she’s not comfortable with, that wasn’t the aim of telling her! I just wanted to share this side of me with her and hope she would at least accept even if she didn’t want much to do with it. So yeah, I’m super confused because while I want to continue things with her, I don’t want to give up something I love in order to keep her, especially something that brings me a great deal of comfort. Anyone got any advice?
 
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I hate to say this but you are still pretty young, life is short, and there are plenty of fish in the sea.

I’ve been married for 20 years and made damn sure my girlfriend, prior to becoming my fiancé and my wife was tolerant of my IC, diapers, and little side. Even though she has not been interested in diapering or mothering me and I could have found a better match on that front, the person I married could have also been far far worse. We actually have a lot in common and puts up with my quirky personality. Probably not the best comparison because I need diapers for my urge IC, but still.

All the things you said about her reaction are large red flags. And, most people don’t change, not without a lot of willpower and effort.

Don’t skimp or try to hide this part of yourself. It will only lead to regret.
 
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If it’s covered with pants and doesn’t smell it, why would she care? Are you in continent, abdl or both? I’ll talk with her if u want
 
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As I've often said, many women are powerfully conditioned from childhood and caregiving experiences to believe that diapers are only for babies. For many, overcoming this conditioning is exceedingly difficult.

If you can content yourself with diapers only when she's not around, then your relationship as it is probably has a chance of surviving your disclosure. Just don't bring up diapers again.

If you can't content yourself with diapers when you're alone, or if you envision being together long-term, then this is a serious hurdle you'll need to overcome. I'd begin by asking her specific questions: What aspect of diapers makes her think 'icky' thoughts? What about you in diapers tends to 'confuse' her?

She may well be unable to envision herself with someone who wears diapers; that's quite common. The problem is that your desire for diapers won't just go away. This leaves you with an unfortunate decision: You either consign yourself to several years of torture because she cannot tolerate your particular method of finding 'comfort,' or you consign yourself to a life without her. Either way, this is an early heads-up that there's trouble ahead. Perhaps you should be grateful for that.

Let us know what happens. We all wish you the best; many of us have "been there and done that."
 
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Your desire for diapers will not go away, best to try and find someone who will at least tolerate them. I’ve been married over 20 years and didn’t tell her until about 5 years in. To say she didn’t take it well would be an understatement. But I also had not come to terms with it myself. I went over 2 years with no diapers in the house and it’s all I could think about almost everyday. I finally said screw it and bought some more to keep in the closet. Even though I don’t get to wear very often just having them and knowing I can make a big difference. I guess what I’m saying is try to find someone who will at least let you indulge occasionally, because there is no such thing as giving this diaper thing up. You may be able to suppress it for a while but it will gnaw away at you and come back with a vengeance. Good luck!
 
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You’re young with a whole life adventure ahead of you, please heed some advice from an old man….BE HAPPY!

Your GF has put restrictions on your wearing, trust me it won’t go away and you’ll end up resenting her/the relationship.
And what if there’s something else you like that she doesn’t like, will she take the same attitude?

TBH, her reaction to your revelation (at your ages) makes me think that she may reevaluate the relationship sooner rather than later.
If she hates the thought of diapers so much she won’t be able to erase the conversation from her memory, sorry to say, IMO, it’s not going to end well.

The upside, you have the opportunity to discover new relationships where I’m sure you’ll find a suitable partner who won’t only tolerate your interests but maybe even encourage them 😊

I wish you well
 
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dhsjkd said:
Bit of a rant but my girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now, we met back in school and things have been going really well (I’m 21 so it’s been a good 5 years or so). I’ve only just had the courage to tell her about this side of me and it’s hasn’t gone very well. She’s very confused and not open minded in the slightest - and basically said that if we’re gonna stay together I need to give up diapers and not even enjoy them on my own cos it gives her the ick just thinking about it. While I completely understand it’s not for everyone and would never make her get involved in something she’s not comfortable with, that wasn’t the aim of telling her! I just wanted to share this side of me with her and hope she would at least accept even if she didn’t want much to do with it. So yeah, I’m super confused because while I want to continue things with her, I don’t want to give up something I love in order to keep her, especially something that brings me a great deal of comfort. Anyone got any advice?
It is very difficult for some to get their heads around, I only told my wife last July about my love of wearing nappies, we have been together over 30 years, and married for 28 of those years, once my wife had thought it through, she said there were a lot of worse things I could have told her. You’re not harming anyone or taking drugs or stealing. At the end of the day you’re just wearing a thicker pair of underpants, my wife wants nothing to do with it and I’m happy that way. How long ago was it that you told your Gf, do you think she needs time to take it in or has she made up her mind full stop?.
I hope you can sort things out, like others have said this kink won’t go away.
 
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You have to try to understand her feelings/views as she does yours.
Talking is the only way through and arranging that you don’t do anything in her presence and she doesn’t ask question about your wearing. But as has already been said, you’re young and you both have a lot of life in front of you, and it’s unlikely your desires will go away. You might have to agree to disagree and ask yourselves if you have a future together.
I sincerely hope you can find a way to accept each other’s position as difficult as it may seem.
Good luck.
 
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Well...

This all hearkens back to the Genie in Aladdin: he couldn't make others fall in love with the lamp-holder because he knew full well that there were certain limits in life. Nor can we change a dear one's point of view to accommodate our quirks. All we can do is accept who/what they are...or bow out as gracefully as possible if we can't.

It took courage for you to tell your companion about your diaper side...and she found it not-so-good. You both discovered a hitch in your shared path. I can see why most people, especially females, don't like diapers: they get wet, messy, smelly and they're yucky to change. And more females change diapers than male. That's the universal view....and that's likely your companion's view.

You can't change her any more than she can change you; and as loathe as I am to bring up Jerry Springer, he once said, about male/female relationships, that women want more than anything to change their guy but men hope their gals never change. Both views are unhealthily unrealistic.

I wouldn't say break it off and go right now; both of you should keep going as it goes for the time being. As sexist as it sounds--and I hate sexism--relationships are vastly Ladies' Choice. If she wants to walk...let her, and don't stand in her way. Be you...you'll find your groove eventually. At the very least, you'll both remain friends.

Just my .0000007 Bitcoin.
 
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People are organisms who react to their inner and outer environment, they have the capability to get closer to or away from thee, and if the second thing happens, which is very likely, thou'lt always regret having lost dominance towards her.

Thou hast to understand both of you have the rule in your relationship, so if she can't bear thine diaper likes, even a little bit, she's better out of thy personal life.

Today the problem is diapers, tomorrow it will be anything else.
 
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sbmccue said:
As I've often said, many women are powerfully conditioned from childhood and caregiving experiences to believe that diapers are only for babies. For many, overcoming this conditioning is exceedingly difficult.

If you can content yourself with diapers only when she's not around, then your relationship as it is probably has a chance of surviving your disclosure. Just don't bring up diapers again.

If you can't content yourself with diapers when you're alone, or if you envision being together long-term, then this is a serious hurdle you'll need to overcome. I'd begin by asking her specific questions: What aspect of diapers makes her think 'icky' thoughts? What about you in diapers tends to 'confuse' her?

She may well be unable to envision herself with someone who wears diapers; that's quite common. The problem is that your desire for diapers won't just go away. This leaves you with an unfortunate decision: You either consign yourself to several years of torture because she cannot tolerate your particular method of finding 'comfort,' or you consign yourself to a life without her. Either way, this is an early heads-up that there's trouble ahead. Perhaps you should be grateful for that.

Let us know what happens. We all wish you the best; many of us have "been there and done that."
I don’t believe that sneaking around behind her back is going to help their relationship. It seems that you’re young enough to do some fishing for a more suitable mate rather than trying to continue with someone who has stated that they think a big part of your life, that you say brings you comfort, is an “ick” to them. But when you consider that I’ve been single and celibate for the past three plus decades you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt.
 
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Don't think this will be the only threat or ultimatum either. You're being tested for this little thing because she wants to know how much control she can exert in the future for larger disagreements. And she's willing to toss the relationship for it if you don't comply with her terms.

Keep things in context. This is harmless and you've been threatened that you can't even enjoy it on your own.

Have you ever been in bad traffic and wished you took the last off ramp like you considered as you passed it? That's this situation.
 
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Initially I was a bit alarmed by her immediate reaction of, you need to stop or we’re breaking up, since I can’t imagine that’s the kind of partner you’d want to have when you face a hurdle in your relationship/lives. And that’s not to say I don’t think it’s alarming anymore, but when you try to see it from her perspective, this is obviously a huge shock.
I think anyone regardless of gender would be a bit thrown off if their partner of over five years suddenly told them about their very niche and often looked down upon kink without having any prior knowledge about it. I think the majority of people are very stuck in the stigma of diaper wearing, where if you’re not very young or very old or have a medical condition, you are at best unusual for wearing diapers, or at worst repulsive and morally depraved. When a stigma like that runs so deep societally and this is the first time she’s hearing of it after years of a relationship, I can’t exactly fault her for having a not great first reaction. Sometimes we can’t control the way we react when we’re shocked.
That said the only way this relationship is going to continue in a healthy way is if you both have several in depth conversations about this and reach a compromise. Communication is key always, but especially in this sort of situation. Hopefully, after having time to think and with further explanation from you, she won’t be set on you never wearing. A compromise obviously doesn’t mean you having to give up diapers—please do not try and convince yourself that you can give up your desires to keep the relationship going. That will only prolong things and build resentment. If you wearing even when not around her ends up being a set dealbreaker for her, her inability to compromise should be a dealbreaker for you. Again, that’s not a good quality for a partner in the long term. It may hurt really bad, but you have to prioritize your needs and feelings, and you can definitely find someone who would be willing to let you enjoy this side of yourself. Good luck, I’m sorry you’re in this situation but you will get through it!
 
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tiron101 said:
You're being tested for this little thing because she wants to know how much control she can exert in the future for larger disagreements.
This doesn't seem like a fair characterization considering that the girlfriend was just suddenly told about this after five years and she may be pretty grossed out by the idea of diapers.
 
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Some excellent observations above. I will add that you’ve done the right thing by divulging this side of you. It took courage and you’ve done it without the presumption of her ever being involved. Kudos.
As noted this side of you won’t go away and neither will the “ick” likely go away. Even if you resort to clandestine measures to indulge risking the obvious blow up, do you want to be the subject of her GF’s ick feelings? It’s going to be a sore that will never heal. It will undermine your confidence which is important to have as an abdl.
I get that you don’t want to break up. It’s a hard thing to go thru but this is a significant crack in your relationship. Your age is to your advantage here so don’t think that this is the end of the world. It is what it is.
My advice: file this as a deal breaker but don’t make any hasty moves. Enjoy what you can out of the relationship and move on when you’re ready or if she ends it, take it like a champ. Don’t make diapers the subject of the relationship demise. You don’t want her to use this against you in anger. Honestly, I question her maturity given how she’s handled this. GL and keep us posted. Rest assured you’re not alone. Many of us have had ups and downs in the context of abdl but being loathed for it isn’t going to work.
 
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Personally I'd say find someone else. If she's not even letting you do it on your own then that's really not helpful. If she starts to come around then maybe you can get somewhere like I did with my girlfriend. If she really loved you and you've been together so long I think she would allow it to some extent.
 
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Since you're asking for advice, I'll give it, but take it with a grain of salt since I don't know all the details of you and your girlfriend's relationship: break up.

I get why many would get "icked" out by abdl, but you shared something particularly vulnerable about yourself with your girl and she didn't seem very sensitive or gentle with you about it. Even if it did gross her out, it seems she made very little effort trying to understand and work with you. She judged you harshly and gave an ultimatum. This behavior is likely common to her personality and will not spell happy times ahead, diapers or no diapers. Maybe she just needs some time, but somehow, I doubt it. If you wish to stay with her, you need to push this issue (ideally in a gentle but firm manner) and at least get some acceptance before even remotely considering something like marriage.

I can't speak for everyone, especially since i'm asexual, but I'd rather be alone than with someone who can't even try to understand where I'm coming from on sensitive topics. The financial and emotional fallout of divorce and years of a strained relationship are too great a risk to take lightly. If two partners can't communicate compassionately and try to understand each other, they are better off alone.
 
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dhsjkd said:
Bit of a rant but my girlfriend and I have been together for a few years now, we met back in school and things have been going really well (I’m 21 so it’s been a good 5 years or so). I’ve only just had the courage to tell her about this side of me and it’s hasn’t gone very well. She’s very confused and not open minded in the slightest - and basically said that if we’re gonna stay together I need to give up diapers and not even enjoy them on my own cos it gives her the ick just thinking about it. While I completely understand it’s not for everyone and would never make her get involved in something she’s not comfortable with, that wasn’t the aim of telling her! I just wanted to share this side of me with her and hope she would at least accept even if she didn’t want much to do with it. So yeah, I’m super confused because while I want to continue things with her, I don’t want to give up something I love in order to keep her, especially something that brings me a great deal of comfort. Anyone got any advice?

5 years is a long time! Don’t ruin it you can think of a way to make this both workout for you I lost my school relationship and it almost killed me for 4 years and that was only 2 years. Please feel free to dm me and we can think of a way to construct/present an explanation that makes sense and helps her understand it more.
 
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lilSorcerer said:
Since you're asking for advice, I'll give it, but take it with a grain of salt since I don't know all the details of you and your girlfriend's relationship: break up.

I get why many would get "icked" out by abdl, but you shared something particularly vulnerable about yourself with your girl and she didn't seem very sensitive or gentle with you about it. Even if it did gross her out, it seems she made very little effort trying to understand and work with you. She judged you harshly and gave an ultimatum. This behavior is likely common to her personality and will not spell happy times ahead, diapers or no diapers. Maybe she just needs some time, but somehow, I doubt it. If you wish to stay with her, you need to push this issue (ideally in a gentle but firm manner) and at least get some acceptance before even remotely considering something like marriage.

I can't speak for everyone, especially since i'm asexual, but I'd rather be alone than with someone who can't even try to understand where I'm coming from on sensitive topics. The financial and emotional fallout of divorce and years of a strained relationship are too great a risk to take lightly. If two partners can't communicate compassionately and try to understand each other, they are better off alone.

Wow that was a very intellectual and sensible response! Couldn’t have said or even thought of that response better myself.
 
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LittleMonsterUK said:
5 years is a long time! Don’t ruin it you can think of a way to make this both workout for you I lost my school relationship and it almost killed me for 4 years and that was only 2 years. Please feel free to dm me and we can think of a way to construct/present an explanation that makes sense and helps her understand it more.
LittleMonsterUK said:
Wow that was a very intellectual and sensible response! Couldn’t have said or even thought of that response better myself.
I agree, this is a great response! I'd like to turn you on to an idea that worked very well for me with my last girlfriend. Pick up the book "You're not Broken" by Rhoda Liscomb. There is a chapter in there for your partner to read and it is very good at explaining things. I also highlighted any sections that pertained to myself because I am a DL not an AB. Before I gave it to her to take home and go through I obviously told her about my love to wear diapers and asked her if she would mind if I gave her a book to read that explains a lot about it. I eased into this process over several weeks though because we were building a friendship and getting to know each other. I didn't hit her with this until I felt things would move forward. Afterward, she told me that I went about it very well. But, this was a new relationship and we are older so I'm not sure how this will work for you but I'd say if you are completely open and honest with her and she is still not okay with this part of you then I'd cut the ties because ultimately you won't be happy and it will wind up effecting the relationship anyway. I've been there.

Here's the link to the book. Hope it helps. If not with this relationship, I'm sure it will for the next.

 
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