trying to hide it at work in an office

[winterheart01]

So recently there was a topic similar to this one about hiding diapers when going to a toilet to change.
As I notice my urge and OAB is increasing over time I am trying to prepare for having to wear more to work.
We have appropriate toilets (seperate ones) with disposal containers for absorbant material, but I need to figure out how I can leave my desk, pass 12 people and walk 15m to reach the toilet without raising too much suspicion.
I do not want them to know I need to change, for there is friction between collegues nor is it any of their business.
My search attempts on google for some sort of "discreet shoulder bag for men" was unsuccessfull, as I am looking for a thin bag to fit one or two changes and some wipes + disposal bags but it has to be thin enough that it can fit in a bigger laptop case from Targus. (that why it has to be thin)
So maybe I am just looking with the wrong words, but I refuse to bring a backpack as that is even more noticable.
It is already a challange to sneak in and out of that toilet without anyone seeing me when I come in in the morning.

 

[mickdl]

I mean - you can use a small backpack or even a notebook case. I had to be a bit more courageous and had to talk with my employer about my situation - because I was 3 weeks in an a hospital and an other 3 weeks on rehabilitation. I had not the luck that they had containers at the stalls or a handicapped lavatory so they had to arrange that for me. But anyway. I mean if you use a diaper you can change at the lunch break and in the evening. So probably nobody will mention that you take a case to the toilet.

 

[winterheart01]

What do most people carry around your office? I can easily get away with a briefcase, messenger bag, or small backpack. Honestly though, people will only take notice if you are acting like your trying to sneak something. How many people have you noticed or cared about walking into a restroom carrying anything? Don't worry about it so much - THAT is what might get you noticed.

Actually most people carry a laptop case or backpack when arrivving or leaving the office, not at lunch and definitly not when going to the toilet.
Only one collegue who sits next to me often carries a shoulder bag when he leaves his desk but that is to go to the smoke area.
The problem is that I am being watched by nosy people, even worse, I am often interrupted during the trek from my desk to the toilet when people need to ask me something. Then they notice what I carry and ask me "why the hell are you carrying your bag here for?? Are you leavng?"
If I say yes they find it strange and will confront me when they see me afterwards, if I say no they ask further why I carry my laptop case to the toilet.
This already happened once....
In my entire floor there is only one other person using the toilet for people with a disability, she has a backpack but since she's having difficulties to walk it is assumed normal for her to go change and carry stuff to the toilet.

My boss is aware of my medical history but he's leaving soon, the new one is not and his behaviour does not allow foor much room for understanding, but we do not need anyone's permission to use that toilet, it is unlocked and free for all to use.
I'm just sick of people constantly interrogating me about my doing it's none of their business.

In addition, and I'm sorry I forgot to mention this in the original post, I don't want my mother to know when I need to wear more, she's paranoid and demands a "cure" and then compares to others who had a neuro stimulator or other things and I should train my bladder, but in all those years she never accepted that when the surgeon cuts a nerve or 2 in the sphincter to get rid of spasms, can have reduced control, in addition tamsulosin I have to take also relaxes that tissue. She knows I wear in the evening and at night because I have to but she also knows I do not mind wearing them, so this is why I look for a thinner shoulder bag or so, that I can fit into my laptop case, so I can carry changes discreetly to work.

(sorry for the long read x.x)

 

[winterheart01]

No need to apologize for long reads...say what you need to say. Time for some tough love here though. You have a legitimate need to carry changing supplies wherever you need to. OK? Sometimes you just have to deal with it.

If you have nosey coworkers, and you need to say something, you've already said it. " I'm just sick of people constantly interrogating me about my doing it's none of your business."

As for your mother insisting on a "cure"... Its your body. Only you get to decide what gets done to it or what medications you take. Full Stop. You don't need to argue that with anyone, not even your mother.

Your body and your life are your responsibility, but that also means you have to take it, and do what's right for you.

I guess you're right, though I would like to not rub it in her nose, she hates diapers like mad because of her history as a nurse in an elderly home, she finds them disgusting, so she's definitly not liking it I need them but over time she learned to keep quiet. Once she mentioned; as a sort of request, to not cronfront her with it, as in, not walk in the room with a very noticable or audible diaper, which I can understand.
So if I could be able to hide from her I wear to work too that'd make life easier,

 

[Slomo]

Well, why not use a diaper that can last you all day then? That would completely eliminate you need to change at lunch. And I can already guess what you're thinking. Any diaper that can last 8+ hours will be extremely bulky and impossible to hide. Wrong, I wear Crinklz with a pul diaper cover over that. I have also worked in my quiet office for 16 years, and nobody yet has figured out or realized I am diapered (as confirmed by my closest coworker and boss whom I did eventually tell).

Of course you'll need to make a couple of wardrobe changes to accomodate the added bulk or it will be noticable. One pant size larger than normally needed is a must. As is black, which helps mask details/etc as well as not showing and potential wet spots. I also recommend pleated slacks, which has creases that help to break up any outline of the diaper. You will also need to make sure all of your shirts are long length. Pull out the shirt some and let it loosely droop over your belt line. This too will help conceal the outline of the diaper.

All together this will make even the thickest diapers inconspicuous. The only way somebody will notice is if they are staring at your butt or crotch, and recognize what a diapered person looks like from experience of their own. And if that's the case then any problems that can arise from that are all on them, because at the very least you will have done all you can to not confront or "rub their noses in it". That is to say, the legitimate medical device you truly do need- an adult diaper.

 

[winterheart01]

Well, why not use a diaper that can last you all day then? That would completely eliminate you need to change at lunch. And I can already guess what you're thinking. Any diaper that can last 8+ hours will be extremely bulky and impossible to hide. Wrong, I wear Crinklz with a pul diaper cover over that. I have also worked in my quiet office for 16 years, and nobody yet has figured out or realized I am diapered (as confirmed by my closest coworker and boss whom I did eventually tell).

Of course you'll need to make a couple of wardrobe changes to accomodate the added bulk or it will be noticable. One pant size larger than normally needed is a must. As is black, which helps mask details/etc as well as not showing and potential wet spots. I also recommend pleated slacks, which has creases that help to break up any outline of the diaper. You will also need to make sure all of your shirts are long length. Pull out the shirt some and let it loosely droop over your belt line. This too will help conceal the outline of the diaper.

All together this will make even the thickest diapers inconspicuous. The only way somebody will notice is if they are staring at your butt or crotch, and recognize what a diapered person looks like from experience of their own. And if that's the case then any problems that can arise from that are all on them, because at the very least you will have done all you can to not confront or "rub their noses in it". That is to say, the legitimate medical device you truly do need- an adult diaper.

I was thinking about that too but when I arrive in the office I'm already pretty wet so Ideally I'd wear a pad to work, then have to change into something thicker, but to last 8h I'd also need to wear plastic pants over it, however it's too hot in the office and I'd get serious skin rash.
I currently ore the ID Slip maxi prime to work, nobody noticed but the front was already 75% saturated after 1h30m
Rearz would not work either as their front has less padding and they're pricey.
Betterdry might work, been a while since I had those, Drylife may work too but just barely.

 

[Slomo]

I was thinking about that too but when I arrive in the office I'm already pretty wet so Ideally I'd wear a pad to work, then have to change into something thicker, but to last 8h I'd also need to wear plastic pants over it, however it's too hot in the office and I'd get serious skin rash.
I currently ore the ID Slip maxi prime to work, nobody noticed but the front was already 75% saturated after 1h30m
Rearz would not work either as their front has less padding and they're pricey.
Betterdry might work, been a while since I had those, Drylife may work too but just barely.

That must be a pretty cheap diaper you're using if you're "already pretty wet" when you get into work. For me, betterdry will last me a good 14-16 hours before leaking (or 8-10 hours overnight as I sleep on my side). I change shortly after getting up in the morning and quite often will not need to change again untill I'm getting ready for bed. As long as you get a good fit with betterdry I'm sure it will last you an hour or two in the morning plus eight more hours for work.

 

[winterheart01]

That must be a pretty cheap diaper you're using if you're "already pretty wet" when you get into work. For me, betterdry will last me a good 14-16 hours before leaking (or 8-10 hours overnight as I sleep on my side). I change shortly after getting up in the morning and quite often will not need to change again untill I'm getting ready for bed. As long as you get a good fit with betterdry I'm sure it will last you an hour or two in the morning plus eight more hours for work.

ID SLip Maxi prime is like most night diapers a bit thicker on the back, but they're 15.90 EUR / pack of 15, ISO 4880 ml, they're not bad but there is better. They could definitly hold more, but they feel wet more quickly and when worn under pants that have a shorter crotch they are pressed a wee bit against the skin.
Do keep in mind I wet a lot, and I am not kidding, I need to go every 5 minutes in early morniing,
I usually wear an abri-san #9, in reverse with the wide area in the front, for more protection, which has ISO 2500ml and are 8.90 EUR for a pack of 25 (depending on the store you buy them). That one is soaked in that area after an hour and a half

 

[joemama]

I am in a similar spot. What I find is that I "pre-load" a zip up folder like a leather notepad book with a diaper in the morning. Then when at work and I need a change, I just take that out of my backpack and act like I am headed to a meeting to take notes.

Sounds dumb, but I never have been stopped carrying it. A backpack to the bathroom gets attention as a guy though.
Honestly, they think drugs before diaper change I have found (and been asked). A notebook that zips closed, never asked anything.

 

[ltaluv]

That's exactly what I was going to suggest, joemama. One could be even more stealthy by getting two identical zip-up binders - use one for a meeting notebook, etc., and the other for a spare diaper and a small pack of wipes. Then your coworkers are used to seeing you caring a binder, and they'll think nothing of it - and only you know which one is which.

Just make sure you don't take the wrong one to a meeting and undo it to take notes.

Slomo has some very good points as well. A high quality diaper that can last longer minimizes changes, even if you can't make it last all day. And nobody will notice as long as you're smart about your wardrobe choices.

 

[flipside]

I was thinking about that too but when I arrive in the office I'm already pretty wet so Ideally I'd wear a pad to work, then have to change into something thicker, but to last 8h I'd also need to wear plastic pants over it, however it's too hot in the office and I'd get serious skin rash.

So get diapers that last for longer periods of time, if not the full day, and change at transitional times when it wouldn't be strange to have a bag of some sort with you. You get to the office and go to the bathroom and change before you go to your desk. You wear a diaper that will last you at least 4 hours. That diaper ideally lasts until lunch. You change on your way to lunch or on your way back from lunch. That diaper will ideally last until you're off. You change on your way out of the office before heading home. No need to lie to coworkers about coming or going, and no need for plastic pants.

 

[NotTheAverageMan]

I have had similar problems, when i became incontinent. I didn't want anyone to know I had to wear a diaper because of my wetting.
I experimented with many types of diapers, and how to avoid changing during work hours. That off course meant thicker diapers because of a need for more absorbency. A few times I found a co-worker basically staring at my crotch, maybe she thought I was beyond well endowed, maybe she could tell it was a diaper underneath. I don't know, and I was never asked.
However what I have found works for me are a couple of things.
A good absorbent diaper, not necessarily the thickest one, but one similar to the ID Slip maxi you currently wear. Either put in a cloth diaper booster, that helps increase absorbancy, but also greatly enhances the wicking ability of the diaper.
I use this method, and have rarely had any diaper leaks since, and the diaper lasts me a good 8-9 hours.
Or you could use baby diapers as stuffers, cut off the wings and place the babydiaper between the leakguards.
When you need to change the babydiaper put one in your pocket and head for the toilet, and take out the wet babydiaper and then position the fresh and dry babydiaper in your main diaper. that Method using baby diapers are probably the most discreete option, easy to hide and provides excellent absorbancy.
On top of your diaper add a pair of bikini styled men's brief, to catch any diaper leaks and a pair of waterproof pants on top, hog yes, and add a onesie to support everything.

I use both methods, but mostly use the cloth diaper booster option.
Next is to limit your fluid intake to a bit below normal, but remember to drink more water than coffee, as it helps reduce the odor from your pee.

 

[winterheart01]

Thanks for all the wonderful advice, this is very helpful!

The stuffer thing causes leaks with me if done like that, unless i keep the baby diaper's leak guards on. But pulling it out always creates a gap that causes leaks with the original diaper.

I'll definitely try more absorbant ones, a lot of the morning fluids end up in the pad i wear in the morning on my way to work, so by then changing into a diaper upon arrival should help in lasting definitely until noon.

By then i definitely want to change, not just for wetness but also because of sweat as i do sweat a lot, evenwith underwear.....

I also noticed that when i wore the id slip it was pushed too close to the skin preventing it to wick moist better so i must pay attention to that. I already increased jeans 2sizes but Levis has a short crotch, should stick with wrangler.

 

[ozziebee]

One way to disguise the diaper bag is to go all out - get a tactical-type backpack (have a look at Maxpedition bags), amd use that for work gear and your daipers and changing supplies. They have laptop sleeves too which are “tactical” like, so you could say “hide an ipad” and go visit te throne room and “read a book” whilst dropping a log, get them really grossed out. They wont ask you again after that.

 

[MandyBear]

My search attempts on google for some sort of "discreet shoulder bag for men" was unsuccessfull, as I am looking for a thin bag to fit one or two changes and some wipes + disposal bags but it has to be thin enough that it can fit in a bigger laptop case from Targus.

Try searching for "Laptop Sleeve" I think you will find what you're looking for.
I use one for my laptop, then it goes into my bigger messenger bag.
Mine [below] is really adorable, but they come in black too, lol.
Yes, I have no shame and adore all things Hello Kitty.


PS: They are about 1.5 inches thick and cost between $10-15 bucks. Here is a LINK to one.
And if anybody asks "Why are you carrying your laptop to the bathroom?" Just tell them its to read, lol.

 

[winterheart01]

Try searching for "Laptop Sleeve" I think you will find what you're looking for.
I use one for my laptop, then it goes into my bigger messenger bag.
Mine [below] is really adorable, but they come in black too, lol.
Yes, I have no shame and adore all things Hello Kitty.
View attachment 33362

PS: They are about 1.5 inches thick and cost between $10-15 bucks. Here is a LINK to one.
And if anybody asks "Why are you carrying your laptop to the bathroom?" Just tell them its to read, lol.

Actually i did just that ^^ Thanks!

 

[AAO]

I am in a similar spot. What I find is that I "pre-load" a zip up folder like a leather notepad book with a diaper in the morning. Then when at work and I need a change, I just take that out of my backpack and act like I am headed to a meeting to take notes.

Sounds dumb, but I never have been stopped carrying it. A backpack to the bathroom gets attention as a guy though.
Honestly, they think drugs before diaper change I have found (and been asked). A notebook that zips closed, never asked anything.

I was gonna make a similar suggestion of using a manila envelope.