Too much, too soon. Help pls

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Builderdad31

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  1. Diaper Lover
Hello, Long time reader, new member, first post. So here goes. As for a when and how as I became a dl, I can't pin that down. After many bing and purge cycles, and the depressive shameful mood that followed, I came to terms with my dl side. It is not a sexuall thing, although it has, and I have used for that. I think that it is the comfort and security that drives me to wear. I have tryed to use them for thier intended propose, not my thing.
As life moves on you find a mate, start a family and move along with life. So after much reading I decided to fess up to my love about my tendencies to wear diapers. After deciding to be honest I planned my spiel, only to be side tracked when I mentioned that we needed to chat. Now that it was in the open, she had many questions, all of which I tryed to answer.
So with things out now, I felt a little better. That evening after much dissucusion the wife went to bed early. With a house full of chores, and the big kid out for the night and the little one down for the night, I decided to stay up late. Since I was going to be up for a while why not wear? I could sneek intO bed later on. I did diaper up and did sneek into bed. I had not thought about being found out and the repercussions, thankfully I wasn't. The next day was rather quiet as the wife mulled over the news that gave her last night, through out the day there were many questions. That evening we had a longer chat and I asked if I may be allowed to wear. She said why not. Well we both went to bed together dad diapered up with pjays on and mom with pjays also. Then in bed together, we cuddled(bad idea) me in my diaper and slightly arosed, cuddling with my girl well things got out of hand fast. We were grinding and the like, I mentioned that I may have cum, she said what about my turn, so I went down town, usually this does trick, but with me in a diaper and a little one waking up things died out fast. I awoke to tend to baby and then went back to bed. The next morning and several days after she was very quiet. We have since talked, and set up some basic guide lines. But I would like to know will there be acceptance eventully? Would I be out of line to say that when she is on her period that I may wear, as we like to have a spontaious sex life. And would a good quality cloth diaper be something to look into? Will keep y'all posted
 
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I would have to say that the best way to go about all this is to just take your time and let things slowly bubble forth and produce. It appears as if your wife is still having lots of thoughts about it, so don't rush her. Let her think and absorb in her own fashion.

By the way, welcome to the group!!
 
Good for you bursting the bubble. Things may be kinda weird for quite a while, but just persevere with it and show her the respect she deserves and you'll be ok. Slow and steady ahead. A cloth diaper is always a good standby, and quite comfy to sleep in.
 
LOTS of time, as in years, that is what it takes for a partner not really into it.
 
Like others have said, don't rush and give her space and respect on this.
 
It sounds like that there is a lot about your DL side that you still have yet to explore and understand. I mean, from my opinion and observation of everybody here, usually wearing diapers is more than just something different to wear(granted, the feeling of wearing it does bring a feeling of safety and security, so maybe that really is all it means to you), I just suspect that there is a little bit more to it that you enjoy than you admit. I'm not saying that you should go and force yourself to try out different ab/dl things and see how you like them, but what I would suggest you do, is have a talk with your wife, and say something to the effect of, "*wife* I feel like I upset you when I was wearing a diaper last night in bed, and that I might have needed to be more specific about when I was going to wear one. The fact that it was involved in our sexual play wasn't expected, and so I hadn't planned on talking to you about that. I still am trying to learn what wearing diapers means to me, because in the past I had repressed it so much out of self embarrassment and shame. I'd like to work on having boundaries that you feel comfortable with about when it is not going to be a problem for me to wear."

What kind of things were you thinking that made you go through your binge and purge cycles? Usually that kind of thing happens most from having a sexual connection with diapers, at least that is how it was for me, and what I have kind of seen from others, i think, or I was just dreaming. I don't want to plant the idea in your head that maybe diapers are sexual for you, but I think it is worth contemplating and considering that maybe it is a bit more than you thought, especially when apparently you enjoyed your time with your wife while you had one on, or maybe it was just circumstantial that it was on while you were grinding, i don't know. The number one thing is, it isn't bad to feel sexually aroused by diapers, It doesn't make you a creep, and it doesn't make you a pedophile, it just means you have a fetish, and when people take the time to understand it, there isn't anything frightening about it.
 
Builderdad31, I can relate completely to your personal feelings of shame and non-acceptance - the binge/purge cycles, etc. I am just now accepting myself as a DL. I am extremely fortunate - I live alone with my kitty, Ebony. She certainly doesn't care if I wear a diaper! LOL :-) I am also very fortunate, because I have a best friend that knows I wear diapers, though I haven't exactly brought up the DL side of me with her just yet. I have a nurse that comes in every afternoon daily, and she has been very supportive about my incontinence care. Finally, I even have a home health aide that comes in every weekday morning. He cleans my apartment, gives me a shower, diapers me, and gets me dressed. I can't say enough about him - he is a Godsend. I am so blessed to have all this support and services in place.
 
Builderdad31, you are to be commended for your bravery and honesty in bringing your diaper thing out in the open. GOOD JOB! I agree with the others here that you need to give her time to digest all this. In the mean time, there a few things you can do to help. First, you need to let her know that you two are O.K. In other words, make sure she knows and feels that your diapers are not threatening to your relationship. If she feels secure in the relationship, it will be much easier for her to digest all this. Second, make sure her needs, whether they be emotional or sexual, are met. Third, don't go behind her back to satisfy your diaper needs. This will be seen as selfish - and it truly is, plus it will sow seeds of distrust. My hope is that your relationship will grow deeper and stronger as you two work through this. Hang in there and good luck!

Check out Changing Times Diaper Company for high quality (the best in my opinion) cloth diapers at reasonable prices.
 
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Thank you for the advice all. So now the tough questions. With the wife still digesting the info should I try to curtail my wearing?, till she is at least okay with it. As long as I am honest and not going behind her back this may be an amicable situation now. And the other question is, would it be poor form to place an order? I have only ever tryed the depend brand brief and am looking to try some others, I had asked if would be okay to order off the internet as selection in this small town is not good.
 
I would at least hold back when it comes to wearing in bed, that apparently is what started the trouble. Maybe you can later, but for now, yeah you should probably hold back a bit. As for diaper purchases, you might be OK ordering some, but I would only buy a package, and not a whole case, cases can be huge, and might be intimidating, you might even want to just start off by buying a sampler pack and then see how she does if she intercepts it in the mail before you get to it. A sampler only comes with two, so that isn't very frightening.
 
And finally one last question, So far I have tryed the depend fitted maximum protection brief, and the tranquility overnight. What brands is there with plastic backing and not much print diapers?
How are the abena m4? And also the tena slip?
 
M4's are nice, also there are the dry247's as well as a brand made by xpmedical called absorbency plus. You can also get plain white from bambino diapers.
 
I would recommend keeping sex and diapers separate. She is not into it, so it could be a turn-off. Just as you would shed your pants, dump the diaper when things heat up. As others are saying, slow down. Too much too fast can lead to a rebellion.

The idea of using only during her period can lead to the notion that diapers are a substitute for sex. Been there, done that, not with good results. I would say any time she wants attention, get out of that diaper like it was full of fire ants.
 
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Hello again, so I am thinking that this thread should be in the
Diaper talk sub-forum?? Not to sure how to do that?
and on the coming out of the diaper closet the battle seams
To be going sour. I have told her that I am willing
To make this a non issue and forget my affinity for being
padded and powdered, I would rather have a family life.
I am just hopeing that she is able to look past this and realize that
she is all I need. My feeling of comfy confinement must be put aside, this
wasen't sposed to tear my family apart. It is just a kink, I don't hurt anybody, but if her
Acceptance level isn't accepting then I must not wear, or think about it.
Will try to keep positive, and keep posting liking for advice.
 
Sad to hear, but things can ease in time I'm sure. Just get on with life and see what the future brings. Pretty sure that you won't be able to just put it aside though. Hope there's some light down that tunnel for you.
 
Best of luck, I hope that it goes better, glad that you have the courage to keep her as the number one priority though.
 
OK, from the perspective of someone who has been there (decades ago), and is still married to the same woman, I can best describe this situation as "all things, in good time".

First, there are probably already trust issues, since she didn't know this aspect of you, at this point. She's going to have to digest that, and the picture of her great big hunk of a man, wearing diapers, like a baby. Not all women are strong enough for this, and some seek the easy way out (breakup / divorce). You initially called her " your love", not your wife, but I'm going to assume you're married, with child. In that case, divorce would be a great leap, for her, since she'd lose her lover, her money machine, her husband, and the father of her child, all in one fell swoop. Some women would be smart enough to avoid this, and others could go in the direction of trying to protect the child from what they moght see as the perv in the room. It could go either way. So, this is where you jump in with reassurances, clarifications of your love for both wife and child, and a long-term desire to set her at ease about wearing and using diapers in life. No easy task, but you've already made the choice to walk down this road, so, now own it.

Sex and diapers... Women will always be confused about this. "How can you love an object?" "Why diapers, instead of me?" There's no telling how many questions will pop up in her head, but be prepared for a barrage. You've already broken the ice by having a diaper on during sex, and even though it didn't end in wild abandon, for her, there's no reason not to try again, with some very normal plain old vanilla sex, in between. Let her know the diapers are you, but they're not all of you. You have to be quite capable of satisfying her, both in and out of diapers. Once she's secure in the knowledge that she hasn't been left behind, she'll hopefully embrace this new knowledge and aspect of you, and learn to play. Obviously, if you're the type that needs to poo yourself, and you attempt sexual relations, you might just end up being served papers. Save that for when you're alone.

As for ordering diapers online, no matter what you order, or where you order from, there's always going to be some consternation, on her part, as well as yours, about spending hard earned dollars on stuff she's not too crazy about, and about having someone coming knocking at the door with a huge box that might be obvious to the deliverer regarding the contents. Sometimes, because of the weight, the outer boxes don't hold up so well to being tossed about during shipments, and the contents become even more obvious. Keep a good explanation ready for all occasions. "Oh, glad those finally came! Grandpa's been having little wetting episodes...", etc.

In the final analysis, its going to take a lifetime for her to understand this need of yours. Shell either keep an open mind, or it'll slam closed like a mouse trap. Who she is is just as important as who you are. Two strong people will weather through. Two weak people will not. One strong and one weak will forever be a challenge, with mixed results. One thing she should know up front is that there are very few people that ever manage to turn completely away from diapers, once they've found a home in your heart. They serve a need in our lives, in some respects like a drug, but with a whole sorta snuggly side that can be embraced, nourished, and developed into something that is neither a threat, nor an impediment to your future life together. The devil is in the details!

Good luck! Bring her here to learn more, since this is a great (moderated) place to learn, without judgment calls (for the most part).
 
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