Told my wife last night...

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dentedwheel

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I could have added this as an anonymous reply to another thread, I know. But this is huge in my life and for my own ego I needed to shout it out.

I told my wife last night (I guess I need to add and exclamation point) !

I have never (with the exception of ADISC people, of course) told anyone about my diapers. I have been dealing with these feelings for 35 years alone. As much as I am used to that, it seems my feeling for wearing diapers is getting stronger as I get older. I couldn't keep it to myself any longer.

So...after putting my daughter to bed, my wife and I laid in bed and talked. I began by telling her that I had something difficult but important to tell her. I gave her a little story about how I got caught wearing diapers as a 5 year old. I then hemmed and hawed and beat around the bush. She couldn't figure out what the hell I was talking about until I just blurted it out. "I have a very strong desire to wear diapers".

Her response was good. We have been together for 20+ years, so she had to wrap her head around it for a minute. She had no idea I had these feelings (this is good because I was hoping she had never discovered anything). She asked a couple of questions. I gave her honest answers. Most of which were that I have no idea where this desire comes from. The conversation went well.

As the talk progressed she began to ask if I could just forget about it. I told her no way. 35 years of no success is the proof. She asked if I had ever put diapers on. I half lied and half told the truth. "Yes, but only a couple of times in high school and 'later on' (vague)" She took it well.

The next step in full disclosure was to tell her about my stash. Now I know my wife, there is no way I could just tell her that I have been amassing diapers and things for years without her knowing, that would not have been good (true however). So I told her that this binge/wearing cycle was the strongest ever (true) so I went online last week and 'purchased some things' (purposely vague).

She asked, "Have you received them yet."

"Yes."

"Where are they?"

"In the trunk of my car."

She laid silent. She then began to do her analyze thing.

"Don't you think that buying and wearing will encourage the behavior?"

"I can't encourage any more the strong feelings that I have. Owning diapers isn't going to make this worse."

"Don't you want to stop having these feelings?"

"No. I can't help it, so there is no reason to try and stop it."

"Do you like wearing diapers?" (here it is)

"Yes. It makes me feel good. I don't know why."

Silence, then.

"Ok", she said.

From this point on we discussed how we are going to handle it. I told her I needed a place to put the 'items' that would be hidden from her and more importantly our daughter. She is very nervous about our daughter finding out, so am I. We came up with a tentative place to put things (hooray, easier access than my last hiding place and more room!). We also discussed the ground rules for my participation. Without boring details the final word was that since my wife does not want to participate (at all, I asked) I will do what I do in an invisible way (basically, status quo). Neither she or our daughter will know when I am wearing. I will not discuss this with her any more unless she brings it up. She reiterated three times that our daughter was to never find out, or else I can't have my 'items' anymore. I agree. Good motivation to be extra careful.

Since I was seeking her approval of my participation, I did ask her for specific guidelines that I promised I would adhere to. In addition to the guidelines above she added two more. I will find it difficult to follow these rules. I feel bad, but my desires are going to outweigh my promise. They are that she doesn't want me to wear in public. The problem is that if I am wearing and I decide to go run an errand, I am not going to remove my diaper and change into regular underwear. I have worn diapers in public many times and I am relatively comfortable with being able to hide them.

The second rule is an interesting one. She asked several questions about what I do while wearing diapers.

"Do you use them?"

To dodge I answered truthfully to half of the question. "I think pooping is disgusting and I will never do that."

"You didn't say anything about peeing."

"That is true. I don't know about the answer to that question." (lie, I like peeing)

"I don't have a problem with you wearing diapers in secret. I do have a problem with the thought of you peeing in them. That is gross. I won't feel good about knowing that you pee in the diapers."

"So are you saying that you don't want me to pee in them?"

"Yes. Don't pee in your diapers."

"Ok. I won't pee." (big lie)

If I am going to wear without her knowledge in an 'invisible way'. Then she won't know one way or the other. I won't poop. That's disgusting. Tried it once over ten years ago. Almost puked. Never again. (Don't tell her)

Anyway, the discussion included some joking and laughter as well as some tears and emotional release. No yelling and no anger. She said she understood my need but didn't understand my desires. I told her to be careful if she decides to look this up online. There are wide variances in the DL community as far as what people do. I gave her some extreme examples. She was weirded out.

So in conclusion, someone important in my life knows about my secret. I feel more than relief, I feel excitement. I know I dumped a huge load off my shoulders. The only problem is that that load is at least temporarily on my wife's shoulders. It is up to her to talk about it with me if she wants. If she never brings it up again, so be it. The rules were clearly laid out, so it is up to me to either follow them or not get caught breaking them.

All in all this was a hugely positive thing. I don't have to worry about keeping this from her any more. I can now store my items without stress (in a locked box, by the way) More importantly she has given her blessing to participate as much as I want, as long as she and especially my daughter don't see. Would I have liked my wife to embrace this a little more? Yes. Would I have been happy if she was more curious about it? Yes. (she doesn't even want to see what I bought, at all)

In a perfect world we would have ended the conversation with me showing her all of my diapers and her putting me into a nice thick cloth diaper with my favorite plastic pants, but I live in reality. This is a weird thing. Wearing diapers is not socially acceptable, whether you need them or not.

Her reaction was real and a huge relief. I can move on with my life knowing that I have been open with the woman I love.

By the way we celebrate our 12th anniversary this year. I better make it a good one.
 

Slang

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That sounds like some really great news dude. People always say that they'd like their spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever to participate, but realistically its great just to have acceptance from someone you love. Big step telling your wife and its good to hear things went well.
 

Coyote0024

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Congratulations, you must have a big weight lifted from your sholders. It takes some courage to tell people, especially someone so close to you. In time she might come round to the idea more...:)
 

statik

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I like how you worded this. It didn't feel like a template or any kind of fap fantasy. I commend you for taking the mature route of a topic that is very personal to you. Thank you for not over reacting she wasn't interested in participating in ways I'm sure you played out in your head from a "What If" perspective. In fact, enjoy the rep from me for this one. I hope others can learn from your experience who are already quite settled in a relationship or married even but still hiding those desires and feelings. Not a way to life. Thank you again.
 

Coops

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Great stuff!

I would say (and I'm sure others know better than I do) that the most important is keeping it to yourself and away from your daughter.

Anybodies kids don't need to be involved in this stuff weather it's sexual or playful, it's an adult subject.

Good that she knows, and there may be a posibility it will always wierd her out and she wont understand. But she knows, it's not longer a secret, and that's the best part. :)
 

Tommy

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*hugs*

Well done, must be such a relief after that conversation. I really am proud of you, don't think we've ever spoken but i can just imagine you lying there debating with yourself if you should tell her or not.

Well done :)
 

KodyNewlight

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Wow.

I must say (as many have said)...
Congratulations!
 

Dependsable

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My partner of 10 years (now fiancee) was pretty accepting as well. She has come around pretty quickly to accepting them more readily. I too was terrified to come clean with my secret.

Congrats!
 

sgtfrotin2004

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I once told a girl friend about being incontient she jokingly said it is ok as long as i don't pee on well one night after doing adult stuff and drinking i was diapering my self and was half in the bag and she insited on doing it(so much easier then me being drunk and trying to do it ). To this day I miss having a nurse as a gf. But never told her about being an ab
 
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Since I was seeking her approval of my participation, I did ask her for specific guidelines that I promised I would adhere to. In addition to the guidelines above she added two more. I will find it difficult to follow these rules. I feel bad, but my desires are going to outweigh my promise. They are that she doesn't want me to wear in public. The problem is that if I am wearing and I decide to go run an errand, I am not going to remove my diaper and change into regular underwear. I have worn diapers in public many times and I am relatively comfortable with being able to hide them.

The second rule is an interesting one. She asked several questions about what I do while wearing diapers.

"Do you use them?"

To dodge I answered truthfully to half of the question. "I think pooping is disgusting and I will never do that."

"You didn't say anything about peeing."

"That is true. I don't know about the answer to that question." (lie, I like peeing)

"I don't have a problem with you wearing diapers in secret. I do have a problem with the thought of you peeing in them. That is gross. I won't feel good about knowing that you pee in the diapers."

"So are you saying that you don't want me to pee in them?"

"Yes. Don't pee in your diapers."

"Ok. I won't pee." (big lie)

This ... is problematic.

You know your marriage better than I, so I'll put it like this:
God help you if your wife sees peed-in diapers. Ever. Or if she notices you leaving on an errand wearing.

Now you've given your word to someone you obviously love and care for. This makes what will come next very difficult. I anticipate another conversation in about a week, in which your wife will revisit the issue. DO NOT wear in public or pee in your diapers until then. I suspect right now she's turning this over in her mind. Slow introduction is the way to go with this right now, I think.

As I said at the start: you and your wife know the "inside" of your marriage better than anyone else. And perhaps I'm wrong, as I know our approaches are different: for me, whenever it looks like a relationship is starting to get "serious," I'll disclose. Slowly. Cautiously. But I'll disclose. The last thing I'd want is to spring this on someone mid-marriage. Hopefully you'll just "muddle through" and she'll come to terms with this desire of yours. And hopefully you'd reciprocate if she were to tell you something that is presented as being as "odd" as this.
 

Zephy

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I also see a problem with the "only she can bring it up" rule. I think you should follow her rules for a week, or preferably a month, and then maybe you discuss it with her again. Hopefully in that time she will bring it up herself so you don't break the first rule. you should at least make an effort to follow her rules and if you are still having problems with it, then you might need to talk to her.

So good of you to find someone who is at least tolerant of what you get up to, though she seems borderline on this.
 

ShippoFox

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Sounds like it could have been worse, but that it could have gone better too. Good luck. Hopefully it all works out well as time passes.
 
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So good of you to find someone who is at least tolerant of what you get up to, though she seems borderline on this.

She has very little choice in the matter. They have a child together. The marriage is pretty fixed (or at least, much more so than without a child) at this point. This is EXACTLY why I bring this up early on; I don't want to think that someone is humoring me just because they're too far into it to really turn back.
 

Trevor

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I commend you in finally bringing this up with your wife, it certainly can't have been easy, but when we hope for the best with this kind of thing, there's a whole range of possible responses. While she didn't scream and thrown you out of the house, I'm afraid I have to join with h3g3l in kind of raining on your parade, with the same caveats he mentioned regarding you knowing your wife and your relationship, etc.

In the abstract, just as a story I'm looking at from the outside, it seems to me as though at this moment you have exchanged one set of lies for another and given her reason to be suspicious of your behavior since you've been concealing something and probably upped the ante for a negative response if you are discovered breaking your new agreement. I really hope that you two will get to iron this thing out over time and that she just needs time to process it. Probably a lot of difficult conversations start this way and there's no reason to think that you can't reach a better conclusion with her over time. I wish you both good luck.
 

Pramrider

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My hat is off to you for having the courage to lay your diaper loving out on the table to your wife. I get the feeling you could sense there would be possible acceptance after the years you've been together. In my case, I can also read my partners feelings on matters after being married for 33 years and I know I wouldn't dare bring up my AB/AdultKid desires...EVER!!!:(

Hope nothing happens down the road to make you wish you hadn't made a disclosure to her. As has been mentioned, if she starts catching you in the areas you here admitted to lying about (things flat out gross to her), the pendulum could swing in the other direction. Wish you both the best with handling the diaper wearing subject.

~Pramrider
 

dogboy

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I'll weigh in here too and say I agree with h3g3l. You solve one problem but create another. I told my wife two years ago out of necessity and things worked out very well. My situation is different however, because I am her care giver. She is diabetic and on dialysis, and I am her dialysis partner. I think she would have been accepting, or at least accepted me regardless, because we have a very loving relationship.

That said, I think two things will happen, Over time your wife will begin to accept it, and you will feel comfortable about wearing around her. The other is that she won't like it, and you will have to go back into hiding, except she will know, and will be looking for the signs.

Only time will tell. I wish for you my scenario, where my wife respects my little side, and sometimes plays to it. We can make jokes about it. She asks for my opinion when we buy toys and clothes for our 2 year old grandson. I'm very good at it! She has bought me footed jammies, and plushies. Every one of us should be accepted like this. Good luck.
 

cornkid

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Man thats realy brave dude. It took me along time to tell people i know. But it take alot to tell someone close to you. Mostly becuse its so new to them. But it will defenatly make you feel better.
 

MetalMann

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That is really awesome. I've got to say in my belief that she was very accepting. Some relationships end on topics like this. She really truly loves you and is not "freaked out" by it. She would probably be better off reading the Wiki here than going to most sites that give the wrong message. Is there a wiki about understanding infantilism in ADISC?
 

dentedwheel

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UPDATE.

She is definitely weirded out. She has brought it up twice today. I am not surprised at her reaction because I know her very well.

As far as bringing this up at this point in the relationship. I only recently discovered some of the answers to the questions I have had about this desire. I know that I can't deny the feelings I have for diapers, even though for a very long time I thought I could. I just didn't want to get discovered and have to work at this from a deep hole in the ground. I felt it was better to bring it up on my terms and let her know. Any discovery from now on will have less of an impact. Also, all I did was inform her that I have these desires and that I will be participating, in private without her knowledge. I have amassed a significant amount of experience hiding this.

I admit that all of this sound deceptive and dishonest. I don't feel great about it. However, the one fact that remains is that I do know her very well and I know her limits. I will never let on about the misinformation I gave her. She will either digest what I have told her, or she won't. She certainly would not have taken any more.

It is an interesting feeling to have both a sense of relief and dread at the same time. I am relived that she knows, I dread the eventual consequences.

I am blessed with an uncomplicated life. Very little drama and most people get along. My wife and I have a stable relationship that has no chinks. I'm not looking to damage things, but this is it. There are no more secrets with me. With the exception of hiding diapers (kinda huge though) I am an open book.
 
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