To Tell, or Not?

[SappyOak]

Earlier this week I felt I could not continue maintaining a personal secret (always hiding my diapers and super careful with the laundry of my cloth diapers). So I contemplated speaking with my mum while I was at work. By 17:00 I made up my mind and as I was leaving work I rang her and told her that I wanted to speak with her about a 'personal issue'. She asked me if it was about my job, I said it was not about my job, it was a personal matter.

I drove home and sat down for dinner. We engaged in some pleasant chatter over the meal, about half way though I looked at her with a straight face and said "Tomorrow I want to let you know that I'm hanging my laundered diapers on the second clothes line". Mum looked at me and said "Wha?".

I explained to her that I would prefer the use of my cloth diapers for the occasional bedwetting (she was aware of that). She said if there were any medical issues from my doctor, I said I was not aware of any. We continues our chat and at the end she took it really well. Mum told me that she was glad that it wasn't a serious medical issue like cancer or something similar, since that was what she automatically thought of when I said I wanted to speak to her about a personal thing. She also commented that sooner or later, we're all going to end up in diapers in old age anyway - so next time it'll probably be her turn!

Albeit, I didn't go into the whole ABDL kink side of things, at this stage I just want to avoid sneaking around the house having to hide my diapers and be stressed everytime I wash my cloth diapers, inserts and plastic pants.

It's been almost a week now and everything is still normal, I'm super glad that mum now knows and is totally OK with it. She told me that she was aware of the rare incident of bedwetting but thought that it was due to me being extremely tired, she never found out about my stash of disposables or that I had wet diapers in the outdoor bin (and even one incident where I forgotten to take out the trash bag of wet diapers). She never even suspected I wore diapers to bed all this time.

The day after I told her, I did the laundry routine in the early morning and hung out the diapers, inserts and onesie outside, had breakfast and went to work. I got back from work and mum told me that she picked up the laundry and put it in my room. I saw a neat pile including my printed baby blue block onesie (from OnesiesDownUnder) next to my cloth diapers.

https://imgur.com/a/KZP7HWq

She never said anything to me about the prints. Knowing her, she probably found it exceedingly cute.

So from my experience, I'm glad I got a good outcome. Yes it was risky, I had an alternate plan if things went south as I have my own home (currently being rented out) if it became untenable. But also I felt rather than letting her finding out by accident, I had the opportunity to choose the time, place to initiate the discussion.

 

[Littleboy10]

I have told both wife . But they didn't understand or care too and that part the reason why I'm single now.I would not tell know one alls. Because every if they could understand. They be worried that they would be thought of for being with me.

 

[BabySkye75]

I have been very tight lipped about whom I speak to about this... for the obvious my roommates know, they were told as a precautionary measure should they see me in a diapey and or my little clothes which I might add I dawn most days.. more so they understood that what they see here stays here, they were cool with it my eldest roommate whom I look after and keep safe thought it was pretty cute. My daughter is fully aware and pretty much said I’m weird but suspected it to begin with.. then again she has been there for me in all aspects even when I finally came out as transgender, my youngest sister also knows and was like ok it is what it is... for anyone else I just have accidents and they are aware of it and don’t judge

 

[Matt09]

Not sure i'd ever openly tell because the fallout from it might be like a genie you can't put back in the bottle. The easier way is to allow it to be discovered... and that would only be with someone you knew in your heart would be at the very least neutral over it, and at the best fully supportive.

By doing it this way it shifts the focus from your own proactive promotion of it, and instead transfers that focus to the recipient - to either accept it or not. They can then approach you, or the subject in general, in their time and on their terms, or not at all. It's like a built in pressure valve for the psyche.

 

[Sidewinder]

The decision whether to tell or not can be a difficult one to make and thus presents it's own host of dilemmas.

Now, I can't speak for any one person here, but I CAN offer some general advice.

The first thing to consider when deciding whether or not to tell someone is how judgmental that person might be.

If that person is one of a very judgmental nature, then you're probably better off not telling them anything, however, the drawback to not telling, is the risk of arousing suspicion.

 

[Notlo98]

How do I tell my mum that I love diaper

 

[Subtlerustle]

How do I tell my mum that I love diaper

Why do you feel it’s necessary to tell her?

 

[Peesalot]

My wife knew from day 1 that I would be wearing diapers. While it was in response to a one time bed wetting incident, I didn't tell her I was so looking forward to wearing them. Over 2 1/2 years later I started wearing panties in secret. After 3 years of wearing diapers and 6 months of wearing panties, I told my wife of my kinks. She doesn't understand why I would enjoy wet diapers or lace panties; but, she immediately accepted that I do. She will not participate in either with me. But, I don't have to any longer hide the fact my underwear choices are not traditional choices for most men.

As mentioned in the original post, I highly recommend telling a partner one is serious about any, and all, unconventional things one does and likes. It's better to accept the loss of a partner before there are the legal ramifications of divorce. And, with luck, the partner won't have any issues and may become a willing participant.

 

[Diaper44]

I didn’t tell anyone then my partner caught me and was shocked. Many questions were asked. After lots of explaining she’s ok with it now. Since I got caught Iv become a bed wetter so now I’m dependent on them. Easier to tell than be caught but we all do things for different reasons that’s something the wrong reason. Best of luck

 

[Autiesaurus]

I’m asexual and don’t date, but I’ve told my mom I wear for IBS. She doesn’t know I wear for enjoyment and I don’t plan on letting her know about that. One of my friends knows about my baby side and is very accepting of it. She knows it’s a comfort and security thing for me, and after I told her, she even “introduced me” to the AB community (I didn’t want to admit I already knew about it). I told her because I was tired of hiding such a large part of my identity, I felt like I wasn’t being honest about who I was.

 

[Ghg789987]

A common question that we face as a segment of society is, "whom ought I tell? When should I tell? is there a need for me to tell anyone?" This struggle arises because AB/DL behavior is, plainly put, not normal in society. This does not mean that it is "bad" or "wrong," but means that there are no social scripts and routines that people may follow when they are informed of your AB/DL orientation or attitude. Given this, there is a very high level of resistance to disclosing one's orientation or attitude on this topic. Must one disclose? If so, what terms govern this disclosure?

Disclosure of AB/DL orientations or attitudes is at best a dicey proposition and at worst may lead to the dissolution of relationships, public embarrassment, and possible continued harassment or emotional or physical discomfort. However, it is not the case that disclosure should never happen; it is instead the case that it should occur under very precise conditions, and be handled in a careful and straightforward fashion.

As this article talks about the role of disclosure as possible antecedent to relationship change (e.g. continued or further involvement, "coming clean," or termination of the relationship), it is important to outline three major relationship groups, as the terms, risks, and rewards of disclosure will differ across these groups.

I begin with a summary, and continue with a full articulation below the summary:

Friends:

• Disclose only on a case-by-case basis and lean heavily toward non-disclosure.
• Rewards can include something in common (rare), or a deeper level of commitment and dedication to the friend (a shared secret held in common).
• Risks include loss of the friendship, character assassination, shunning, and destruction of other social connections.
• Recommendation: do not disclose.

Family:

• Disclose only on a case-by-case basis and lean heavily toward non-disclosure. For adults still living with parents, disclose only if the AB/DL attitudes and orientations are impacting your life across multiple domains, and only to siblings in rare cases. Never to children.
• Rewards can include getting needed help (disclosure to parents as the result of needing help), having a secret in common (with siblings).
• Risks include loss of face, shunning, embarrassment, loss of residence (for over-18s living with parents).
• Recommendation: do not disclose.

Romantic Relationships:

• Disclose must happen when the relationship has the potential to be "serious," but has not yet reached this point.
• Rewards can include having something in common (rare), a deeper level of commitment and dedication, communicating honestly and openly, and having no secret skeleton waiting in the closet.
• Risks include loss of the relationship, character assassination, and destruction of other social connections.
• Recommendation: disclose when the relationship has the potential to be "serious."

Now let us look at the articulation of these points:

1. Friends: Friends are a tricky and occasionally fickle lot. Close friends may enjoy intimate conversations and contact with you, while looser friendships might consist of people who only vaguely know you. Friends have no right, expectation, or need to know of your AB/DL bent. If you disclose to a friend, and the disclosure goes well, they will forever be wondering if you're actively wearing in public or private whenever you are together. If the disclosure does not go well, however, you have the makings of a character assassination attempt on your hands, which can be exceedingly stressful and remove you from social functions.
   
   
2. Family: Children and siblings have no need to know about your AB/DL orientation and attitude. However, parents should be told in the event that these orientations and attitues are impacting your global functioning and daily life. What do I mean by this? Let us take the easier cases first, those of children and siblings. Children and siblings need not know of everything that happens in your life that is intimate or sexual. In the case of the former, it will--at best--be exceedingly strange , and at worst may provide ammunition with which the child(ren) may disobey or otherwise control the parent-child dynamic. Siblings might provide support and comfort if you can find this nowhere else, and you have determined that your sibling(s) will be reassuring, helpful, kind, and caring rather than cruel and uncaring. In short, if you have no other support structure for this orientation and behavior, you might be able to find this support in a sibling, albeit intellectual and emotional support rather than experientially-based support. Now we move on to parents. Disclosing to parents, when you are living at home and under their rules, is both difficult and risky. Unless your AB/DL feelings and manifested behaviors are causing harm to you or others, or causing a diminished ability to globally function within your life, there is very little payoff in disclosing to parents. Once you move out of the home, the power dynamic between parent and child will shift, but this still does not mean they need to know every detail of your intimate life, and this includes what you do in the bedroom or for fun.
   
   
3. Romantic relationships: Thus far, we have talked about relationships over which one need not be heavily emotionally invested. Romantic relationships, however, are different, in that there is an increasing level of investment up to--and through--marriage, wherein the level of investment should be complete, as the couple either sinks or swims together. Whenever a romantic relationship starts to look "serious," you should disclose. You should NEVER permit the relationship to enter a state of engagement or marriage without disclosure. I have just brought two points to bear: the conditions surrounding disclosure, and a warning against non-disclosure. Let us talk about the latter first: by not disclosing, you are not communicating fully. As engagements and marriages REQUIRE communication--full and open communication--failing to communicate now will lead to separation or divorce later, and is a good indicator of unhealthy trends within the relationship. Let us now examine the conditions surrounding disclosure: that of the "seriousness" of the relationship. When I say "serious," I am talking about a point within a relationship at which is ceases to become a passing infatuation and instead becomes an emotionally binding force. As every relationship is different, there is no hard-and-fast time-based metric that may be employed here. Generally, though, a relationship is serious when any of these things happen:
   • Sexual contact of any sort;
   • Purchasing property or real estate together;
   • Multi-night sleepovers and visits;
   • Changing jobs, locations, or housing to better suit the relationship;
   • Living together.
   Hence, the advice is to disclose in full BEFORE any of these things occur within the relationship. The cost of disclosure in a relationship may be its dissolution, but the cost of failing to communicate IS dissolution. Therefore, disclosure is a must in a genuine and open (e.g. a healthy) relationship.
   Someone who would leave you just because of a non-destructive interest you have that involves wearing diapers or using childish or infantile paraphernalia is not a person you ought trust to stand ready with you to go through life with.

With these points made, the decision to disclose or not should be much easier. Remember, though, that you have no responsibility to disclose--except in the event that you are tying your life to someone else's, as in romantic relationships that are about to turn serious--and should feel no pressure to do so. Your friends do not tell you about their masturbation habits or about whom they fantasize; conversely, you owe them no description of what you do for sexual gratification or simple, personal pleasure.

I have, in this article, covered disclosure policies toward three types of relationships--friendly, familial, and romantic. In summary: disclosure to family and friends is neither necessary nor generally advised, and must be handled on a case-by-case basis. Disclosure to a romantic partner, however, must occur before the relationship becomes serious (as defined above), but as soon as it has the possibility of becoming serious.

Great post and guide! I've never told anybody, just felt too risky, and never had the real need to. It'd be great to have someone who knew amd supported though.

 

[landingxray]

just be happy

 

[Diaperguy801]

Greatly written article! Most people don't need to know what we do in secret. Someone you're going to be in a relationship that could turn into marriage should know. That way you know if they will accept it, or not want anything to do with it, then comes the decision to end or continue the relationship

 

[Str8Boi]

I told my wife about my diaper fetish about a year before we got married, she did not take it very well. Firstly, I told her after we were in a committed relationship, bought a house, and I had proposed, so I definitely blind sided her. She actually almost left me because of it.
We worked through it, and although she has no interest in diapers, nor does she acknowledge this fetish, she loves me, we've been happily married for 4 years and have a young family.
So all in all, it worked out.

 

[Deleted member 63976]

Rule of thumb: if you have to think twice if you should tell someone that you're ABDL, don't

 

[BabyprinceS]

At a time in my life when I was starting to experience my abdl side with more awareness, my parents discovered it. It all happened very quickly: they asked the big question and I didn't deny it. Things have been tense and difficult ever since, especially with my mother. The friends with whom I spoke about it, however, were already loving and accepting at that time.

Today so many years have passed and things with my parents have settled down. The balance of our relationship is that "they don't ask and I don't tell", and the fact that I live alone (with my mommy) helps a lot in this regard. In retrospect, I don't know if opening up to them was a choice or the consequence of a necessity. But I know that today I could never live a life denying all this about myself to my loved ones.

 

[BalloonsAndTeddies]

My parents found out when I was in middle school and the fallout from that was enough to give me permanent trust issues with everyone except the Lord.

Don't get me wrong, I have fantastic parents and love them dearly, and all things considered compared to the way they were raised I got off a lot easier than it could have been. And I know they did what they did out of love, even if the...solution...was not a good one and did a lot more harm than good

So my rule is basically never trust anyone with my secret (Yes I know thats a terrible rule of thumb to follow )

 

[WolfG]

I told my friends, they were very supportive and accept this.
They even joke about it sometimes in a funny way. I mean the way I like it. This is not their kink and yet they are kind of a part of my life in this area. It helped me a lot in self-acceptance.

Mom caught me several times with wet ABDL diapers, when I was still living with my parents, I kept the diapers and the onesies in a safe. I forgot and left it open once. She also found my ABDL pacifier because I had left it in the bathroom by accident. So she knows, but doesn't comment on that

My ex girlfriend blackmailed me, wanted show my photos (yes I sent her pics with me with a wet diaper).
Well, I had pictures of her sweet naked butt and the topic was over. (I wouldn't publish her photos anyway, I'm not like that.)

 

[ABDLENG]

I’ve recently been forced to come out to my wife. I’m more of a DL but my main attraction to this kink is from the caregiver perspective. She found my diaper stash and asked me about it. I’m very lucky in that she is quite submissive is the bedroom department and happy to try out being my little princess.

She has accepted my DL side and has said I can wear whenever and she wouldn’t mind.

I did ask if she had found out 6 months in to the relationship would she have left me? She said it would have been a bit more of a difficult decision so I suspect it could have been the end for us.

Timing is everything with this discussion I feel.

 

[PaddedRita]

It took me a very long time before I told Abbie . I was very nerves as all get out that day !
I was bless that she very caring and under stranding my issue. After I told her she just said that I wish I told her much sooner in our relationship , but she did understand thank goodness !