Thoughts on "Coffee With Rosie"


Keeper of the Keys
Est. Contributor
  1. Diaper Lover
TLDR: Doesn't hurt to have your s/o read it, but don't expect any miracles.

Coffee With Rosie by Rosalie Bent is a (very short) book written to help a vanilla person understand his/her ABDL spouse. It's written from the perspective of someone who has been there (Bent herself), and seeks to bridge the gap between the ABDL's desire to wear diapers (and/or be babied) and the Vanilla's disapproval.

Like I said, this is a very short book. It's around the same word-count as two chapters of Harry Potter. There are seven chapters, each intended to be framed as though the reader is meeting Bent over coffee, once a day for seven days, to discuss ABDL things that are potentially threatening your marriage. This book is low on facts and information; it's key aim seems to be expressing sympathy with the reader, and offering suggestions for helping your relationship. Ultimately, Bent makes the case that these desires don't really go anywhere for the ABDL in your life, and that supressing them could do more harm than good to your marriage. Compromise, she says, is key. The greatest value I found in the book was two sentences, which I'll paraphrase here. 'The question is not, "Diapers: yes or no?" The question is, "Diapers: when, where, and for how long?"'

My experience: I'd purchased this as an eBook and printed out a copy for my wife to read. She'd told me that she wasn't in a good headspace to read it at that point, but that she would try to start it in a week or two. I figured that was fine, and I thought she would talk to me before she read it first. I thought it would be best if she read one chapter a day, as Bent intended, so that she wasn't taking in too much at once, and would have time to process each chapter. One day, weeks after I printed the book and brought it home, I got home from work and found it sitting on the dining room table. Mrs. TexHagrid had come across the book and read the entire thing all in one sitting.

I'd like to say that this led to a thoughtful discussion and that we eventually came to a compromise on diapers. However, it didn't. (Let me say that I love my wife as much as it is possible to love anyone. I don't blame her in the least. She has her reasons for being concerned, which I won't discuss here, because they are very personal. Don't bash her.)

The fact is: Bent writes as a vanilla spouse who *is* accepting of her husbands ABDLism. (Actually, she's written several books on it with her husband, so they're cashing in on ABDLs.) This is a deep issue, and it's difficult to resolve with such a simple resource. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'd assume my experience is fairly typical. Odds are, if your spouse isn't already accepting of your ABDL proclivities, this book won't do much to change his/her mind. Not to say that nothing will ever bridge that gap, and that you won't eventually find a solution for it in your marriage. Just saying that Coffee With Rosie, in all likelihood, won't change many hearts or minds as it is intended to do.

Maybe I'm wrong. Buy it for yourself. Read it. See if you think it'll help you and your spouse. But my advice would be to go in with low expectations.
I found the book to be good. Then along came “You’re not Broken” by Dr. Rhoda and that’s more of a deep dive into ABDL with multiple sections devoted to SO’s. As you noted, your wife has to be in the right headspace to receive anything that is against her preconceived ideas. Dr. Rhoda talks a great deal about this in the book. I highly recommend it. Comparing the two books is a bit unfair as Bent’s book is a lighter read and is probably intended as such.
You allude to your wife’s circumstances and your love for her. You have your circumstances as well. This sounds like a multi layered situation that will take time to sort out but Dr. Rhoda’s book will be a great resource for asking the right questions of yourselves. Good luck.
My wife (who is totally accepting of me) is currently reading "There's a Baby in my bed" I got it for her just to answer some of her questions and to allow her to see another person's perspective.