This 'Incontinent' fetish?

[Deleted member 44276]

Interesting thoughts indeed i have to say (incl Trevor and Mickdl ) i have NO problems with DL`s myself & i AM a AB /Little etc.. BUT i STILL HATE having NO choice then to wear this darn things and risk " accidents" 24/7 so you cant bring in the entire group in this + as been stated its ONE thing to be able to choose & a compleatly different thing in NOT having a choice. THATS the key difference i would say that sums this up to be careful what you wish or dream for cause you might get it.

 

[eastcoastdl]

I can't stand not being in control of my plumbing anymore.
I don't leave home, except to buy groceries/hardware to tend my home.
I never leave home and return, 'Dry/Clean', and that scares the ever loving hell out of me. (leaks/smells).

I'd rather eat a bullet than shame myself in public (again).

I started out feeling just like this in the beginning, but (fortunately?) I had a lot of other heavy, stressful things going on in my life at the same time I became incontinent, so I for better or for worse, I didn't focus on this one (believe it or not the others were bigger life events than involuntarily pissing my pants). That was a rough time, and I'm glad to be on the other side of it.

Over time I became less and less embarrassed (partly just due to experience over time, partly due to mortifying experiences like you mentioned). With help from this forum and other places on the internet, I was able to get the protection I needed so that it became nothing more than an inconvenience, not a worry. After that I started to try to improve my self-image of my body by radically using what was hurting me to help me, and with great trepidation posted some pics anonymously online. Long story shortened, I found that there was a welcoming community of kinksters out there, and something I could've never guessed happened - I started to become attracted to it.

Although I still sometimes get twinges of hating it (feelings from the past), I mostly enjoy it now.

 

[daylight]

...I don't leave home, except to buy groceries/hardware to tend my home.
I never leave home and return, 'Dry/Clean', and that scares the ever loving hell out of me. (leaks/smells).

...I'd rather eat a bullet than shame myself in public (again).

You are not alone in this. Others here can fully understand what you are going through and feeling. Everyone, I mean everyone on this planet has challenges and no one is perfect. It's okay to feel this way when shit happens. Just be sure to call out all the great things about yourself as we all have value and worth. And continue on.

Don't overly dwell on those Richard-heads that cut you off on the highway or merge at the last moment. Or those that seek/wish different paths in life. We are all trying to figure life out.

I am glad you posted. This is a good place to talk to others and seek assurances. Do step outside and enjoy life as there is some much out there to see, learn, and experience.

 

[lilshelly]

I am not fully incontinent I wear most of the time because I may not make it to the bathroom without falling or wetting myself on the way.
It has changed the way I do things. I make sure that I carry a bag with me that has a fresh change of pants a diaper and wipes to clean up. I do have leaks from time to time which bites. I understand what it means to be embarrassed ex: thanking a co worker for letting me take the time to change. I can kind of understand the advantages people may see in wearing all the time but it is not what its cracked up to be. Hugs

 

[depends4me]

In general Pull up diapers are NOT for heavy IC . Sadly you need HA diapers

In my case, though, a simple Depends Real Fit would have likely done the job. Grrr.

 

[CrazySmoker]

I've a few friends with IC. All of them are into ABDL before being IC. But they say/want to cut out with IC if it'd be possible... Nothing strange for me. I realized "simulated IC" about two months and honestly, I dislike an idea to be IC. May I'll when i really get old (80 and more,) but still dislike an idea.

 

[jasonm03]

I’ve said many times I don’t wish incontinence on anyone i have accepted my condition and that I need to wear 24/7. There are many times that I just want to give up and say screw it and isolate in the house

 

[BabyTyrant]

I enjoy voluntarily using my Diapers, but i also dont get how people have these deep seated fantasies of actually losing control for good

I once had accidents during the day in Elementary School; and it was so extremely embarrassing and I got picked on so bad for it

Luckily it was resolved with a surgery and I never had those problems again

 

[MarshyDrago]

I don't get it.
I just don't understand why anyone would want to piss/shit themselves.
I'm no psychologist, and I am not judging other people's kinks. If that's what you like, and you and your partner are o.k. with it? Hell, knock yourselves out!

I can't stand not being in control of my plumbing anymore.
I don't leave home, except to buy groceries/hardware to tend my home.
I never leave home and return, 'Dry/Clean', and that scares the ever loving hell out of me. (leaks/smells).

I'm not new to this condition. I've been dealing with it for years.

I just don't understand why folks enjoy this?

I'd rather eat a bullet than shame myself in public (again).

I think for some people, that is the point. The humiliation behind it is the reason why some people like it. To be honest, I personally I do not want complete incontinence because I can't handle all the stress that comes with it. However, I understand the stigma because I want to bed wet. I don't know why I want it or can specifically say the reason but my brain tells me that it should happen. I don't think it can be really explained for a lot of people and for some, it is just this thing in their head that says that something is not right with the body even though it is perfectly healthy to be able to in control of the bladder and bowels.

 

[ozziebee]

When I was in school, I was bowel IC. Theres no worse an experience of pooping one’s pants than during Year 10 high school (Year 12 over here is the last year before going off to uni), standing outside the next class, trying in vain to explain away the smell as “I stepped in dog shit, sorry”, then to go sit in class for an hour, then to hurry off to the toilets, strip off and go commando for the rest of the afternoon.

I was teased mercilessly from year 2 Infants School (so about 8yo) through to Year 11, when my fecal IC mostly petered out to random soilings through uni and beyond.

I transitioned MtF post-Uni, copped a lot of shit from family and randoms over my looks, so became adept at hiding in plain sight.

One of my cousins had a thought of asking me to present at their uni psychology class about my experience transitioning, but thought that I’d be too embarrassed to do so. My sister knew that I’d have done it, because by then, stuff like transgender topics and teasing were “water off a ducks back”. I wasn’t phased, and still am not. I would have jumped at the chance to talk though too.

Now, Im having IC issues, and have been in nappies 24/7 for a year, and a combination of nappies and pullups for about 8 months before that (pullups were ok for the drips and dribbles, but when I started flooding, I had to “upgrade”).

Yes, I could have gone and hid in my house, but I couldn’t do that. My experience has always been to get out there and overcome the fear of being found out, I had to go to work, I have a mortgage to repay, I have my hobbies to look forward to. Life is way too short to “be stuck” inside.

Screw what other people think. My nappies are on show to whoever walks through my walk-in-robe. My nappy covers, onesies, footed Pjs are in view too. Only my ABDL stuff is hidden, even though some are also in plain sight for those in-the-know.

I wrote a post in another section here on ADISC about how to get out there and be confident. I thinknits in the Articles section. Maybe the OP should go and read that, and do the exercises in it.

I too had to learn all that stuff, and overcome the fear, the “what if”.

Life is way too short to spend it inside, cowering in fear. Please don’t let the IC ruin your life. Conquer it, get mad at it, own the problem, and move on.

 

[TeddyBearCowboy]

There have been some really great responses to this thread, especially by those who are IC and truly know the discomforts associated with it and the challenges that living with this creates. I think that anyone who is not IC but thinks of doing so by choice should seriously listen to all of your comments and experiences. As Trevor said, there is a real difference between fantasy and reality.

Having said that, I need to share that I am not incontinent, but very much ABDL. At times, I have "fantasized" about being incontinent. I can almost hear all of you that are IC saying, nooooo!!! Why on earth would you want that?!!!

The truth being said, is that I can honestly say that I would not want to be permanently IC. I have wore diapers and even gone 24/7 on occassion for weeks at a time with toilets off limits. I have experienced both the hassle of having to change when it was not convenient, the fear of being discovered and what others might think, and embarrassing leaks at times when I couldn't just take care of it, or had to wait until people left so that I was not discovered. And while I did not mess myself in any situation in public, it still was a pain in the butt (pardon the expression) to take care of and having experienced this, I hope that I don't have to face this challenge that many of you do have as part of your everyday life.

So having shared this, there are two components I want to briefly share my own views on this as someone who is not IC, but has at time fantasized about being so...

1) FOR HEAVENS SAKE WHY???????!!!!!!

This is difficult if not impossible for anyone who has perhaps never had this fantasy to understand. But it stems from the whole interest in being ABDL, which in itself is equally difficult to understand. Society trains us that we shouldn't be wearing diapers and as a baby, it is taught to us from infancy that we should be a Big Boy or Big Girl and become like adults. Diapers and the use of them are an inconvenience for parents and an unpleasant task that most parents hope their children will quickly outgrow. There seems almost an urgency for parents to have their children grow up at least out of the baby stage because of these things. ...I know this, as I am a parent of three children and I couldn't wait until the expense and chore of my children being in diapers was over.

I realize that there are likely an indefinite amount of reasons why the brain of ABDLs or DLs form the attraction to wearing diapers, but for me, it stems I believe from a longing back to the period when I was loved unconditionally as a baby. I didn't have to get good grades, I didn't have to mow the lawn, I didn't have to "grow up" in order for my parents to be proud of me. My parents were not abusive, but I was very much encouraged to grow up and I was rewarded for learning to use the toilet and walking and in all of my stages of development. But I also know that when I had accidents, both in bed wetting up until I was 7 or 8 and a couple of actual messing accidents when I was 4 or 5 when I simply was too preoccupied and waited too long that I was shamed for it. These are vivid memories for me.

Anyhow, what I am getting at here, is that for me, my ABDL side is going back to that period when there was not all of these expectations. I personally believe that there was a secure feeling in wearing the diaper and not being in control. It is my belief that because of this, I wanted to go back to that period. The diaper and act of being a baby takes me back to that state, even though it is temporary.

--So why use them if you don't need too? Well, most of the time actually I don't use them when I wear them. Especially if I am wearing in the day. But at times, there is a longing to go deeper into the whole feeling of being babylike, and actually using a diaper is perhaps the most powerful way to do this. As the very reasons that most of you who are IC have stated, it is difficult to hide and there are challenges to take care of it. As one other poster suggested, it is a way to come out in the open with it. Also, I remember hating myself for so many years for having this "fetish" (which I do not believe is a correct term for many ABDLs, as it is closer to a self identification even as gender preference might be for others. That may seem like a bold statement, but the bottom line is that for many ABDLs the desire and drive of being ABDL is not something that can be unlearned, but it is part of the makeup of who they are.

This being said, the so-called "fetish" is something that is deep within the individual that has this unique interest. The OP asked the question why would anyone do something so strange as to wet or mess in their pants intentionally (toned down description wise but same thing). Well, the question could likewise be asked that when considering why someone would undergo months of painful surgery and potential or realized being ostracized by others, and all of the hate/shaming that often is part of a gender transition, one might ask the same question. Why? Why would you go through all of that? That question is much more understood now as it has been demonstrated that despite the biological sex, one may truly associate with the other sex and despite the biological difference, they see themselves, and more importantly, FEEL THEMSELVES, as the opposite sex. As such, there is a huge conflict. Trying to persuade the individual that the cost and pain and hardship is not worth it or that they are sick or need psychological help is being pretty damn arrogant in that unless you are the person experiencing this, then your own perception is exterior. How can you honestly judge someone on something they feel and is such a strong part of who they are?

One the other hand I think that the desire to have to use a diaper could also be likened to any fetish which others simply don't understand. Such as a shoe fetish. To me, I have no desire for someone to stick their high heel in my hiney or to be infatuated with another's shoe, but that too is something that is a real desire but yet part of a fantasy of others who is just as misunderstood.

2) How on earth can I help someone who might actually be seriously contemplating this????

I am expressing my own opinion, but I believe that the important thing is for all of us not to call others freaks or point our how weird it seems if someone has a fetish we don't understand. Even if their fetish is something we have to experience as an unpleasant reality. It is hypocritical at best, and damn wrong and shameful at worst, to be mocking others whose fetishes and desires we don't understand. Even if the "fantasy" of their fetish is something that is your own reality and something you know is not something that is to be desired.

The important thing is to share your own experiences. Help others who might actually be niaevely considering this as a lifestyle choice to understand the full import of what it is. As I shared, I am not IC, but I have experienced this to a small degree in a glimpse of this by intentionally acting IC for short durations. OIn experiencing this, I agree with everyone who is IC and others, it is a hard amd unpleasant road to take. I don't recommend it. But please do not be overly critical or mock those who may actually have this strong desire. Rather educate them instead of judging them.

Elsewise how do you feel about others judging you for your own oddities or undisclosed fetishes you may have?

 

[Sheepies]

I understand why someone might find it alluring, as I'm ABDL and like wearing on occasion. It's fun to me to accidentally wet IF I'm diapered. But otherwise; not so alluring.

I have accidents sometimes; namely when sick. And it's incredibly embarrassing when unprepared. I've had accidents at work a couple times before and it's horrid. I'm petrified someone can see or smell me. And I just want to go home with my tail between my legs but I can't without the accompanied embarrassment of going up to a supervisor and saying "hey I just peed my pants. Can I go home?"

I'm not even going to touch on how much wearing 24/7 would cost.

 

[ykdprdave]

It’s one of those things that sounds a lot better than it actually is. Heck, even being continent, yet confined to the same diaper all day at work can suck!

I’d rather keep it a dream and have control than be incontinent

 

[Wetshisbed]

The top and bottom of it is that is up to the individual. Each to their own I guess. I for one like being incontinent and dependant on nappies. Why I have no idea I just do.

 

[ltaluv]

I'd rather eat a bullet than shame myself in public (again).

This sentiment really struck me, and I've been struggling since yesterday with what to write.

PaddedStag, I value you and I appreciate your contributions here. I hope you don't hurt or kill yourself out of frustration with your incontinence - the world would be a poorer place without you.

It's strange that incontinence carries such a stigma and brings out such intense feelings of shame. I think the stigma really originates with our cultural ideas of cleanliness, and our belief that body waste is unclean and therefore shameful. Not being clean, and especially having others realize that we're not clean, is seen as a personal failure, even when it isn't the fault of the incontinent person. Having to wear pads or diapers is seen as shameful because it highlights our inability to keep ourselves clean, and serves as a constant reminder that at some point we're going to be in contact with our own waste.

That's what separates wearing diapers from wearing glasses or having braces. All are medically-required adaptive devices, but glasses don't leave us worried that we'll smell bad or be seen as dirty, and thus aren't stigmatized.

I wish I knew how to overcome this stigma. I don't we can change society's ideas toward the uncleanliness of body waste, and so I doubt that diapers will be free of stigma anytime soon. All we can do as incontinence sufferers is to accept that needing diapers does not make us unclean people, and does not devalue us as individuals. We are defined by what we contribute to society, not by whether we meet society's expectations on cleanliness.

Sorry for the rambling post. I've struggled with how to say what I'm trying to say.

 

[Rufusc24]

for a few months I was 100% incontinent after a prostatectomy for prostate cancer. It was horrible. This was in 2004 and I only knew about the protection in Walgreen's Incontinent aisle. I had a few accidents at work and it was highly embarrassing. I still have some stress incontinence and wer men's guards. I still have a few minor wet spots. I am a DL but would never want to be incontinent again.

 

[ChrisStar2015]

When I was in school, I was bowel IC. Theres no worse an experience of pooping one’s pants than during Year 10 high school (Year 12 over here is the last year before going off to uni), standing outside the next class, trying in vain to explain away the smell as “I stepped in dog shit, sorry”, then to go sit in class for an hour, then to hurry off to the toilets, strip off and go commando for the rest of the afternoon.

I was teased mercilessly from year 2 Infants School (so about 8yo) through to Year 11, when my fecal IC mostly petered out to random soilings through uni and beyond.

I transitioned MtF post-Uni, copped a lot of shit from family and randoms over my looks, so became adept at hiding in plain sight.

One of my cousins had a thought of asking me to present at their uni psychology class about my experience transitioning, but thought that I’d be too embarrassed to do so. My sister knew that I’d have done it, because by then, stuff like transgender topics and teasing were “water off a ducks back”. I wasn’t phased, and still am not. I would have jumped at the chance to talk though too.

Now, Im having IC issues, and have been in nappies 24/7 for a year, and a combination of nappies and pullups for about 8 months before that (pullups were ok for the drips and dribbles, but when I started flooding, I had to “upgrade”).

Yes, I could have gone and hid in my house, but I couldn’t do that. My experience has always been to get out there and overcome the fear of being found out, I had to go to work, I have a mortgage to repay, I have my hobbies to look forward to. Life is way too short to “be stuck” inside.

Screw what other people think. My nappies are on show to whoever walks through my walk-in-robe. My nappy covers, onesies, footed Pjs are in view too. Only my ABDL stuff is hidden, even though some are also in plain sight for those in-the-know.

I wrote a post in another section here on ADISC about how to get out there and be confident. I thinknits in the Articles section. Maybe the OP should go and read that, and do the exercises in it.

I too had to learn all that stuff, and overcome the fear, the “what if”.

Life is way too short to spend it inside, cowering in fear. Please don’t let the IC ruin your life. Conquer it, get mad at it, own the problem, and move on.

I'm FTM.

 

[izzywop]

Everytime I read a diaper humiliation story/desire I cringe because diaper humiliation had happened as a regular occurrence for most of my life.
from having to explain why i took my backpack to the restroom when I was in middle school, to having to change in front of my class mates for gym and sports and getting pantsed by bullies in high school my experiences get some people off while they were my daily nightmares for a while.

 

[PaddedStag]

Oh dont get me wrong i do EVERYTHING to prevent " accidents "

I had to literally drop the carriage in the grocery store inform the personnel RUN out to the public restroom and JUST barely made it for a HUGE loads so believe me i understand .

From what youre telling us id say you need to get better grade diapers & aded PVC or PUK pants because you shouldent have leaks

Also if may give a suggestion try to empty youre self prior (Ie close before ) youre going out thats what i do EVERY day

What i meant was NOT smiling happily when this happens (i shore dont i HATE it ) but more take a deep breath and go and take care of it asap & as i said get better HA diapers .

Also i KNOW it sucks but try to have some extra "products " with you in a ord bag so that you can IF an accident occur get cleaned up and changed. (we need to be aware at all times WERE said restroom are located ) i wear a fully stocked diaper bag ALL the time as i have NO choice

All excellent suggestions and tips.
I have and do follow them. I've struggled to find what fits me best and will hopefully do the task I expect. That incident in the grocery store line was me 'Learning', but I still have nightmares about it (in various other settings, too).

Thanks for the reply and support/understanding.

 

[PaddedStag]

No way around it, that sucks. When you wear a diaper, leaks will happen sometimes. I had switched to a different brand of pull-up (with plastic pants) and was trying on jeans at a department store last year. In the dressing room, I had a sudden bladder contraction and decided to just use my pull-up. Five seconds later it was all down my leg. Thankfully I was wearing my jeans at the time and not the store's, and they were dark blue. The store wasn't crowded and I made a beeline for the jeans rack and then out the nearest exit, and sat on a plastic bag for the short drive home. I don't wear Attends pull-up anymore: they aren't full-cut in the butt which can prevent them from hugging your body properly, even if the absorbency is quite good.

I don't know anything about you beyond what you've posted, and I realize my status as ABDL means I've been able to wade into this one toe at a time and pull back when necessary... But IMHO this is a situation where the best defense is a good offense. There's an HDIS commercial I see occasionally on TV with a woman shopping at a store and the voiceover says, "The bladder control aisle? You won't shop here again!" Like hell. (Excluding for the moment that store brands are really bad.) Say you're at the local CVS or Walgreens buying emergency diapers because FedEx lost your package. The person in front of you is buying extra strength headache medicine. The person in front of them is buying strips for their glucose meter. Is your purchase any different? No. It's a medical aid and you shouldn't feel any more embarrassed than anybody else.

Yes, you need to learn to laugh about it. I've had people walk in on me a couple times while changing. On one occasion at the mall, my shorts were at my ankles and I'd just applied barrier cream to my genitals. The latch on the stall apparently wasn't secure and a man suddenly flung it open. Standing there naked, I got a big grin on my face and said "hi!". He should have been more embarrassed than me, as he then proceeded into the next stall and really stunk up the bathroom. I've been wearing more absorbent diapers since then and find that I need to change on-the-fly a lot less.

I think one of the benefits of boards like this is reading other people's stories: the situations they find themselves in and how they manage to cope. If you're dealing with this completely alone, that must be stressful. But there is a whole community here to offer support. No, I don't know what you've had to endure, but please hang out for a while, read old posts, interact, and you might just find your comfort level going up.



OTOH, you could be Luke Perry.

Mostly I posted to get direct feedback from folks that enjoy wetting/messing, to see if I can truly wrap my mind around this fetish, and by doing so, maybe learn how I can adapt my own condition so I don't feel such shame/loss-of-quality in my life. I read stories but they're so heavily slanted towards the fetish side of things I just can't accept them as a real life object of study. Not sure that reads as well as I want?
Store bought is practically worthless if you have full loss of control. That was Lesson #1 for me.
Buying incontinent products AT the local stores, was another sure-fire way to suffer. Other people SEE you with those in your cart, SEE you putting them on the belt, the cashier obviously sees them, looks at you.
Yeah, no. Thank God for delivery!
Better brands are just that, but they're damned expensive, and still I had to spend a lot of money on products that don't do the job(s) I need. I didn't throw any of it out, but adapted them as 'Boosters'. "Thank You, ADISC!", for sharing that idea.

Public bathrooms.
No. They're there, I have used them in an emergency (drive home after a messy accident? Not if I can help it! Disgusting beyond words). Had a few run ins with folks for using the disabled stall, because I'm still upright and walking on my two legs. Never really had an issue with it however. I just despise using public toilets because of what people now do to them. When did society become such pigs?

You're 100% correct about reading what other people have shared.
It's a huge help knowing I'm not alone with this problem. I do feel less like a freak, but admit this problem has crippled my social life.

Thank God for the internet! At least I can still observe the world from a safe place? lol

Thank You for replying and sharing your thoughts.