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I’m going through the identity crisis right now. It’s a stage almost every teenager goes through. It’s when you realize the complexity of life and human nature, but have no way of understanding it. and not understanding it, you feal that you don't know who you are. Because of this, I’ve made a bunch of theories that try to describe who I am, and I felt it’d be fun to put them here. Mainly because they’re all jumbled up in my head and it might help me to put it on paper.
Moral theory:
I have a very strong moral system that I live by as best I can. It includes the usual things like always do my best and be kind to others, but it has stranger things as well. I care too much about things that don’t mater, I hate the thought of sex, I can’t put my feelings above anyone else’s, and I put everyone else above me.
My morals have pushed me away from relationships of any kind. I’ve never had a girlfriend, and I don’t plan to until later in life. To me, relationships are held for 3 goals. One is sex, another is marriage, and the last is just to have fun. I don’t care about sex (as said above), I’m too young for marriage, and as for a good time, why should I start a relationship for that. Why not just do the same exact things couples would normally do (besides kissing), with out the stress of a relationship.
Asexuality theory:
I’ve labeled myself as Asexual only because it’s the closest thing I can think of to what I actually am. For sex and sex alone, I would probably be straight. But there’s more to it than just sex. When it comes down to love, I don’t think I could handle it. It’s a field I’m just not ready to explore. And it’s not like I don’t have the opportunity to. That I know of, there are 3 girls and 1 guy that really want to go out with me, and I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to go out with anybody. The big reason I label this “asexual” and not “straight but not looking for love” is because my morals push me away from sex without love. Which is why I plan not to have sex until I get married.
My thoughts theory:
I think differently than anyone I know. My thought process goes through this strange system where I pick out things that no one else can pick out, mainly on a deeper level. When I’m thinking deeply, I can come up with so much (on example is all of these theories). Occasionally, me and my dad have really deep conversations, and it startles me how much deeper I think than him. His deep thoughts seem like common sense to me, and my deep thoughts blow him away. I’ve never really had a deep conversation with anyone other than him, so I don’t have too much to base this theory on.
Outside influence theory:
I just thought of the name for that, and I really like it. This is about how I act. In different situations, I act really differently, and as hard as I try I can’t act differently until the situation changes. a good example is school. I have German class one period, and I’m loud, active, hyper, and I’m happy. The very next period I have art, and I haven’t spoken a single word yet. In German the class is encouraged to talk (in German of course), so that influences me to be active. Plus the students in the class are fun and encourage my behavior. But it’s different in art. It’s more appropriate to stay quiet and focus on your work, and I hate the kid in the class, so my attitude is completely different. Most people say that they do the same thing, but I like to think that It’s different for me. I’m not just acting different, I think differently, feel different, and an over all different person.
Turning off my emotions theory:
I’ve tried to explain this before, but I don’t think I did a very good job at doing it. I don’t understand it much myself, so I’m just going to tell what I feel. Basically, I breath in deep, and when I breath out, I focus all of my energy on being completely calm and uncaring. I’ve been very angry, sad, or any bad feeling to feeling nothing using this technique. I’ve also done it at 6 flags on the giant drop. As soon as it started I felt that stomach turning falling feeling like always, but then I breathed out and felt nothing. No fear or anything. I calmly watched the sky sink behind the trees and grinned a little.
I know I this is true, even if I can’t describe it well. The biggest way I know how it’s affected me is how I take problems. If horrible things happen to me, I couldn’t care less. My parents got divorced last summer and I still haven’t felt any pain from it. It hasn’t bothered me at all. But what hurts me really bad is the little things. If anyone gets frustrated with me and shows it, I’m devastated. The next few days I’m not myself and I can’t enjoy anything.
Tb caused by above theory… theory:
When I was little, I had a hard time at everything. I was always sad, had few friends, and wasn’t smart enough to focus on those friends and not everyone else. I was teased a lot, and over all unhappy. One strategy to get away from everything was to block out all of my emotions, including happiness (not like I experienced it much anyway). I remained in this emotionless state for a few years until I learned about Tb. Then, in order to feel again, I regressed to a time when I could feel. I’m not sure if that’s true, but it was something to think about.
Tb caused by adisc theory:
This I think is most likely. I’ve always been a dl, but I became a tb after I got comfortable with this sight and everyone on it. Maybe it’s possible that I’m not a tb, but just make myself think I am in order to be more accepted by you guys. This isn’t a conscious decision if it’s true, but something I tricked myself into believing. I think this might be true because I really don’t have that many tb feelings. Occasionally I’ll suck on my pacy, but that only makes me happy for about 3 seconds, and then its annoying. The only reason I still label myself as a tb is because I love to be 5 years old. It’s one of my favorite things is to just be really, really immature and have everyone around me have fun because of it. But this goes back to the outside influence theory because if I’m alone or with calm friends, I annoy myself if I act immature.
Thats it for now. if something i said is really unclear, please say so. everything seems normal to me, but if you can't understand it than i'll try to re-explain.
i'd also like to add that these are just theories. they can be completly true, or not true at all, i don't know. they're just things i like to use when i get confused. if anyone has anything to add or remove, i would love to hear it.
Moral theory:
I have a very strong moral system that I live by as best I can. It includes the usual things like always do my best and be kind to others, but it has stranger things as well. I care too much about things that don’t mater, I hate the thought of sex, I can’t put my feelings above anyone else’s, and I put everyone else above me.
My morals have pushed me away from relationships of any kind. I’ve never had a girlfriend, and I don’t plan to until later in life. To me, relationships are held for 3 goals. One is sex, another is marriage, and the last is just to have fun. I don’t care about sex (as said above), I’m too young for marriage, and as for a good time, why should I start a relationship for that. Why not just do the same exact things couples would normally do (besides kissing), with out the stress of a relationship.
Asexuality theory:
I’ve labeled myself as Asexual only because it’s the closest thing I can think of to what I actually am. For sex and sex alone, I would probably be straight. But there’s more to it than just sex. When it comes down to love, I don’t think I could handle it. It’s a field I’m just not ready to explore. And it’s not like I don’t have the opportunity to. That I know of, there are 3 girls and 1 guy that really want to go out with me, and I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to go out with anybody. The big reason I label this “asexual” and not “straight but not looking for love” is because my morals push me away from sex without love. Which is why I plan not to have sex until I get married.
My thoughts theory:
I think differently than anyone I know. My thought process goes through this strange system where I pick out things that no one else can pick out, mainly on a deeper level. When I’m thinking deeply, I can come up with so much (on example is all of these theories). Occasionally, me and my dad have really deep conversations, and it startles me how much deeper I think than him. His deep thoughts seem like common sense to me, and my deep thoughts blow him away. I’ve never really had a deep conversation with anyone other than him, so I don’t have too much to base this theory on.
Outside influence theory:
I just thought of the name for that, and I really like it. This is about how I act. In different situations, I act really differently, and as hard as I try I can’t act differently until the situation changes. a good example is school. I have German class one period, and I’m loud, active, hyper, and I’m happy. The very next period I have art, and I haven’t spoken a single word yet. In German the class is encouraged to talk (in German of course), so that influences me to be active. Plus the students in the class are fun and encourage my behavior. But it’s different in art. It’s more appropriate to stay quiet and focus on your work, and I hate the kid in the class, so my attitude is completely different. Most people say that they do the same thing, but I like to think that It’s different for me. I’m not just acting different, I think differently, feel different, and an over all different person.
Turning off my emotions theory:
I’ve tried to explain this before, but I don’t think I did a very good job at doing it. I don’t understand it much myself, so I’m just going to tell what I feel. Basically, I breath in deep, and when I breath out, I focus all of my energy on being completely calm and uncaring. I’ve been very angry, sad, or any bad feeling to feeling nothing using this technique. I’ve also done it at 6 flags on the giant drop. As soon as it started I felt that stomach turning falling feeling like always, but then I breathed out and felt nothing. No fear or anything. I calmly watched the sky sink behind the trees and grinned a little.
I know I this is true, even if I can’t describe it well. The biggest way I know how it’s affected me is how I take problems. If horrible things happen to me, I couldn’t care less. My parents got divorced last summer and I still haven’t felt any pain from it. It hasn’t bothered me at all. But what hurts me really bad is the little things. If anyone gets frustrated with me and shows it, I’m devastated. The next few days I’m not myself and I can’t enjoy anything.
Tb caused by above theory… theory:
When I was little, I had a hard time at everything. I was always sad, had few friends, and wasn’t smart enough to focus on those friends and not everyone else. I was teased a lot, and over all unhappy. One strategy to get away from everything was to block out all of my emotions, including happiness (not like I experienced it much anyway). I remained in this emotionless state for a few years until I learned about Tb. Then, in order to feel again, I regressed to a time when I could feel. I’m not sure if that’s true, but it was something to think about.
Tb caused by adisc theory:
This I think is most likely. I’ve always been a dl, but I became a tb after I got comfortable with this sight and everyone on it. Maybe it’s possible that I’m not a tb, but just make myself think I am in order to be more accepted by you guys. This isn’t a conscious decision if it’s true, but something I tricked myself into believing. I think this might be true because I really don’t have that many tb feelings. Occasionally I’ll suck on my pacy, but that only makes me happy for about 3 seconds, and then its annoying. The only reason I still label myself as a tb is because I love to be 5 years old. It’s one of my favorite things is to just be really, really immature and have everyone around me have fun because of it. But this goes back to the outside influence theory because if I’m alone or with calm friends, I annoy myself if I act immature.
Thats it for now. if something i said is really unclear, please say so. everything seems normal to me, but if you can't understand it than i'll try to re-explain.
i'd also like to add that these are just theories. they can be completly true, or not true at all, i don't know. they're just things i like to use when i get confused. if anyone has anything to add or remove, i would love to hear it.