Theories about me

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I’m going through the identity crisis right now. It’s a stage almost every teenager goes through. It’s when you realize the complexity of life and human nature, but have no way of understanding it. and not understanding it, you feal that you don't know who you are. Because of this, I’ve made a bunch of theories that try to describe who I am, and I felt it’d be fun to put them here. Mainly because they’re all jumbled up in my head and it might help me to put it on paper.

Moral theory:
I have a very strong moral system that I live by as best I can. It includes the usual things like always do my best and be kind to others, but it has stranger things as well. I care too much about things that don’t mater, I hate the thought of sex, I can’t put my feelings above anyone else’s, and I put everyone else above me.

My morals have pushed me away from relationships of any kind. I’ve never had a girlfriend, and I don’t plan to until later in life. To me, relationships are held for 3 goals. One is sex, another is marriage, and the last is just to have fun. I don’t care about sex (as said above), I’m too young for marriage, and as for a good time, why should I start a relationship for that. Why not just do the same exact things couples would normally do (besides kissing), with out the stress of a relationship.

Asexuality theory:
I’ve labeled myself as Asexual only because it’s the closest thing I can think of to what I actually am. For sex and sex alone, I would probably be straight. But there’s more to it than just sex. When it comes down to love, I don’t think I could handle it. It’s a field I’m just not ready to explore. And it’s not like I don’t have the opportunity to. That I know of, there are 3 girls and 1 guy that really want to go out with me, and I’ve made it clear that I don’t want to go out with anybody. The big reason I label this “asexual” and not “straight but not looking for love” is because my morals push me away from sex without love. Which is why I plan not to have sex until I get married.

My thoughts theory:
I think differently than anyone I know. My thought process goes through this strange system where I pick out things that no one else can pick out, mainly on a deeper level. When I’m thinking deeply, I can come up with so much (on example is all of these theories). Occasionally, me and my dad have really deep conversations, and it startles me how much deeper I think than him. His deep thoughts seem like common sense to me, and my deep thoughts blow him away. I’ve never really had a deep conversation with anyone other than him, so I don’t have too much to base this theory on.

Outside influence theory:
I just thought of the name for that, and I really like it. This is about how I act. In different situations, I act really differently, and as hard as I try I can’t act differently until the situation changes. a good example is school. I have German class one period, and I’m loud, active, hyper, and I’m happy. The very next period I have art, and I haven’t spoken a single word yet. In German the class is encouraged to talk (in German of course), so that influences me to be active. Plus the students in the class are fun and encourage my behavior. But it’s different in art. It’s more appropriate to stay quiet and focus on your work, and I hate the kid in the class, so my attitude is completely different. Most people say that they do the same thing, but I like to think that It’s different for me. I’m not just acting different, I think differently, feel different, and an over all different person.

Turning off my emotions theory:
I’ve tried to explain this before, but I don’t think I did a very good job at doing it. I don’t understand it much myself, so I’m just going to tell what I feel. Basically, I breath in deep, and when I breath out, I focus all of my energy on being completely calm and uncaring. I’ve been very angry, sad, or any bad feeling to feeling nothing using this technique. I’ve also done it at 6 flags on the giant drop. As soon as it started I felt that stomach turning falling feeling like always, but then I breathed out and felt nothing. No fear or anything. I calmly watched the sky sink behind the trees and grinned a little.

I know I this is true, even if I can’t describe it well. The biggest way I know how it’s affected me is how I take problems. If horrible things happen to me, I couldn’t care less. My parents got divorced last summer and I still haven’t felt any pain from it. It hasn’t bothered me at all. But what hurts me really bad is the little things. If anyone gets frustrated with me and shows it, I’m devastated. The next few days I’m not myself and I can’t enjoy anything.

Tb caused by above theory… theory:
When I was little, I had a hard time at everything. I was always sad, had few friends, and wasn’t smart enough to focus on those friends and not everyone else. I was teased a lot, and over all unhappy. One strategy to get away from everything was to block out all of my emotions, including happiness (not like I experienced it much anyway). I remained in this emotionless state for a few years until I learned about Tb. Then, in order to feel again, I regressed to a time when I could feel. I’m not sure if that’s true, but it was something to think about.

Tb caused by adisc theory:
This I think is most likely. I’ve always been a dl, but I became a tb after I got comfortable with this sight and everyone on it. Maybe it’s possible that I’m not a tb, but just make myself think I am in order to be more accepted by you guys. This isn’t a conscious decision if it’s true, but something I tricked myself into believing. I think this might be true because I really don’t have that many tb feelings. Occasionally I’ll suck on my pacy, but that only makes me happy for about 3 seconds, and then its annoying. The only reason I still label myself as a tb is because I love to be 5 years old. It’s one of my favorite things is to just be really, really immature and have everyone around me have fun because of it. But this goes back to the outside influence theory because if I’m alone or with calm friends, I annoy myself if I act immature.

Thats it for now. if something i said is really unclear, please say so. everything seems normal to me, but if you can't understand it than i'll try to re-explain.

i'd also like to add that these are just theories. they can be completly true, or not true at all, i don't know. they're just things i like to use when i get confused. if anyone has anything to add or remove, i would love to hear it.

 

[Charlie]

Tb caused by adisc theory:
This I think is most likely. I’ve always been a dl, but I became a tb after I got comfortable with this sight and everyone on it. Maybe it’s possible that I’m not a tb, but just make myself think I am in order to be more accepted by you guys. This isn’t a conscious decision if it’s true, but something I tricked myself into believing. I think this might be true because I really don’t have that many tb feelings. Occasionally I’ll suck on my pacy, but that only makes me happy for about 3 seconds, and then its annoying.

I think this is true for me in a way. Before I found TBDL, I found diapers to be purely sexual, and doing something like using a paci didn't even cross my mind. I don't think I made myself a TB to be accepted or anything, I just think seeing other people talk about this stuff awoke something in me. And sucking a paci just start to annoy me pretty quickly too, I have to be really in baby-mode to enjoy it...

 

[Martin]

Some things I thought of when I read that:

Trying to explain yourself in such a way is nearly impossible and thinking of yourself that way will most likely break you up.

Same goes for labels, putting labels on yourself is putting yourself in a box. Like I've said before at other places here. You can't be put in a box like that. You are a box on itself.

Accept yourself for who you are. There is nothing you can or should want to change about that. You're a great person. Be yourself, by doing that you do yourself the biggest favor you can.

Being able to turn off your emotions can be good at times but don't overuse it as that will interfere with who you are. Your emotions are a part of you. Also be sure that your really turning off your emotions and not locking them in as that will lead to an explosive situation which isn't fun.

And thinking of others is a great thing but sometimes you need to think of yourself too. Don't allow people to abuse this quality of you.

Most of all: Take care and trust yourself.

 

[quattrus]

It seems to me you have a deeper and better understanding of yourself than most of the average people have of themselves. Having a complex personality that is different from the "average", like yours, is a great gift many people can't even understand. Probably what makes you feel in a crisis with yourself is only the fact you feel different from the others, while others seem so happy to feel alike one to each other. But as soon as you realize that, for how complex your personality and behaviour can be, it's all part of the whole you, I bet you'll feel blessed.

As Martin says, don't try to put yourself into a category. Labels have only the effect of obscuring our real personality, and for what? Just to feel we're like some other people. Do you really need it? Being yourself to the fullest gives you a sense of power and freedom that "labelled" people will never able to experience.

I once was asked by a friend of mine, a beautiful woman in her early 40s who was trying to understand what I had into my mind, if I could give her the operating instructions of myself. My answer was that neither I had them, and I honestly like it to stay that way. Don't try to write down your operating instructions booklet.... a human being is way more complex and unpredictable than a washing machine or a VCR

 

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Accept yourself for who you are. There is nothing you can or should want to change about that. You're a great person. Be yourself, by doing that you do yourself the biggest favor you can.

i like to believe that i accept myself, but i don't really care. if other people think i'm doing good (like everyone on this sight), i feal good.

and it's not like i don't take care about myself. i make sure i'm doing ok and not stressed out, but in the end what makes me really happy is makeing someone else happy.

as for lables, it's just a little way for me to describe myself quickly. i don't follow the "norm" when it comes to lables, such as being asexual. every other lable to me is just a word that barly means anything. i'm not limiting myself to what that lable tells me i should be, but just using it for other peoples benifit.

i wish i wouldn't feal like i had to explain myself, and it's not like it consumes my time. these are just some things i think about when school gets boring or befor i fall asleep.

thank you everyone for all your words of advise. i'm glad to have you as my friends.

 

[quattrus]

in the end what makes me really happy is makeing someone else happy.

This is a wonderful thing in a world where everyone only minds his own business and doesn't give a damn to the effect his actions have on others.

What's important, is just not to get sad if someone else doesn't like what you do. Because you DO like it, and just screw what others think! (unless you're a serial killer who enjoys to murder people... :biggrin::biggrin

 

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(unless you're a serial killer who enjoys to murder people... :biggrin::biggrin

WHO TOLD YOU!!!

i try not to get upset when don't like what i do, but sometimes i find it easier just not to do it. not with big things, but the little ones like tapping. but if someone complains about something that's me, then tough luck for them. i've had a few people come up to me and yell at me for being goofy at lunch, but that's who i am, and i'm not changing that.