The truth. No more hiding why I am here.

Status
Not open for further replies.
R

Reword

Guest
Earlier this morning I made a post showing my disdain to the abdl community and that I feel I am not a part of it. So my story to why I feel this way: all my elementary years me and my younger sister played house. One would be the baby and the other the parent. When my fourth grade year ended my sister didn't want to play anymore so I started looking for other ways to play house. I thought the internet would be a good place. I searched something like "I want to be a baby" and that's when at a vulnerable age I discovered this lifestyle. I soon told myself I must be like these people... And I began searching more and more things until my parents saw my searches. My dad asked if it was sexual and I was confused. I didn't understand how wanting to be younger would be, but I late realized he saw how sexual and perverted abdl is. I didn't search or do anything about being young again till middle school and one night I decided to make a makeshift diaper. I put it on in bed. I laid down on my belly and when I moved I felt a sensation. I continued to move till the sensation reached its apex. I pleasures myself for the first time on accident in a "diaper". I quickly realized what happened and was mortified. My innocence with being a baby was forever gone. The rest of middle school I would put on a makeshift diaper and masturbate till I would, you know. Strangely, I thought it technically wasn't masturbation at the time since I didn't use my hands because I thought it was wrong to do it the traditional way. Little did I know they for no different and I would forever associate pleasuring myself and diapers from then on. It is miserable. It wasn't ever supposed to be that way. I don't want it to be sexual but my naive mind in middle school thought I wasn't doing any harm. HOW DO I FIX THIS AND MAKE IT LIKE IT USED TO BE BEFORE I SEARCHED ON THE INTERNET.
 

KimbaFoxNatsume

Pokemon Trainer in, err, Training... Pants
Est. Contributor
Messages
3,896
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Babyfur
...You don't, and there's nothing to be fixed, really.

Sounds like you have a fetish for diapers. So do I. So do lots of people on this site. Lots of people have fetishes for lots of different things. And in almost all cases, you can't get rid of a fetish, and there's really no reason to, because usually they're harmless facets of a person's sexuality.

There's no reason to feel guilty over masturbation, even in a diaper. Did you know that babies and small children sometimes masturbate too? It's a natural human behavior, even for little ones!

I can understand that you may feel like the ''innocence'' is gone if being a baby stirs up sexual feelings, but you must remember that your body is still that of an adult, with all the sexual urges that come with it. And that's OK! It's understandable that one may feel guilty when one's fetish involves children in any way - even I do from time to time - but try to realize that your fetish doesn't hurt or otherwise affect actual kids.

Maybe you can try to find something babyish to do that doesn't stir up sexual feelings. If just the diapers arouse you, there's tons of other things you could do that don't involve them, like sucking a pacifier, coloring, or watching cartoons.
 

SleepyTyrant

Est. Contributor
Messages
487
Role
  1. Little
My suggestion is that you indulge in what it is that you want.
Buy some diapers, toys, etc; and just be little.

Don't worry about who it is that you should be, and become who you are.
If you truly don't want to view it sexually, and there isn't any part of you that has any reserves about that; then it comes down to a matter of habit.

Find a different sexual outlet to focus on if you need one, until that becomes the habit.
You might need to do it gradually; stopping cold turkey can be hard.

I used to look at AB porn all the time. I'd use it as a way to get the thoughts out of my head, and it became a habit. So far, I've managed to shift it to where the only thing that I view sexually about this are certain stories/fan fics.
 

Tyger

Est. Contributor
Messages
2,216
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Babyfur
  4. Diaperfur
Hey, so if you didn't read what I posted on your other thread, read it if you want some context to this: I have been through what you are going through. Many of us have, you are not alone, and you are not some perverse person for it. At that age, you didn't know what was sexual, what was masturbation, this was all new to you and you were only doing what you thought felt good. It is part of what I referred to as your animal nature.

First of all, Don't beat yourself up over it! You are at the same age that I was when I was trying to understand myself. The best advice that I picked up while being here is, "set a standard/boundaries" for this. Make sure that you are taking care of your needs, but don't let them be the shame of yourself, or your obsession (obsession may be defined differently than others, but I think it is safe to say that putting unnecessary reliance on others is a good point to at least say is 'too far'). Learn to take care of your needs frequently enough that you can go back to life as society expects of you.

I have some personal questions, but you don't have to answer them, but at least ask them to yourself:

What is your stance on Masturbation? Do you think it is bad? I grew up thinking it was bad because of religion, it wasn't until later that I learned that psychologists discourage people from abstinence on masturbation (unless your body just doesn't need it). It is a natural process of release, and if you don't do it yourself, then it is going to happen in your sleep, and those moments are way more pornographic than what the internet can do for you, I'll tell you that. Guilting yourself over a natural process of your body is unhealthy, and can damage your concepts on sexuality and potentially ruin a future marriage/relationship due to lack of sexual activity. I suspect that some of this mentality is what might be stressing you about your fetish.

What is your stance on pornography? I personally don't know what to say of it myself, but I can tell you it has always been a part of human society. It doesn't mean it is right morally, but what it does mean, is that you are a human, congrats! According to sociology, I could argue that pornography is a functional part of society. Looking at pornographic material in general can make you feel dirty though, a lot of this is because of socialization(lots of people are taught it is evil growing up). The most important thing to note about pornography is, don't let it consume your life (That includes obsessing over escaping it, if you are guilting yourself because you can't stop looking at it, you are letting it consume you! Just as much as if you did nothing all day but look at it.) Life is about balance, and understanding that it is simply a miracle that society exists and people are able to associate without tearing each others heads off, because we are all psychotic in some way when you start to observe. I'm sorry if suggesting that looking at pornography in a controlled pattern offends anybody, but lets face it, it is better than depression over guilt when you really just can't abstain from it %100.

Do you think pedophiliac thoughts while sexualizing diapers or adults in diapers? If so, I can see how that would be disturbing, maybe a talk with a psychologist over this could be a good idea(this may never change your thoughts, but it could), but don't go wanting them to change your enjoyment over diapers, it has been reinforced through your young adult entrance into sexuality, and is very difficult to change, and not come out scared. If you don't think pedophiliac thoughts while practicing this fetish, then great, you just like to see people wearing diapers and maybe having sex in them, that isn't going to get you chasing after children.

-end of questions-

I remember growing up loving the innocents of playing games with my stuffed animals, dreaming of adventures, and I was still a teenager back then. I was so hungry for the quest to obtain that innocents again when it became sexual, a lot of that quest has killed my ability to feel emotion without being deeply regressed. I actually remember activities like yours where you played house. One of my earliest memories was of playing house and being the baby (it helped because I was the baby, but I loved it). I also remember playing zoo and being a lion or a tiger cub, it was so fun, and I did that still close until becoming a teenager, which isn't common. The innocent side of it is so wonderful and relaxing, don't loose it, and don't let people tell you that it is bad. One of my three psychologists said "Everything about [this lifestyle] is bad" (that was including having lots of stuffed animals, apparently having 1, maybe 2, was ok), what even supported his statement though? Nothing, it is based on a social concepts, and he didn't even have anything to support it when I asked him why. He was a psycho, and I felt happier when I left him.

Some people here are capable of de-sexualizing this part of themselves, or never sexualizing it in the first place. If you can, all the better for you, if not, you are still a human, and you are not hurting anybody or yourself, learn to love who you are. I would suggest seeing if you can get aroused by other things that are not connected to the fetish if you are wanting to try. See if normal sexual material/activities work just as well for you. Maybe you need to set apart time that you can fulfill your sexual needs regularly, and then set apart time to fulfill your adult baby needs regularly(from the sounds of it, you do have adult baby needs in my opinion, I say this because you want to "restore the innocents of it," sorry (but not sorry) but you are kind of an adult baby if you asked me, but that doesn't mean you have to categorize yourself as one, labels are not always the best. If you can get yourself sexually stimulated from conventional porn/masterbation, maybe you can separate the two, but there can be no promises. The thing you have to accept is, you are a sexual creature now, that is what happens from puberty. You also have to understand, that part of you wants to escape to childhood again, and that is ok, it is actually very normal, but adult babies just want it more than other people.

Well take everything for what it is, my opinion based on my experience. I hope it helps though, and have to say, congrats on being honest. Good luck, and hang in there, a few more years and I bet you will reach a point of self acceptance and understanding that none of us understand anything completely, we just try and make ends meet, and try to be happy.
 

ozbub

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,735
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Little
You know what...it's a pretty long road to acceptance, and that doesn't mean giving in, just learning to love the person you are. If you constantly demonise this part of you, you're just going to allow unnecessary hatred to grow inside you....and...you'll find yourself overwhelmed with AB desires such that you can't control yourself :( then you'll even feel worse because you'll feel like a failure.

You've got to find perspective in this. IMHO you are undeniably an adult baby. Now you can get all psycho about this, or learn to integrate it into your life. None us know why we are this way. I can tell you right now that the internet did not make you like this....case in point...it was you that typed in the search 'I want to be a baby'

You've had bucket loads of good advice from lots of people here on a huge range of questions. Take on board those things that you know are right for you.

Stop feeling guilty. You are a beautiful human being, created just the way you were supposed to be. So what that you're in touch with your inner child, so what that you need the security of needing to regress. These things don't diminish you as a person, only you can do that by the way you deal with it. DONT LET IT RULE YOU .

You are a sexual being and that's normal and natural ... It's unfortunate that it's linked in with these other needs you have, but it probably not the reason for it, so just give yourself time to learn how to balance it. Seriously dude, it's a bodily function. When two people love each other, when they make love, it's not about the bodily function, it's about the unique and intimate care they show for each other, the other bit just feels nice. You can still have that and be AB....the hard bit is working out how to deal with it in your life.

It's only a problem if it becomes unhealthy. That means you let it rule you. If it takes up too much of your life and time it could be destructive. If you allow it to hurt others it would be a problem. Naturally, you have to decide how what when and where you're going to take care of your little self. But ultimately, you do have to accept yourself. Enjoy this part of you. Stop hating yourself or you'll never be able to love anyone else.
 
Messages
2,229
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
What I'm reading from this post isn't really an issue with diapers or ABDL. Here's what I think the key quote is.

My innocence with being a baby was forever gone.

Believe it or not, almost every single person in the world goes through this. Replace "baby" with something else, but almost everyone has this moment. Getting older, for both men and women, means a changing sexual identity. People who once saw each other as friends may begin to see each other as something more. People with fetishes discover them, people who are homosexual realize it, and even the people who are the most vanilla heterosexuals begin to realize new kinds of pleasure that they can derive from their own body.

And for most people, it freaks them out. Because it's out of their control. The first experience many people have had with masturbation is that they didn't even realize what they were doing and were surprised when it happened. That certainly was my experience, and it has been described by many others sharing on this forum, including yourself.

Also, make no mistake, it is a loss of innocence. For everyone. Not fully understanding sexual attraction is a huge part of what innocence means. Once someone, anyone, begins to view others through a lens of sexual attraction, it's not innocent. Sexual acts, whether they come through a relationship, a fetish, or a simple fantasy are serious, important things for anyone and everyone involved.

However, here's where you're getting off track.

HOW DO I FIX THIS AND MAKE IT LIKE IT USED TO BE BEFORE I SEARCHED ON THE INTERNET.

As you can see from the many responses, the answer is that you don't. And worse than that, you're blaming the wrong thing. It's not the fault of the Internet, porn, or anything else. Your Internet searches might have been the first thing you did when you were sexually interested, but they came about because of a desire that you already had. The loss of innocence you describe is from a makeshift diaper that you made yourself, not the Internet. I'm so, so sorry that this is tearing you up inside, but it's something that has been with you a long time, long before you started to search the Internet, and it would have manifested whether you started looking for porn or not.

Moreover, there's nothing to "fix" because there's nothing broken within you. A diaper fetish, in whatever form it takes, is unusual, but it's not an illness. It doesn't prevent you from living a normal life, working a job, having hobbies, or dating (if you're interested). It doesn't cause you long-term harm, or raise your risk of other diseases or death. In fact indulging in regular masturbation (within reason) is actually supposed to be good for long-term health, and notably lowers the risk of prostate cancer for men.

I understand that you're hurting Reword. That you feel like things are wrong and the feelings that you have in reality don't match with the ideal that you hold for yourself. That's a very difficult thing to go through and you have all my best wishes that the crisis you're experiencing passes quickly. The best advice I can give you is to wait. Just wait and see. Don't do anything you don't want and don't make any decisions about what's right and wrong for yourself just yet. In time, I think you'll come to understand yourself better.
 

Kaylen

Est. Contributor
Messages
192
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Sissy
  4. Little
Everyone already told you some good stuff so I don't need to repeat it; but why not just say it in the first place? There's no need to jump through hoops or try to stir up things when you could have just said so in the beginning. Just a little knowledge for future reference.
 

daddy4you

Contributor
Messages
11
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Carer
Life is short. Live it. We ALL have our "wish I had not said/done that" moments. We all look back and wish for some part of our lives again, especially when you get older. My attitude it is this now. Enjoy what you enjoy. Dont over analyze everything. No matter what you say or do someone will be unhappy about it. So do what YOU want, but be considerate of others. After looking after many sissy babies over the years even some on here would be quite shocked with what some enjoy, but these days I try to never judge. Do not get hung up on personal feelings or regrets. If you cannot change it why worry about it? Put yourself in a nice nappy and relax (etc) :)
 

Wellust

Contributor
Messages
317
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Little
Little did I know they for no different and I would forever associate pleasuring myself and diapers from then on. It is miserable. It wasn't ever supposed to be that way.

The fact that you did this did not lead to this.
Your "affection" for diapers is hard wired. You have it or not, it doesn't exist because you created a makeshift diaper once and did so more often. You did create a makeshift diaper once and did so more often because it does exist.
Just like homosexuality, or any other preferences we don't choose them. We have them or not. We don't create them later on, it was already created.

HOW DO I FIX THIS AND MAKE IT LIKE IT USED TO BE BEFORE I SEARCHED ON THE INTERNET.

You can't fix something that isn't broken. And how to make it like it used to be, well, let's for the picture of it say you can travel back in time and start over from where you want.

You would end up supressing your desires for these years. That won't make you anymore happy, in fact it would make you less happy, and the desires would surface in other ways plagueing you mentally and emotionally.
To fix something you need a problem. A fetish isn't a problem on itself, it's only a problem if the person having it considers it a problem. To fix that problem you will have to find a way to live with it in peace.
 
M

Maxx

Guest
HOW DO I FIX THIS AND MAKE IT LIKE IT USED TO BE BEFORE I SEARCHED ON THE INTERNET.

Sorry, puberty changes everything. That would still be true even if a diaper had nothing to do with the experience. That's one of the reasons we as parents and grandparents try to shield our kids from blatant sexuality until they're ready for it. Growing up happens all to quickly without any external influence.

Just because you have a diaper fetish doesn't mean you can't experience and enjoy regular sex and relationships also.

Not to worry, if you're like most people, you'll still be able to experience some of the innocence of childhood via children and grandchildren. Its not quite the same, but hey, that's the way life is.
 

foxkits

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,969
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Babyfur
Earlier this morning I made a post showing my disdain to the abdl community and that I feel I am not a part of it. So my story to why I feel this way: all my elementary years me and my younger sister played house. One would be the baby and the other the parent. When my fourth grade year ended my sister didn't want to play anymore so I started looking for other ways to play house. I thought the internet would be a good place. I searched something like "I want to be a baby" and that's when at a vulnerable age I discovered this lifestyle. I soon told myself I must be like these people... And I began searching more and more things until my parents saw my searches. My dad asked if it was sexual and I was confused. I didn't understand how wanting to be younger would be, but I late realized he saw how sexual and perverted abdl is. I didn't search or do anything about being young again till middle school and one night I decided to make a makeshift diaper. I put it on in bed. I laid down on my belly and when I moved I felt a sensation. I continued to move till the sensation reached its apex. I pleasures myself for the first time on accident in a "diaper". I quickly realized what happened and was mortified. My innocence with being a baby was forever gone. The rest of middle school I would put on a makeshift diaper and masturbate till I would, you know. Strangely, I thought it technically wasn't masturbation at the time since I didn't use my hands because I thought it was wrong to do it the traditional way. Little did I know they for no different and I would forever associate pleasuring myself and diapers from then on. It is miserable. It wasn't ever supposed to be that way. I don't want it to be sexual but my naive mind in middle school thought I wasn't doing any harm. HOW DO I FIX THIS AND MAKE IT LIKE IT USED TO BE BEFORE I SEARCHED ON THE INTERNET.
May I ask are you in a very religious famley.

For most of us diapers feel good.
So why would you not in your teens discover masterbation in a diaper most of us did.
You are not a lone a lot of us ask why me why do I have this thing I do why did this happen.
You love the feeling of being a baby loved cared for some we do too.

You must change how you feel about your self .
As stated some babys do pleasure them selves .
Some parents have asked on some parenting fourms my baby rubs on furniture what do I do.

But our memory is very short so the parents re-chanal what we are doing.
Like a baby putting his hand in his diaper.
We are sexaul beings we are ment to have children so nerves are in that region for a reason .
Its feels good so we would like sex if we did not like it would we have ever survived as a spices no if we did not enjoy doing it.

So you discovered your first time masterbate while in a diaper we all rember that time me too.
Diapers feel good some babys dont want to give them up they love the feeling of them .
We spend up to 3 .5 years or longer in them some part of us rembers the feeling how good they feel.
I feel all person's are some part sexual for some its just wearing diapers some it's rubbing them selves like a baby would that me.
You have to understand all of us have deferent triggers for some its punishment being put into diapers or spanked tied up we are all triggered in our own way .
There are so many of us the the chance's are if you do something there are others like you some where.

I'm not drawn to sex like most persons it's being in my diaper and being a baby .
Yes I rub my self like a baby would kick my legs it feels good so I'm like you.

Dont be hard on yourself your young yet
Your have a long life ahead so hating your self over something like this will send you down a road self hate pain suffering.
No need if you dont like the porn stuff dont do it .
You are you so you can do what you like but your not harming any one with liking the comfort being taken care of like being a baby enjoy that it's a part of you .

Just modifie your diaper time some times play just a baby then sometimes not your still learning what you are we never stop I'm still learning what I'm .
I'm an old fart take care
 
Last edited:

MadDoctor

Contributor
Messages
98
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
  3. Carer
HOW DO I FIX THIS AND MAKE IT LIKE IT USED TO BE BEFORE I SEARCHED ON THE INTERNET.

Like everyone else said; you don't. To add to that though, you seem to think that that single instance is what caused that "fall from innocence," but I have my doubts. Namely, the age you were when all this was going on is the age when most people become aware of the their sexuality, so I think it was mostly that. I understand that you want something to "blame" for what you consider to be a very negative change, but that's just how life goes. That's entropy; things change and you can't change them back.

Also, you seem to have some serious issues with sex and sexuality in general. You refer to your first sexual experience as a loss of innocence, you call AB/DL sexual (it can be) but perverted as well, and then you say that you were naive to assume that masturbation was harmless. There's nothing wrong with sex or sexuality, whether it's in a diaper or not, or even if you like to act like a kid or baby and get off on that. As long as you aren't actually fantasizing about actual children, all of this is harmless, as well as a healthy outlet.

One last thing though; I believe you are reading into this way too much. You've built up these moments as terrible, if not traumatic, events that need to be erased. They are not, and they do not. Since you appear to be having some serious issues when it comes to accepting and reconciling them though, I strongly suggest that you go see a therapist about it. What happened in and of itself wasn't bad or harmful, but what you're feeling now is. You're throwing all this guilt and shame on yourself for no reason, and I think you would greatly benefit from having a therapist help you work all of this out.
 

Cottontail

Sailing, sailing, ...
Est. Contributor
Messages
6,020
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Babyfur
  4. Diaperfur
  5. Sissy
HOW DO I FIX THIS AND MAKE IT LIKE IT USED TO BE BEFORE I SEARCHED ON THE INTERNET.
May I ask are you in a very religious famley.

Reword, I had the same question as foxkits. In your other thread, I saw the word "immoral" getting thrown around. Mind you, I'm not anti-religious, but I think there are a few common religious themes that run counter to a happy life, and one of those is the notion that there's a moral code that applies even when you're by yourself and doing things that affect only you. If there's a Satan, I'm pretty sure that part was his invention. You might want to reach out to the Christians group (I see you're a member) with your feelings, or start a thread that more clearly aims to reconcile your religion and your fetish. Lots of people here have dealt with this.

Anyway.

Like you, my first time "getting off" was in a diaper. I was 12 years old (I'm pretty sure), and had no idea what I was doing. I thought I'd urinated when it was over. Imagine my surprise and confusion! The seeming loss of control was a pretty unnerving, but the feeling was good, and so I kept doing it. And kept doing it. And kept doing it. There was no Web back then; I was totally alone. I knew that nobody would approve of my wearing diapers, much less my using them for sexual pleasure, so I kept it all to myself and felt bad about it for years. I should add that I was also somewhat religious at the time, being raised Presbyterian, and had gotten the "masturbation is bad" thing from my parents more than a few times.

But I got over it in time. That's a lot of what self-acceptance is: Waiting. And realizing it ain't goin' away! Sure, there's no denying that most non-AB/DLs don't understand and don't approve of this stuff, but their non-approval doesn't make it inherently bad. Their extrapolating things like pedophilia from your wearing diapers or role-playing a baby doesn't mean you're a pedophile. Their impressions and opinions are only as connected to your reality as you want them to be. Of course, it isn't exactly awesome having to hide a part of yourself from those around you, but most of us get used to that, too. It's just not practical to be totally "out" about a fetish in this world. Then again, the far more common guy who jerks off to porn doesn't go around blabbing to the general public about it either. Except in situations where somebody has a deep need for the involvement of a partner in their AB/DL practices, I think "coming out" is majorly overrated.

Finally, I'll add that while my sexuality seemed to be all about diapers at first, it was pretty clear to me by my mid-teens that I was every bit as girl-crazed as the average guy. Run-of-the-mill sex turned out to be just as satisfying -- moreso in some ways -- as a good diaper. I've been married now for 15 years, have two kids, and enjoy a very "normal" sex life in addition to my little secret. (My wife is the only one I've "come out" to, albeit unintentionally, and she doesn't involve herself.) My life is in no way "weighted down" by my being a DL. On the contrary, I look on being a DL as a fun "hobby." :)

Best of luck coming to terms with it. It's not so much a matter of "if," but "when."
 

PaddedWife

Est. Contributor
Messages
129
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
i would stay away from pornagraphic websights(weather ABDL or not) if thats what bothers you, plenty of teenagers have found way more than they bargained for at a young age(myself included) honestly most teens will be confused if given full access to the internet.
in general pornagraphic sights promote unrealistic sex, that is not even close to to what its like in real life, and is often disrespectful in nature
i struggled with my DL feelings as a child(grew up in a religious judging house) currently i have 2 kids and a wife of almost 10 years who partakes in my interests.
you are not messed up, just do some personal searching and try to understand everyone has fetishes, some are just more out there than others
 

BluMew

Est. Contributor
Messages
143
Role
  1. Little
Earlier this morning I made a post showing my disdain to the abdl community and that I feel I am not a part of it.
First of all, please take care of yourself. Don't let the panic consume you, and please, especially do not harm yourself. I encourage you to respond to us here, please post and keep talking. It's important to not stay silent here. It's important for you to express your distress and fears so that we all can provide support for you.

When I, myself, put two and two together my world fell apart. I was studying at a university and because of this revelation and the ensuing panic I failed in my classes left and right. I did not know about his website at the time -- it wasn't even on my radar, as I was more so dealing with the revelation that I was gay. The realization that I also had a general fascination with children, diapers, and child like behavior (and yes, masturbate with it in mind) was second crushing blow that came later. I'm still not completely over it. I realize that I am not a pedophile, or any harm to children, and that this is just a fetish, but I still am uncomfortable talking about it and uncomfortable around children.

Please let us know what is going on, what is distressing you about it, or what your fears are. It's important to talk about it even though you might not want to. Talking about it was what helped me the most. You have enough posts to this website, so you can send private messages. Perhaps you want to send private messages to people who have responded to you in this thread, if you don't want to post in this thread. I would send you a private message myself, but I am still short on posts and can't send private messages yet. I think I still have 4 to go.
 

FeekaDimension

Est. Contributor
Messages
427
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Babyfur
  4. Little
I don't want it to be sexual but my naive mind in middle school thought I wasn't doing any harm.

Reword, you weren't doing any harm to anyone.

#1. You seem to be an ABDL. You have innocent desires to be a small child again, and you also have a diaper fetish. Both involve wearing diapers. They don't have to always cross over. For example: I like snacks. I enjoy Cookies and Cream ice cream and I enjoy barbecue potato chips. Some days I want to have ice cream. Some days I want to have potato chips. Some days I want both. Some days I don't want either and have a piece of pie instead. Same goes with you: Some days you want to be a baby in a diaper, some days you want to be an adult in a diaper.

#2. It's more unusual for a 12 year old to NOT masturbate and figure out what feels good with their body. Almost everyone has done it. When puberty settles in, the body generates a need to reproduce and that desire can be very distracting, especially when you're young and you're not sure what a sexual desire feels like.

#3. This might surprise you, but babies are known to masturbate from inside the womb up til about mid-toddlerhood when their parents teach them that it's not considered normal to have their hands in their pants. I don't know if they can climax, granted, but the point still stands that you're technically not doing something un-babyish if you DO end up feeling hot and bothered while regressing. Besides, even while pretending you're a baby, you are still really an adult with an adult body and mind's needs.
 
Messages
31
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
Why FIX was what is not broken?

I discovered my sexuality at age 12 by dry humping a stuffed animal till ... ;) ;) I do not consider it perverted. I do not consider this unhealthy. I do not consider myself damaged. I did not tarnish my innocence.

I did not break my own heart, I didn't break someone else's heart. I didn't covet my neighbors wife, and I didn't cheat on a spouse.

So what harm did I do? What crime did I commit? I'm gonna jump out on a limb and assume my teddy bear was cool with it...

All jokes aside. I've been down the road of self hatred. I tried the gym. I tried therapy. I've tried religion, I've tried running. For real actual jogging. On the beach and at dawn. I've tried meditation. I've tried philosophy. I lost 80 lbs. changed my life from A to freaking Z bro. I am still an AB/DL. It's a childhood thing for 90% of us bro.

Here is the absolute truth and you are gonna hate me for saying it. You were an abdl before you ever made the make shift diaper. The seeds were planted when you were playing house. There is NOTHING wrong or perverted with that.

I am a very succesful human being fet, kink, and all. I have a good career, I am in a music band, have a wife, two dogs, and volunteer free music shows for old folks.

So I like to pad up wear a onesie and color in coloring books... ??? How is that wrong? How is that such a bad thing? If you can tell me ... Then I better find me a new therapist and pastor cause they are both full of crap.
 
Messages
441
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
Earlier this morning I made a post showing my disdain to the abdl community and that I feel I am not a part of it. So my story to why I feel this way: all my elementary years me and my younger sister played house. One would be the baby and the other the parent. When my fourth grade year ended my sister didn't want to play anymore so I started looking for other ways to play house. I thought the internet would be a good place. I searched something like "I want to be a baby" and that's when at a vulnerable age I discovered this lifestyle. I soon told myself I must be like these people... And I began searching more and more things until my parents saw my searches. My dad asked if it was sexual and I was confused. I didn't understand how wanting to be younger would be, but I late realized he saw how sexual and perverted abdl is. I didn't search or do anything about being young again till middle school and one night I decided to make a makeshift diaper. I put it on in bed. I laid down on my belly and when I moved I felt a sensation. I continued to move till the sensation reached its apex. I pleasures myself for the first time on accident in a "diaper". I quickly realized what happened and was mortified. My innocence with being a baby was forever gone. The rest of middle school I would put on a makeshift diaper and masturbate till I would, you know. Strangely, I thought it technically wasn't masturbation at the time since I didn't use my hands because I thought it was wrong to do it the traditional way. Little did I know they for no different and I would forever associate pleasuring myself and diapers from then on. It is miserable. It wasn't ever supposed to be that way. I don't want it to be sexual but my naive mind in middle school thought I wasn't doing any harm. HOW DO I FIX THIS AND MAKE IT LIKE IT USED TO BE BEFORE I SEARCHED ON THE INTERNET.

It's unfixable. Grow up and move on - I am nearly three years your senior and you don't hear me begging the internet for solutions when I turn on the news and see the stories about the beheadings (which I'm using as an example) - "Oh everybody help me 'cause I've seen something I don't want to see and I don't like it...can we forever cancel and erase live news?" On top of that people do weird shit - my next door neighbour mite like sticking toy soldiers up his arse and dancing round the sitting room to electric folk music immediately afterwards, my old librarian Mrs Winterscrogg may orgasm immediately at the popping of a balloon...heck she may be doing it now - people do weird shit: disgusting shit, mesed-up shit, illegal shit, graphic-barbaric-unimaginable-against-god-himself-shit and punishable-by-death shit...look, you were going to find out at some point and if you hadn't stumbled across infantilism it'd been something else: naturism, BDSM, water-sports, pleasure/gang-rape...human beings are the most filthy, disgusting, creatively-disgusting lumps of moving thinking (tho not always - see anal solider insertion!?!?) flesh in existence and unless it's going on in your living room without your permission (and your parents aren't the do-ees) or it's kept you up for seven nights solid I think you should just let it slide...I really really mean that. bringmesunshine
 

LazyDreamer

Est. Contributor
Messages
33
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Carer
Hey Reword,
I really feel ya, man. I know what it's like to be torn between nonsexual desire, sexual desire and doing what's "right." It seems like the diaper aspect isn't what bothers you, but the sexual side of things is. Well, I hate to tell you, but if you're anything like me (or, from what I can tell, the rest of us) the two are pretty hardcore intertwined. Asking to wear diapers and feel nothing is like wanting to look at a woman naked and feel nothing; not only is it borderline impossible, but sex may be the main subconscious and conscious force that drives us towards diapers in the first place.

From my understanding, you're a Christian, right? Abstinence until marriage is SUCH a hard road to travel. Some days, you may feel like asking God why he's asking to fight such a terribly strong instinct. But remember that sex isn't inherently wrong or evil; the point of it, according to the Christian tradition, is for husband and wife to bond physically and emotionally. So your love of diapers hasn't been tainted by evil; you may have to wait until marriage to enjoy it the way that it was fully intended, but I don't think God wrapped it up yellow "Do Not Cross" tape. Maybe it'd help to think of it like the presents under the tree that you wait to open until that "Special Day." Of course, that doesn't make it any easier. The instinct is so hard to resist, and that's probably a good thing, since it's kept our species alive for this long. Just don't beat yourself up if you "mess up." Remember that God isn't some giant, angry firemonkey who wants to throw lightning spears at everyone who isn't a pristine little soap bubble. Jesus is a man, too. He gets how powerful the urges are, especially when mixed with nonsexual yearning, and He'll forgive you because He knows you're trying, and it's your heart He really cares about.

Now, if the idea of sexuality and diapers together just ruins the innocence, there's not much anyone can say except we're here for you, and many of us know what it's like to have sexual maturity slam the doors on escape to prepubescent innocence. "Sucks" is an understatement.

I know it's not the same feeling, but there's a lot to be said about the innocence of being in God's presence, held by Him as you worship, knowing that He, the Almighty Father, will always care for you and protect you as his child. The feelings of being innocent and adored in that moment sometimes touch on the best aspects of AB/DL. Also, certain music helps a ton taking some people back to that innocent place. I swear, listening to Iz Kamakawiwo'ole's "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" or All Sons and Daughters "How I Need You" even Train's "Hey Soul Sister" is like having a puppy fall asleep on your chest, like nothing is or could be wrong with anything!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top