The Pros and Cons of Seeking Your Origin Story

blaincorrous

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I’d like to address a common discussion that comes up on sites like this: your ABDL origin story. How did I get this way? What was my first awareness of being different? Would you change anything?

While looking back is important, I’d like to highlight the limitations of that pursuit and how it’s drawbacks can overshadow its benefits.

I’ll quickly and generically survey the possible origins for padded proclivities. There’s schools of thought that range from trauma, to neurodiversity, to genetic predisposition.

Trauma is a common thread people try to weave. It could refer to a general case of abuse or neglect, emotionally or physically. It could also point to a specific experience, like a loss of bladder or bowel control that had persistent social consequences, during the day at school, for example. I’d even include bedwetting as a trauma, because how our bedwetting is dealt with could be traumatic beyond just the even itself.

But trauma can take on so many different forms with so many consequences, like a stringy “Choose Your Adventure” book, where one little change can lead to a whole different set of consequences. In fact, it’s easy to take a idiosyncrasy and generate a trauma to fit that. Memory being a weird thing, especially early childhood memory, you should seek supporting information instead of reliving the same memories over and over.

If you consider the neurodiversity angle, some of us were late to toilet train and had more mental agency when we were finishing that transition. I’d even include those of us who had an accelerated mental development and were more aware of our toilet training in normal course.

And finally, the “genetic” argument, which I’m likely to dismiss out of hand unless better evidence is provided beyond “I can’t find the Nurture origin, so it must be Nature!” I have a VERY hard time thinking that preference a manufactured item could be coded into our DNA. I would entertain findings related to how a person who likes diapers has similar genetic markers for people who wear tight underwear or have vasovagal reactions to urinating, but outside of that, if you’ll follow me to my real point here, it matters less and less to the individual.

But first, I’m sure you can identify other origin categories, especially those specific to IC individuals, but I want to show that things in the past have consequences for the present. No one really changes the past by understanding it.

So, if I take a superhero metaphor, does squishing the radioactive spider that gave you your superpowers make those powers go away? Not really. I suppose you could say that knowing your kryptonite helps you stay away from it, but being exposed to a trigger is different from an ongoing persistent condition. And make no mistake, being ABDL is persistent and any resistance you develop will be temporary and will build up an indulgence debt.

What am I trying to say as my metaphor crumbles not even one paragraph in?

That this is you. Knowing your background will not help you break the spell diapers have over you. That’s where the limit of these types of endeavors leads.

There are benefits though, and I would be remiss if I didn’t give them some treatment.

If your origin is of traumatic nature, you do want to resolve that for many reasons. A therapist can help you come to terms with shame and keep from passing that trauma on to others, if it was inflicted on you in that way. If you jumped to the kryptonite example a split second before I presented it above, that applies here. How do you avoid the triggers that may cause the trauma? But it won’t resolve the idiosyncrasies you picked up.

This is the important point you should take away from this. You are who you are right now, and too much obsession on how you got this way wastes energy you could expend on increasing self-acceptance. And knowing your origin won’t make it go away.

So, by all means, share your origin if it’s an interesting story and you see value in the sharing, but if you have a hard time understanding how you got this way, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be this way. Depending on how you look at it, everyone is afflicted with a unique disorder: being themselves. Don’t compare your affliction with others expecting to find all the answers because everyone came by who they are honestly.
 
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Cottontail

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Lots of fair points. I'm not sure I'd equate discussing origin stories with seeking answers or solutions, though. Some people might be doing that, but I expect a lot of it is just bonding over shared ignorance.

It may also be counterproductive to argue against certain explanations for ABDL, even when they're logically nonsense. (I'll take this opportunity to mention that I like the notion of genetic predisposition, not to DL specifically, but rather to bonding with objects in ways people usually don't. We mostly know that our tendency to form attachments has its uttermost roots in genetics, so ascribing degrees of that tendency to genetics doesn't seem unreasonable. But no, I don't think there's a "diaper gene.") A lot of people declare that they have answers, not because they're obsessed with finding answers, but because they hate having questions. It's like religion: You can carry unanswerable questions with you from birth to death, or you can declare that you know why you're here and stop wondering about it. The latter might seem closed-minded to some, but there's an undeniable psychological benefit to "knowing" even when, logically, you don't. Wondering isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

But anyway... I'll admit to having a "corrective" personality. When I see stuff that seems logically fallacious, my immediate inclination is to pounce on it and poke holes. But that's probably not a very supportive thing to do. I've lately tried to break myself of that, because taking away people's answers is a bit like taking away their pacifier. :) Plus...who knows? Maybe they got the answer right even though their reasoning was sketchy. It's (often) hard to prove a negative.
 
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CheshireCat

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Figuring out one's origin story can have the reverse effect as well.

I grew up with a "weak" bladder, and a bit of an obsession with diapers as a result. I never grew out of the weak bladder, but never considered it to be abnormal (no one wants to be abnormal).

At 39yo I had a major medical event, which resulted in urinary incontinence. Now I needed what I had obsessed about for years. The internet was just coming online and I was an early participant. While looking for forums dealing with my medical issues, including incontinence, it didn't take long to discover the ABDL community. I was a bit shocked and then wrestled with the idea that maybe my early obsession with diapers was because I've been ABDL all my life.

After almost 25 years of being incontinent, and going through major testing of my urinary tract because of episodes of severe retention, I was informed I have a neurogenic bladder, and I've had it all my life. It's just getting worse the older I get.

As a result, figuring out my origin story helped me to understand that my obsession towards diapers was driven by a bladder condition created by a genetic neuromuscular disorder that went undiagnosed for 54 years, not because I was/am ABDL.

I have no disrespect towards those who are ABDL, but I sure feel a lot better about myself knowing why as a round peg I just never seemed to fit into a square hole!
 
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sbmccue

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My origin was, according to my therapist, based on sexual abuse when I was a chronological toddler. I've now known that for about 40 years, and while I no longer feel the raw anger I experienced when she first told me, I still find myself getting mad about the issue from time to time.

All in all, I'd have been happier not knowing ... but the handful of women who have tried to 'fix' me over the years would probably have abandoned me much sooner than they did. As it was, telling my story sometimes led to offers of caregiving. Most of these rather selfless gestures wouldn't have been made had I not been able to communicate my origin story.
 
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Anemone

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I think we all like to think of the world as making sense and having a narrative helps in that regard.

It does not necessarily have to be true or comprehensive but if a story helps to make the world feel more comfortable then it is serving a useful function.

It can, of course, just as easily be used in a maladaptive capacity but as criticisms go that one is fairly universal.

Ultimately I don't think we can avoid telling stories to ourselves and to others so we might as well have a good one for this curious situation we share!
 
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Belarin

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Some very strong points there, and I agree in principle with what you are saying, knowing one's origin story and how you came to develop these desires is not going to change the fact that they exist or miraculously "fix" you or make them go away.

However I do believe that knowing how you got here and what you have been through does have some benefits and does go quite a longway toward helping you understand and come to terms with who you are and learning how to accept this part of you.
 
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blaincorrous

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Cottontail said:
Lots of fair points. I'm not sure I'd equate discussing origin stories with seeking answers or solutions, though. Some people might be doing that, but I expect a lot of it is just bonding over shared ignorance.

It may also be counterproductive to argue against certain explanations for ABDL, even when they're logically nonsense. (I'll take this opportunity to mention that I like the notion of genetic predisposition, not to DL specifically, but rather to bonding with objects in ways people usually don't. We mostly know that our tendency to form attachments has its uttermost roots in genetics, so ascribing degrees of that tendency to genetics doesn't seem unreasonable. But no, I don't think there's a "diaper gene.") A lot of people declare that they have answers, not because they're obsessed with finding answers, but because they hate having questions. It's like religion: You can carry unanswerable questions with you from birth to death, or you can declare that you know why you're here and stop wondering about it. The latter might seem closed-minded to some, but there's an undeniable psychological benefit to "knowing" even when, logically, you don't. Wondering isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

But anyway... I'll admit to having a "corrective" personality. When I see stuff that seems logically fallacious, my immediate inclination is to pounce on it and poke holes. But that's probably not a very supportive thing to do. I've lately tried to break myself of that, because taking away people's answers is a bit like taking away their pacifier. :) Plus...who knows? Maybe they got the answer right even though their reasoning was sketchy. It's (often) hard to prove a negative.
I don’t mind your critical appraisal of my post. It’s not damaging to have someone disagree with me.
 
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blaincorrous

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Belarin said:
Some very strong points there, and I agree in principle with what you are saying, knowing one's origin story and how you came to develop these desires is not going to change the fact that they exist or miraculously "fix" you or make them go away.

However I do believe that knowing how you got here and what you have been through does have some benefits and does go quite a longway toward helping you understand and come to terms with who you are and learning how to accept this part of you.
Over time, I’ve developed a sense of when I’m wrong about something and I generally acquiesce without much additional debate. It drives my wife nuts that I like to jump to the end of an argument with the result I know it’s going to arrive at without actually having the argument. I’ve gotten better about that lately.

I think I’m letting that tendency color my analysis, to jump to the end, which is acceptance. It’s where I am, but it’s not where everyone else it.
 

IDKaLittle

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I’d like to add that sometimes it’s necessary. Having some answers and understanding can help bring peace and healing. I understand what you’re saying though. I recently came to the conclusion in my own journey that I don’t need an answer for all of my questions, there’s nothing more to gain. It just ‘is’ and it falls under the same umbrella as the things I have found answers to. I think that means I’m nearing the end of my journey.
 

Subtlerustle

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blaincorrous said:
Over time, I’ve developed a sense of when I’m wrong about something and I generally acquiesce without much additional debate. It drives my wife nuts that I like to jump to the end of an argument with the result I know it’s going to arrive at without actually having the argument. I’ve gotten better about that lately.

I think I’m letting that tendency color my analysis, to jump to the end, which is acceptance. It’s where I am, but it’s not where everyone else it.
I’m in the same place as you. The hard personal work is done and I’m happily accepting that I’m a DL. I don’t advertise it but there is an aura around me of DL content.
I must admit I never spend much time wondering “why”.
For those still in search of why consider this: it could be as simple as the relief of one diaper change by a compassionate care giver and that particular change was at moment hyper awareness. That one particular change left a comforting impression. Perhaps a week later, young you remembered it again and there it is, the small seed was planted. How can you possibly recall such an event if you were under 3 years of age? It’s totally conceivable that among only the handful of items around an infant daily that a diaper is one that provides a specific comfort. I have one kid who sucked a thumb until age six and another that still has a teddy bear as a young adult. Both were among the small sample of things at their disposal as an infant. A diaper is just another object at an infant’s disposal. The weirdness factor is something that society has attached to it otherwise it’s totally organic and plausible. Just saying….
 

blaincorrous

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I love that people disagree with my pointed analysis. If we get anything out of my post, I want it to be that understanding won’t make this go away, but understanding does have benefits. Just don’t miss the chance to turn that in to acceptance, and do more acceptance than you focus on resolving. Only focus on resolving for things that matter in the present.
 

Nowididit

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I think this could be a double edge sword. Finding out why could end in either good or bad.
Good meaning you have closure to something so profound that it was life altering.
Bad as in what if what triggered this was so horrific that it was unbearable to live with. Life altering in a bad way.

No thanks. I mean it is what it is and to toss a coin with a 50/50 chance of it being worse is not worth it.

So I like diapers and sometimes pleasure myself using them. Big deal, I can cope and live with that. What I can't cope with is the unknown becoming the known. The unconscious becoming the conscious.
 
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