The Idea of Virginity

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d4l

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Here's a question that has been bothering me. So we were in my photo class were watching a show(one tree hill) and the girl was some form of born again virgin. I happened to make the comment that no matter what you say you either a virgin or not there is no in between and ounce it's gone it's gone. My teacher said virginity could be mentally reclaimed to which i replied no it can't.

SO my question is where do adiscer's weigh in on this do you think virginity can be reclaimed? IS virginity merely an idea? As i stated before i don't believe it can be reclaimed through any ceremony despite what any one says.
 
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Darkfinn

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um... no.

virginity is a physical thing... not an idea...

once the deed has been done... it's been done...

okay... the only exceptions I could see to this are abuse & rape... that dosen't count.

to lose your virginity it needs to be a willing experience...
 

d4l

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um... no.

virginity is a physical thing... not an idea...

once the deed has been done... it's been done...

okay... the only exceptions I could see to this are abuse & rape... that dosen't count.

to lose your virginity it needs to be a willing experience...
You just contradicted yourself you can't have it both ways it is either a physical thing and can be lost by rape or is a mental thing and can be preserved even through forced intercourse.
 

Darkfinn

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I said two exceptions...

You can't do anything to stop abuse or rape... and actually most girls who are victims won't even mention it... so if a guy is their first willing partner odds are they won't mention other circumstances...

I only say this b/c of related personal issues with someone who is very close to me... and I won't divulge further...

It's a bit different if say someone slept around in high school and now that they are in college they've had a change of heart and decide that none of those other guys counted... ya can't change the fact that you were a skank and slept around...
 

Dawes

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To me, the concept of virginity is a bit more than physical, but little more than conceptual, too. It blurs the line between the two of them; virginity is not just having your hymen broken, and virginity is not just having sex for the first time, either.

To me, virginity is not an idea nor a physical aspect as much as it is a rite of passage, mentally and emotionally. Think of it like this: We celebrate birthdays, but without birthdays, wouldn't we still get older anyway? A birthday is a great concept that is followed up by a physical response -- the idea of aging compared to the physical action. Virginity is much like this. It's a novel idea of feminine right-of-passage, but the hymen will break at some point in your life anyway, whether through physical intercourse, advanced physical strain, or in older age, where it punctures on its own.

Nowadays, because pre-marital sex is becoming so common, virginity has been provided the freedom of being an idea. I do truly believe that a woman who has been promiscuous and free with herself early in life, and then later on decides to abstain for her own safety and mental comfort, can become a virgin again through thought and self-conversation and the change of moral values.

Secondly, with modern science, it actually is possible for the hymen not necessarily to be repaired, but "recreated", per se. This article discusses the clash in religious belief and modern science -- it's a bit surprising to look this deep into the subject.

I believe, in the end, the decision is up to the woman -- she should not lie to herself, of course, and just call herself a virgin after she spreads her legs each time ... but if she wants to feel virgin again, then she can do so as well. This is a world too engendered to free reign of thought for us to be shackling ourselves behind physical barriers of impurity and mental ones that truly have no point.

____________________________________________

Here's a slightly nasty thought to spur on the conversation:

If a woman refuses to have vaginal sex, but proliferates with anal sex time and time again...

... is she a virgin?
 
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KittyKat

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I think that virginity can be reclaimed in your heart. For instance, if you become a born again Christian after you have had sex, you now know that it is a sin to have sexual relations before you are married. Now you regret having had sex and pledge to not have it until you are married.
 
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I believe basically what darkfinn believes. I think that virginity does involve not only breaking the hymen but also giving it up WILLINGLY. So I think if a girl gets raped BEFORE she has had consentual sex then, she is still a virgin. Except if a girl is promiscuous and wants to reclaim virginity, I think that is wrong. It is basically cheating, why should someone be able to do that. Plus thats false advertising to all your dating partners which is F**ked up! If I had sex with a girl and found out after she told me she was a virgin that she used to be promiscuous or even if she just did it once before without telling me, I would be pretty furious.

Even though I believe she can claim it when she is rapped I still believe when she tells her partner that she is a virgin, that she also tells the person about her rape. Now I know some of you may say she may not be comfrotable enough to, well if thats the case then she should not be having sex yet. A psychologist would agree with that too.
 

Trevor

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What an odd thread. Not so much the original question, which was just a bit odd, but nothing major for us, but the direction of the responses strikes me as most peculiar.

First off, one might think from reading this thread that only a woman can be a virgin. I get the slut vs. stud dichotomy, but it's stupid and I would have thought such clever people here would be past that notion.

My next thought: it's really sounding as if folks are thinking about virginity as some coveted prize to be attained, or like checking out the teeth on a horse. Maybe I'm just reading into things, and I certainly won't put words in anyone's mouth, that's just the vibe I'm getting. I wouldn't impugn someone's decision to wait for that someone special, but if someone exercises reasonable caution about their partners and makes use of proper protection, it's all pretty much the same to me.

To the original question, I think the notion of reclaiming virginity is pretty ridiculous. I broke my nose in a stupid accident. No amount of wishing will ever make that unhappen. I got it fixed and it's pretty good and I can smell fine with it, but the fact remains that it was broken (and no, I'm not making allusions to hymens). If you've engaged in sexual activity, you're not a virgin. I suppose if you want to get all weirdly detailed about it, you could define your levels of virginity, but that seems pretty stupid to me as well, almost like saying you don't really drink alcohol because you only like gin. Pretty silly stuff.
 

Fire2box

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To me a born again virgin is a bunch of BS. You fool around around it will always be with you mentally and who ever was your first will ALWAYS be your first. They will also be the ones that have your virginity and no matter how hard you try it would be impossible to get back.
 

starshine

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I believe that virginity, much like Rance, is a tie between mental and physical aspects.

Lets say I was raped. I had no choice in that, I didn't ask for it, and I didn't want it. If I have never slept around, and I don't believe in sex before marriage, is it fair for me to have to say now, "No, I'm not a virgin?" Well I think, yes, I am a virgin, I've been waiting to get married, and whether or not I had sex my mentality still tells me I'm not a virgin.

Someone brought up a "Born Again Christian," I'm not too sure about that, but then again I'm not putting much thought into it at the moment.

So like I said, virginity is a mix between a physical and mental thing.
 

BabyMullet

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I think its a mental concept, from the standpoint of virginity being a broken hymen, a girl can be a virgin by stretching or riding a horse. Two things most people do not put in sexual intercourse.

And what about men? What makes them un-virgins? Ejaculation? Well, most men masturbate,is masturbation losing your virginity? Some people think so.

So let's refine it a bit, ejaculation in a vagina, then you lose your virginity, so does the girl if she has never had sex before. That is a definition of virginity for most people. What about homosexual relationships, where penetration may take place? What about oral sex? Can you lose your virginity by having oral sex performed on you, by performing oral sex?

To me there is to many variables for one defined term to cover. Since I cannot define it, I do not live by it.
 

avery

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virginity is a cultural idea that we've arbitrarily assigned to a physical condition. whether it can be reclaimed is basically up to us as a society. perhaps we could redefine or reinterpret virginity to refer to a mental rather than a physical state. i think it would be a while before such a definition met with any widespread acceptance, however. absurd as it may seem, our culture actually assigns a lot of import to whether or not a person has had sex before.

i think it's crazypants. :nosmile:
 

Charlie

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vir·gin (vûr'jĭn) pronunciation
n.

1. A person who has not experienced sexual intercourse.
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That's all that being a virgin has ever meant to me. If you haven't had sex, you are a virgin, if you have had sex then you aren't a virgin.

I've never quite understood the point of it. Knowing that someone is a virgin, to me, only means that I can think "Right then, they won't have an STD" or makes me see it as a heads-up to be gentle. :p

I guess I could come up with some sort of emotional thing that comes along with losing one's virginity, but I wouldn't call that virginity. It's just an emotion that comes with it.

So I think that when people go on about being born again virgins, they are talking specifically about this emotional feeling. And their definition of "virgin" is very different to the one above. The one above is pretty black and white.
 
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Wow... even I think people are over-analysing this one way too much.

Virginity is the concept of not yet having sexual intercourse. Purely a label we apply to someone who hasn't had sex yet. What is meant by "sexual intercourse" is left up to anyone's standards.

To me, the loss of virginity comes at the moment upon which penetration of a sexual orifice (vagina or anus) occurs, notwithstanding whether you are giving or receiving it.

"Born-Again Virgins" are only virgin's again in the sense of emotions. Not the physical-side of it.
 
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Doodle

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well if you considder playing with sex toys by your self a loss of virginity then to you i lost it a long time ago, if you considdder anal sex for a gay man to be a loss of virginity then that too is physical ...... but where do you draw the line ........ i mean say a lesbian couple play arround ....... would you considder them virgins, i doute it...... and how about when a hetero sexual male expirements with anal sex would that truly be a loss of virginity
and truly if virginity is mental then cant one loose their virginity based on how many sexual experiences they feel they have had online (ie in role play)
what im trying to get at is that there is now standardized definition of virginity that anyone really adhears to is there?
-doodle
 

Squigma

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If you haven't had sex, you're a virgin. If you have, you aren't.

It's just like doing anything else, once you've done it... you can't've not done it. That doesn't make sense. It doesn't matter if you've changed your mind and now think it was bad, or if it happened against your will. It still happened.

I don't see how this can be debated, or even understood in different ways (and I don't mean to sound closed-minded when I say that, I genuinely don't understand!). And I don't really get why there is a word that means "not had sex". It makes it seem like it's something you can lose... but really, virginity is a lack of sex, and if you're losing a lack of something, you're gaining something, right? It's kinda confusing to have a word that means not having something!

I just don't get it... it's not like having sex makes you a different person! I don't see why there's any reason to differentiate between people who have, and haven't done it.
 

Darkfinn

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I just don't get it... it's not like having sex makes you a different person! I don't see why there's any reason to differentiate between people who have, and haven't done it.
Funny you should say that.

A lot of the guys I hung out with in HS talked about sex all the time... I simply smiled and said "Those who are getting it... aren't talking about it."

It seemed to shut them up fairly quickly.

I find it much akin to having a high horsepower car. If you've got one... you don't necessarily go racing around all the time. But watch the kids with the riced out 110hp imports... they fly around like it's nobody's business.
 

Kiwi_Sin

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My teacher said virginity could be mentally reclaimed
In that case I am a virgin everytime me and my bf sleep together. :D

No once its happend its gone, tho.....

I do beileve that a guy can be a virgin 3 times.
to have sex with, once with a girl, once with a boy,
and to be shaged*(anal sex), once with a boy.


* I didn't know a nice way of putting it with out swearing...
 

Peachy

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I don't see how this can be debated, or even understood in different ways (and I don't mean to sound closed-minded when I say that, I genuinely don't understand!). And I don't really get why there is a word that means "not had sex". It makes it seem like it's something you can lose... but really, virginity is a lack of sex, and if you're losing a lack of something, you're gaining something, right? It's kinda confusing to have a word that means not having something!
^^ What he said. To me, it's mostly a religious concept that is somewhat related to the medical field, as Charlie explained. People who were virgins when they married were a lot safer from getting any STIs /STDs than people who've slept around. That still applies today, but today's medicine has better ways to deal with STIs and we all have easy access to protection, so it's not that important any more.
To me, virginity is - as Jack explained it - the lack of sex in the past. I do not consider playing with yourself or toys sex, or oral play. To me, sex implies penetration of some kind. However, once you have experienced that, you've lost your virginity in my eyes, even if it's not physically observable. On the other hand: Does it really matter all that much? To me: No, because - as Jack pointed out - you lose the absence of sex...and gained experience! ;)

Peachy
 
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daria7483

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I am with Charlie. The idea of virginity holds no honor or purity or anything else to me. It's simply, have you had sex? Straight dictionary definition, you either are one, or you're not. And although I recognize that rape is not consensual sex, it's still sex, so if you've been raped, you've had sex, and therefore you aren't a virgin. It can't be whether a female's hymen has been torn, because most girls these days tear their hymens way before they ever have sex playing sports or riding a bike or inserting a tampon.
 
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