The curious thing about incontinence forums

Status
Not open for further replies.

INTrePid

Est. Contributor
Messages
403
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Private
Having visited just about every incontinence forum on the web at some point or another, I'm left with a few curious observations.

1. There are surprisingly few which focus solely on incontinence, it's usually a subforum or subpage of another larger site.

2. Minus a few exceptions like this one, they're surprisingly inactive. Threads are few and infrequent.

3. They have surprisingly few members, and even fewer active members. Often only in the range of 5-10.

4. Most surprisingly perhaps, it's the same small group of people who are virtually the only active members on every forum. The same 5-10 people use the same user names on at least 5-10 different forums.

5. A disproportionate number of these active users seem to be AB/DLs.

I'm not entirely sure what to make of all this. Perhaps you guys have had different observations or experiences. Or maybe or you're one of the same 5-10 active users on virtually every forum :D
 

Trevor

Est. Contributor
Messages
9,562
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Babyfur
I wouldn't find 1, 2, and 3 all that surprising as they seem to indicate that either there aren't many people with incontinence (we know that's not true, relative to ABDLs) or they don't have substantial questions or aren't comfortable joining online communities, particularly as part of some other interest. Numbers 4 and 5 also appear related. ABDLs have a vested interest in this stuff, whether practical from their own incontinence or satisfying some other urge. I'm not incontinent and have no desire to be incontinent, so I keep my nose out of many of these threads as I have little useful to offer.
 

dogboy

Est. Contributor
Messages
21,227
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
I think what makes this site more active for the genuinely incontinent is that we discuss so many different things outside of diapers. I would guess that in a short while, incontinence questions are answered, and then what? We have a number of incontinent members here on this site, who have very interesting and insightful things to say on all the other threads.
 

AnalogRTO

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,835
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Incontinent
When it comes to incontinence, there really isn't a lot to discuss outside of what gets discussed in multiple areas of this forum. The reasons for incontinence are varied, so discussing possible solutions (other than protective garments) really gets limited to what is covered with the doctor. You might find someone else who has the same basis for their incontinence as you on a forum, but solutions may be wildly different for the two people. As such, there really isn't a huge amount of discussion going on back and forth.

Protective garments and what works/doesn't work is usually covered under the 'Diaper Talk' section, it honestly makes sense to discuss it there rather than here. After all, the results obtained whether wearing diapers for pleasure or need are the same. Those of us who are genuinely incontinent usually have no qualms discussing decent protection with AB/DLs as they want a good diaper as much as the rest of us. With this in mind, AB/DLs will go on to incontinence forums to find what protection works best and what you want to avoid spending your money on.

As for activity levels and the number of people who are the most active, you're going to find that in almost any community. There are always some people who spend a lot more time on the forums than others.
 

alexandradomaseva

Contributor
Messages
11
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Incontinent
I find it unsurprising because incontinence, unlike DL, is really rather specific theme. I have been a bedwetter since my childhood and, however I am now 27 years old adult young woman, I still feel that I cannot talk about my problem openly even to a medical specialist, to say nothing about confess about it to my friends (except my best girlfriend who knows it), and, when I buy a pack of diapers in a local medical store or a pharmacy, I hide it inside my bag so that people on the street would not see me walking with a pack of adult diapers. So people with incontinence problems, I believe, stay mostly very shy and closed about this theme and prefer not to talk much even in a place which gives them such opportunity without fear to be discovered or misunderstood
 

NotTheAverageMan

Est. Contributor
Messages
470
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Incontinent
I also keep it as a secret, it's still one of these embarrresing situations you wonøt reveal to anyone, that you are peeing in your pants.
Only my wife and doctor knows. I buy my diapers online so I don't have to experience these akward situations going down the road with a big pack of adult diapers, neither having to ask for them at the pharmacy.
 

WBxx

Est. Contributor
Messages
656
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Little
I grew up a bed wetter and more by choice than anything returned to it as an adult. I‘m sure some of my friends would be ok with it, but am equally sure others would gossip and joke behind my back. I don’t need that. So it’s a deep dark secret with only my wife knowing at this time. Yet I’m here posting, I think I anonymously reach out to others to validate myself.
 

alexandradomaseva

Contributor
Messages
11
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Incontinent
This is the same with me. For me a forum like this is an opportunity to express the feelings that I have to always keep inside me together with my incontinence, but how, sometimes, I do wish to talk about it! It is not possible to always keep it inside me.
 
M

Maxx

Guest
Its not the sort of thing you would WANT to talk about if you live with it because you have to. Its much easier to talk about if its something you actually like.
 

ladyofshadows

Contributor
Messages
81
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Incontinent
I wonder sometimes if the reason that genuine incontinence sufferers avoid forums originally designed for them is because far too many of them are invaded by ABDLs pretending that their problem is genuine. Personally, I am convinced that this is the case, and I find it extremely annoying. As an example I was on another site the other day, (I won't name it, but it is a medical site for genuine incontinents) where a guy said that he preferred the plastic pants he wore which were very pretty with floral designs on them and that his wife changed him. It was so patently obvious that he was ABDL; I very much doubt that a guy who was genuinely incontinent would brag about "pretty" plastic pants, and boast that his wife changes him. I have no objection to ABDLs, but they have plenty of sites to visit without invading real incontinence sites.

That is why I like ADISC, because there is a separate sub-forum for us under Diaper Talk. I think that because of this the ABDLs tend to stay on that part and are less likely to "hijack" this sub-forum.
 

jdinvirginia

Est. Contributor
Messages
208
Role
  1. Incontinent
Intrepid,

There is a distinct dichotomy between fetish- and medically oriented- online forums. The best for incontinence, IMHO, is www. incontinentsupport.org which is a serious, moderated group. In such a forum you will find only incontinence and diaper-related discussions, with a lot of medical information being made available. It has 14 major sub-topics, all strictly on incontinence. I recognize several of the members here as also being active in that group.

I am medically double incontinent and initially had difficulty in finding specific and useful information. The incontinent and diaper sections on ADISC helped me, but are not so active and detailed as those on incontinentsupport.org. Please do not misunderstand me - I am not recommending that anyone quit participating in ADISC.

I would conjecture that, from embarrassment, many medical incontinents are less likely to participate in an online group than AB/DLs. Also, please note that medically incontinents, on the average, tend to be considerably older and more conservative in their online habits.

--John
(double incontinent and wearing diapers 24/7)
 

Akastus

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,205
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Babyfur
I would conjecture that, from embarrassment, many medical incontinents are less likely to participate in an online group than AB/DLs. Also, please note that medically incontinents, on the average, tend to be considerably older and more conservative in their online habits.


This is a point worth exploring. It's important to note the influence that social conditioning during early childhood has on people's behaviour. One of the primary tools of toilet training is shame. Young children have historically been taught that wearing nappies beyond infancy is shameful. "Only babies wear nappies, don't you want to be a big boy?" etc, etc. That's less true these days, which is probably one of the reasons that toilet training is taking longer, but only the youngest members of this board will be beneficiaries of the "when the child is ready" philosophy, which avoids using shame as a tool. I would guess that most of our members have been raised to regard dependence on nappies as an adult to be something shameful. Hideously shameful, in the case of our oldest members.

Now, AB/DLs have largely overcome this shame. We wouldn't be wearing nappies by choice if we hadn't (unless we were psychological flagellants). We might occasional feel some shame about our desire to wear nappies, but we don't find the idea of an adult in nappies as inherently shameful. We thus have far fewer inhibitions about discussing these things. Many people who are IC, by comparison, have not overcome this shame. They wear because they have to, not because they want to. I would imagine that for many, the shame, embarrassment, and even self-loathing compound to such an extent that they find the idea of discussing their condition with strangers, even people with the same condition via the relative anonymity of an internet discussion board, absolutely unimaginable. It is an aspect of their lives that causes them great inconvenience and distress, and they do not want to dwell on it any more than they absolutely have to.

While I find the idea of AB/DLs invading an IC forum to throw around their personal fantasies distasteful, an environment like ADISC, where IC members can interact with people who don't consider wearing nappies to be inherently shameful is probably an aid to their own self-acceptance. But you have to take the first step of joining before that can happen, and most are just too embarrassed/ashamed. IC, for many, is the very definition of "dirty laundry (literally) that you just do not discuss". This is also one of the reasons that you will never find premium nappies in retail stores - because most people who are heavily IC are far too embarrassed to be seen buying them.

Just my :twocents: anyway.
 
Last edited:

jdinvirginia

Est. Contributor
Messages
208
Role
  1. Incontinent
Akastus,

Sadly I have to agree with you. Public stigma and personal shame are powerful factors in deterring may incontinents from seeking medical help. IMHO, the emotional side of incontinence can be much more limiting than the physical aspects.:sad:

Many adult incontinents are hung up on the "diapers = childishness" equation and continue to be in denial about their medical need. For such incontinents, I try to stress that "diapers do not make you childish - refusing to be adult in addressing your medical problem does!"

--John
 

alexandradomaseva

Contributor
Messages
11
Role
  1. Diaper Lover
  2. Incontinent
Akastus,

Sadly I have to agree with you. Public stigma and personal shame are powerful factors in deterring may incontinents from seeking medical help. IMHO, the emotional side of incontinence can be much more limiting than the physical aspects.:sad:

Many adult incontinents are hung up on the "diapers = childishness" equation and continue to be in denial about their medical need. For such incontinents, I try to stress that "diapers do not make you childish - refusing to be adult in addressing your medical problem does!"

--John

I do not feel diapers to be something that makes me childish. They are the adult ones, why should they make me feel a baby? But I, also, am veeery shy about my incontinence, however I am adult woman, not a teenage girl that has a passion how she is accepted bu the others — the time when my enuresis was giving me the most volume of tears. When I take medical exams I simply do not tell the doctor that I have enuresis. First because I have fear to show it, and, second, why? Anyway they cannot help the problem if any previous attempts failed, it only worsens the situation because I have, again, to go through all this medical routine to be told at the end something like "Sorry, but looks like we cannot..." — etc., etc. Also incontinence affects, for sure, my social behavior, psychology, way to communicate with the people, to say nothing about personal life. If I did not have a history of lifelong bedwetting I would surely be other person.
 

mtdl88

Contributor
Messages
109
Role
  1. Incontinent
I suffer from enuresis and daytime accidents as a result of trauma received from a gang beating bout a month or so ago. It is a very embarrassing thing to bring up, yet I've told maybe 3-4 people who seem to be OK with it, or even humored by the fact I chose to get girls' goodnites to deal with it as I am really freaked out by the prospect of buying adult diapers and being seen.

Really though, the incontinence is the least of my worries. I have some serious problems like nonstop agonizing headaches, memory lapses, difficulty saying thiings, among others. Wearing Pull-Ups is the least of my worries, to be honest.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top