The Cat's Version of the Rules

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BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

DOORS: Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get the door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a humans bare foot.

HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some activity, and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for hampering:

1. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
2. For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book -- unless you can lie across the book itself.
3. When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen, and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

BEDTIME
: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX: When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

HIDING: Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses, and you probably will get a treat.

ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget the guests.
 

Bobkitty

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XD, I gotta kick outta that, after being with soo many cats in my life time, alot of this Really Is True! pretty funny as i have come across alot of such situations :p
 
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holly cow. i have two cats and they do every single one of thoes. whoever is giving my cats these tips, STOP IT.
 

swaddledsubbie

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yeah, i second link here!!!
cats everywhere are plotting as we speak!! this post will surely set humans back years of research!!! :p
...meow..?
 

baconbit

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It was very very funny but i hate cats so much it kinda makes me mad.
 
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i love cats because they use the list rarely. most of the time they're cute, cuddly, and purry.
 

Bobkitty

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Yus.. Every second of every day Us cats Plot against Your every Humanly Quality..more and more we adapt to your House hold and even take on challenges when new Toys arrive.. and soon we ALL Figure out that God darned laser pointer!!
 

andysetra

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swaddledsubbie said:
cats everywhere are plotting as we speak!! this post will surely set humans back years of research!!! :p
So that would explain all the spy equipment behind her litterbox, and what sounds like 100 cats in the basement Tuesday nights... Cats are awesome :D
 

Bobkitty

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hehe.. *continues his plotting as he is a housecat after all* Yus.. Someday.. i'll figure out how to catch you, you Sly Little red dot.. in the mean time those strings hanging from your Pajama pants over your really itchy area needs my attention.. theyre soo elusive.. hanging above me... wiggling about and taunting me soo...I'll show you whos boss you evill little strings of the pants waist... I must.. ATTACK!!
 
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