Terrified

[Electrically]

So I am guessing most of you are probably tired of my whining and I am sorry to be such a whiner
But here I go again
Being pretty new to communicating about me and my AB side and really having no other opinions that seem viable. You guys get to here it
This has been all pretty helpful for me.
so Thank you

Going through the whole story would take too long but I very recently came to a conclusion in my ramblings
My fantasy depends on having a SO
I could go with bits and pieces of everything else ( diapers, binkies, etc.)
Being I feel rejected by my SO and don’t see that really changing and feel it would be highly unlikely to ever look or even attempt another relationship if this one should fail. It totally terrifies me.
I have come to this realization. I can imagine a caregiver or whatever but it’s not going to hold much water.
I am baffled how will this ever work
Wow how ironic
Sorry for whining
Best

 

[dogboy]

I think you're in good company on this site as many of the members have been unsuccessful in finding a combination of a SO and caregiver. Fortunately for me, my wife was quite understanding and played into it at a level where she was comfortable. In my case, I found someone who genuinely loved me and would do anything for me which eventually included accepting my little side which she did with ease. You need to find that kind of person.

 

[diaperfooties]

We are always here for you so don't feel bad about talking to us. For the position you are in it is normal to be scared relationships are very difficult at times.

 

[StupidApple]

Sign up for fetlife or something
Then take a leap and put yourself out there.

If you live in the northeast US there are some cons to meet other people.
Teddycon is a bit away but they sell tickets in advance and they go like same to next day.

 

[Electrically]

So it continues...
My wife and I went to a therapy appointment this morning. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to discuss and usually have a plan. But on the way there we needed to pick up a birthday cake and the weather was crappy. So we were going to be borderline on time. And neither one of us was in a great mood. After helping her into the car with cake she said “don’t drive like a asshole I don’t care when we get there I don’t want my cake smashed” my reply was in a harsh tone “I get you don’t care”
This started her on a rant of crying and calling me a asshole a couple times.
I have felt recently she looks at this as my problem and I feel like she only goes because I told her I wasn’t going with out her.
So that set the stage for a very emotional session.
We haven’t been to therapy for a month and I would say things have been tense between us. I was thinking I might just listen today and try to plan what direction next time. But that’s not the way it went.
I explained how I feel rejected by her and terrified of where to go.
explaining I can go without any of the props for my fantasy except 1. Her
I don’t need diapers to feel nurturing or binkies or onesie’s although would be nice not necessarily
I need her to WANT to be my mommy at times.
not my wife but want to love and care for me in what ever way she feels comfortable while I can feel small. Nothing to do with sex.
She said she doesn’t understand and cried.
I replied with we have 4 kids what don’t you understand? remember when they were 2 and how you treated them. That’s what I want
You can pretend you are anyone you want.
and you can decide all of the parameters (clothing, length of time, what activity etc.)
I just want to be able to feel small and trust you and feel loved by you.
She cried and said “ I can’t treat you like that and you know that “ I said please explain what you can do to help me feel nurturing. Because I don’t. And it’s not your fault you are a great person and go above and beyond. but I don’t feel accepted by you and I don’t know how to feel right.
I also explained how hard sex has become for me which didn’t go well.
I might have been to harsh and now I feel bad about that too.
The therapist really didn’t know what to say.
but this situation has consumed my mind for a while and sometimes you have to burn the bridge down to build a new one. Hopefully we can.
Wow I feel out of sorts

 

[diaperfooties]

So it continues...
My wife and I went to a therapy appointment this morning. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to discuss and usually have a plan. But on the way there we needed to pick up a birthday cake and the weather was crappy. So we were going to be borderline on time. And neither one of us was in a great mood. After helping her into the car with cake she said “don’t drive like a asshole I don’t care when we get there I don’t want my cake smashed” my reply was in a harsh tone “I get you don’t care”
This started her on a rant of crying and calling me a asshole a couple times.
I have felt recently she looks at this as my problem and I feel like she only goes because I told her I wasn’t going with out her.
So that set the stage for a very emotional session.
We haven’t been to therapy for a month and I would say things have been tense between us. I was thinking I might just listen today and try to plan what direction next time. But that’s not the way it went.
I explained how I feel rejected by her and terrified of where to go.
explaining I can go without any of the props for my fantasy except 1. Her
I don’t need diapers to feel nurturing or binkies or onesie’s although would be nice not necessarily
I need her to WANT to be my mommy at times.
not my wife but want to love and care for me in what ever way she feels comfortable while I can feel small. Nothing to do with sex.
She said she doesn’t understand and cried.
I replied with we have 4 kids what don’t you understand? remember when they were 2 and how you treated them. That’s what I want
You can pretend you are anyone you want.
and you can decide all of the parameters (clothing, length of time, what activity etc.)
I just want to be able to feel small and trust you and feel loved by you.
She cried and said “ I can’t treat you like that and you know that “ I said please explain what you can do to help me feel nurturing. Because I don’t. And it’s not your fault you are a great person and go above and beyond. but I don’t feel accepted by you and I don’t know how to feel right.
I also explained how hard sex has become for me which didn’t go well.
I might have been to harsh and now I feel bad about that too.
The therapist really didn’t know what to say.
but this situation has consumed my mind for a while and sometimes you have to burn the bridge down to build a new one. Hopefully we can.
Wow I feel out of sorts

I really don't want to step in to say this but I feel like it needs to be said and please don't take offense to it. I am not sure you should be pushing her to mommy you. If she has no interest in it than you are playing a dangerous game that very well could lead to you losing her.

I know something like this seems simple and should be no problem for her but this is just something some people are not interested in and really don't want to do anything with. I believe I know the reason why she can't and that has to do with the dynamic of the relationship. Take for example the dynamic of a boss to a subordinate there are certain ways you feel about each other and some things you can do and some you cannot do. Like maybe you cant go drinking with your boss it just too strange.

You have for sure felt something similar to that feeling of you can't do certain things with certain people not because the act is hard it's because that goes against the relationship.

I hope this makes sense.

 

[sbmccue]

I think many of us share your deepest need; unfortunately, most women either cannot or will not play the 'mommy' role to an otherwise healthy adult. Since you have 4 children, you know your wife 'can' be a mommy, but she obviously won't be one to you.

You have three choices from this point forward: Find someone else who will care for you on a paid basis, leave your wife and start searching for a life partner who is more open to (and accepting of) your needs, or subliminate this part of yourself.

To be candid, the first two paths require better communication than you've offered us here. Perhaps your wife would be willing to help you find a paid caregiver, which would be an enormous help. Since she's obviously not going to provide what you need, would she be willing to help you locate someone who will?

 

[Electrically]

I really don't want to step in to say this but I feel like it needs to be said and please don't take offense to it. I am not sure you should be pushing her to mommy you. If she has no interest in it than you are playing a dangerous game that very well could lead to you losing her.

I know something like this seems simple and should be no problem for her but this is just something some people are not interested in and really don't want to do anything with. I believe I know the reason why she can't and that has to do with the dynamic of the relationship. Take for example the dynamic of a boss to a subordinate there are certain ways you feel about each other and some things you can do and some you cannot do. Like maybe you cant go drinking with your boss it just too strange.

You have for sure felt something similar to that feeling of you can't do certain things with certain people not because the act is hard it's because that goes against the relationship.

I hope this makes sense.

yes it really does and I get it
I am unfortunately aware of risk. I don’t know if it will work but I feel like I need to be accepted by her to have a relationship. I suppose I could or even should go about it as if it is a job or just try maintaining but I just can’t. I try to but I don’t feel like I can. I am going to try to help her understand me as long as I can. I just can’t go back.

 

[Electrically]

I think many of us share your deepest need; unfortunately, most women either cannot or will not play the 'mommy' role to an otherwise healthy adult. Since you have 4 children, you know your wife 'can' be a mommy, but she obviously won't be one to you.

You have three choices from this point forward: Find someone else who will care for you on a paid basis, leave your wife and start searching for a life partner who is more open to (and accepting of) your needs, or subliminate this part of yourself.

To be candid, the first two paths require better communication than you've offered us here. Perhaps your wife would be willing to help you find a paid caregiver, which would be an enormous help. Since she's obviously not going to provide what you need, would she be willing to help you locate someone who will?

She won’t buy me a teddy. I don’t think she is going to buy me a mommy. She thinks I need to be cured. That some Magic wand is going to cure me. She just has to realize it’s not. Then maybe she can find what she can feel comfortable with (I think)

 

[Electrically]

She won’t buy me a teddy. I don’t think she is going to buy me a mommy. She thinks I need to be cured. That some Magic wand is going to cure me. She just has to realize it’s not. Then maybe she can find what she can feel comfortable with (I think)

Believe me I am willing to try any ave. To feel right. I am completely ready to compromise but first I need to feel excepted and then we can figure out where to feel comfy.

 

[diaperfooties]

yes it really does and I get it
I am unfortunately aware of risk. I don’t know if it will work but I feel like I need to be accepted by her to have a relationship. I suppose I could or even should go about it as if it is a job or just try maintaining but I just can’t. I try to but I don’t feel like I can. I am going to try to help her understand me as long as I can. I just can’t go back.

Very understanable for sure I get it and for that very same reason I have had a hard time finding a relationship. You might ask her is there something sexually or non sexual you want from me. Or maybe even just do one part of it like cuddling with a diaper on you or whatever she would start with.

I am certain to some degree she won't mind going the whole way may not happen but maybe a compromise that would work for both of you. I hope you are able to get it to work and always feel free to talk with me.

 

[Electrically]

I hope that this will bring us closer but I can’t go back to lying and imagining

 

[sbmccue]

She won’t buy me a teddy. I don’t think she is going to buy me a mommy. She thinks I need to be cured. That some Magic wand is going to cure me. She just has to realize it’s not. Then maybe she can find what she can feel comfortable with (I think)

I assume you make money; buy your own damned teddy and mommy! Don't expect her to pay for something she doesn't understand. Just explain to her that you're going to get this sort of care from someone else if she won't provide it, and that she can choose to be involved or let you arrange it by yourself.

 

[Electrically]

Very understanable for sure I get it and for that very same reason I have had a hard time finding a relationship. You might ask her is there something sexually or non sexual you want from me. Or maybe even just do one part of it like cuddling with a diaper on you or whatever she would start with.

I am certain to some degree she won't mind going the whole way may not happen but maybe a compromise that would work for both of you. I hope you are able to get it to work and always feel free to talk with me.

Thanks
She doesn’t take to the diaper thing well at all
So am trying just simply play house her rules I’m 2 and she is the adult whatever you want me to wear, play, etc. Is completely up to her.
No Sex No diapers binkies no clothing just frame of mind.she can be Who ever makes her feel more comfortable ( babysitter, mommy auntie whatever) if props are added later than so be it.
It can be playtime art time, nap time, tubby time. Whatever she can feel comfortable with
If I can’t get this.

 

[Electrically]

I assume you make money; buy your own damned teddy and mommy! Don't expect her to pay for something she doesn't understand. Just explain to her that you're going to get this sort of care from someone else if she won't provide it, and that she can choose to be involved or let you arrange it by yourself.

For 35 years I have self nurtured fantasied about all I can think of to no real satisfaction
I don’t want to any more. If I was left alone ( moved out and lived by myself I don’t think I would even wear diapers or self nurture I’m not sure but I my true fantasy requires another person.
and we both make money and put it into a shared checking/savings I just want her to care enough about how I feel to physically buy it for me.

 

[Electrically]

For 35 years I have self nurtured fantasied about all I can think of to no real satisfaction
I don’t want to any more. If I was left alone ( moved out and lived by myself I don’t think I would even wear diapers or self nurture I’m not sure but I my true fantasy requires another person.
and we both make money and put it into a shared checking/savings I just want her to care enough about how I feel to physically buy it for me.

And I want that other person to love me

 

[Electrically]

Thanks
She doesn’t take to the diaper thing well at all
So am trying just simply play house her rules I’m 2 and she is the adult whatever you want me to wear, play, etc. Is completely up to her.
No Sex No diapers binkies no clothing just frame of mind.she can be Who ever makes her feel more comfortable ( babysitter, mommy auntie whatever) if props are added later than so be it.
It can be playtime art time, nap time, tubby time. Whatever she can feel comfortable with
If I can’t get this.

It doesn’t have to be long 10 Fing minutes and I will be what ever she wants me to be

 

[sbmccue]

For 35 years I have self nurtured fantasied about all I can think of to no real satisfaction
I don’t want to any more. If I was left alone ( moved out and lived by myself I don’t think I would even wear diapers or self nurture I’m not sure but I my true fantasy requires another person.
and we both make money and put it into a shared checking/savings I just want her to care enough about how I feel to physically buy it for me.

And I want that other person to love me

Good luck with that. Given your wife's reactions to date, I'd say you have an unrealistic expectation. You can continue to daydream, fantasize and allow anger at your wife to fester, or you can find someone else to take care of you. I don't see that you have another choice.

 

[Electrically]

I really appreciate all your thoughts. It’s really helpful to have someone to explain/vent to. And I really wish and will try to be more fun
Thanks again

 

[Electrically]

Good luck with that. Given your wife's reactions to date, I'd say you have an unrealistic expectation. You can continue to daydream, fantasize and allow anger at your wife to fester, or you can find someone else to take care of you. I don't see that you have another choice.

I just can’t
I love my family and I am still necessary but someday I’ll have to revisit that thought process