Telling S/O

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SnowedIn

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Diaper Lover
Hello, I was wondering if anyone had any advice on telling a S/O that you are a diaper lover. My S/O and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years and we will soon be living together. Diapers have always been a very intimate and private thing for me, and up to this point I did not feel the need to inform her of this side of my life. It had always seemed like it would just bring unnecessary stress into our relationship.

However we will soon be living together. With that said, I am now feeling the need to let her in on this "little" secret. While it would be nice for her to join in on my diaper time, it is not a necessity for me. I am mostly seeking her acceptance and willingness to allow me to indulge in my diaper lover side.

Throughout our relationship she has been extremely accepting of other smaller kinks of mine. She is also extremely open minded.

So, does anyone have advice as far as how to A) inform my S/O on the fact that I am a diaper lover? and B) inform my S/O in a manner that will not leave her feeling blindsided or betrayed that I had not told her sooner?

Furthermore, are there any potential "landmines" I should look out for during this conversation?
 

Pawlf

Est. Contributor
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700
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Diaper Lover, Babyfur
I think if I ever found myself in that situation I'd probably end up writing a letter to my S/O. However my S/O happens to be ABDL as well so there's nothing to confess in this regard for me. I've always communicated my thoughts better in writing because it allows me to say everything I want to say and even things I didn't initially think of while contemplating my approach. Any relationship requires effective two-way communication, trust, acceptance, and maybe if possible some understanding. If she's open minded and for the most part accepting then there's a chance she'll accept your DL side but of course no guarantee. So my suggestion is to write her a letter but maybe put in the opening paragraph that this is nothing bad and you're simply seeking at least her acceptance.

Good luck!
 

Scaramouche

Est. Contributor
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4,710
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Diaper Lover, Incontinent
Ask her if there are any kinks she would like to try. If she says yes, then you both get to try something new. If she says no then asks you if you do, tell her you would like to wear diapers. If she's OK with it, then fine. If not, you have a choice to make.

I would choose the S/O over diapers.
 

egor

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Diaper Lover
I remember when I told my wife. The situation was different in that I had "stopped" when we got engaged, and 8 years later it came back with a vengeance.

The biggest thing I could offer is to communicate with active listening. Listen to what she has to say and talk things out.

My wife is accepting of the situation and tolerates it. We have boundaries that are/will be followed.

She will dress me in a diaper, but there is no roleplaying. She just does the "deed" and that is it.

I hope this helps.
 

Pete67

Banned
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285
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Diaper Lover
I'd kinda downplay it, perhaps say something like "sometimes I like to wear a diaper instead of normal underwear, do you think that's a bit weird?"
 

ryan2127

Est. Contributor
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205
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Diaper Lover, Carer
Ask her if there are any kinks she would like to try. If she says yes, then you both get to try something new. If she says no then asks you if you do, tell her you would like to wear diapers. If she's OK with it, then fine. If not, you have a choice to make.

I would choose the S/O over diapers.
Good advice. Op, I would wait it out and think it through this in the time being. Is telling her something that could jeopardize your entire relationship? Would it bother you if she ran for the hills and left you permanently by just mentioning it? Some people will do this and im not being negative, its just reality. Think about if telling her outweighs the potential consequences of not telling her.
Its a very real possibility that I, like many others have experienced on here, testing the waters would be wise. Overtime the DL desire may fade and your love for her may grow. And that could influence your choice and help you make a more confident decision. Maybe, eventually you'll realize that you dont even need to tell her!
 

Slomo

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7,252
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NO! Stay away from the kinks talk. When you lump being dl in with kinks you are miss-categorizing what diapers really mean to a dl. And come on Ryan2127, who the heck still believes the DL desire will EVER fade with time? That is just SO wrong. And IF anyone believes their SO knowing about this part of who we are can jeopardize that relationship, then clearly they're in the wrong relationship. No matter how much you may love someone, if they can't even accept the whole you then they clearly do not reciprocate that love.

SnowedIn, Take the time needed to FULLY research what diapers mean to you individually. It does help to write your findings down too. You don't have to read that out loud to your SO, just have it as a means of gathering your thoughts. Alternatively you can approach it as a letter to your SO, explaining everything in detail. Just be there when they read it. Letters do not convey emotion, nor do they allow for immediate feedback on questions.

Lastly, know you ARE taking the right approach to telling her- before you get married. She has every right to know the full you before making that kind of commitment to you. And if successful in getting her to understand, it will be a huge stress reliever for you and means for her to understand how much you trust and love here. A real win-win if ever.

First, pick a time when neither of you have anything to do, or anywhere to go. Start off with telling her you have something really important and serious to tell her. That it's a deep down part of your inner most desires. And that by telling here this, you are opening up a very vulnerable part to her. This is why you haven't brought it up yet. Also, at some point make sure she understands that you have fought with these desires for a really long time, and it just isn't something that is going to go away.
 

dogboy

Est. Contributor
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18,964
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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover
I agree with Slomo and was about to say much of the same things. This comes up often and usually we advise people to not feel or act defensive. This is just one small part of you, though a very important part. When I told my wife I had all my ducks in order. I had done some research on line like "Understanding Infantalism" and other sites. She may have questions and understanding yourself is important. She may ask you why you enjoy wearing diapers. I'm not sure any of us know the answer to that, but sharing that it's something you felt and experienced as a child may gain some acceptance.

Like others have said, go lightly in the initial reveal. Let her ask some questions. A little humor and lightheartedness goes a long way.
 

joelvc

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191
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Diaper Lover, Incontinent
Sorry for asking, but what does S/O stands for?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

joelvc

Est. Contributor
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Significant Other, eg, wife, husband, shack-up.
Got it. Us non-native English/American don’t necessarily know such abbreviation n, thanks for your help!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

ryan2127

Est. Contributor
Messages
205
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Diaper Lover, Carer
NO! Stay away from the kinks talk. When you lump being dl in with kinks you are miss-categorizing what diapers really mean to a dl. And come on Ryan2127, who the heck still believes the DL desire will EVER fade with time? That is just SO wrong. And IF anyone believes their SO knowing about this part of who we are can jeopardize that relationship, then clearly they're in the wrong relationship. No matter how much you may love someone, if they can't even accept the whole you then they clearly do not reciprocate that love.

SnowedIn, Take the time needed to FULLY research what diapers mean to you individually. It does help to write your findings down too. You don't have to read that out loud to your SO, just have it as a means of gathering your thoughts. Alternatively you can approach it as a letter to your SO, explaining everything in detail. Just be there when they read it. Letters do not convey emotion, nor do they allow for immediate feedback on questions.

Lastly, know you ARE taking the right approach to telling her- before you get married. She has every right to know the full you before making that kind of commitment to you. And if successful in getting her to understand, it will be a huge stress reliever for you and means for her to understand how much you trust and love here. A real win-win if ever.

First, pick a time when neither of you have anything to do, or anywhere to go. Start off with telling her you have something really important and serious to tell her. That it's a deep down part of your inner most desires. And that by telling here this, you are opening up a very vulnerable part to her. This is why you haven't brought it up yet. Also, at some point make sure she understands that you have fought with these desires for a really long time, and it just isn't something that is going to go away.
Well, I dont know his full story. I mainly meant, that maybe he wont feel the need to ever tell her. It could be something he enjoys just thinking about and wearing once in a blue moon etc In my opinion, if he feels that telling her would ruin everything, I would say hold off...for now anyways. A 2.5 year relationship is an investment but isnt THAT long. Assuming there fairly young, she very well could call it quits and find someone else with no hard feelings. I think its important to take note of how happy she is with him. If she(So) seems to be satisfied, it may work, if the waters are already unsteady between them, it may be enough to break the chain...So I think giving it some time and some serious thought might be wise. Anyways good luck op
 

PlotTwist

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Not sure if I'm too late to the game, but there's a podcast specifically centered around this topic you might want to check out. Been going on for quite some time, so you may want to cherry-pick the ones that best match what you need. Check it out: https://dreamalittle.libsyn.com/
 

Lovelylittlelove

Contributor
Messages
11
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Other
Hello, I was wondering if anyone had any advice on telling a S/O that you are a diaper lover. My S/O and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years and we will soon be living together. Diapers have always been a very intimate and private thing for me, and up to this point I did not feel the need to inform her of this side of my life. It had always seemed like it would just bring unnecessary stress into our relationship.

However we will soon be living together. With that said, I am now feeling the need to let her in on this "little" secret. While it would be nice for her to join in on my diaper time, it is not a necessity for me. I am mostly seeking her acceptance and willingness to allow me to indulge in my diaper lover side.

Throughout our relationship she has been extremely accepting of other smaller kinks of mine. She is also extremely open minded.

So, does anyone have advice as far as how to A) inform my S/O on the fact that I am a diaper lover? and B) inform my S/O in a manner that will not leave her feeling blindsided or betrayed that I had not told her sooner?

Furthermore, are there any potential "landmines" I should look out for during this conversation?
So I actually am a "significant other" of an ABDL. My boyfriend told me a month into our relationship when things started to get more serious and I can tell you from my experience of dating an ABDL for almost three years now, to just be up front and have a heart to heart about it. I felt like he was more secretive and I was more upset by that than him coming out and telling me. I also can tell you that if your s/o has never heard about the ABDL community before, to take it slow. For example, you may show her/him what you do, but do not spring it on him/her or lie about only doing certain things and then do more than that like being just a diaper lover and doing AB stuff also. Also, have boundaries. I feel like my s/o and I are still working on that because he likes wearing them even around my family and I am not comfortable with that yet. And also have boundaries with your sex life and just be up front and honest with her/him about how you feel. I am STILL warming up to the idea. I am extremely accepting, but I also do not want to role play "all day" and I want to have my BOYFRIEND also. I like his masculinity. It might take your s/o a while to get use to the idea just don't give up and be patient. It's a hard thing to process when you are not familiar and do not have the fetish. Just go slow, be patient and honest.. I hope everything goes okay! There are people out there that are accepting! :)
 

SimCo

Est. Contributor
Messages
137
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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover
You should DEFINITELY tell your S/O before she moves in. A diaper habit is impossible to hide from someone living in the same house as the diaper wearer. She will inevitably discover your secret on her own, and then you will be caught playing defense instead of directing the conversation in a more constructive direction.

As far as the actual convo goes, I would prepare ahead of time by deciding on the key points you want to emphasize. I would review Understanding Infantslisim and be prepared to direct your SO to that site and others with good information about ABDLs.

Personally, I would emphasize the following points: 1) I have always had desires to regress to babyhood, and they aren’t going away, 2) this is NOT pedophelia (I would take plenty of time with this point, as most people just hearing about ABDLs will assume they are related) 3) that I am telling her this secret because I care about her too much to keep this important part of my identity a secret any longer, and 4) then LISTEN to what she has to say in hopes of arriving at a place of mutual understanding.

Best of luck with the convo. Please keep us posted on what happens.
 

Str88jacketabdl

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255
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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover
I always brought up fetishes very early and was honest and upfront with my partners. Never had a negative reaction.
 
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