Telling my wife... the journey so far 🙂

ItsTimmyTime

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Hey guys, first time poster here so want to say hi to everyone.

As the title says I'm almost at the point of telling my wife of 12 years of my "little" kink :eek:

I would love to hear your opinions of this write up I've put together so far. Thanks guys!!

-----------------

I want/need to tell you something that I've never told anyone before. This is really hard for me and I've considered telling you a few times recently.

First of all the reason why I've never told you before is not because I don't trust you but because it's something I've been embarrassed and almost ashamed of for as long as I can remember. I'm trying to deal with how I feel about this now 😞

I am not gay or anything like that lol, I know it's something you've often joked about. And I haven't cheated so don't worry about that!! You're the best thing that has ever happened to me so you never need to worry about that! ❤️❤️❤️
I know I'm not just coming out and saying straight away "what" it is but I want you to understand why it's been so hard for me to tell you or anyone else before.

When we got together I quit smoking for you and was successful so I thought I'd also be able to quit this little kink once and for all. Over the years it has proved to be really difficult but I haven't endulgled at all, however it has usually been knawring at me at the back of my mind. I often dream about it as well which has made it harder for me ignore it. I just feel like no matter how hard I try to suppress these feelings they'll always be there and perhaps it's time I confront them and share these feelings with you.

I really wish that rather than trying to hide and ignore my feelings when we first got together that I had of confided in you but the proposition of telling you was too scary. Like I said I've never told anyone else before, but it does sadden me that I felt I couldn't even tell you. You're the person I trust the most and ever have so I should've been able to tell you.

The honest truth is I chose to ignore these feelings/urges to prevent having to tell you thinking that I could overcome them.

There's been times I've considered telling you but I felt like at the time I could continue ignoring it so didn't. I'm at the stage now where I know I can't and it scares the life out of me having to confront this. Mainly because it's something I've hidden my whole life, in fact I'm sat here actually shaking whilst writing this. I guess because I've lived with this secret/kink my whole life it just makes it all the worse. This is my hang up! I hope I don't scare you off 😞

I know you are an incredible person and really understanding so I'm sure you'll learn and want to understand this, for me, given time. I don't think it'll be something that you'll find easy to understand and just be like "is that all!?" Perhaps you'll think I'm weird but in no way does it change me as a person, it doesn't define me as a person and I'm not going to change in my day to day life once you know. I love you so much and the fear of losing you by confessing has always been a huge factor in me trying to suppress these feelings ❤️

I don't want you to think this makes me any less of a man or husband. This is not something I need to indulge in often but I need it to be part of my life sometimes. If you're willing to partake in it with me then that would be unbelievable but if you don't feel comfortable then I totally accept that also. Perhaps if you are excepting of this and willing to learn and even indulgle in, it's something we can explore as a couple and it could even be something new and really exciting for us, who knows?

I couldn't ramble on forever and still feel uncomfortable saying this so I'm just going to say it. For as long as I remember I've always enjoyed wearing nappies. Not in an strange adult baby 24/7 kind of way though so don't worry about that, I have no interest in being babied and all the things that go along with that.

I have no interest in the whole adult baby thing it's just wearing them that I really enjoy. I used to wear them some evenings after work when chilling out by myself and found them to be a way to relieve the stresses of day to day life. I guess it feels like escapism in a sense.

I'm sure you understand this has nothing to do with peodiophila or anything like that. I think it's just been ingrained in me ever since an early age and I many fond memories from when I was still wearing them.

I've always missed them since I was potty trained and being around younger cousins all the time growing up I always felt jealous that they were still in nappies and I wasn't. I would take some of the nappies my mum had stored in cupboards for my cousins and wear them in my bedroom secretly whenever I got the opportunity and did my best to hide it from my mum. I'm not sure whether she ever had suspicions but she never said anything to me.

I always felt really strange for doing this and couldn't understand why it felt so good to me and thought I was the only person in the world that felt this way and felt very isolated because of this. I felt like a freak, so telling you now obviously leaves me feeling very vulnerable.

Once I got access to the internet later on in life I realised I wasn't the only person that felt this way which did help a little bit. That's when I discovered there was such things as adult nappies.

Once I moved from my mum's and lived by myself I purchased some online and only wore them in the secret of my own flat. Even then it wasn't something I'd do every night, just now and then. I also did enjoy wearing them to bed on occasions too.

Obviously when moving in with you I decided all that had to stop, for many reasons such as what I've already explained.

Over the years I guess they became a bit of a sexual thing for me but not always. It's hard to explain... the feeling of wearing something so soft and padded, hugging my legs and ass just gave me this incredible feeling. Along with the smells that go along with it such as creams and talc just gave me this amazing sense of well-being and was such a stress reliever. Whilst this is kind of a sexual thing to me in a sense I do not want it to become part of our normal sex life.

At this point I want you to know that whilst raising our children and changing their nappies. I never even approached my feelings of wanting to wear again or feeling jealous like I had done previously when I was younger. Changing nappies was quite early on in our relationship anyway and I feel like I had all my feelings totally hidden away and forgotten about then.

I guess the next question is what do I gain from coming out to you like this?

The main point for me is not having to hide this from you!
I would like at the very least to be able to purchase some without hiding them from you. It's something I haven't done so far and something I don't want to do. I now feel like I have no option but to give into these urges and except them as part of me therefore I don't want to hide this from you.

I don't feel like I was ever hiding this from you before because I truly believed I could forget about it but I'm now realising that this will always be a part of me and I need to accept that otherwise I'll never feel truly happy deep down inside. This will always nag at me!

Please don't think I hold you accountable for me holding back my feelings, this was my choice and I'm sorry for not telling you earlier on but hope you can understand why it's has been so difficult for me.

Perhaps in time you could try wearing one.... God it feels weird even saying that to you, though I would find that very sexy, believe it or not, lol, what a weirdo you married huh?? 🤣 I suppose you already knew that though; But perhaps you would enjoy wearing them or at the very least it would help you understand my feelings a little more. Here's one benefit to both of us feeling comfortable with it.... can you imagine going to a music festival and being able get to the front and not have to worry about needing to go for a wee!!? 🤭

It goes without saying I'm confiding in you telling you all my deepest darkest feelings here so if you feel the need to talk to someone else other than me about it please don't speak to our friends and family, I know you wouldn't though but I don't want you to feel alone. There's tons of resources online and places to chat to help you understand things further.
 
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blaincorrous

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I’ve done write ups before as a means to collect my thoughts. More often than not, I don’t send them directly, but it does help me structure what I say.

My formula for coming out had me feeling the pain and discomfort visibly, which my wife picked up on, asked what’s wrong, and opened herself to the answer. I then had to psychologically open the vault doors and open every lock that kept this from her in front of her to get to what was bothering me. It was hard. Really fucking hard. Facing the end of the world hard. But in the end I think it was more effective than writing out a long note.

I don’t mean to force my opinion on you, but writing a note is an easy way out, in my opinion. It’s an impersonal approach to make it easier on you. This is a deeply personal matter, and leaving her to form this first impression of a “you” she doesn’t know through a note leaves a lot up to chance. This needs to be a heart to heart talk with a back and forth dialog. It almost makes more sense to take these notes as notes for you. Read them in your own voice to her if necessary. You get the chance to adjust your approach if she seems unreceptive to certain parts.

Also, a note gives your partner a chance to search the internet about this ABDL thing before you can connect it to your personal situation. And she might not find the most flattering portrayal on her own. If this comes from you, and you show her how vulnerable you are, it can make all the difference between a net positive or a net negative outcome.
 
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PaddedInHaslet

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It took me 10 years of marriage before I told my wife. When I finally did, I went very badly to the point that she nearly took the kids and left. I had to throw out my stash and promise never to wear for her to stay. I did keep that promise though it was hard. A few months down the line after she had some time to process things, she softened her stance a little. She still didn’t like it or understand it, but she said I could wear as long as she wasn’t around when I did. She did say that more than the diaper wearing, she was just upset that I hid something from her for so long. It made her wonder what else I could be hiding. My point is if you do go through with telling her, just be prepared for all different reactions. It’s understandable that somebody would freak out when hearing this info so just make sure to give her some time to process things.
 
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blaincorrous

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I also want to add that feeling you could “beat” this the same way you beat smoking (by the way, huge congrats on that achievement) doesn’t work the same way for this kind of kink. You seem to realize that. And yet, that is a very honest perspective to share with your partner. That’s how many of us didn’t talk to our partners about it and we got to the point you’re at.

But, and correct me if I’m wrong, you quit smoking with your partner’s support. You haven’t had that for your ABDL side. Not that it would have banished it, but that’s where I think many of us get tripped up. Partners want to be let into each other’s struggles and carry them together. For many couples, the reassurance that we carry our struggles, our crazy, and our weirdness together is an ongoing discussion that never ends.

Where it goes from here is really up to the nature of your relationship. But I might hold off on such a direct suggestion that she try wearing a diaper. The statistics just aren’t good for that. Either we are into ABDL or we aren’t. There’s so many corners of this community that many of us just aren’t into, as it is. I’ve been open about ABDL with my wife for the last 10 years, and she’s just started to soften to the idea of engaging with my fantasies more completely, and even then, she’s just not into it and does it because she loves me and wants to help carry what she is capable of.
 
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SparkyDog

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sometimes it goes ok
sometimes it goes aweful
I've seen more people on here sharing how badly it went when they opened up to their spouse. Id have a plan in place should it go badly. If it does the odds of her sharing it with her friends & family are basically guaranteed.
I understand you're need to get that off your chest
Just be prepared might not go as you hope
 
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lilbabyjooce

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You do lots and lots of build up before the reveal, and mainly focus on negative emotions even if you’re trying to be lighthearted about it. You’re already setting yourself up for not the best reveal in this way. This is all far easier said than done, especially considering you have kept this a secret for over a decade, but it’s best to just rip the bandaid off. It’s good to be transparent, and you don’t have to make this out to be a good thing, but having at least a little confidence can go a long way. You can admit you’ve felt embarrassed about this side of you, but that you know this isn’t a harmful thing. A niche kink for sure, and I think most of us in the community do feel shame over it, but leading with shame might already set a bad tone.
I’m not sure if comparing it to smoking is great, as it implies an unhealthy addiction, though I do understand why you do so.
I also would refrain from trying to immediately jump into suggestions of her wearing. It is jarring enough to be revealed that your partner has such a niche kink, so then trying to get her to imagine the idea of herself in diapers just seems like it would be too much. Take things one at a time—right now, all you are doing is revealing this side of you to her. You’re not engaging in the kink together, you’re not diapering her, you’re not wearing in front of her, etc etc—don’t get ahead of yourself with something so delicate.
I also would go beyond just suggesting she searches online—you gather the resources she can use to support herself and give them to her. There are many threads on here that provide good resources for partners of ABDLs. That shows that you’re willing to support her through this as she also supports you. I also understand wanting to emphasize how your own privacy is important in this matter, but I would not tell her directly, “don’t talk to anyone about this.” I would just word that entirely different so you’re not telling her she can’t talk about this.
A write up helps you get allllll the word-vomit out. It was a wise decision to finally write it out. I think there’s a lot of editing to do, but that’s natural when you have all of these thoughts that you’re so anxious to get out. I do hope this is a write up for what you will say, and not just show her. I also hope my message doesn’t come across as critical. This is a very delicate thing to do and you obviously want to set yourself up the best way you can. It is an incredibly difficult thing to open up about, especially since there’s essentially no way to gauge a reaction. I wish you all the best!!!
 
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JDCH

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I am a big fan of using scripts. While face to face is better, I appreciate how hard it is to get the words out so a letter might be best for you.

But . . . this is long. Really long. It takes you 11 paragraphs to get to the point. If I received this from someone, I am starting to get pretty nervous if I don’t have a good sense of where is is going by paragraph three. My own experience reading this went from engaged to skimming until I got to the meat of the story — and I knew where it was going. She’ll end up skipping over some really thoughtful stuff you’ve put in there.

My advice is do an edit. A significant one. You are throwing a lot of information at her and it is information she might find upsetting.

I would also take out the part about her wearring entirely. Once she knows this about you, if she’s interested, you’ve given her an opening.

Don’t expect a positive response at first. Maybe not ever. But initially, she’s going to need some time to digest this and what it means. Tell her you are open to speaking about this as much as she would like but understand if she needs some time to sit with this information for a while.

Also be prepared for the possibility that this might be a negative turning point in your relationship. I hope not but everyone has their red line and she has a right to her’s.

I wish you well.
 
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ZpyTim

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From what I have seen on this board, it seems to go better when you can articulate a medical need such as increased dribbling or inability to make it to the bathroom. I would remove all references to her participating. Let her make that decision on her own. It is not something that was on her radar. She will go through stages of acceptance and distain. I would remove the reference that it does not make you less of a man or husband. If it does not got well, be prepared to have it thrown in your face during all serious fights. I wish you luck.
 
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Mfluder

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I never told my wife. I'm glad I didn't.
Anything you tell your partner can be used down the line against you in court.
No such thing as a secret in a divorce.
 
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JDCH

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lilbabyjooce said:
You do lots and lots of build up before the reveal, and mainly focus on negative emotions even if you’re trying to be lighthearted about it. You’re already setting yourself up for not the best reveal in this way. This is all far easier said than done, especially considering you have kept this a secret for over a decade, but it’s best to just rip the bandaid off. It’s good to be transparent, and you don’t have to make this out to be a good thing, but having at least a little confidence can go a long way. You can admit you’ve felt embarrassed about this side of you, but that you know this isn’t a harmful thing. A niche kink for sure, and I think most of us in the community do feel shame over it, but leading with shame might already set a bad tone.
I’m not sure if comparing it to smoking is great, as it implies an unhealthy addiction, though I do understand why you do so.
I also would refrain from trying to immediately jump into suggestions of her wearing. It is jarring enough to be revealed that your partner has such a niche kink, so then trying to get her to imagine the idea of herself in diapers just seems like it would be too much. Take things one at a time—right now, all you are doing is revealing this side of you to her. You’re not engaging in the kink together, you’re not diapering her, you’re not wearing in front of her, etc etc—don’t get ahead of yourself with something so delicate.
I also would go beyond just suggesting she searches online—you gather the resources she can use to support herself and give them to her. There are many threads on here that provide good resources for partners of ABDLs. That shows that you’re willing to support her through this as she also supports you. I also understand wanting to emphasize how your own privacy is important in this matter, but I would not tell her directly, “don’t talk to anyone about this.” I would just word that entirely different so you’re not telling her she can’t talk about this.
A write up helps you get allllll the word-vomit out. It was a wise decision to finally write it out. I think there’s a lot of editing to do, but that’s natural when you have all of these thoughts that you’re so anxious to get out. I do hope this is a write up for what you will say, and not just show her. I also hope my message doesn’t come across as critical. This is a very delicate thing to do and you obviously want to set yourself up the best way you can. It is an incredibly difficult thing to open up about, especially since there’s essentially no way to gauge a reaction. I wish you all the best!!!
Looks like we were writing the same thing simultaneously.
 
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Subtlerustle

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Agree with @blaincorrous on many points. Specifically, I wouldn’t say the part about her wearing at all. If she asks, then yes tell her the combination of her natural attractiveness and a diaper would be mind blowing but otherwise it’s too much too soon imo.
Also, make mention of your journey with this kink. It is hardwired yes, but you went through the phases of curiosity, denial, shame, acceptance and finally total comfort with yourself as a whole. This is part of why you held off telling her. You simply couldn’t reconcile yourself with this let alone drop all that vulnerability on her. It’s more complicated than just trust.
Dude, you’re in good company here. Many of us have been there. When you get to total self acceptance it’s so uplifting. Please, please please don’t smother your reveal in shame. Explain your journey and have some internet resources ready for her. Wisdom is gained over time and experience. Many of us were simply not in the right place to reveal as early as we should have. That’s unfortunate but we can’t reverse time. Keep us posted.
 
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Nowididit

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I could tell you how many times I built myself up to tell my wife only to chicken out for fear of rejection. I'm out now because she found one of my used diapers under the bed. It was not good!!! Distrust, speculations and accusations were flying. Was I hiding something else? Was I having an affair? Was I gay? Therapy.
Man you don't know how many times I had wished I had told her.
We were 12 years into our relationship too.
As the age old expression goes, "If I could go back and do it all over again"
I'm not telling you what to do I'm just giving you what the outcome was for.
Things are so much better now. She supports me and sometimes participates by diapering me and changing me.
 
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Abdlchriscrinkle

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Mfluder said:
Anything you tell your partner can be used down the line against you in court.
No such thing as a secret in a divorce.

Not to focus on negativity, but I second this. In fact, it was used against me as well during my divorce... irreparable damage to my reputation, and the scary part is I don't know who she has or hasn't told...
 
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TommeeTippee

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Everyone communicates in different ways. A letter is a good idea if it helps you tell your wife effectively, but I suggest you be present when she reads it. I also recommend trimming back the build-up because too much build-up may lead your wife to catastrophize the situation before the big reveal. As part of your resources, acquire some books by experts, read them yourself, and use them to help your wife better understand AB/DLs. Literature written by experts will do more to build ethos than most of what you find on the internet. I haven't read it yet, but you may consider "You're Not Broken: Dr. Rhoda's Guide to Strong Self Worth for AB/DLs." As others have already mentioned, please only invite her to participate when she's had adequate time for your news to soak in, and you can better gauge her level of acceptance. I hope all goes well for you!
 
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MudPuppy

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I've told my wife (of 25 years) I use them during some self bondage stuff when she's away. But nothing about more generally. And I certainly use them more generally.
 
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littlemoosey

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lilbabyjooce said:
You do lots and lots of build up before the reveal, and mainly focus on negative emotions even if you’re trying to be lighthearted about it. You’re already setting yourself up for not the best reveal in this way. This is all far easier said than done, especially considering you have kept this a secret for over a decade, but it’s best to just rip the bandaid off. It’s good to be transparent, and you don’t have to make this out to be a good thing, but having at least a little confidence can go a long way. You can admit you’ve felt embarrassed about this side of you, but that you know this isn’t a harmful thing. A niche kink for sure, and I think most of us in the community do feel shame over it, but leading with shame might already set a bad tone.
I’m not sure if comparing it to smoking is great, as it implies an unhealthy addiction, though I do understand why you do so.
I also would refrain from trying to immediately jump into suggestions of her wearing. It is jarring enough to be revealed that your partner has such a niche kink, so then trying to get her to imagine the idea of herself in diapers just seems like it would be too much. Take things one at a time—right now, all you are doing is revealing this side of you to her. You’re not engaging in the kink together, you’re not diapering her, you’re not wearing in front of her, etc etc—don’t get ahead of yourself with something so delicate.
I also would go beyond just suggesting she searches online—you gather the resources she can use to support herself and give them to her. There are many threads on here that provide good resources for partners of ABDLs. That shows that you’re willing to support her through this as she also supports you. I also understand wanting to emphasize how your own privacy is important in this matter, but I would not tell her directly, “don’t talk to anyone about this.” I would just word that entirely different so you’re not telling her she can’t talk about this.
A write up helps you get allllll the word-vomit out. It was a wise decision to finally write it out. I think there’s a lot of editing to do, but that’s natural when you have all of these thoughts that you’re so anxious to get out. I do hope this is a write up for what you will say, and not just show her. I also hope my message doesn’t come across as critical. This is a very delicate thing to do and you obviously want to set yourself up the best way you can. It is an incredibly difficult thing to open up about, especially since there’s essentially no way to gauge a reaction. I wish you all the best!!!

lilbabyjooce said:
You do lots and lots of build up before the reveal, and mainly focus on negative emotions even if you’re trying to be lighthearted about it. You’re already setting yourself up for not the best reveal in this way. This is all far easier said than done, especially considering you have kept this a secret for over a decade, but it’s best to just rip the bandaid off. It’s good to be transparent, and you don’t have to make this out to be a good thing, but having at least a little confidence can go a long way. You can admit you’ve felt embarrassed about this side of you, but that you know this isn’t a harmful thing. A niche kink for sure, and I think most of us in the community do feel shame over it, but leading with shame might already set a bad tone.
I’m not sure if comparing it to smoking is great, as it implies an unhealthy addiction, though I do understand why you do so.
I also would refrain from trying to immediately jump into suggestions of her wearing. It is jarring enough to be revealed that your partner has such a niche kink, so then trying to get her to imagine the idea of herself in diapers just seems like it would be too much. Take things one at a time—right now, all you are doing is revealing this side of you to her. You’re not engaging in the kink together, you’re not diapering her, you’re not wearing in front of her, etc etc—don’t get ahead of yourself with something so delicate.
I also would go beyond just suggesting she searches online—you gather the resources she can use to support herself and give them to her. There are many threads on here that provide good resources for partners of ABDLs. That shows that you’re willing to support her through this as she also supports you. I also understand wanting to emphasize how your own privacy is important in this matter, but I would not tell her directly, “don’t talk to anyone about this.” I would just word that entirely different so you’re not telling her she can’t talk about this.
A write up helps you get allllll the word-vomit out. It was a wise decision to finally write it out. I think there’s a lot of editing to do, but that’s natural when you have all of these thoughts that you’re so anxious to get out. I do hope this is a write up for what you will say, and not just show her. I also hope my message doesn’t come across as critical. This is a very delicate thing to do and you obviously want to set yourself up the best way you can. It is an incredibly difficult thing to open up about, especially since there’s essentially no way to gauge a reaction. I wish you all the best!!!
What she said, X10.... read the above multiple times, great advice.
 
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ItsTimmyTime

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I just want to drop in and thank all you guys for the advice you've given me here. I really appreciate you all sticking through that huge write up. I know it needs work and it was mostly word vomit, just me getting my thoughts down onto paper.

Definitely not planning on handing her a note and running away whilst she reads it, at the very least I'll read it to her though I would like to learn what I want to say from my final draft.... that needs cutting down.... ALOT!!! and definitely agree that a few things need removing 😬

So much invaluable advice here guys and I will read your comments over and over again and come up with a new draft in time and report back if that's okay ☺️
 
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IntriguedDL

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lilbabyjooce said:
You do lots and lots of build up before the reveal, and mainly focus on negative emotions even if you’re trying to be lighthearted about it. You’re already setting yourself up for not the best reveal in this way. This is all far easier said than done, especially considering you have kept this a secret for over a decade, but it’s best to just rip the bandaid off. It’s good to be transparent, and you don’t have to make this out to be a good thing, but having at least a little confidence can go a long way. You can admit you’ve felt embarrassed about this side of you, but that you know this isn’t a harmful thing. A niche kink for sure, and I think most of us in the community do feel shame over it, but leading with shame might already set a bad tone.
I’m not sure if comparing it to smoking is great, as it implies an unhealthy addiction, though I do understand why you do so.
I also would refrain from trying to immediately jump into suggestions of her wearing. It is jarring enough to be revealed that your partner has such a niche kink, so then trying to get her to imagine the idea of herself in diapers just seems like it would be too much. Take things one at a time—right now, all you are doing is revealing this side of you to her. You’re not engaging in the kink together, you’re not diapering her, you’re not wearing in front of her, etc etc—don’t get ahead of yourself with something so delicate.
I also would go beyond just suggesting she searches online—you gather the resources she can use to support herself and give them to her. There are many threads on here that provide good resources for partners of ABDLs. That shows that you’re willing to support her through this as she also supports you. I also understand wanting to emphasize how your own privacy is important in this matter, but I would not tell her directly, “don’t talk to anyone about this.” I would just word that entirely different so you’re not telling her she can’t talk about this.
A write up helps you get allllll the word-vomit out. It was a wise decision to finally write it out. I think there’s a lot of editing to do, but that’s natural when you have all of these thoughts that you’re so anxious to get out. I do hope this is a write up for what you will say, and not just show her. I also hope my message doesn’t come across as critical. This is a very delicate thing to do and you obviously want to set yourself up the best way you can. It is an incredibly difficult thing to open up about, especially since there’s essentially no way to gauge a reaction. I wish you all the best!!!
Yeah, I agree with this. I told my wife about being DL after 15 years of marriage. Same kind of reasons for taking so long - shame, embarrassment, convinced I could ignore it.

I started off by telling her about my 'kink' followed by my explanation (I'd imagine her mind would be everywhere if I'd done it he other way around).

Initially, it went really well, she suggested age-play which as a DL is something that I'd never really thought about. I gave her websites to look at, to do her own research but I think this was a mistake. I was also a bit vague about what I wanted her to do with all the information that I had just given her, what role I wanted her to play in any of this, why now, and I suppose how I'd managed to keep a secret from her for so long. I let it lie for a few weeks as I knew it was quite a big thing to put on someone. I think the lack of us talking it through was also a mistake. We argued a bit over misunderstanding. She is happy for me to indulge in my own space/time but doesn't want to be included and I certainly wouldn't ask her to do anything that she wasn't happy to do.

If I had to do it all again, I would but I would do it slightly differently and most definitely keep the communication going rather than dishing out research homework 😂

Good luck with it, I hope it goes well.
 
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ItsTimmyTime

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TommeeTippee said:
As part of your resources, acquire some books by experts, read them yourself, and use them to help your wife better understand AB/DLs. Literature written by experts will do more to build ethos than most of what you find on the internet. I haven't read it yet, but you may consider "You're Not Broken: Dr. Rhoda's Guide to Strong Self Worth for AB/DLs."
Thank you for making me aware of this book. It is fantastic and it's finally helping me accept myself for who I am and realised I have nothing to be ashamed of.

It's helped/helping me to put together a much better script which is much less negative and also giving me additional skills in which to help me communicate and help my wife understand.

I also found the "Dream a little" podcast with Lo, which is also totally invaluable!!

I now believe this has to happen. It's just a matter of timing as she has an upcoming interview, which she is stressing about but we sat down together last night and I helped her work through some possible interview questions, answers and scenarios last night so she's now feeling more relaxed.




We do have a fantastic relationship and we have always been really good at communicating and working through problems. She is such an understanding and excepting person so I am hopeful the outcome could be positive..... given time of course.
 
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ItsTimmyTime

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I am eternally grateful to everyone that has responded to my thread! You have all been such an amazing help and made me realise I need to except myself and come up with a much less negative opinion of the abdl side of me.

Once again I would love your constructive criticism of what I have written so far. I have a lot more material within my journal, such as additional questions that may need answers further down the line and reasons why this is important to me, but this is just the initial part of what I'm likely to say to her.

---------

You know I've always felt comfortable opening up to you and trust you more than any other person in the world, right! But there's this kink that I have and it is the one and only thing I've never felt comfortable telling you (or anyone else, EVER!) So instead of telling you I tried to ignore it but I should've told you a long time ago!

I'm a bit nervous telling you but I think it's important I just come right out and say it... Ever since I was young I've kinda liked wearing nappies.

*or*

I'm just going to come right out and say it then I'll explain everything else afterwards. Ever since I was young I've kinda liked wearing nappies.

First of all I want you to know I never tried to hide this from you. I haven't brought or worn them the whole time we've been together! I always thought I could "cure" myself or "forget" about it given time. I now know I can't.

I am so sorry that I never told you before now but please try to understand I've never told anyone my whole life. I've always been too scared and I felt embarrassed and weird for liking this. I've always trusted you with my secrets but this has been the one secret I've carried around with me my entire life and it's only recently that I've realised I "have" to confront and "except" this as part of who I am.

Whilst not confronting this it has always be eating away at me deep inside, I've been living with the anxiety of this and no matter how much I tried to ignore it, it never goes away.

I've done a lot of soul searching this past year or so and I'm now beginning to feel a little more confident excepting this part of me and I think I'm ready to talk openly about it, so any questions you have please just ask me!
This is still new to me though so I might find it tough to answer questions I'll likely find difficult, but I will still try my best to answer them x

I now realise that this will always be a part of me, it is ingrained in me and it's something I will always want and if I'm honest with myself, it is something that will always "be important" to me!

(There are many positives to me finally realising this, which we can talk about moving forward - things not even related to this kink)

I'm sure you would've been really supportive if I'd told you early on in our relationship (so I regret not telling you, however looking back I definitely wasn't in the right mindset to tell you then as it would've come across very negatively and awkwardly) I really hope you can still be supportive now.

If I struggle to help you understand in anyway I have a few online resources and books we could look at together (definitely something that we should do anyway) which might help you with any further questions, some which you might of never even thought about.

There's a lot of psychology that comes along with understanding this, much of it that even I didn't realise myself... It's not just as simple as I'm into this kind of thing. Learning this is what has helped me finally come to terms with it so I'm hopeful this could help you understand too.

I also realise this could be something which you really struggle to accept and could also be upsetting for you and that is entirely understandable, although it won't be easy for me, it certainly won't be easy for you but just know I'm always here to support you in every way, just like I always am.

I would of course be incredibly happy if you were willing to accept this part of me also.... given time, of course. It's not something I need to do every day but it is something I do want to do sometimes. I obviously would like to keep this between just you and me but if you feel the need to talk to someone else, I respect that also.

Once again I want to say how sorry I am that I never told you before now but please try to understand I've never told anyone my whole life!
 
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