Soon-to be-parent, conflicted with ABDL desires

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Lionhead

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I haven't been able to track down any discussion on this topic, but it's quickly becoming a source of anxiety for me personally.

I've struggled with the ABDL binge/purge cycle on and off for about 8 years now.
It was a distant fantasy in my childhood, but I started experimenting with wearing premium diapers in college, and enjoyed it too much.
I did it in secret from my girlfriend for the first 3 years of our relationship until getting caught through my browsing history. This put a huge dent in our relationship, and has had extreme consequences in her trust ever since (coupled with a past porn addiction).

After getting caught I stopped for a few more years until settling back into secretly divulging again for the past 2 years, until you guessed it, getting caught wearing diapers in bed, BIG MISTAKE. She nearly left me that night.
We have a very strong and personal relationship with each other, and try to discuss things with each other openly, but she is 100% opposed to it, and I love her enough to respect her wishes, as I value our relationship over my own fetish, however as many of you are aware, it's not always something you can control and the desire is always there.

We're married now, and a new source of stress has been realized, as she is pregnant. While I'm excited to meet my new daughter, I'm worried about the temptation with all the baby stuff around. I already get nervous whenever someone starts a conversation talking about diapers, and I've discussed this openly with my wife to avoid conversations about them. I get butterflies in my stomach and want nothing more but to curl up in a ball wearing a diaper.
Our baby shower was recently, and every diaper and pacifier I saw sent shudders down my spine.

I feel like this should be a more prevalent topic in the abdl community, is anyone here a parent that went through this situation? And for the younger people, are you worried when you reach this stage in life?

I'm terrified I'm going to be stealing my daughters diapers and pacifiers and curling up in her crib when my my wife and child aren't home. My greatest fantasy is being in a baby room surrounded my baby stuff wetting myself, and I'm paralyzed with stress that's going to happen.

Any advice/ personal experiences?
 
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littlemoosey

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I was there Lionhead, although I had stomped down the urges after I got married, and kept them down for many years; 30 years to be exact. I tried to broach the subject once with my wife but it did not work, she thought I was joking and I did not press it.

I worried about the same things you worried about when my child was born, but ya know what. It was OK, through those years although the urge was there it was very very diminished. There were just too many other things of greater importance, mainly raising my son that took precedence. The diaper attraction just was not the same when we were taking care of a little one for real. At least it was not for me anyways.

Although my wife knows now and has been wonderful about my AB side, I am really glad that I did not make this an issue through those years as it really would have diluted my wife's experience with her, "real" baby. Even in retrospect, I would not do it any differently.

In the end it all worked out just fine. Whatever you decide, I hope it works for you.
 

Lionhead

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Thank you for sharing your experience, it gives me some comfort. I hope my sense of responsibility and parenting will overcome those desires.
Right now it's just the thought of it being as issue that's bothering me, I'm thinking of a quote now.

“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head
but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair”
-MLK
 
M

Maxx

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I suppose it depends on the level and extent of your compulsion, and how well you separate fantasy and reality. I've had kids and now grandkids (oldest grandchild 21, youngest 4). When playing with or babysitting with them, my own love for diapers was in a faraway place. No temptation at all. Zero crossover between my fantasies and the real world.
 

Lionhead

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I guess one thing I want to make clear is I know I would never expose my children to anything like that, or fall into those thoughts while they're around. My main concern is with stealing their diapers, pacifiers, etc. while nobody is home. There was never a moment a rogue diaper was laying around the house while you were home alone that you snuck off with? Or at least a temptation of that sort?
I've played out my fantasies with both premium adult diapers, as well as local bought pull-ups etc. and I fail to see the difference if you're home alone left to your own devices with these kind of objects around.
 
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Maxx

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I guess one thing I want to make clear is I know I would never expose my children to anything like that, or fall into those thoughts while they're around. My main concern is with stealing their diapers, pacifiers, etc. while nobody is home. There was never a moment a rogue diaper was laying around the house while you were home alone that you snuck off with? Or at least a temptation of that sort?
I've played out my fantasies with both premium adult diapers, as well as local bought pull-ups etc. and I fail to see the difference if you're home alone left to your own devices with these kind of objects around.
Nope. Half a century ago as a pre-teen and young teen, I experimented with my younger sister's cloth diapers, but that's an entirely different deal.

Perhaps it has something to do with my being strictly DL. Baby and little kid's diapers and things have never appealed to me.
 
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LiteBrite

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My experience is similar to what others have said. I've been ABDL for 40 years or so and went through many, many binge purge cycles. I've been married for about 20 years. My wife and I had twin daughters 11 years ago. When my girls were born my ABDL side just tamped down by itself - the little ones were more than enough. I never had a desire to sneak a diaper or pacifier from them. As they've gotten older my ABDL side reemerged. I finally told my wife about that part of me last year. Fortunately though she was understanding and doesn't mind since it makes me happy, but I definitely keep it separate from the kids.
 

DLScottsman

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I have 2 kids a 14 year old stepdaughter and a 6 year old. I was able to keep the diaper thing to just my need to arrest for medical reasons. The easiest way I see is to keep your own stuff. Pacifier, diapers, etc, this way you are not taking the babies stuff. Allow yourself time when you do not have to be dad.
 

egor

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Hello

I went into a deep purge when we got engaged and it lasted for 8 years.

During that time I had 2 kids.

The urges of AB/Dl and Real life "surprise packages" are two entire different realms. IT is ok to be a little jealous, but just about that time there is the no mistaking that "sound" and the smell hits. As you are chasing a 18 month old with a loaded diaper so you can change them and trust me Little desires is not what is on you mind!
 

TabulaRasa2017

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Hi Lionhead,

I'm a parent and I was also concerned when my first child came along, not so much that I'd steal anything, but that it would cause me more stress because of all the baby things around. But like egor says, when your kid is running around with a loaded diaper it's not much fun and it certainly didn't make me jealous. I think you may come to realize that you are able to separate real babies from your own fetish - when you change diapers round the clock, they lose a lot of their "mystique" ... especially since you're not the one wearing them!

Do take time for yourself and to indulge this side of you when you can. My soon-to-be ex was a bit like yours but she knew about this side of me early on - she was okay with it if it was out of the bedroom, and I would have never dreamed of wearing around her or even chancing doing something where I could get caught, so I was always very, very discreet. So I don't know what to tell you there. But what I can say is whatever you do with your relationship, this ABDL part of you isn't going anywhere and you should find some outlet for it. It doesn't have to be much or even involving wearing, but be kind to yourself and give yourself some release valve for it. Trust me ... don't let it build. I'm no psychologist and so my advice is just that ... advice. But I think in some way you need to find a way to sort this out with your wife for long term happiness for you both. How you do that is up to you. My separation and pending divorce were not primarily about ABDL, but as I've often said, being ABDL didn't help, either.

I wish you both the best on your new journey into parenthood and I wish you strength and peace with your ABDL side.

Be well,

Tab
 

Trevor

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I'm not a parent but I've been reading here for years. The upshot I see from the occasional threads on this topic is that having children doesn't trigger the same kinds of feelings we know so well.

Even without being a parent, I have had some time caring for kids and although I'm aware of little ironies along the way, my ABDL feelings didn't surface during those times. As much as they might seem the same, I don't think those feelings come from the same place and there's no conflict.
 

dogboy

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I'll chime in here as well, having been a parent to little ones. I found that once our son arrived and had to have his diaper changed, that the desire to wear diapers faded into almost non-existence. There was something about having to deal with the real thing that had a negative affect. At the same time, I was trying to not give into the feelings of wanting to wear diapers, etc. It was only by the time our kids were going to school that the desires came flooding back. There's something about it being your child. Parents tend to be very protective of their children. There should be a natural barrier between their needs and your desires. I think you'll be surprised.
 

KimbaWolfNagihiko

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My personal opinion is that this train should have been backed up a long time ago.

I don't know what kind of discussions you had with your wife after getting caught for the second time, but it essentially sounds you just put a Band-Aid on the issue. (No offense.) You just tried to do what would make her happy... but forgot about your own happiness in the process. No relationship is a one-way street. It's a compromise, a give-and-take. I don't see any partnership where one half is forced to lock away part of themselves as being happy or healthy in the long term. It's something that should have been resolved before the bigger steps of marriage and parenthood, but that doesn't have to mean all hope is lost.

You're not going to get anywhere without sitting down for another honest conversation with your wife. Be frank: explain that you're simply not going to be at peace until you can work out some sort of solution to allow yourself some opportunity for your interests. I think a caring, compassionate partner should eventually understand. Perhaps consider couples' counselling if you haven't already.

Of course, during this process you may have to really step back and re-exam the core of this relationship - that is, if your wife truly is the right partner for you. I'm not saying that to scare or discourage you. It's just my personal code that I would never stay with someone who showed such a negative reaction to my being ab/dl. You gotta love me, scars and all.

If you can't be yourself - who can you be?
 

Fascinating

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My personal experience was that while I was pregnant with my first child I bought my first pack of baby diapers and put one in my underwear and headed off to work and wet it at work until it leaked. I didn't get caught, but it was an awkward enough experience as the diaper swelled up and made me waddle and my boss asked me what was wrong. I don't remember being nervous and I guess they just assumed it was a pregnancy related thing. That was a one time thing that I didn't try again.

When my son was born I was so busy caring for him and loving him and spending lots of money on him that it never even crossed my mind to use one of his diapers. I had five children in 8 years and they kept me quite busy. However, I was so unaware of my desires for diapers anyway that I never really thought about it. I never knew I was DL until all my children were out of diapers and in school. I saved the last few pull-ups that didn't get used and probably had them in my closet 2-5 years before my desires came back and I used them up. That was around the time I became aware that these desires were a part of me and closely knit to my needs.



Sent from my LGL31L using Tapatalk
 

littlemoosey

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I'll chime in here as well, having been a parent to little ones. I found that once our son arrived and had to have his diaper changed, that the desire to wear diapers faded into almost non-existence. There was something about having to deal with the real thing that had a negative affect. At the same time, I was trying to not give into the feelings of wanting to wear diapers, etc. It was only by the time our kids were going to school that the desires came flooding back. There's something about it being your child. Parents tend to be very protective of their children. There should be a natural barrier between their needs and your desires. I think you'll be surprised.
What dogboy and others said, they nailed it. When the reality of a real littleone sets in....
 

TeddyBearCowboy

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To the OP: I think you have been given some really good advice so far here. As you can see from the general responses, in most all cases, there is a big separation between wanting to wear diapers as an ABDL and actual parenthood.

I was really worried about this myself when I was first married, and I have responded in other threads (which I would recommend you do a site search for, as there is great information from many others as well). But what I experienced over the course of having three children, which are now getting close to being adults themselves, is that in all of the years of raising children through their diaper years, I not even once thought about the needs and caring for them in diapers in association with my own interest. It seemed that during that time that they we wearing, my own desires faded. The changing of diapers was something that was certainly more of a chore and something I was more than grateful when their potty training was successful for many reasons.

During that time they were in diapers, which spread across around seven or eight years of my life, I was never attracted to their diapers or honestly never even gave it a second thought. Any time that I found myself in an ABDL state or interest, this had no connection whatsoever and was completely separate.

The others who have been parents here seem to have expressed the same thing, so I believe my case is not unique. I would suggest that you embrace fatherhood and (in my experience) you will find it is the greatest thing that one can experience in your life. Get out of the concerns of being ABDL and get into the fact that you are about to have a miracle that will change your life forever. It is a roller coaster ride to be sure, with ups and downs, but experiencing life through seeing yourself in your children and what they are is something that just cannot be described. So please, put off your ABDL concerns and enjoy being a father and parent.

As for the relationship with your significant other about being ABDL, I think honesty is certainly best. But you need to realize that she may never truly understand or accept this part of you. Ideally, it would have been worked out before you started a life together and a family, but I recognize that doesn't always happen. Sometimes it is because one may think that after they are with someone, that these urges go away, and hence they put them aside only later to have them resurface.

I encourage you to see to your GFs needs and care for her as best as you can in all ways. Realize your own interests are not the only ones. But also, she needs to understand yours. Right now you are going to have a baby and significant change in your life. I do not recommend that this is the time to seek out resolve of your interests. Trust me, the female body and its hormones and the changes going on through pregnancy are not something to be messed with or a good time to try to seek resolve of these things.

So, my advice is to just move forward with being a father. Look toward this time not with fear, but with excitement and support your GF as she will be going through her own roller-coaster of emotions both prior to and after the pregnancy. But it is something beautiful and can bring you both closer together if you work together through it.

Best of luck you you and God Bless.

Teddy Bear Cowboy

:detective3
 

Str88jacketabdl

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Wow that’s a tough spot to be in...

I’ve always told my partners about my fetishes early on. I’ve yet to have someone give a negative reaction.

I told my current girlfriend, and hopefully wife someday everything kinky about myself within the first two months. She’s always been supportive and doesn’t object to me wearing diapers even when we go out.

Honestly this would’ve been a break moment for me the second she didn’t accept you for who you are.
 

Lionhead

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Thank you, and everyone for your response, I agree there seems to be a common theme at play with fatherhood instincts overpowering it all. Right now I don't have the reality of a child completely in grasp, so these things are just a worry in the back of my mind, but when she's finally here, I hope I experience this feeling like the rest of you, and try to embrace those instincts to the best of my ability.:thumbsup:
 
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