Solution to election worries

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Eulogy

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The following is one of the best emails I've ever gotten...

An Alternative

Some of you have vowed to re-locate if the unthinkable happens on Election Day. Someone sent me this alternative:

Dear Red States

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and

we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware,

that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota ,

Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe

this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the

people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave

states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the

Statue of Liberty and Empire State Building . You get Dollywood. We get Apple, Intel, Cisco

and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Yale. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of

America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We

get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You now get to make the red states pay

their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the

Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a

bunch of single moms. Please be aware that New California will be

pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens

back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your

evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to

their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show

pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you

success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not

willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent

of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple

and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of

America 's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)

90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most

of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and

condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech

and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to

cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected

health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100

percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent

of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all

televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University , Clemson and the

University of Georgia . We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.


Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was

actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred

unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent

say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was

involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you

are people with higher morals then we lefties.


Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed

they grow in Mexico .

Peace out,

Blue States
--
Have a great day.
 

Lil Snap

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Like New York would EVAH be a part of "New California":laugh:
 

Fire2box

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What about me? I am a republican in California. I would protest such a thing VERY intensely.

As for ANYONE from either said that they vow to movie if so and so wins I hear Mexico,Cuba,China and Venezuela are looking for new citizens. Good luck.
 

Pojo

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Well if Virginia is red, then I guess I'll have to move up north a little ways to join New California :3
 

Boogeyman

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Can you take out the part about ending the Iraq war? It'd be a little dumb to have all that effort go to waste...
 
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