I agree with the advice about considering wearing them at times other than bedtime. Since you said it’s sexually arousing for you, wouldn’t it be better to wear other times anyways since you’ll just be sleeping? if you bring it into the bed you share with her it feels like you’re forcing it into the relationship and disregarding her feelings, almost like a threesome where one person isn’t comfortable lol. And if you go off to the guest room it’s like as said , choosing the pads over your wife, which probably feels kinda like being cheated on or rejected from her perspective. If you don’t pursue sex with her with the same or more seeming frequency and desire as you’re pursuing this topic of pads with her, she will be feeling deeply unsettled and hurt. I would say for now, wear them when she isn’t there if you really feel the need to and when with her focus on listening to her, even if she gets very upset don’t shut down, try and get her to keep talking, ask her questions about her needs and her desires. If your fixated on the goal of you wearing whenever you want, it is going to hurt the relationship. Focus on understanding each other more deeply and meeting her needs first, and keep your long term goals open ended but moving towards a relationship you can both feel safe and fufilled in whatever form that comes to takeThe agreement was made when I was trying to calm her down. I don't know how to compromise with her because she was extremely upset and furious (even yelling) when she found out I was wearing a pad. I'm still not back to being on our best terms because she's still recovering from the hurt.