SO Doesn't Like Me Wearing Pads

dazednconfused

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The agreement was made when I was trying to calm her down. I don't know how to compromise with her because she was extremely upset and furious (even yelling) when she found out I was wearing a pad. I'm still not back to being on our best terms because she's still recovering from the hurt.
I agree with the advice about considering wearing them at times other than bedtime. Since you said it’s sexually arousing for you, wouldn’t it be better to wear other times anyways since you’ll just be sleeping? if you bring it into the bed you share with her it feels like you’re forcing it into the relationship and disregarding her feelings, almost like a threesome where one person isn’t comfortable lol. And if you go off to the guest room it’s like as said , choosing the pads over your wife, which probably feels kinda like being cheated on or rejected from her perspective. If you don’t pursue sex with her with the same or more seeming frequency and desire as you’re pursuing this topic of pads with her, she will be feeling deeply unsettled and hurt. I would say for now, wear them when she isn’t there if you really feel the need to and when with her focus on listening to her, even if she gets very upset don’t shut down, try and get her to keep talking, ask her questions about her needs and her desires. If your fixated on the goal of you wearing whenever you want, it is going to hurt the relationship. Focus on understanding each other more deeply and meeting her needs first, and keep your long term goals open ended but moving towards a relationship you can both feel safe and fufilled in whatever form that comes to take
 

Crise

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again, that is good sound advice. Must ask again as well does your wife have a problem with you drawing panties I bead?
 

PadsInPants

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Yes, great advice dazednconfused. Thank you. I'll have to talk with her more and get a better understanding of her needs.

again, that is good sound advice. Must ask again as well does your wife have a problem with you drawing panties I bead?
No, she tolerates me wearing panties to bed and around the house.
 

Crise

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Yes, great advice dazednconfused. Thank you. I'll have to talk with her more and get a better understanding of her needs.


No, she tolerates me wearing panties to bed and around the house.
you're already a lucky man she must love you deeply
 

dazednconfused

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Thank you. Dressing or crossdressing as I felt it was at the time was not a sexual thing for me it felt more a must really. Did not feel as I was cross-dressing as I understand it today rather that's the assignment I put on my feelings. All this got so mixed up for me when a group of older boys that had never seen me in anything but( normal) clothes but continuously referred to me as a sissy. It Stell hard to tell, never the less I am very PROUD to be me, Those -boys raped me and to this day my bowels hold nothing back I have no clue when ITS going to happen, diaper bound and PROUD to be a survivor. And yes it does affect the fashions I dawn. But darn it I'm not a freak
Sorry I didn’t see this before my other response to the OP but I am so so so sorry that was inflicted upon you and even as a stranger I’m proud of you for not letting your spirit to be broken by emotional weaklings! I really feel for you, it must have been a long and hard road to healing for you.
 

Crise

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Sorry I didn’t see this before my other response to the OP but I am so so so sorry that was inflicted upon you and even as a stranger I’m proud of you for not letting your spirit to be broken by emotional weaklings! I really feel for you, it must have been a long and hard road to healing for you.
Thank you for your very kind words or I should say the feelings expressed. Time and finding with much effort the loving professionals that took me by the hand, propped me up, and to this day are there for me. Life is complicated don't you think?
 

dazednconfused

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Yes, great advice dazednconfused. Thank you. I'll have to talk with her more and get a better understanding of her needs.


No, she tolerates me wearing panties to bed and around the house.
Interesting, I didn’t see the part about lingerie before, just wondering, since you said she is more accepting of that, is it like kind of a “lesser” thing for you than the pads? In terms of enjoyment? How did you work that out or explain it to her/ have the conversation with her and how long has it been? Because if she doesn’t mind you wearing those to bed, I think that’s a big thing, and it might be scaring her feeling like your wants keep accelerating, and that if she “gives in” it will be a never-ending, intensifying list of requests. She maybe felt like she was making a big concession just with the female underwear, and is hurt or confused that rather than deeper satisfaction it seemed to result in more unfulfilled desires being expressed. Women are generally used to men being pretty grateful just for them being willing to get physical, so it may be jarring to her to feel like she’s stepped outside her comfort zone and it isn’t “enough”. We also will suppress a lot of our desires for the sake of our partner,if we feel they would t be compatible, and feel we would be in “the wrong” for pushing a partners sexual boundaries, so it makes it potentially more hurtful to feel like your spouse isn’t willing to sacrifice certain things. It may help to try and engage her to have a conversation about both of your deepest fantasies and desires, with no judgement or expectations of the other fulfilling them, but so that you atleast understand what really is driving the other. That will make it easier to find compromise or “trade offs” even if it isn’t quite the ideal either of you had in your head. But again, try and initiate this with inquiring about HER wants and needs first so it doesn’t feel like pressure or that you’re “asking for something more”
 

PadsInPants

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Interesting, I didn’t see the part about lingerie before, just wondering, since you said she is more accepting of that, is it like kind of a “lesser” thing for you than the pads? In terms of enjoyment? How did you work that out or explain it to her/ have the conversation with her and how long has it been? Because if she doesn’t mind you wearing those to bed, I think that’s a big thing, and it might be scaring her feeling like your wants keep accelerating, and that if she “gives in” it will be a never-ending, intensifying list of requests. She maybe felt like she was making a big concession just with the female underwear, and is hurt or confused that rather than deeper satisfaction it seemed to result in more unfulfilled desires being expressed. Women are generally used to men being pretty grateful just for them being willing to get physical, so it may be jarring to her to feel like she’s stepped outside her comfort zone and it isn’t “enough”.
Wearing panties is a big turn on for me too. I've been doing that for longer, about 4 years now, so it's probably not as thrilling due to the number of times I've had the opportunity to incorporate it into our love making.

I bought an assortment of panties then showed them to her and told her that I like wearing them because they turn me on, and would like to wear them during sex. It took her about a day to become accepting of that and I've been wearing them during foreplay ever since.

That's true, she has expressed that she's been understanding of my needs and feels that she's handled my desire to wear women's underwear well, and adding pads crosses a line for her.

We also will suppress a lot of our desires for the sake of our partner,if we feel they would t be compatible, and feel we would be in “the wrong” for pushing a partners sexual boundaries, so it makes it potentially more hurtful to feel like your spouse isn’t willing to sacrifice certain things. It may help to try and engage her to have a conversation about both of your deepest fantasies and desires, with no judgement or expectations of the other fulfilling them, but so that you atleast understand what really is driving the other. That will make it easier to find compromise or “trade offs” even if it isn’t quite the ideal either of you had in your head. But again, try and initiate this with inquiring about HER wants and needs first so it doesn’t feel like pressure or that you’re “asking for something more”
We've discussed our sexual fantasies before and she says hers are just pretty plain and normal, but she would enjoy me being more rough with her. It would definitely be worthwhile to talk about that again though.
 

Peesalot

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I'll definitely consider donating soon. I'll have to find a local place that needs them first.
I volunteered at a local food pantry for about 8 - 10 years. We always had a supply of baby diapers and adult diapers that people could get. From time to time we also had panty liners available for people. We always had other personal items, too, such as toothpaste, deodorant, etc. You might consider contacting your local food pantry and ask if they also distribute items like this.
 

Subtlerustle

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Much respect for the advice of @dazednconfused. I have no experience in the cross dressing or wearing pads but the dilemma and advice is interchangeable with diapers.
For the OP, I’d take the wins you’ve been given and run. The Pad thing is a no fly zone to your SO but at least you’re not hiding this element of you. You’re not being driven underground but she doesn’t want it in her presence. Something about this is more triggering than lingerie. She appears threatened hence the raised pulse.
GL
 

LuvMyDiapers

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The agreement was made when I was trying to calm her down. I don't know how to compromise with her because she was extremely upset and furious (even yelling) when she found out I was wearing a pad. I'm still not back to being on our best terms because she's still recovering from the hurt.

Totally understandable why you would initially make a compromise and understandable why she would have a reaction like that since she doesn't understand. However I would encourage you to revisit that topic with her because it's not fair to you either. Hopefully you can help her understand that it's something that's within you, it's a desire that's ingrained in you and not something in your control. She might get upset and angry again, but that's the moment where you need the courage to stand your ground in a respectful fashion, because if every time she reacts by going to extreme emotion and sees that it works on you, she'll keep playing that card and you'll never get anywhere.

When you think about it, the object is arbitrary. Do you think she would freak out so much if she caught you with a flattened sock in the crotch of your panties? Probably not. But the pad... she might [unconsciously?] see that as a symbol that her man is shifting toward being a woman.
 
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littlefun

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Now could you get away with wearing a men's urine guard instead. They mostly look like a female pad to me. If she asks. Just show her the package and say see it's for men.
 
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