Should I Tell My Boyfriend?

[alliebabe2323]

Firstly, it's always best to be open and honest and the feelings you have will grow stronger and stronger until you start acting on them and if he comes over to cyou and finds little things he may freak out. So find somewhere you can talk privately (not at your place or his), explain that you love him, but that you have something to share that is very private, but you want him to be a part of your life. Then tell him, if needed write down what you want to say before the meeting and try to think up some of the things you'd like to try. As the others have said take it slowly don't rush into buying nappies (if that's what you want) see how he feels about it. You could also ask him to sign up to adisc if he is unsure and we will help him as well. I hope it goes ok for you. The good news is my fiancee is now my mummy and we are hoping to marry next year, so it can and does happen.

Thank you! This is how I’m planning to go about telling him. I definitely want to take things slow, but I know I’ll feel so much better after I tell him this.

I’m so happy I found such a great community of people to confide in.

 

[alliebabe2323]

Hey there! You should totally tell him, just take baby steps... I recommend you to listen the "Dream A Little" Podcast, from Lo, you can find it on Youtube, or in some Podcast servers. It is very helpful, and specially intended for ABDLs and Littles who want to share this important part with their partners.

An advice from my part. I told my wife a couple of years before getting married, but not fully opened about it... I sort of told her I liked wearing diapers, but not that I actually wanted to wear them quite often, and did not make it clear that it was actually a very important part of me... Long story short, the first couple of years after married, it was hard from me, I felt I was constantly hidding from her, I didn't feel accepted or fulfilled... The solution: Just talk, open, being clear and honest, though revealing things smoothly... I feel very happy nowadays !!

I think that our partners deserve to know the truth, and you deserve to feel accepted and loved... Just remember that in order to be accepted, you first have to open about what you want them to accept...

Wow! Thank you. I will definitely have to listen to this podcast.

I want to tell him soon. It’s hard keeping it from him after 3 years. You gave great advice. Doing it sooner, rather than later. Being open right away, but not too “forceful”. And most importantly, telling him that it’s an important part of who I am.

Thank you so much. It’s becoming a lot clearer.

 

[siysiy]

Hi all!

I just made this account because this question has been bugging me lately. The idea of being an AB/DL has interested me ever since I can remember, but only I know. I’m pretty young, which is why I didn’t want to tell anyone and I hoped these desires would just “go away”, but it’s my life and I should be who I want to be. So, here’s my dilemma— my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years. We’re high school sweethearts and he’s the one I want to marry someday. I want to be able to tell him this, because I hate keeping this secret, and a part of me thinks he would be into a DD/LG relationship. He’s so caring and always puts others first. I’ve been dropping some hints over the recent months and he loves when I act “little” and call him daddy. I was hoping he’d be able to pick up on this fantasy of mine, but he hasn’t. So, should I tell him straight up that I want a DD/LG relationship or should I keep playing the waiting game?

Thank you guys! <3

Hi

I always say about coming out be clear in your mine why you feel that you need to come out and what you want to get out on coming out to someone.

That said in your case I think it would be OK to tell him straight, just be clear with him what it is you are looking for.

It is much easier when you both know; I did meet Isaac at a Meet and we talked a lot about thing and what we where looking for.

We have been together for a couple of years now.

All the best.

Hugs

 

[Brandi]

Another option ...

Telling and not-telling all at once aren't your only options. You say you've been hinting. Maybe you could take that to another level? For instance, you probably spend time together away from home. You could have an unexpected need for a restroom and have a little "accident" while out. I mean really small, like a small but visible-if-you-look spot on your jeans. Follow-up later with a bigger one if you "happen" to get a UTI soon after that. I mean, not a flood, but noticably wet. Then start wearing "because you need them right now."

Watch his reaction. If he's accepting, then try being "a little bit little" around him while wearing and spending intimate time together. If all that goes well, you can say later that you discovered that really kind of liked it. Maybe he'd be willing to do it again sometime? In this way, you can step up bit by bit, but you also have a way to back the level down if you get signals that it isn't going to be accepted.

I don't mean to be a contrarian, but I don't think your bf has to engage in every part of every one of your sexual fantasies for you to have a meaningful and joyful relationship. If you read a lot of posts like this you'll realize that a lot of abdl's stay toether--even happily--to partners who don't share that part of their life. They either don't know or chose not to recognize it openly. In fact, I think that is more common than a couple who engages fully in this aspect of one partner's sexuality.

Finally, I'd say that if you want your partner to support you in this part of your sexuality, then plan that at least half of your times together won't have any hint of it. After all, if you want him to do what works for you, you need to be open to setting your preferences aside for him. That's actually what love is about--setting aside your wants and needs as a gift to the one you love. And when it's real love, that is a joy, not a loss. Its a delight to give things that cost you something to the one you love.

Anyone who has had children knows this side of love all too well. There are times when almost our whole lives are given away for their benefit. I remember sitting up one entire night slowly injecting tiny amounts of re-hydration fluid into my daughter's mouth with a syringe while she slept. She was desperately ill, dehydrated, and couldn't hold any but the smallest amounts of liquid down without vomiting. By daylight, I'd gotten enough water into her that she started that day to get well. I, on the other hand, felt about as bad as I ever had. I was up for two days without a break to care for a sick child-- a child whom I loved enought to die for. Did I feel put-upon to care for her like that? No way! I was delighted and greatly relieved that she was doing so much better. Love sacrifices joyfully.

I think that attitude is the key to any intimate relationship. If you bring a willingness to sacrifice your desires for your partner, he'll probably reciprocate--especially if you ask him to. And if not, its better to find that out before you are married.

 

[alliebabe2323]

Another option ...

Telling and not-telling all at once aren't your only options. You say you've been hinting. Maybe you could take that to another level? For instance, you probably spend time together away from home. You could have an unexpected need for a restroom and have a little "accident" while out. I mean really small, like a small but visible-if-you-look spot on your jeans. Follow-up later with a bigger one if you "happen" to get a UTI soon after that. I mean, not a flood, but noticably wet. Then start wearing "because you need them right now."

Watch his reaction. If he's accepting, then try being "a little bit little" around him while wearing and spending intimate time together. If all that goes well, you can say later that you discovered that really kind of liked it. Maybe he'd be willing to do it again sometime? In this way, you can step up bit by bit, but you also have a way to back the level down if you get signals that it isn't going to be accepted.

I don't mean to be a contrarian, but I don't think your bf has to engage in every part of every one of your sexual fantasies for you to have a meaningful and joyful relationship. If you read a lot of posts like this you'll realize that a lot of abdl's stay toether--even happily--to partners who don't share that part of their life. They either don't know or chose not to recognize it openly. In fact, I think that is more common than a couple who engages fully in this aspect of one partner's sexuality.

Finally, I'd say that if you want your partner to support you in this part of your sexuality, then plan that at least half of your times together won't have any hint of it. After all, if you want him to do what works for you, you need to be open to setting your preferences aside for him. That's actually what love is about--setting aside your wants and needs as a gift to the one you love. And when it's real love, that is a joy, not a loss. Its a delight to give things that cost you something to the one you love.

Anyone who has had children knows this side of love all too well. There are times when almost our whole lives are given away for their benefit. I remember sitting up one entire night slowly injecting tiny amounts of re-hydration fluid into my daughter's mouth with a syringe while she slept. She was desperately ill, dehydrated, and couldn't hold any but the smallest amounts of liquid down without vomiting. By daylight, I'd gotten enough water into her that she started that day to get well. I, on the other hand, felt about as bad as I ever had. I was up for two days without a break to care for a sick child-- a child whom I loved enought to die for. Did I feel put-upon to care for her like that? No way! I was delighted and greatly relieved that she was doing so much better. Love sacrifices joyfully.

I think that attitude is the key to any intimate relationship. If you bring a willingness to sacrifice your desires for your partner, he'll probably reciprocate--especially if you ask him to. And if not, its better to find that out before you are married.

Well said Brandi. I’ve actually never worn, so I’m not sure if it’s even for me. I’m more into the AB side of things, rather than the DL side at the moment. I want to tell him this because I won’t have to hide anything from him. I won’t have to “tone down” my actions/playfulness when I’m around him (I can separate my little-self from my adult-self though and know when the time is right). I can just feel free to be me.

If I’m being honest, my dream would be to have a DD/LG relationship with him. I’m not one to make it all about me though, so it wouldn’t consume our time together. I still want to have “vanilla time” together too, but I think it would just be better if he knew. It’s already been 3 years. I feel like he deserves to know after all this time.

P.S. You sound like an amazing mother. <3

 

[Slomo]

Brandi brings up a good point. Option 3 is to bring up diapers as a sort of new thing you'd like to get into. I would have the benefit of not revealing you've been lying to him about your desire all this time.

Conversely that can backfire though. It eliminates any claim that diapers are a compulsory part of who you are, and prevents you from pointing out this desire will never go away. IF he reacts negatively to you "trying out" diapers for the "first time", that will leave you little recourse. For that reason I have recommend against trying this approach.

 

[Cammyspajammys]

Hi all!

I just made this account because this question has been bugging me lately. The idea of being an AB/DL has interested me ever since I can remember, but only I know. I’m pretty young, which is why I didn’t want to tell anyone and I hoped these desires would just “go away”, but it’s my life and I should be who I want to be. So, here’s my dilemma— my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years. We’re high school sweethearts and he’s the one I want to marry someday. I want to be able to tell him this, because I hate keeping this secret, and a part of me thinks he would be into a DD/LG relationship. He’s so caring and always puts others first. I’ve been dropping some hints over the recent months and he loves when I act “little” and call him daddy. I was hoping he’d be able to pick up on this fantasy of mine, but he hasn’t. So, should I tell him straight up that I want a DD/LG relationship or should I keep playing the waiting game?

Thank you guys! <3

I definitely think you should tell him! It’s bound to come out at some point in time in the future, and you’d be surprised at how open guys are! If he’s not the “kinky” type then maybe take it slow when exposing him to it, if you think he could handle it then just tell him. Considering you guys have been together for three years I don’t think he’d mind! Best of luck!

 

[Bihdegit]

I also recommend telling him. The sooner the better, because the longer you wait the harder it will be. And you've already waited too long, but hey at least you arent married yet. I also secong easing him into your diapered side. Take it slow at first and give him time to digest it all.

Also let him know that it is okay to ask questions.

 

[alliebabe2323]

I definitely think you should tell him! It’s bound to come out at some point in time in the future, and you’d be surprised at how open guys are! If he’s not the “kinky” type then maybe take it slow when exposing him to it, if you think he could handle it then just tell him. Considering you guys have been together for three years I don’t think he’d mind! Best of luck!

Thank you! I’d consider him to be a very open-minded guy. I don’t think he would react negatively. We’ve tried different things in the past and he knows I’m pretty adventurous. I don’t think this would be such a bad thing.

 

[Brandi]

Well said Brandi. I’ve actually never worn, so I’m not sure if it’s even for me. I’m more into the AB side of things, rather than the DL side ... I won’t have to hide anything from him. I won’t have to “tone down” my actions/playfulness when I’m around him (I can separate my little-self from my adult-self though and know when the time is right). I can just feel free to be me.

If I’m being honest, my dream would be to have a DD/LG relationship with him ... <3

Thank you for the compliment--and for clarifying. I guess this is the point where I "come out" too ... I don't know what DD/LG means. Sadly, yes, I really don't know. I primarily pay attention to the incontinence area of this site, but I want to understand the wider community. The whole community provides support to people who suffer from incontinence, so I think we should do the same. Everyone here is important here. But I do need a little instruction on this point.

And to speak to the wider community, not so much to your post, Alliebabe2323, I have seen people saying they wish their partner would join in on some aspect of their sexuality that they feel insecure about. That totally makes sense; we all want to understood and loved, even when our intimates know the things we are most insecure about.

BUT, I recommend some caution. Letting down your guard, leaving some hints, maybe exploring some aspects of your "secret" around its edges rather than its center can be a good way to begin. If not, what are you going to do if they reject it? Putting the whole thing out there at once can leave your partner feeling like you are delivering an ultimatum: Join me in this or loose me. Ouch! Nobody likes that. And probably if its a long-term relationship you don't even feel that way. You'd like them to enjoy every part of your life, but maybe you don't need that to keep the relationship alive and growing. That's the gist of what I'm recommending.

One other thing, I am not recommending that anyone lie. There is hardly anything that degrades relationships faster. But, at least most of the girls will understand, emergencies really do happen. Sometimes a little leak is part of it. Using common experiences to reveal another level of yourself isn't dishonest. And I don't think kind of letting that happen a little on purpose is deceptive. If diapers have been your thing for a while, don't say its the first time. You'll only get caught in the end.

 

[alliebabe2323]

... I don't know what DD/LG means. Sadly, yes, I really don't know.

... I have seen people saying they wish their partner would join in on some aspect of their sexuality that they feel insecure about. That totally makes sense; we all want to understood and loved, even when our intimates know the things we are most insecure about.

BUT, I recommend some caution. Letting down your guard, leaving some hints, maybe exploring some aspects of your "secret" around its edges rather than its center can be a good way to begin. If not, what are you going to do if they reject it? Putting the whole thing out there at once can leave your partner feeling like you are delivering an ultimatum: Join me in this or loose me. Ouch! Nobody likes that. And probably if its a long-term relationship you don't even feel that way. You'd like them to enjoy every part of your life, but maybe you don't need that to keep the relationship alive and growing. That's the gist of what I'm recommending.

Oh! DD/LG stands for “daddy-dom, little-girl”. It’s similar to AB/DL. Acting small around my boyfriend calms me and I love when he cares for me/comforts me— that’s why I’d consider myself into DD/LG.

I know that I need to take things slow and I know that this wouldn’t be the focus of our relationship.

And you’re right; we’ve been together for 3 years and I just recently started dropping hints to him. The DD/LG lifestyle isn’t something I can see myself living without, but I wouldn’t let it jeopardize our relationship. If he’s not into it, then he’s not into it. I’ll explain that it’s a part of me that will never go away, but he doesn’t need to take part if he chooses. It’s not a “make or break” situation. Our relationship has been amazing. If given the choice of being with him or indulging in the DD/LG lifestyle, I would choose him.

 

[LittleAndrea]

Telling my husband was probably the best thing that I have ever done!

We were together for about 7 years (together for 5 married for 2) by the time I totally came clean. He already knew that I loved cartoons and toys but until I came clean he thought they were just a hobby. It wasn't a far stretch for him to accept lol.

If it's just an extension of yourself it might be easier for him to swallow.

 

[Brandi]

Thank you, that helps. It sounds like we're on the same page. Not making one part of your life a deal-breaker to your most important relationships is a good idea.

I can't help thinking about another issue--I have no idea whether this applies to you, Alliebabe2323. But I read a lot about people who were hurt as children. I mean abused. And, yes, I have good reasons for that interest. It probably is relevant to my physical challenges too.

Many, many people who were hurt as children develop a part of their personality that craves the protective care they needed but didn't get as children. For some, it's just a side of their personality not everyone sees. For others, it becomes a fully developed alternate personality (dissociative identity disorder, or "multiple personalities"). I don't know if that is true for every person who has a "little part" of their personality, but it is absolutely true that it doesn't go away. People can learn to keep the multiple parts in balance, the grown-up parts going to work, raising a family, having a social life, etc. But the inner brokenness and the need for special care doesn't disappear altogether. I wish it did--I REALLY wish it did. But it doesn't. Trying to suppress everything that comes from that is futile. It makes the symptoms worse. Learning to channel those desires and meet those needs in ways that aren't self destructive, damaging to others, or to one's relationships is important. Accepting those parts as legitimate parts of oneself is crucial too.

 

[alliebabe2323]

Telling my husband was probably the best thing that I have ever done!

We were together for about 7 years (together for 5 married for 2) by the time I totally came clean. He already knew that I loved cartoons and toys but until I came clean he thought they were just a hobby. It wasn't a far stretch for him to accept lol.

If it's just an extension of yourself it might be easier for him to swallow.

It totally is an “extension” of myself. I think our conversation will go smoothly. He knows I love Disney, stuffed animals, etc. Telling him will just put all of the pieces together.

 

[alliebabe2323]

Thank you, that helps. It sounds like we're on the same page. Not making one part of your life a deal-breaker to your most important relationships is a good idea.

I can't help thinking about another issue--I have no idea whether this applies to you, Alliebabe2323. But I read a lot about people who were hurt as children. I mean abused. And, yes, I have good reasons for that interest. It probably is relevant to my physical challenges too.

Many, many people who were hurt as children develop a part of their personality that craves the protective care they needed but didn't get as children. For some, it's just a side of their personality not everyone sees. For others, it becomes a fully developed alternate personality (dissociative identity disorder, or "multiple personalities"). I don't know if that is true for every person who has a "little part" of their personality, but it is absolutely true that it doesn't go away. People can learn to keep the multiple parts in balance, the grown-up parts going to work, raising a family, having a social life, etc. But the inner brokenness and the need for special care doesn't disappear altogether. I wish it did--I REALLY wish it did. But it doesn't. Trying to suppress everything that comes from that is futile. It makes the symptoms worse. Learning to channel those desires and meet those needs in ways that aren't self destructive, damaging to others, or to one's relationships is important. Accepting those parts as legitimate parts of oneself is crucial too.

I’m actually not sure how my love for this lifestyle began. I’m fortunate to have grown up in a lovely household and I had a good childhood.

I’m very sorry if you went through something traumatic during your childhood. I’m also extremely happy to see how supportive this website is. Myself, along with other who read this, thank you for bringing up that topic.

Mental health is very important!

Much love <3

 

[PCBaby]

Thank you, that helps. It sounds like we're on the same page. Not making one part of your life a deal-breaker to your most important relationships is a good idea.

I can't help thinking about another issue--I have no idea whether this applies to you, Alliebabe2323. But I read a lot about people who were hurt as children. I mean abused. And, yes, I have good reasons for that interest. It probably is relevant to my physical challenges too.

Many, many people who were hurt as children develop a part of their personality that craves the protective care they needed but didn't get as children. For some, it's just a side of their personality not everyone sees. For others, it becomes a fully developed alternate personality (dissociative identity disorder, or "multiple personalities"). I don't know if that is true for every person who has a "little part" of their personality, but it is absolutely true that it doesn't go away. People can learn to keep the multiple parts in balance, the grown-up parts going to work, raising a family, having a social life, etc. But the inner brokenness and the need for special care doesn't disappear altogether. I wish it did--I REALLY wish it did. But it doesn't. Trying to suppress everything that comes from that is futile. It makes the symptoms worse. Learning to channel those desires and meet those needs in ways that aren't self destructive, damaging to others, or to one's relationships is important. Accepting those parts as legitimate parts of oneself is crucial too.

I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused by both my parents so i can and do relate to the part about seeking/craving the love and comfort I never received from them. At 64 I still get flashbacks and nightmares about my childhood.

 

[Bihdegit]

I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused by both my parents so i can and do relate to the part about seeking/craving the love and comfort I never received from them. At 64 I still get flashbacks and nightmares about my childhood.

I'm very sorry to hear that. Parents sound not do that they are suppose to help you not hurt you!

 

[Brandi]

PCBaby, I too am so sorry to hear that. I know it can be unbelievably painful at times. I wish healing for you in every way, and I hope you'll find here some of the safety, acceptance, and love you needed then.

 

[PCBaby]

I agree wholeheartedly Bihdegit, fortunately for me they were both killed in a car crash when I was 12 1/2 and whilst my one aunt and uncle would have adopted me (they had 5 children one of whom was severely disabled and doubly incontinent so they could cope with me), but because of arguments with both mum and dads family i was sent to live with my Mother's sister, her husband (an officer in the Air force) and her two little angels, she couldn't cope with my incontinence at all and within about 8 weeks of being with them was placed in a childrens home (which was great for me).

 

[PCBaby]

Thank you Brandi, I have resubmitted my early childhood story to kerry to see if she will put it up in the stories again. Whilst my late wife was a nurse and accepted the incontinence she would very rarely change me. However my fiancee/mummy has helped a lot and adisc did help when i was very desperate for some answers and to know I wasn't alone