Should I leave my job over my urinary incontinence?

[RandumFoxx]

Let me preface this thread by saying where I work now I worked hard to get rehired at and utilized connections over, and thought my bladder condition had improved. This post is also fairly long, but its a pretty serious situation that needs some input.

That said, let's get to the meat and potatoes of the matter, in a essay-like way. Given the staffing issue at work, there is no way to let my bladder get a break when it needs it. I have to wait 2 hours or then some depending on what management wants to do. Leakage has increased, and there's no area to change. It's beginning to get to the point I feel it could potentially begin to smell, but with the passive aggressiveness of people where I live, either A. my imagination may still be getting the best of me and no one has noticed or B. no one has said anything, but noticed and potentially told coworkers behind my back, because gossip does happen. Either way, even with anxiety medication, its leads to paranoia. At no choice of my own do I suffer from bouts of terrible constipation too, which makes the IC worse.

There's cameras everywhere, so even if I could carve out a space to change, hauling a backpack in the bathroom would be suspect and I'd be questioned about it, especially since we've heightened security measures. This is not the type of place you tell your supervisor you have this issue. I got a look from my previous supervisor when I brought a doctors note in from the urologist to have the absence excused. So going to HR about it will only get the same result, if not ridicule. I have to deal with this 9-10 hours a day, up to 6.days a week. It's the only job I can really find that the money is good to make ends meet and the time off is there for family and myself.

If there was something like a "family restroom," as Walmart had, this wouldn't be much of an issue and more manageable. I already look like a job hopper on my resume as it is.

 

[Jorelaxed]

Hi, goodmorning, I hope your day is going good.
I too work in an environment similar to yours where it is very difficult, I have managed and adapted by experimenting with different diapers and accessories.
Just like you, I thought about changing jobs but thought to myself, how could I tackle this scenario?, so I started looking into higher absorbency diapers.
Over the years, I have found a combo that works really well.
Just like Anasami said, it's a medical condition.
They cannot give you a hard time because of your medical condition.
It's been some years now at my job and so far, it has been ok with me being diapered.

 

[Anasami]

Just relax
Even if they re knows about it i don't think they will give a negative pov about you

Its a medical condition in the end

 

[RandumFoxx]

Hi, goodmorning, I hope your day is going good.
I too work in an environment similar to yours where it is very difficult, I have managed and adapted by experimenting with different diapers and accessories.
Just like you, I thought about changing jobs but thought to myself, how could I tackle this scenario?, so I started looking into higher absorbency diapers.
Over the years, I have found a combo that works really well.
Just like Anasami said, it's a medical condition.

That's a strategy I've given thought to, but anything bulky as most diapers are may be a giveaway. I've tested out both Depends and Assurance, both lack some type of odor protection that the protection I wear now has for the most part, unless the saturation is bad or the concentration of the ammonia is high, which I can't drink much in the first place since I almost have the bladder of a toddler at times. It also makes me subconscious of my body figure to go up in underwear and jean size to accommodate bulkier diapers. I wear two pairs of regular underwear over the protection already. One being regular briefs to hold the protection in place, the second being boxer briefs to cover the briefs that might "wick" whatever may bleed through the protection before it can reach the jeans.

We don't know what caused this OAB, but I'd give almost anything to have full continence back instead of continuous leakage all day long. And yes, it might be a medical condition and potentially a disability, but I get a hard time from my boss as is, even though he insists its playful.

 

[Jorelaxed]

I forgot to mention the way I control the bulk is that I usually wear thick footed compression tights over my diapers everyday and they work like a charm.

 

[RandumFoxx]

I forgot to mention the way I control the bulk is that I usually wear thick footed compression tights over my diapers everyday and they work like a charm.

As someone who has experimented with different diapers, what would work for someone with a small frame. I may be six foot one, but I wear size 28-29 in the waist in jeans. Let's add to the perspective that out of curiosity, I tried a pack on my off day and XL Goodnites fit. I'll look into the compression tights to see if they might be compatible with

A small detail that may or may not help is I do live in the south, and as nice as people are down here, southerners are known to act more judgmental toward sensitive issues like these.

 

[Jorelaxed]

As someone who has experimented with different diapers, what would work for someone with a small frame. I may be six foot one, but I wear size 28-29 in the waist in jeans. Let's add to the perspective that out of curiosity, I tried a pack on my off day and XL Goodnites fit. I'll look into the compression tights to see if they might be compatible with

A small detail that may or may not help is I do live in the south, and as nice as people are down here, southerners are known to act more judgmental toward sensitive issues like these.

Got ya! , Oh I know how people can be, My family was like that, the Mrs and me had to get away from them. I usually wear roomier clothing, i'm skinny also about 5' 10"

 

[Floodingpants]

Let me preface this thread by saying where I work now I worked hard to get rehired at and utilized connections over, and thought my bladder condition had improved. This post is also fairly long, but its a pretty serious situation that needs some input.

That said, let's get to the meat and potatoes of the matter, in a essay-like way. Given the staffing issue at work, there is no way to let my bladder get a break when it needs it. I have to wait 2 hours or then some depending on what management wants to do. Leakage has increased, and there's no area to change. It's beginning to get to the point I feel it could potentially begin to smell, but with the passive aggressiveness of people where I live, either A. my imagination may still be getting the best of me and no one has noticed or B. no one has said anything, but noticed and potentially told coworkers behind my back, because gossip does happen. Either way, even with anxiety medication, its leads to paranoia. At no choice of my own do I suffer from bouts of terrible constipation too, which makes the IC worse.

There's cameras everywhere, so even if I could carve out a space to change, hauling a backpack in the bathroom would be suspect and I'd be questioned about it, especially since we've heightened security measures. This is not the type of place you tell your supervisor you have this issue. I got a look from my previous supervisor when I brought a doctors note in from the urologist to have the absence excused. So going to HR about it will only get the same result, if not ridicule. I have to deal with this 9-10 hours a day, up to 6.days a week. It's the only job I can really find that the money is good to make ends meet and the time off is there for family and myself.

If there was something like a "family restroom," as Walmart had, this wouldn't be much of an issue and more manageable. I already look like a job hopper on my resume as it is.

First off, if you live in the USA there are laws to protect you and if your boss gives you a hard time they themselves can loss their job. In fact your work has to provide for your medical conditions.
With that said. I know it is hard, but at some point you will have to accept that you have a health condition you have to deal with and that it is part of your life. Sometimes it doesn't matter what others think or know we must live our lives.
I wish the best for you. Sorry if I come across hard nosed. You are not alone.

 

[CheshireCat]

A small detail that may or may not help is I do live in the south, and as nice as people are down here, southerners are known to act more judgmental toward sensitive issues like these.

Well bless your heart. /sarc

It sounds like you're trying so hard to be discreet that you're living in a state of panic all day at work, which is not discreet.

Stop using a pull-up; go with a tabbed diaper.
You will feel more secure throughout the day about any possible leaks.
Use a plastic backed brief. it won't sag easily like most cloth backed diapers, and it contains odors better.

Lose the briefs, but wear the boxer briefs to cover them up in case your shirt pulls up.
Wear boxer briefs that have some lycra/spandex. They won't lose their shape through the day and will help hold the diaper in place.
Just because you're wearing a tabbed diaper doesn't mean you can't use a urinal or toilet when you break. Pull down the front and whiz.

You're 6'1". Wear shirts/t-shirts in a Tall size. They'll cover your crotch and butt, and won't pull up high enough to expose your waist band when bending over. Likewise, because your waist, crotch and butt are covered, no one will know that your trousers are a bit larger or a little more filled out.

Lastly, get what you need together and wear it on your day off, keeping a toilet schedule like you're at work. That way you know what to expect beforehand.

Until you can sort this out with medical professionals, this is your life for the moment. Furthermore, medical professionals may not be able to sort it out. So, you need to own it and not let it own you. I spent 25 years working as a professional in diapers, dealing with single clients to groups of 80 on any given day. I never had any issues. It's your life... go out and live it.

 

[todderhr]

I would not quit over a health issue. Your employer MUST make reasonable accommodations and can not let you go because of it.

 

[Tenawearer]

Great advice. Here in the Netherlands you would be protected by employment laws.
You can not be sacked for medical problems. Good luck.

 

[todderhr]

As someone who has experimented with different diapers, what would work for someone with a small frame. I may be six foot one, but I wear size 28-29 in the waist in jeans. Let's add to the perspective that out of curiosity, I tried a pack on my off day and XL Goodnites fit. I'll look into the compression tights to see if they might be compatible with

A small detail that may or may not help is I do live in the south, and as nice as people are down here, southerners are known to act more judgmental toward sensitive issues like these.

In my experience compression garments reduce absorbency.

 

[Jorelaxed]

In my experience compression garments reduce absorbency.

I agree, if they are too tight, it will reduce absorption, they have to more so stay in place rather than compress the diaper.

 

[Jorelaxed]

The tights compress around the legs and waistband only, but the front and rear panels are very stretchy.

 

[RandumFoxx]

First off, if you live in the USA there are laws to protect you and if your boss gives you a hard time they themselves can loss their job. In fact your work has to provide for your medical conditions.
With that said. I know it is hard, but at some point you will have to accept that you have a health condition you have to deal with and that it is part of your life. Sometimes it doesn't matter what others think or know we must live our lives.
I wish the best for you. Sorry if I come across hard nosed. You are not alone.

I live in Tennessee, so obviously the USA lol. Idk who to talk to, HR where I work is not that good.

I could get a note from the urologist about the urge incontinence I have as a diagnosis, though I';d say its more a hybrid of stress and urge incontinence, and see if that works any. But that still would mean I have to deal with people who know. You're not harsh at all, I rather get it straight from the horses mouth.

Well bless your heart. /sarc

It sounds like you're trying so hard to be discreet that you're living in a state of panic all day at work, which is not discreet.

Stop using a pull-up; go with a tabbed diaper.
You will feel more secure throughout the day about any possible leaks.
Use a plastic backed brief. it won't sag easily like most cloth backed diapers, and it contains odors better.

Lose the briefs, but wear the boxer briefs to cover them up in case your shirt pulls up.
Wear boxer briefs that have some lycra/spandex. They won't lose their shape through the day and will help hold the diaper in place.
Just because you're wearing a tabbed diaper doesn't mean you can't use a urinal or toilet when you break. Pull down the front and whiz.

You're 6'1". Wear shirts/t-shirts in a Tall size. They'll cover your crotch and butt, and won't pull up high enough to expose your waist band when bending over. Likewise, because your waist, crotch and butt are covered, no one will know that your trousers are a bit larger or a little more filled out.

Lastly, get what you need together and wear it on your day off, keeping a toilet schedule like you're at work. That way you know what to expect beforehand.

Until you can sort this out with medical professionals, this is your life for the moment. Furthermore, medical professionals may not be able to sort it out. So, you need to own it and not let it own you. I spent 25 years working as a professional in diapers, dealing with single clients to groups of 80 on any given day. I never had any issues. It's your life... go out and live it.

I've heard "bless your heart" can be a way someone in the South can insult you but without it being obvious.

Given I'm at odds with my urologist on his opinion of a neurogenic bladder, your point of medical professionals not getting it right is well taken. 30's fall off me, sometimes the 29s can become loose, and a belt will only put pressure on the bladder (hence why I keep my lap belt in the car loosened), and without custom ordering clothes, the right length cannot be found anywhere without going up in waist size. As a side note, to anyone under six feet, be blessed god made you that height. Being my height has cost me hearing in my right ear from repeated, often daily, head trauma over the years. And possibly brain damage due to memory loss., And you can get the right length at any store too.

But back on topic, for discreet reasons, I'd like to keep to a diaper with a pull up design to keep as quiet as possible and is unscented. I stopped using urinals years ago. I have shirts that already cover that area fairly well. It'll be a win-win with that design I mentioned that provides the leak protection you had said about.

 

[RandumFoxx]

I agree, if they are too tight, it will reduce absorption, they have to more so stay in place rather than compress the diaper.

Luckily I'm seeing they're starting to make diapers in smaller sizes. That was a problem I had a few years ago with a ew products from Northshore, because a few of their samples at the smallest they had at the time were too big. Too big is just as bad as too small.

 

[CheshireCat]

I've heard "bless your heart" can be a way someone in the South can insult you but without it being obvious.

I moved to North Carolina 2½ years ago and found out quickly that "Bless you heart" is a nice way to insult someone. That's why I put the /sarc afterwards, as it was meant in jest of living in the south, not as an insult.

Sorry for everything you're going through. It can be very overwhelming. Don't let your doctor(s) bully you into their view. If they cannot explain the why's and therefore's, then find a better doctor. I was misdiagnosed with MS for a year a half by six neurologists. They refused to acknowledge other issues, because I was dying from aggressive MS. That was nearly 30 years ago. Doctors don't always have right answers.

I was 6'2" and a 110 Lbs by the end of 7th grade. I got up to 135 Lbs by the end of high school. I finally reached 150 Lbs at 26, about 6 months after getting married. I know how difficult it can be to find clothes that fit when you're tall and thin.

Have you tried the Northshore GoSupreme Pull-ups in a size small?

I stopped using urinals years ago.

Urinals and toilets? What's the reason?

 

[todderhr]

I forgot to mention the way I control the bulk is that I usually wear thick footed compression tights over my diapers everyday and they work like a charm.

what brand and items do you recommend?

 

[RandumFoxx]

I moved to North Carolina 2½ years ago and found out quickly that "Bless you heart" is a nice way to insult someone. That's why I put the /sarc afterwards, as it was meant in jest of living in the south, not as an insult.

Sorry for everything you're going through. It can be very overwhelming. Don't let your doctor(s) bully you into their view. If they cannot explain the why's and therefore's, then find a better doctor. I was misdiagnosed with MS for a year a half by six neurologists. They refused to acknowledge other issues, because I was dying from aggressive MS. That was nearly 30 years ago. Doctors don't always have right answers.

I was 6'2" and a 110 Lbs by the end of 7th grade. I got up to 135 Lbs by the end of high school. I finally reached 150 Lbs at 26, about 6 months after getting married. I know how difficult it can be to find clothes that fit when you're tall and thin.

Have you tried the Northshore GoSupreme Pull-ups in a size small?


Urinals and toilets? What's the reason?

I have past experiences unrelated to this, both first and secondhand, why I don't immediately have trust in healthcare professionals in the first place so its complicated in nature.

I'm looking into those GoSupremes now. I'll be curious to see how they work.

Well, firstly using a stall gives you privacy. I would think most IC individuals would try using a stall just for the discreet nature alone. It goes back to childhood, honestly. I never fully got behind urinals. Fun fact, I read that in Japan, people sit down on toilets rather than use urinals for sanitary reasons.

 

[todderhr]

I have past experiences unrelated to this, both first and secondhand, why I don't immediately have trust in healthcare professionals in the first place so its complicated in nature.

I'm looking into those GoSupremes now. I'll be curious to see how they work.

Well, firstly using a stall gives you privacy. I would think most IC individuals would try using a stall just for the discreet nature alone. It goes back to childhood, honestly. I never fully got behind urinals. Fun fact, I read that in Japan, people sit down on toilets rather than use urinals for sanitary reasons.

and then there is that splash on your legs...