Sexual relations with incontinence

[iatec779]

I also double diaper. I feel stronger and hopeful with all that material pressing against my bottom and genitals. Knowing that my pee and poop will be caught in my diaper is heavenly, giving me great pleasure. I like to touch and rub my diaper with my hand.

Really! WTF

 

[nappywearingicman]

I suffer from urge incontinence and I have not had a accident during sex but my wife is turn off by the smell of urine from my nappy. I feel bad that I put her off because she suffers from chronic fatigue syndrome so when she is up for it I can put her off, but my wife is amazing and accepts my incontinence so I am lucky.

 

[Magz2000]

Hi Ellyn I have the deepest respect for you posting this topic, well written. My boyfriend/partner is paralysed from his waist down and urinary incontinent, so getting interment can't be spontaneous really, though we have in the past, with only slight leak. Don't know if you have tried the age old method of bladder tapping, that is massaging or tapping the outside of bladder to make it empty , which does help to an extent.

 

[Rita]

Very Good Post Ellyn !!
It took some time adjusting ,but now it as a normal as any other relationship !
I has spice it up a little bit on both ends ! 🥰

 

[babyjoe698]

My doctor did recommend catheters during periods of severe retention, which honestly is seldom. Generally I leak all the time but for whatever reason some portion is retained and suddenly releases. My doctor does an ultrasound on every visit to check retention and hasn’t sent up flags lately. Several years ago he prescribed catheters to try. I tried twice and it was VERY UNPLEASANT. I don’t get UTIs more than 1 or maybe 2 times a year.and lots of cranberry juice and antibiotics seem to do the trick when I do. My mom suggested a bottle of beer occasionally, which seems to flush things out pretty well too.

long time ago my dad Doctor told him to drink 1 beer a night because it helps to flush out.

 

[ianwee]

Ellyn, I think you are so brave in sharing this with other people on here, and it's good to see that you have had so many positive responses to your post. From what you say it does seem that you and your husband are both still able to enjoy sex and closeness together, even if as you say "it remains a planned procedure ... nothing spontaneous". Your post demonstrates that it is still important for you both to continue having sex together, and as your husband helps you to make this possible, it seems as if he is willing to continue to help you in any way to achieve this. I'm afraid I don't have any advice that I can offer but I do wish you both much joy and happiness together whatever he future may bring. Thank you again for sharing!

 

[Ellyn]

Hi Ellyn I have the deepest respect for you posting this topic, well written. My boyfriend/partner is paralysed from his waist down and urinary incontinent, so getting interment can't be spontaneous really, though we have in the past, with only slight leak. Don't know if you have tried the age old method of bladder tapping, that is massaging or tapping the outside of bladder to make it empty , which does help to an extent.

I had never heard of it. I’ll give it a go though!
Thanks!

 

[Js413blue]

Ellyn,

Thank you for sharing your experience in such a public forum, that is very difficult to do. As other respondents have indicated you are not alone. I will also say that I too have used a similar towel method as you have described. If possible I'd prefer to opt for a standing encounter in a setting such as a shower.

 

[Ellyn]

Hi back!
As I have said here before, there’s a certain freedom of being open and bluntly honest about things that are important to me and might somehow benefit others. I can block those that are rude if necessary and no one can harass me otherwise unless someone recognizes my photo so why not be open?
I’ve been through a lot, good and bad so if I can help someone here with my experiences, it simply delights me!
More to the point here, don’t allow incontinence to ruin your life and happiness!! “Adapt and overcome” are words to live by.
I manage sales and customer service in our company, as well as fetch coffee and donuts when necessary…. My husband calls me “the closer” as I make things happen. I don’t usually beat around the bush. Not sure if that’s always good, but that’s me.

 

[greatlake5]

My husband calls me “the closer” as I make things happen.

Maybe it should be "the cleaner"? By the way, you do bring good information. Welcome to the club.

 

[EcoIncon]

Incontinence had sex been an issue for my wife and me for years. As so many have said in this thread sex and intimacy are different but related things. Even as long as we've been married (26 years) and as close as we are (we pretty much do everything together). We were intimate... but sex was way less often than either of us wanted. Finally after our kids moved out, we had a discussion about why we didn't have sex more often... we both discussed how we enjoy it when we do... my wife felt so guilty about telling me that it was the diapers.

We talked more about it and the first issue we discussed was she doesn't find the diapers sexy. We decided to shop together and found some cloth solids that she likes (Threaded Armor). We realized that wasn't all of it and as we worked through things more she realized it was really the fear of being leaked on that is the concern. I asked why a sterile bodily fluid should be such a concern when there are so many fluids involved that aren't sterile ;-). Turns out she'd always been taught urine was filthy... She read an article about sterile urine and realized it was nothing to fear... such a simple thing and now our sex life is better and our intimacy has further improved.

It's a gift to have a long relationship with someone and still have more to learn and grow together.

 

[Ellyn]

Incontinence had sex been an issue for my wife and me for years. As so many have said in this thread sex and intimacy are different but related things. Even as long as we've been married (26 years) and as close as we are (we pretty much do everything together). We were intimate... but sex was way less often than either of us wanted. Finally after our kids moved out, we had a discussion about why we didn't have sex more often... we both discussed how we enjoy it when we do... my wife felt so guilty about telling me that it was the diapers.

We talked more about it and the first issue we discussed was she doesn't find the diapers sexy. We decided to shop together and found some cloth solids that she likes (Threaded Armor). We realized that wasn't all of it and as we worked through things more she realized it was really the fear of being leaked on that is the concern. I asked why a sterile bodily fluid should be such a concern when there are so many fluids involved that aren't sterile ;-). Turns out she'd always been taught urine was filthy... She read an article about sterile urine and realized it was nothing to fear... such a simple thing and now our sex life is better and our intimacy has further improved.

It's a gift to have a long relationship with someone and still have more to learn and grow together.

Thank you for sharing. Communication is key.

 

[LupintheWolf]

I am honestly still a virgin partly because many of the girls around where I lived in New jersey were too vain to even date a guy in diapers and now that I live in south carolina I can't really get out much because no car and is $50 for uber to get out of my living complex alone

 

[Ellyn]

I am honestly still a virgin partly because many of the girls around where I lived in New jersey were too vain to even date a guy in diapers and now that I live in south carolina I can't really get out much because no car and is $50 for uber to get out of my living complex alone

I had to become comfortable and ‘happy’ in my own skin before I could ever consider dating. Opening yourself up to love also opens yourself up for pain and disappointment. When the right one comes along, you need to be receptive to the possibilities. Don’t rush it.

 

[hbic60]

Amazing thread with very interesting and open posts, thanks to you, Ellyn that you started it! You are right, you have to become comfortable and ‘happy’ in your own skin before you could ever consider dating.

As I became IC long time after our marriage I cannot give any experience how dating beeing IC works out, but I can switch your sentence the other way round: that I became so quick comfortable and 'happy' in my own skin was caused by the openness and loving support of my wife, who stated and also showed me clearly at the beginning of my IC that I'm still the same person for her than before and that my IC does not have any influence to her feelings towards me and that we would manage everything together and that I have no reason ever to be ashamed in front of her and that there is nothing to hide. It's not a big deal for her, I just have now a different kind of underwear and that's it!

 

[Ellyn]

Amazing thread with very interesting and open posts, thanks to you, Ellyn that you started it! You are right, you have to become comfortable and ‘happy’ in your own skin before you could ever consider dating.

As I became IC long time after our marriage I cannot give any experience how dating beeing IC works out, but I can switch your sentence the other way round: that I became so quick comfortable and 'happy' in my own skin was caused by the openness and loving support of my wife, who stated and also showed me clearly at the beginning of my IC that I'm still the same person for her than before and that my IC does not have any influence to her feelings towards me and that we would manage everything together and that I have no reason ever to be ashamed in front of her and that there is nothing to hide. It's not a big deal for her, I just have now a different kind of underwear and that's it!

Very well said. I’m so happy for you and your wife for having a relationship built strongly on love and commitment.

 

[Fireball44]

Very well said. I’m so happy for you and your wife for having a relationship built strongly on love and commitment.

i love wearing my depens-form fitting, thin, very assorbant, and undetetable.

 

[Unorthodoxengineer]

Thank you for posting on a 'sensitive' subject! It's something I've struggled with (from a male point of view). To be honest, I've not found a good solution - other than ones partner accepting (maybe even enjoying) getting damp!

 

[furry121]

This is a great topic that isnt talked about much and i feel its deffo worth putting my 10 pence in.

Both me and my gf are incontinent and wear nappies. I am only urine incontinent but my gf is both urine and bowel incontinent. We have a great sex life but it does sometimes take a little planning. My gf is allot like Ellyn, she will dribble and spurt pee constantly so when the nappies come off, it is uaually a pretty wet affair. We have disposable pads that we lay down, but we also have a plastic bottom sheet for any leaks in the night so the bed is well protected from any pee stains.

We will generally have sex over the open nappy she is wearing so that helps catch her leaks too, although sometimes i will remove it depending on how wet she is as she gets paranoid about the smell. Sometimes the smell is pretty strong down there but i think she has become a little nose blind too it so do try to gloss over it and not make her aware that her privates have an odour as i dont want to upset her. She has never commented on any smells from my private area either but again, i think she has nose blindness. It does make me wonder what its like for other incontinent women and if they are unaware of their pee smell.

She generally wont want sex if she thinks she will mess though so sometimes, if she has been clean all day then she will put it off as she is very uncomfortable at the thought of having an accident when she is climaxing and i fully understand that and wont ever push her.

As for me, i dont pee much when im hard but it has been known for me to leak fair amounts during intercourse. My gf is always very supportive and has never made me feel bad for peeing inside of her when it does happen. We are also very aware of when i go a tad soft because as soon as that happens, the flood gates open and it can be a fairly large leakage so we dont dither when were done.

As soon as we finish, we get up and get into a nappy so we dont make anymore mess then roll up the disposable pad and cuddle and enjoy eachothers company. We are very much in love and although we are both incontinent, we have a great sex life. Incontinence shouldnt stop you from enjoying a healthy sex life. If you plan a little and you both accept the wetness, you can enjoy the moment and be happy in eachothers arms without it being a drama.

Shaving down there helps with smells and we find it easier for cleaning hygiene etc...

 

[sport1]

I wasn’t sure if I should post my thoughts on this subject line here or in the Sexuality section, being that it involves both, but I thought it may be better received here.
First and foremost, this is an adult issue that most of us here have already explored but I wanted to take a 10,000 foot view regarded what I’ve learned over the years and what works for us. This is very personal (for me) so please be respectful.

I’m very urinary incontinent now but 15-20 years ago, I had much more control. It was like turning on and off a very worn faucet that drips constantly. Point is that I used the toilet quite effectively for a great deal of my urinary needs back then but always needed more than a just a pad for absorption over a period of a few hours, though a single cloth diaper was usually more than adequate, but even then I utilized double diapers a lot for comfort outside. There were however periods of time that were much worse but then would cycle back to minimal leakage again. That was also before the effects of MS.

My husband and I have two teenage sons, one starting college next year(!!), so obviously we worked around my incontinence. We would use an underpad at the time, sometimes with a towel on top of it. I was generally on the bottom, though not always.
Yes, it was messy but we both found great pleasure with our closeness.

Fast forward to today, my incontinence has progressed to what’s best described as a constant leak with urinary retention that relieves pressure quite suddenly in the form of a gush. This gushing occurs day and night which makes many forms of ‘protection’ inadequate in that it must contain a larger volume of wetness very quickly, else leak past the diaper. That generally excludes the use of pads, pull-ups without leak guards, and cheaper diapers. Anything other than cloth diapers or quality disposables with high leak guards are accident prone.
With that said, when my husband and I choose to be intimate, it remains a planned procedure…. Nothing spontaneous
First, I try to utilize the toilet, though my ability to ‘go’ on demand has come and gone for the most part other than for bowel needs in. We use a large underpad and large towel folded somewhat smaller than the underpad. I use plastic pants with snaps for ease of removal. On a very positive side, we both enjoy a lot of time together in bed prior to the actual encounter (foreplay), but when the time is right, my husband will undo everything, pull the front of the diaper down and fold the diaper over for added thickness in case of a gush.
When we’re finished, there’s a damp hand towel close by for both of us to clean up, after which my husband will expertly re-pin the diaper and re-snap the pants. He then rolls up the underpad with towels within and set it aside. We can then enjoy snuggling for awhile before falling off. We mix things up quite often to keep things exciting and fresh but the above process is usually followed to keep our bed and ourselves clean and dry.
I used a catheter for awhile but as you might imagine, that was miserable and didn’t take long for me to say forget this!

I being much older than you sex was put on the back burner when she had to have her plumbing removed her sex drive went south the I became incontinent so thats my problem.