Self Mutilation

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Lizzie

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I though it would be a good idea to start a topic to help everyone that's trying to stop cutting or burning. Maybe say how long it's been since you last did it or if you feel like you reall really wanna cut/burn just talk about why you want to and brainstorm other things you could do instead.

Ok I'll start.

I started cutting about four years ago and the longest I've ever gone without cutting was three months. I've been clean for two and a half months now and I plan on making it past three.
 

Jon

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I don't do any of that, but this seems to sum up the feelings of those who do.

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile flame aged
Is misery
And when our hearts meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

But I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I found it when
I was cut
 
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I am by no means an expert when it comes to that sort of thing, but I did have a daughter who had started cutting. I still don't understand exactly why she or anyone else would want to resort to such a thing but with her I made her sit down and talk to me about the things that were bothering her. Once those problems were identified and dealt with the cutting also stopped. I also made her promise that if he had the urge to cut again she needed to come and talk to me about what was bothering her. She has come and talked several times since but hasn't cut in the past four or even five years now.

I do hope you are successful in refraining from cutting as well and if possible I would recommend you seek out someone who you can discuss those things that may be bothering you so that you may also get to the root of the problem and solve it from there.
 

Lizzie

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I've been to therepy before. Hated it. Pretty pointless. We just played Uno the whole hour. I talk to my friends about it sometimes. I feel kinda bad. I think I got them started cutting too. Cutting is one of those things you just don't understand untill you've actualy done it.
 

starshine

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I tried killing myself a few years back, and tried to cut my wrists, hurt like a b*tch, so I ended up over dosing on stuff. Wasn't fun.
 

Lizzie

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Yeah def not. Did you have to go to the hosptal? I tried to hang myself in 7th grade and mom and youth pastor took me to the ER around 7 pm and they said I had to go to this juvie/hospital place and we left the hospital around 9 and got there 'bout 10 and my mom and youth pastor didn't leave until 2 am. I was fine untill they left. I started bawling! I was just glad I had Mark with me. That was the first night I wet the bed. Woke up when someone came in to do the "15 min check" they were white sheets too so it was impossible to hide. Uberly embarrassing!!
 

Anon E. Mouse

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I used to think about killing myself a lot in despair, now I still think about it, but I have no idea why. I'm having the life I wanted when I was sad.

Also, I used to cut myself, never deep, I just used a plastic knife. Still some scars though. I never had more than a small trickle of blood. I also used to burn myself. That injured me a bit more. Eraser burns were fun to. Whenever I got something that broke the skin even just a little, I used (I forget the name of it, but it's quite similar to rubbing alcohol) to clean it. The burn on it was...soothing.

In times of stress, I bite near the bottom of my thumb. I leave marks sometimes, but haven't gotten any blood from it yet.
 

Tigger

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Last time I cut myself was last night. I probably will again later on. Usually I cut myself when I am in the shower usually because I like to see the red water running off my arms go down the drain. Sometimes also rub soap or alcohol on the cuts to make it burn. My arm looks like somebody has been using it as a knife sharpener and people keep giving me looks. Now I have to wear long sleeve shirts to cover it up. I don't like wearing long sleeves in summer, it's too hot.

I don't like it that I do it either, seems to be the in thing to be depressed and cut yourself, ppl probably think I want to or something like a stupid emo freak...
 

starshine

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Yeah def not. Did you have to go to the hosptal?
Yes, I did, if I didn't I would have died. However, I went and told my mom, she drove me, I got in right away, I had to drink charcoal (it was nasty!) and that was that.

Actually I just remembered, this was all over something silly. My mom wouldn't give me a cigarette. That, combined with everything else that was going on sent me over the edge. Anyways, after I drank the charcoal and crap, mom took me outside, and gave me one, so I ended up getting what I wanted. They normally would have to send me right to the psych ward (procedure) but my mom is a psych nurse, and pulled some strings. I went home a couple hours later.
 

PuddleFopsKit

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Wow!

I used to friction burn myself with Quarters, back in 7th grade, but it wasn't because I was depressed, it was a contest thing. See who could do it the longest without quitting. Yeah, that was stupid, but thankfully I carry no scars from it.
 

Vladimir

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o_O

Why the hell do you all do that? You hate life, alright, congrats, but what's the point?
 

Customizer

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This is how I feel on a near-daily basis:

The point in your life when you injure yourself purposely is when you realize that you'll never amount to anything. You may realize that your life is worthless, a steaming pile of excrement, a spec of crap in the galaxy. Your life has no value: No monetary value, no property value, no social value and no societal labor value. You're caught in a point in life where you do not know what your purpose is and what you're SUPPOSED to do.

You don't even know WHAT you want to do with your life. Your few friends are broke-ass losers, your parents, although usually reasonable, don't have a clue about your personality, your likes and dislikes.

Your a drifter, aimless, purposeless. You think about jumping in front of a car every day to end your useless, crappy existence.

Bottom line: You realize you're nothing special. You hide from the world because no matter how nice and polite you try to be, people are always out there to attack you, to crap on your head, fill you full of bull and shame. So, you hide and resent everyone. Inside you are violent, wanting to smash heads against walls and break spines. You find you can't act out your emotions and the only target left to blame is you. Yes, self-blame, self-resentment, self-denial and self-pity.

Go jump in front of a moving car or take a heavy kitchen knife and rip your throat open. You're useless to society, you don't fit in and people will reject you forever to damnation. Go kill yourself, you worthless sack of crap.
 

Lizzie

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I don't like it that I do it either, seems to be the in thing to be depressed and cut yourself, ppl probably think I want to or something like a stupid emo freak...
Ok cutting does not make you emo. Have you tried to stop before?
 

Tigger

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I haven't been doing it all that long, only since my depression and anxiety have been getting worse, I get the urges and I can't control them. I'll probably end up putting myself in hospital before anyone will do anything to help me. The asshole shrinks at the hospital are no help to me at all. They're just "oh double your medication and see the counsellor", like that's gonna be any help. They're all hopeless
 

Anon E. Mouse

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Hee, I personally have nothing against myself anymore...I think I'm addicted to it though. I never think of myself as nothing, I just seem to do it.
 

Lizzie

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Yeah that's about where I am right now too Anon. Once you do it for a lil while it becomes an addiction. Just like nicotene
 
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There was a time when I was feeling rather depressed as a result of my life not going exactly to plan... but I didn't dare cut myself, I don't want to spill my own blood for some stupid reason. Instead I used a lighter to heat up a metal ruler and use that. I've got a permanent scar from it where I literally gave myself some deep burns.

Now it serves as a personal reminder, one that I'm not inclined to explain to anyone.
 
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