Self-Love and Repression

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Crinklesaur

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I have been dealing with some personal issues over the past few days, and I've come to an interesting conclusion.

When I engage in the ABDL lifestyle, I realize that I'm not a freak, that this is entirely harmless and the concept thereof normal. When I try to suppress it, I conclude that I am a freak of nature. This happen to anybody else?
 

Fullmetallittle

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Yep. I need to learn how to take time for myself. Which is hard since I am stubborn and impatient.
 

ClandestineWing

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Harmless, yes. Normal, no. This will always be a very quirky fetish, so I don't ever consider it normal, but I also don't take normal into much consideration concerning it.
 

Tyger

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What you have described is a basic example of the binge/purge cycle. I went through this a lot growing up until i was 22. Once a little after 22 as well. I think the most helpful thing I did for myself was force myself to wear diapers even if I didn't want too until it felt normal to me, then I let myself not wear them on occasion. Only reason I had to do that though was because I was suffering a lot of depression from getting babyish stuff, and then throwing it away out of shame. Once I accepted that this is who I am, I was much better able to control my feelings.
 

Crinklesaur

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The thing with me though is that I conclude from my attempts at repression that I am a freak, instead of thinking I'm a freak and then attempting to repress my identity.

Wanting to repress it comes first, feeling like a freak comes second, and vice-versa; engaging in ABDL pursuits comes first, then comes self-acceptance.

To me, that sounds like reverse Binge-Purge.
 
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The thing with me though is that I conclude from my attempts at repression that I am a freak, instead of thinking I'm a freak and then attempting to repress my identity.

Wanting to repress it comes first, feeling like a freak comes second, and vice-versa; engaging in ABDL pursuits comes first, then comes self-acceptance.

To me, that sounds like reverse Binge-Purge.

The mind is complex and there are many ways to go through a similar set of emotions. In your case, my guess is you get the physical desire first and you justify it to yourself while you're engaged in it. Then the physical desire abates and you look back and feel guilt. If that's what is happening, it's still a variation on the binge purge cycle.

I also think the question you should be asking yourself is "what next?" You're here, we're all trying to help you understand how you feel, which is a great start. But once you get a sense for your own feelings, we should talk about how you can change and improve them. I don't think most people enjoy thinking about themselves as a freak, and going through a cycle of acceptance and repression can be very stressful on you. You may find yourself happier in the long run if you can come to an understanding about how your ABDL desires wax and wane while always being an acceptable part of who you are.
 

Crinklesaur

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When I either wear a diaper or suck on my binky, I feel at ease and I become comfortable with how I am and what I am. In speaking with my boyfriend, he was able to understand my perspective and come to a compromise with me.

I can now suck on my pacifier, and therefore feel at ease and comfortable :paci:
 
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Marka

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When I either wear a diaper or suck on my binky, I feel at ease and I become comfortable with how I am and what I am. In speaking with my boyfriend, he was able to understand my perspective and come to a compromise with me.

I can now suck on my pacifier, and therefore feel at ease and comfortable :paci:

The way that I'm reading it...doesn't seem to me to be so much about B&P...as I see that as more of a moderation extremes in gratification and expression... with of course the pleasure-indulgence / guilt-shame swing....

Where as Repression and Suppression...
Repression and Suppression
Repression

Repression is another well-known defense mechanism. Repression acts to keep information out of conscious awareness. However, these memories don't just disappear; they continue to influence our behavior. For example, a person who has repressed memories of abuse suffered as a child may later have difficulty forming relationships.

Sometimes we do this consciously by forcing the unwanted information out of our awareness, which is known as suppression. In most cases, however, this removal of anxiety-provoking memories from our awareness is believed to occur unconsciously.

You can see where repression in particular.... leaves it to the subconscious mind (perhaps a regressed-little mind by comparison..?) You may need to try some method of assuring your subconscious, when you are not regressed as well... or, perhaps the conscious mind needs the assurance and understanding... which is probably what you're working at here... ;)

I hope that made some kind of sense... I haven't been awake long :blushie:

-Marka
 
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