Self friendzoning

KryanAshford

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For every female I met I tend to try and be helpful, kind, and as nice as I can be. But only a few I've met have I truly had feelings for. Emotionally I'm not very strong, and I know I worry about what a relationship would bring. Anyone have any words of wisdom on this subject.
 

Marcus95

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For every female I met I tend to try and be helpful, kind, and as nice as I can be. But only a few I've met have I truly had feelings for. Emotionally I'm not very strong, and I know I worry about what a relationship would bring. Anyone have any words of wisdom on this subject.
Don`t know what type of wisdom or advice you seek but more or less every time I'm being nice (being me) and spend some time with a girl they tend to fall for me anyway. Even if I try to just be friends.

Do you seek a relationship or do you feel lile you're not ready? What is the issue so to speak?
 

KryanAshford

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So I think my issue might be in parts. One I know for a fact I'm not in any way sexually driven. Two I care for women, but more in a protective way. I feel as a man it's my job to help them in any way I can. I know a lot of women are capable, but believe the opposite sex requires a level of respect. It's rare for me to feel like I would like to do something more with a girl. I can could count two times I had romantic feelings. They were both cruel girls. They either noticed my feelings and choice to use it for their gain. On top of that I don't see myself as someone that would be consider attractive. One of my eye's is messed up, I have a huge burn mark on my arm, and most people can lift me if they really wanted to.
 

Marcus95

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To be fair, for me the sexuall part of a relationship is nice but far from the main part. Just being all snuggly in the sofa watching random shit or spooning and knowing the girl I have in my arms love me is enuogh to be honest. How would you careing for a girl in a protective way hinder a relationship? Why would you not feel that way about someone you care about? Wanting to protect something you cherish does not mean you dotn respect their independece or capability
I also rarely meet a girl I have romantic feelings for but that`s is mostly due to me having very high standards. I would never be happy with a cruel person. I need a kind and cute person to truly fall.
 

mykryptonromance

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Hi, as someone whose been there. It's a good thing that you don't like many people. It means you're picky and that can be good because when you do find someone you click with you'll be together for a while. At least for me, I started seeing my current boyfriend because there was some chemistry nothing sexual right away we just had similar interests. I didn't start to like him sexually until I really got to know him as a person, Being in a relationship is more than sexual stuff it's also about them becoming your best friend. A solid relationship is a combination of romance and friendship all rolled up into one.

Though, I think you need to asses why you're friend-zoning yourself before you start messing around with dating. The idea of being fixed is a romantic lie, and that's something I had to learn the hard way. You have to focus on you and focus on becoming emotionally strong not for someone else but for you. And when you're ready for a relationship it'll find you. I know that sounds dumb but it's so true. When you're ready to be in a relationship you'll meet the right person.
 

KryanAshford

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SO exactly how would I be able to make myself emotionally strong. I've come from a history of abuse and neglect. I still believe myself to be emotionally dead, but at time I do often feel that little of emotion, it's rare but it's there
 

mykryptonromance

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SO exactly how would I be able to make myself emotionally strong. I've come from a history of abuse and neglect. I still believe myself to be emotionally dead, but at time I do often feel that little of emotion, it's rare but it's there
Well self-reflection is a good place to start. I used to be really mean to myself and constantly call myself stupid but I'd convinced myself that it was normal and my perception on reality was a bit messed up because of it. When I realized that I was the problem and that I felt bad because of what I was telling myself I cried because I realized I was being my own worst enemy. I'm not by any means stupid but I put that road block in place because I didn't want to have to work to over come my learning disabilities that stood in my way..

None of that is to say that your situation is the same as mine in anyway but asking yourself: "Is this a lie I'm telling myself?" "An I really not emotionally strong or am I just scared of getting hurt?" Are good places to start and if the answer turns out to be that you aren't emotionally strong then google is a great resource. There's plenty of articles out there with all kinds of methods. And at that point it's just trial and error. Another amazing option (if you have the time and money for it) is getting a therapist. I've had therapists on a few different occasions in my life and it really helps to have a person knowledgeable in the human mind and mental health to bounce ideas off and give you advice.
I hope this helped in some way!
 

trysexiea

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Sentimental thing is a very complicated things, you have always some surprise in good or in bad ways. I do not know how to advise you, since I do not know how advice me
 

CaterpillarSick

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Dating is an incredibly hard thing because it opens us up to vulnerability. Many people self-sabotage themselves because they feel strongly towards someone, but are afraid, for any of a number of reasons, to open themselves up. It's possible that your history is making it hard for you to open up to someone. It's also possible that your so down on yourself that you're struggling to tell if someone is into you. I think all of us wish we could tell you that this will work for sure, but we can't.

I think you're asking a powerful question (and one I've thought about as well). The best advice I can give you is to be honest with yourself. A lot of things like self-sabotage are done without you even realising it, and the only way you can fix it is to be honest about why you are doing what you're doing.

I personally don't have much experience from dating, but I have loads of experience from depression. Depression can cause you to self-sabotage all the time (I can't write that report because I'm too tired, I can't hang out with friends because I have to clean, etc etc). What's helped me has been to really ask myself why I do what I do.

Don't take this as me saying it's all your fault; it's not. I just wanted to say this to get you thinking about why you might be feeling this way and if you might be doing something that hurts you without realising it. When I first had to think about this I realised how much I was hurting myself. If you think I'm entirely off base that's fine; I might very well be. I'm not a therapist and you know yourself far better than I do. I'm mostly putting out an idea that I know has helped me in the past.
 
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