Seeking Support and Advice in a challenging toxic emotionally unsupportive Family Environment.

TheDiaperB0Y

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22
Age
29
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  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Little
Hello there fellow AB/DL’s

I'm reaching out because I'm currently facing a great deal of emotional distress while living back at home with my toxic family.
I apologize in advance for the length of this message, but it's important for me to express my feelings and seek guidance from someone who can understand my struggles.

At the age of 28, I had hoped to have created a healthier and happier life for myself, but unfortunately, I feel trapped in a cycle of depression and misery due to the toxic dynamics within my family. Throughout my adult life, I have suffered from major depression, and it has been particularly difficult because my family members have not been supportive. They tend to perceive my emotional and mental struggles as weaknesses that make me lazy, criticizing both my ADHD and depression. Their constant remarks labeling me as immature and pathetic for being unable to focus due to my mental health have been truly frustrating.

My parents, in particular, are emotionally neglectful and lack the ability to be attuned to my emotional needs. Whenever I express my distress, they respond dismissively, often resorting to anger and criticism instead of offering understanding or emotional support. This has left me feeling isolated and yearning for emotional warmth and connection. Their closed-off approach to emotions has greatly hindered my own emotional growth, leading to a low stress tolerance and a tendency to prioritize immediate gratification without considering the consequences of my actions.

Lately, the stress and depression have intensified due to a complicated situation involving my father's insistence that I pursue a career in construction. While it is the only industry he knows and believes to be sustainable and successful, I have expressed my deep dissatisfaction with that line of work. Whenever I have pursued my dreams or passions, my family has criticized and belittled my aspirations, considering them pointless. They expect me to accept what my father has given me without question.

To make matters more challenging, I have access to a college trust fund that could enable me to return to school. However, my parents are reluctant to let me use that money to study psychology or attend a music production program in California. They doubt my ability to succeed in college unless I study business management or construction management, according to my father's demands.

Escaping my family's toxic environment and moving out west has been a lifelong desire of mine. However, I find myself currently unemployed and without any income, feeling trapped in a living situation with my bipolar, OCD mother, who struggles with hoarding.

Furthermore, my family has relentlessly harassed and criticized me for not being emotionally stable enough to maintain a job due to emotional burnout and stress. Much of my emotional trauma stems from my parents' emotional unavailability and distance during my upbringing. I often felt unseen and misunderstood as they prioritized their own lives. My father, in particular, has been a very driven parent, discounting my feelings and avoiding emotional intimacy. Expressing emotions makes him uncomfortable, and he has associated it with weakness and shame. The two of us rarely speak anymore since every conversation turns into an argument over how pathetic I am to him.

I share all of this with the community since I know that many individuals have also experienced similar toxic family dynamics and emotionally neglectful environments.
I’m hoping to find some understanding, guidance, and support. I feel overwhelmed by the weight of my circumstances and the emotional toll it has taken on me. If you have any advice or suggestions on how I can navigate this challenging situation and work toward creating a healthier and more fulfilling life, I would be immensely grateful.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for the lovely comforting support of the AB/DL community & peoples understanding.

Warm regards,
Little Baby Teddy
 
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What happens if you cut ties? You'd be on the hook for your own education, but it would be a more fulfilling one.
 
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Hey, I’m not sure what avenues are available to you where you are, like social security etc. It seems like you’re not supporting yourself atm. But it seems you need to cut loose from your current situation.

The truth is, unfortunately, you will never experience the personal growth you’re looking for, while being emotionally controlled by anyone, let alone your own family.

This kind of wreaks of narcissistic abuse i think. If that’s the case, you’ll be trapped until you find the courage to remove yourself from that situation.

Loving healthy relationships are based on respect and unconditional giving…genuine care for each other. This makes for happy and healthy people. … if this doesn’t exist, and it seems you’re pretty aware that it’s missing, then I doubt you’ll ever be a happy or successful person while your there.

I really do hope that you are able to find a positive way out of this situation.
 
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It would seem that inertia is the force to overcome.

If all your family dynamic is able to to provide is stability in the form of misery, it is not economically appropriate to remain.

To leave is not easy on any level but there does not appear to be any other viable option.

Work would be a concern but that is a normal concern, whereas the pressure your family is providing is clearly abnormal. Certainly it will be easier to sustain with increased necessity and without their undermining your efforts.

I try to live by the adage 'do what feels right' and so far this has much improved my mental state, though it has been scary at times the fear has been a price worth paying.
 
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ozbub said:
Hey, I’m not sure what avenues are available to you where you are, like social security etc. It seems like you’re not supporting yourself atm. But it seems you need to cut loose from your current situation.

The truth is, unfortunately, you will never experience the personal growth you’re looking for, while being emotionally controlled by anyone, let alone your own family.

This kind of wreaks of narcissistic abuse i think. If that’s the case, you’ll be trapped until you find the courage to remove yourself from that situation.

Loving healthy relationships are based on respect and unconditional giving…genuine care for each other. This makes for happy and healthy people. … if this doesn’t exist, and it seems you’re pretty aware that it’s missing, then I doubt you’ll ever be a happy or successful person while your there.

I really do hope that you are able to find a positive way out of this situation.
@ozbub

I really appreciate your thoughtful response and understanding. Thank you for your concern and advice. Honestly, at the moment I'm not supporting myself financially since I haven't found anything outside of construction for work, been manly livingng off what little I have in savings. I do feel trapped in my current living situation. I understand what you mean about the need to cut loose from my family and remove myself from this toxic emotionally neglectful environment. It just feels difficult when dealing with your own family. You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned narcissistic abuse.

The narasistic behaviors and emotional neglectful abuse is something I've realized too, and it's been hard to acknowledge and accept that I can’t change my parents behavior. My family dynamic lacks genuine emotional empathy, care and respect, which has hindered my emotional growth. I'm hopeful that I can find a positive way out of this depressive situation too. It's just a matter of finding the self-courage and emotional strength to make the necessary changes in my life to actually pursue my own life regardless of my families opinion. Your support means a lot to me, and I truly appreciate your well-wishes.

Thank you for your understanding and encouragement. (^-^)
 
Anemone said:
It would seem that inertia is the force to overcome.

If all your family dynamic is able to to provide is stability in the form of misery, it is not economically appropriate to remain.

To leave is not easy on any level but there does not appear to be any other viable option.

Work would be a concern but that is a normal concern, whereas the pressure your family is providing is clearly abnormal. Certainly it will be easier to sustain with increased necessity and without their undermining your efforts.

I try to live by the adage 'do what feels right' and so far this has much improved my mental state, though it has been scary at times the fear has been a price worth paying.

@Anemone,

You're absolutely correct in pointing out that if my family's contribution is merely providing stability through my own misery, it would not be wise to stay in that environment. While leaving won't be easy, it truly seems like the only reasonable option I have at this point.

Work is a valid concern, but it's something that everyone has to consider. However, the unhealthy pressure and constant undermining from my family have been detrimental to my mental health. I strongly believe that once I remove their interference, I will have a better chance of sustaining myself and pursuing a brighter future, especially once I'm in a better mental state.

I deeply appreciate your advice to "do what feels right." It's a principle I've been striving to incorporate into my life. It has already had a positive impact on my mental well-being. Although there have been moments of fear and intimidation along the way, I firmly believe that the price I pay for my own well-being is entirely worthwhile.

Thank you for sharing your insights and for your support. It's comforting to know that many others have gone through a similar awakening, finding ways to live more fulfilling lives free from the influence and judgment of their families. (^-^)
 
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I'm certainly happy to offer further support and - for what it may be worth - advice and the benefit of my experience.

There certainly is more to life than money and pleasing others, even though it does not always feel that way. It is certainly possible to be happy with less, just as one can be miserable with more.
 
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Is there anyone supportive you can roommate with to split costs? It's time to leave.
 
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TheDiaperB0Y said:
Hello there fellow AB/DL’s

I'm reaching out because I'm currently facing a great deal of emotional distress while living back at home with my toxic family.
I apologize in advance for the length of this message, but it's important for me to express my feelings and seek guidance from someone who can understand my struggles.

At the age of 28, I had hoped to have created a healthier and happier life for myself, but unfortunately, I feel trapped in a cycle of depression and misery due to the toxic dynamics within my family. Throughout my adult life, I have suffered from major depression, and it has been particularly difficult because my family members have not been supportive. They tend to perceive my emotional and mental struggles as weaknesses that make me lazy, criticizing both my ADHD and depression. Their constant remarks labeling me as immature and pathetic for being unable to focus due to my mental health have been truly frustrating.

My parents, in particular, are emotionally neglectful and lack the ability to be attuned to my emotional needs. Whenever I express my distress, they respond dismissively, often resorting to anger and criticism instead of offering understanding or emotional support. This has left me feeling isolated and yearning for emotional warmth and connection. Their closed-off approach to emotions has greatly hindered my own emotional growth, leading to a low stress tolerance and a tendency to prioritize immediate gratification without considering the consequences of my actions.

Lately, the stress and depression have intensified due to a complicated situation involving my father's insistence that I pursue a career in construction. While it is the only industry he knows and believes to be sustainable and successful, I have expressed my deep dissatisfaction with that line of work. Whenever I have pursued my dreams or passions, my family has criticized and belittled my aspirations, considering them pointless. They expect me to accept what my father has given me without question.

To make matters more challenging, I have access to a college trust fund that could enable me to return to school. However, my parents are reluctant to let me use that money to study psychology or attend a music production program in California. They doubt my ability to succeed in college unless I study business management or construction management, according to my father's demands.

Escaping my family's toxic environment and moving out west has been a lifelong desire of mine. However, I find myself currently unemployed and without any income, feeling trapped in a living situation with my bipolar, OCD mother, who struggles with hoarding.

Furthermore, my family has relentlessly harassed and criticized me for not being emotionally stable enough to maintain a job due to emotional burnout and stress. Much of my emotional trauma stems from my parents' emotional unavailability and distance during my upbringing. I often felt unseen and misunderstood as they prioritized their own lives. My father, in particular, has been a very driven parent, discounting my feelings and avoiding emotional intimacy. Expressing emotions makes him uncomfortable, and he has associated it with weakness and shame. The two of us rarely speak anymore since every conversation turns into an argument over how pathetic I am to him.

I share all of this with the community since I know that many individuals have also experienced similar toxic family dynamics and emotionally neglectful environments.
I’m hoping to find some understanding, guidance, and support. I feel overwhelmed by the weight of my circumstances and the emotional toll it has taken on me. If you have any advice or suggestions on how I can navigate this challenging situation and work toward creating a healthier and more fulfilling life, I would be immensely grateful.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for the lovely comforting support of the AB/DL community & peoples understanding.

Warm regards,
Little Baby Teddy
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can relate to family toxicity. My parents pushed me to pursue the family business. I did. For 16 years. It wasn't and isn't for me. After doing a lot of healing, I took a huge risk and submitted my application to go for my masters in a degree very similar to the one that interests you. 💕 It has been phenomenal and worth it. I say this to encourage you to take a risk and do it for yourself because you deserve it. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live outside of your parents' shadows. I know this is incredibly difficult, to say the least. I do believe that breaking free from toxicity will highly benefit you, even if that road also isn't easy.
We don't live long lives, when you think about it. For me, I decided I was done living the time I have here stuck at a job that isn't for me. While it pays well and I'm grateful for it, all the money in the world couldnt buy the fulfillment that will come with the career I have chosen to pursue.
It sucks not having a supportive environment, and I'm really sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 💕🩷
 
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TheDiaperB0Y said:
The narasistic behaviors and emotional neglectful abuse is something I've realized too, and it's been hard to acknowledge and accept that I can’t change my parents behavior.
Yep! 100% relate!
 
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TheDiaperB0Y said:
Although there have been moments of fear and intimidation along the way, I firmly believe that the price I pay for my own well-being is entirely worthwhile.
It is scary to go outside of what you're used to because, in a way, it's "safe". I was scared crapless when I made that first step to go another path. I questioned myself repeatedly and, for a while, I "heard", "What are you thinking pursuing this career?", "Who do you think you are to ever believe you could do this?", "You're going to fail", "They'll say 'I told you so'", ad nauseum. I forced myself to push through it and dismiss those "voices", the critical, demeaning, harsh words that came from an abusive upbringing.
You can do it! 💕 Xx
 
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@TheDiaperB0Y

In my experience..
The best thing I did was leave home (16)..
living there, It's a dynamic, where You will always be the kid and they will always be right..

If you plan on college, maby suggest a major in what you want, and a minor in what they want (just to make them happy)..

But once you get your freedom (yes it's a struggle).. you will feel better within yourself.. (once again that's just my opinion) I wish you luck and hope everything will be well for you soon
 
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Chloris said:
@TheDiaperB0Y

In my experience..
The best thing I did was leave home (16)..
living there, It's a dynamic, where You will always be the kid and they will always be right..

If you plan on college, maby suggest a major in what you want, and a minor in what they want (just to make them happy)..

But once you get your freedom (yes it's a struggle).. you will feel better within yourself.. (once again that's just my opinion) I wish you luck and hope everything will be well for you soon

Yes. It's about power and control at some point. Wouldn't surprise me they are using that trust fund as leverage. Destroy their source of power and control.
 
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LittleAndAlone said:
Yes. It's about power and control at some point. Wouldn't surprise me they are using that trust fund as leverage. Destroy their source of power and control.
The number of times I heard thing like..

"my house, my rules".. "cause i said so", .. "tough", .. last straw was "if you dont like it move out, see how long you last on your own" that was 18 years ago now
 
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Chloris said:
The number of times I heard thing like..

"my house, my rules".. "cause i said so", .. "tough", .. last straw was "if you dont like it move out, see how long you last on your own" that was 18 years ago now
Success is the best revenge.
 
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LittleAndAlone said:
Success is the best revenge.
Yes.. and don't get me wrong, I love my mam and dad to the moon and back..

I help them almost every day..
Just don't expect me to live under their roof again.
 
TheDiaperB0Y said:
Hello there fellow AB/DL’s

I'm reaching out because I'm currently facing a great deal of emotional distress while living back at home with my toxic family.
I apologize in advance for the length of this message, but it's important for me to express my feelings and seek guidance from someone who can understand my struggles.

At the age of 28, I had hoped to have created a healthier and happier life for myself, but unfortunately, I feel trapped in a cycle of depression and misery due to the toxic dynamics within my family. Throughout my adult life, I have suffered from major depression, and it has been particularly difficult because my family members have not been supportive. They tend to perceive my emotional and mental struggles as weaknesses that make me lazy, criticizing both my ADHD and depression. Their constant remarks labeling me as immature and pathetic for being unable to focus due to my mental health have been truly frustrating.

My parents, in particular, are emotionally neglectful and lack the ability to be attuned to my emotional needs. Whenever I express my distress, they respond dismissively, often resorting to anger and criticism instead of offering understanding or emotional support. This has left me feeling isolated and yearning for emotional warmth and connection. Their closed-off approach to emotions has greatly hindered my own emotional growth, leading to a low stress tolerance and a tendency to prioritize immediate gratification without considering the consequences of my actions.

Lately, the stress and depression have intensified due to a complicated situation involving my father's insistence that I pursue a career in construction. While it is the only industry he knows and believes to be sustainable and successful, I have expressed my deep dissatisfaction with that line of work. Whenever I have pursued my dreams or passions, my family has criticized and belittled my aspirations, considering them pointless. They expect me to accept what my father has given me without question.

To make matters more challenging, I have access to a college trust fund that could enable me to return to school. However, my parents are reluctant to let me use that money to study psychology or attend a music production program in California. They doubt my ability to succeed in college unless I study business management or construction management, according to my father's demands.

Escaping my family's toxic environment and moving out west has been a lifelong desire of mine. However, I find myself currently unemployed and without any income, feeling trapped in a living situation with my bipolar, OCD mother, who struggles with hoarding.

Furthermore, my family has relentlessly harassed and criticized me for not being emotionally stable enough to maintain a job due to emotional burnout and stress. Much of my emotional trauma stems from my parents' emotional unavailability and distance during my upbringing. I often felt unseen and misunderstood as they prioritized their own lives. My father, in particular, has been a very driven parent, discounting my feelings and avoiding emotional intimacy. Expressing emotions makes him uncomfortable, and he has associated it with weakness and shame. The two of us rarely speak anymore since every conversation turns into an argument over how pathetic I am to him.

I share all of this with the community since I know that many individuals have also experienced similar toxic family dynamics and emotionally neglectful environments.
I’m hoping to find some understanding, guidance, and support. I feel overwhelmed by the weight of my circumstances and the emotional toll it has taken on me. If you have any advice or suggestions on how I can navigate this challenging situation and work toward creating a healthier and more fulfilling life, I would be immensely grateful.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for the lovely comforting support of the AB/DL community & peoples understanding.

Warm regards,
Little Baby Teddy
Hey Baby Teddy,

I get all that and have been throu so much. That is one of the hardest things when becoming an adult and having to take that step. You know you and know what you want in life. My encouragement is never stop pursueing your dreams. We all have different obsticles in our lives, but belive in yourself and chase your dreams. You have one life to live live it for you and should you choose to build a life with someone else, build that together. Family is family and when it is truely an unconditional love they will eventualy come around and congradulate you.

I have come so far in my life and have been told by many that I vould not succeed. The hardest part is when it is family telling you that. Any father wants whats best for his children in most cases, but get blinded by our own ways sometime. Those choices are some of the most difficult, just know you are not alone. You ever want to chat, feel free to reach out.
 
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Kbaby84 said:
Hey Baby Teddy,

I get all that and have been throu so much. That is one of the hardest things when becoming an adult and having to take that step. You know you and know what you want in life. My encouragement is never stop pursueing your dreams. We all have different obsticles in our lives, but belive in yourself and chase your dreams. You have one life to live live it for you and should you choose to build a life with someone else, build that together. Family is family and when it is truely an unconditional love they will eventualy come around and congradulate you.

I have come so far in my life and have been told by many that I vould not succeed. The hardest part is when it is family telling you that. Any father wants whats best for his children in most cases, but get blinded by our own ways sometime. Those choices are some of the most difficult, just know you are not alone. You ever want to chat, feel free to reach out.
You said it a lot better than I could
 
LittleAndAlone said:
Is there anyone supportive you can roommate with to split costs? It's time to leave.
Unfortunately, I don't have any local friends who are supportive anymore.
I stopped hanging out with all my childhood friends because they were toxic and homophobic.

As for my IRL AB/DL friends I've made in the local area community, whenever I'm depressed, I tend to retreat into self isolation since so many of them treat me like a sex object rather than a person or would also dismiss my emotions and feelings. I’ve always been a people pleaser with no regards for my own feelings.
I didn't know how to stand up for myself against some toxic people in the AB/DL community when they overstepped boundaries. Even if I didn't really want to engage in the activity, I would do anything to make my ABDL friends happy.

Wish I had a roommate who would accept my AB/DL persona, However, I know I'd drive any roommate crazy with how disorganized and messy I can be. To be honest, I'd prefer living alone own
 
ShyGirl91 said:
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can relate to family toxicity. My parents pushed me to pursue the family business. I did. For 16 years. It wasn't and isn't for me. After doing a lot of healing, I took a huge risk and submitted my application to go for my masters in a degree very similar to the one that interests you. 💕 It has been phenomenal and worth it. I say this to encourage you to take a risk and do it for yourself because you deserve it. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live outside of your parents' shadows. I know this is incredibly difficult, to say the least. I do believe that breaking free from toxicity will highly benefit you, even if that road also isn't easy.
We don't live long lives, when you think about it. For me, I decided I was done living the time I have here stuck at a job that isn't for me. While it pays well and I'm grateful for it, all the money in the world couldnt buy the fulfillment that will come with the career I have chosen to pursue.
It sucks not having a supportive environment, and I'm really sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 💕🩷
@ShyGirl91
Thank you so much for sharing your own experiences and offering your kind and sincere words of encouragement. I truly appreciate your understanding.

It's inspiring to hear that you took a risk and pursued your master's degree in a field that truly interests you. Your story gives me hope and reinforces the idea that I deserve to be happy and live a life that is separate from my parents' expectations. I understand that it won't be an easy path, but your words remind me that it's worth it to break free from the toxicity of my family and pursue what truly fulfills me.

You're absolutely right that life is short, and it's important to make the most of the time we have. I don't want to spend my days stuck in a miserable job that doesn't align with my values, passions and aspirations. Your perspective on fulfillment versus financial gain resonates deeply with me, and I am grateful for your reminder that true happiness comes from pursuing what we love.

It's tough not having a supportive environment, but knowing that there are people like you and some of the kind people within the AB/DL community who understand and empathize with my situation brings me comfort. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. They mean a lot to me. 💕😇💕
 
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