Secrecy sucks

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Maztwo.0

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You know.. Im probably starting to sound like a crazy broken record... but meh... thats my perogative.

Im sure everybody has in some fashion mutual emotions to some degree. We all know we wear and to some extent enojoy diapers in one way or another. Many of you probably know what I am talking about when I say that to some degree I enjoy embarassment.

I enjoy that thrill that comes when you are wearing a diaper in public. I enjoy the rush of wearing diapers around my friends. I enjoy the wonder and the thought of possibly being caught, being seen, being stared at. I love the feeling of "I know something you dont know". Its great.

But eventually those secrets turn on you, or at least they turn on me. The thrill of embrassment dies to the emptiness of secrecy. I have to hide it. We all have to hide it. I would give anything to tell people about me and be accepted. I would give my whole world to be loved for who I am. But there are those that will never understand. There are those that dont want to or cant. I have to hide me from them.

The secrecy. The lies. The hiding. Its great.

It all eventually sucks. It all fades away into the abysmal nature of who we are. That we can never really be ourselves. That we will have have to hide from some of those that we love. The defeatism and hopeless nature of it all can get overwhelming...

Im not emo. I dont hate myself. I love who I am and where I am in life. I have a wonderful girlfriend who understands me. I have parents who are tolerant. I have great life. But I also have a mind like the broom from fantasia... smash it to peices and all you get is ten thousand more brooms.

Secrecy sucks... but its who I am. Secrecy sucks.... But I love it... Secrecy sucks
 

Fire2box

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There's really no reason for anyone to know other then your spouse since it will be rather hard to hide it from her or him. Other then that there's no reason why anyone else should be worried about what underwear you chose to wear. Also we can be ourselves around other people but I chose to hug my plushies in my bedroom. I am not sure if I would even carry my plushie around with me all the time if it was okay for a 20 year old guy to even be carrying around his stuffed animal.

However if I were to join the military I would try my best to take one with me. Embarrassment be damned.
 

Gingy

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I always feel like my seceret is on the tip oft tounge and I could even say it by accident, but it never slips out. I want to, but I can't, because there are so many things that could come after that.

Non-existent ADD: woah cool! A beastly strong thunder storm just started up!
 

Maztwo.0

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Its just kinda tempting to tell people to see how they will react... Some people you know would say something rather derogatory and sometimes you just want to see them say it.

For me... I am really quit scared of people finding out. I already live a very public lifestyle and I someday hope to get into politics... We all know how that goes. So my personal life is very dangerous for me and is always on my mind.
 

ShippoFox

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I hate the secrecy. I never get any time to do anything anymore. It's become increasingly hard to get privacy. My brother doesn't mind his own business anymore, so it's even harder to order online than it was before! It would be just as hard to buy from a store and then I probably wouldn't even get a good brand. I try to RP online a lot to make up for what I can't have IRL, but even that doesn't work because people are rarely around or they rarely have time for it. (usually not their fault though)

So... I wish I didn't care what anyone thinks about infantilism, but I do.
 
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starshine

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I enjoy the secrecy.

I don't feel an overwhelming need to tell everyone in the world who I am. Granted - there are times when I want to let it all out, but that comes with huge waves of emotion that I get every so often. It's not something that needs to be done.
 

Allanon

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I don't hate or enjoy the secrecy. It's just simply a non-issue with me. Awhile back maybe I wished I could have someone to share my oddities with, but not really any more. I've made peace with those demons, and I don't really feel the need anymore to share my desires with anyone but me.
 

Aki

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Secrecy. I've become so adept with this, it's become second nature to me. Diapers, grades, whatever. In my eyes, information is power. It's like I'm doing a battle of wits with my parents all the time. Like playing a game of chess. It's who I am, it's how I function.
 

Maztwo.0

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Secrecy. I've become so adept with this, it's become second nature to me. Diapers, grades, whatever. In my eyes, information is power. It's like I'm doing a battle of wits with my parents all the time. Like playing a game of chess. It's who I am, it's how I function.
But dont you ever get tired of that battle. Dont you ever feel like you just want to give up the fight and let everybody know. I love the battle too, but sometimes it just becomes tiresome and tedious and I just want to spill my guts to the world and not worry about what people will think or say. But I know I cant do that. I know I cant risk my image because I know there are people out there would would never understand and would hate me for some stupid reason like what I like to wear and do.

Dont you ever just want to tell the world who you are?
 

babyemo

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sometimes i want to blow everything out to the world, then i remind myself its just for the attention i have always sought. the secrecy is less about what is being kept, than just having something that needs to be kept, that is where the shame comes from.
 

Aki

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But dont you ever get tired of that battle. Dont you ever feel like you just want to give up the fight and let everybody know. I love the battle too, but sometimes it just becomes tiresome and tedious and I just want to spill my guts to the world and not worry about what people will think or say. But I know I cant do that. I know I cant risk my image because I know there are people out there would would never understand and would hate me for some stupid reason like what I like to wear and do.

Dont you ever just want to tell the world who you are?
I'm too afraid to drop the curtains to do that. ^^; I don't want to. I like it, in a way.
 

Maztwo.0

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I agree... No matter how much I want to tell everybody. I know that I cant. I know that I would not only risk and ruin myself but I would cause mass direpute to an entire community of respectable people. A community that has spend too long building places where they can be left alone to talk and live amongst themselves. I would never risk myself and more importantly I would never risk the dignity of others.

But its still there... and its still haunts me.
 

Aki

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It doesn't haunt me... my infantilism is a secret I happily keep, the deepest one I'll ever have. It's a great feeling to have it...looking back at being a kid, taking diapers from my babysitter, wearing them, not knowing why but still liking them...I'm glad I found out about this whole community. ^-^ I felt really alone around the 11-12 age. Wishing I was incontinent so I could wear them. Yep...
 

Darkfinn

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Y'all think just diapers are bad to hide. I have to keep my entire life a secret from my family. They'd never accept any of it. It's been a constant battle of wits for several years now... but it'll all come to an end soon. Then they'll either have to love me for who I am and the life I've chosen... or leave me alone and not bother me anymore.
 

ballucanb

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I like wearing my diapers, and I don't care if anyone notices, because they don't, I go just about everywhere diapered, the more you wear the more you want to wear.

It's like a normal thing for me before I leave the house, I just diaper and go, and i don't take it off untill it's leaking.


If you always worry what people will say, then your not going to enjoy yourself, I don't worry and I enjoy the hell out of it.

Go and enjoy yourself, other people are worryed about there own lives, not weather you have a diaper on.
 
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Darkfinn

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I like wearing my diapers, and I don't care if anyone notices, because they don't, I go just about go everywhere diapered, the more you wear the more you want to wear.

It's like a normal thing for me before I leave the house, I just diaper and go, and i don't take it off untill it's leaking.
Sounds kinda like me... :laugh:
 

mizzycub

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I have felt like this occasionally, that is randomly telling the world. But to be honest, I would never do it. I think you'll find however much you want to, common sense will stop you. And if you did, I could end up bad. Best option is people forgetting. Worst is them not and holding it against you. Don't expect that many people to accept something, especially if they don't really know you.
 

betagame

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I would just love telling my secret to my friends, but i would get too nerve racking.
I would never even dare to wear in public because my face would turn 6 shades of red.
I would like to know about my friends B/DL state, but i would risk losing a friend.
 

softndry

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secrecy did have its down side until I got the nerve to tell my wife about my diaper desires. luckily she accepted without any reservations and been good ever since :rolleyes:
 
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I love the secrecy. I feel that people don't need to know about it, and I'm certainly not going to open myself to them about it. It's strictly on a need-to-know basis for me, and I cannot conjure any reason in which a person would need to know (except, unless, I was found out and backed into a position where I had to explain it).

I said it in the past, but it is a fetish. No one should need to know nor have to listen to someone ramble off about what they do in their private time - especially if it's sexual in nature. Don't get me wrong, it's a part of who I am as well, but I don't feel it's a part people would benefit from knowing about. Would I love to tell people so I can practice it freely but within certain bounds? Absolutely. But I can hold out until I'm more independent and on my own to practice it in such a way.

Besides, we're all entitled to our secrets. I would hate to think that there is someone out there who knows every detail of my life.
 
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