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Regarding Friend Requests...Yes, this is a rant...no it's NOT DRAMA!!!

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ayanna

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Maybe I'm taking this too seriously or reading too much into it or whatever, but people I don't know/have never spoken with/sometimes haven't even seen them post in the forum have been 'adding me' as a 'friend'.

I realise that some 'newbies' think they need to be EVERYONE's friend, but I'm not a 'newbie' and I don't 'NEED' to be anyone's friend.

That said, I will continue to 'ignore' friend requests from people I don't know, as it seems to be the only way.

Anyone have suggestions on other ways to deal with this?

NOTE: I do not have my MSN/Yahoo/Google Talk/AOL/ICQ/IRC/other messenger listed in my profile because that's the way I like it. If we are established 'friends', I've probably already given you at least one of those. I prefer to chat on MSN or Yahoo than any other means. It's easier for me to chat one-on-one.

Oh 'n while I'm b*tching about stuff...what's with these 'profile comments'? I've had like 7 of them and only one was actually a comment on my profile. And why is it after I delete them it says "this message has been deleted" blah blah blah. Delete usually means DELETE...GONE...FOREVER...*sighs*

Okay, I'm done now!

*waits for the neg rep to come pouring in*

 

Pojo

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By profile comments, do you mean visitor messages? If so, then they aren't mean to comment on your profile...They are like things people use on MySpace/Facebook...Like a wall thing you post on for like, a belated conversation...I think it's funny how people always say things like "*waits for neg rep*" when what they said doesn't really have anything to be neg reppable...
 

ayanna

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OMG...that makes it even worse. I thought they were meant to be 'profile comments'...but now they're *gags* á la facebook/myspace 'walls'....*shudders* That's ten times worse!
 

Pojo

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How is that worse? People are just trying to communicate with you...Why not just be more social and answer them?
 

Martin

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It stays there as it's a soft delete and not a hard delete (don't think you even can do that with those) I think you can turn your visitor messages off IIRC but I'd have to look it up.
 
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I just wait for the newbies to become members and see if they are any good. I can see what you mean. They don't no any better, too stupid.
 

Pojo

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It stays there as it's a soft delete and not a hard delete (don't think you even can do that with those) I think you can turn your visitor messages off IIRC but I'd have to look it up.

You can turn them off...Just go to edit details or options or something, and there is a box you can check to turn them off, or at least set it so only friends can leave them
 

ayanna

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How is that worse? People are just trying to communicate with you...Why not just be more social and answer them?
Because if I WANTED to talk to those people I would already have made some sort of overture....but I really don't want to be bothered by it all. Sooooooooo....I ignore quite a number of "friend requests" as these people are not my friends (if I don't know you/have never spoken to you/haven't even seen you post in the forum, how can you be my 'friend'?)...and...

It stays there as it's a soft delete and not a hard delete (don't think you even can do that with those) I think you can turn your visitor messages off IIRC but I'd have to look it up.
I found it! Thanks, Marty! I turned off the message thing....it's freaking annoying! (to me anyway)
 

Pojo

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I think you are taking this "friend" thing a little too seriously...I can understand what you're saying, but it sounds like you only want to be friends with people that you can truly be friends with...Like in the sense of real life friends that you talk and hang out with, etc
 

ayanna

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I think you are taking this "friend" thing a little too seriously...I can understand what you're saying, but it sounds like you only want to be friends with people that you can truly be friends with...Like in the sense of real life friends that you talk and hang out with, etc
You have me totally wrong, actually what I'm saying is I don't want to have people thinking I'm 'friends' with people I don't know, who are either newbs or non-active in the forum (at least the threads I've read), and who only want to be 'friends' because they think it's 'cool' to be friends with everyone bringing the whole myspace/facebook bs into ADISC even further.

I'm not 'friends' with everyone in the world, nor do I wish to be!
 

ballucanb

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If anyone wants to my freind I automaticly say yes, there is no harm in helping someone to feel accepted, it's not like there asking to borrow money.

I am not one of those freind collectors, I just will help anyone if I can, and if something as simpel as a freind request helps someone feel better, it's fine with me.
 

Takkun

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Lots of younger internet users now use adding someone as a friend as the first step. I get this a LOT on Gaia. I usually don't accept, but I check out their pro first and if they seem neat, I might message them.

But that's on a site with about 90k+ users online on a normal night.

I don;t think it's needed, since compared to Gaia/Myspace etc, ADISc is pretty small, member-wise.
 

starshine

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I don't see the big deal. I'm pretty much "friends" with most the regulars anyhow, even if I may not talk to them. I just think it's a neat little application that doesn't need to be taken so seriously. But that's just me.

To each their own, I guess.
 

Jaiden

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I don't get what's to fuss over.

Someone wants to be your friend? Be flattered, be happy, be glad that someone likes what they've seen of you. We're not talking about letting someone into your home or offering intimacy and trust here, it's just adding a name to a list. If it's someone you don't know and you feel it would be inappropriate then tell them that - say 'thanks but I'd rather get to know you a little first'.

I would be happy to be friends with anyone here unless I actively disliked them for some reason and, to be honest, I don't have the energy to waste on actively disliking people on an internet forum. I don't go around adding people all the time without asking but if there's someone I like or feel I have something in common with then I will ask if they want to be friends - it's just a nice little extra. Hell, if someone asks me out of the blue then I'll say yes. What's the harm? It's not as though anyone is judging you by your friends list and there's nothing to lose by saying yes and helping someone feel welcomed.
 

Pramrider

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Ayanna, I was thinking perhaps it's because your age doesn't appear on the postbit or on your profile. Since it seems there's not as many TB girls on the site, the newbies sending friendship requests could mainly be looking for girls to chat with. They see your avi, figure you're a TB age girl, and want to be added as your friends.

I've never had a noob send a friendship request to me. They probably look at my postbit age, and being on a mainly teen/young adult site plus not knowing me causes the 'creep' alarm to go off in their head. I have only had regulars and VIPs (both teens and adults) who have seen me on the forums regularly send friendship requests. I don't send friendship requests out to teens because I wouldn't want anyone to feel creepy about it. I guess I should send one out to you since I adopted you as a cute and cuddly 2 year old.:D

Anyway, that's at least partly the reason I believe you get so many friend requests from newer members.

~Pramrider
 

Allanon

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I'm usually pretty shocked to get any friends requests on any website, because I tend to rub people the wrong way ^_^.

I've had people tell me they like that about me though, so w/e.

I guess I just sort of take things as they come - if people like me, sweet, if they don't, w/e. I don't make any effort to change myself, so that people can actually stand to be around me, lol.

I'm kind of starting to get into that age where people would assume that I'm the creeper instead of the creeped :(. That could be part of it =/.
 
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Well, I friend people because I appreciate their presence on the forum. To me, it's a mutual respect thing. >_>

Other than that, it can be annoying when people I really don't know, nor have I seen around before friend-request me. I've declined a couple before. And on that note, I've also had a few newbies PM me for my contact details. My profile is set to VIP+ and friends only for a reason. I think that that aspect of privacy needs to get emphasised more here.
 
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.I think it's funny how people always say things like "*waits for neg rep*" when what they said doesn't really have anything to be neg reppable...
People will neg-rep anything.


Had to add that in here =/
 

Charlie

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I think Pramrider is right, this may be because of you being female and random crazies just see your gender and want to add you.

Anyway, the whole Friend thing... I guess it depends on what you put on the forum as to how seriously you take the Friend feature. If I had a more personal gallery, or wrote more personal blogs, then I'd be very strict about my friend list and then make my blogs and gallery set to friends only. Currently I use the friend list for nothing though.
So as just a general note: what you think of the friend list may be very different to what others might think of the friend list. So if you get many friend requests that you feel aren't necessary ('they aren't my friends'), or you send someone a friend request only to be rejected (shot down!), then I wouldn't be too fussed about it.
 
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