Recognising, understanding and listening to my little side

ItsTimmyTime

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It's been a few days of revelation for me really. Embarrassment and shame reared its ugly head, out of nowhere really. I wasn't expecting it. Naively I thought I was past all that but apparently I still need to work on my self acceptance.

I spoke to my wife about how I was feeling and that I was doubting whether littlespace/regression was for me; and whether all I really needed was the comfort element of wearing a nappy and maybe a little bit of nurture. We had a long conversation that evening and I was surprised to hear that she thought I owed it to myself to continue exploring my little side. She told me that she found helping me with this whole new exploration quite interesting. She said if ever there's a time to be honest with yourself, now is that time!

She said something that troubled me internally also though. She's been compartmentilsing my big and little side, seeing a distinction between the two. She told me that when I'm little that she feels like she loses the big me and she realises that she has to share part of our time with little me. When I'm back to being big me she's really happy, like "Yay big Tim is back".

This really bothered me because I've always seen myself as the same person so I felt a little hurt because it seemed like she couldn't wait for big me to come back. I went in search of a new book to read and stumbled across "Becoming me: A journey of self acceptance" by Dylan Lewis.

The primary focus of his book speaks of a concept relating to 3 personas of your inner self. Your inner baby, your inner parent and your inner adult. I'm unsure whether any of you are familiar of the concept but it made a lot of sense to me. It talks about how all 3 personas can be in conflict with one another. It's probably easier to quote the paragraphs of the book rather than trying to explain...

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Reading through the book and understanding all of this helped me further in my journey to self acceptance but also I realised that, all along my wife was actually right in making the distinction between both my adult and baby side, separating the two. I was actually confusing myself by not understanding this and in turn it was "clouding the waters" for her.

I've come to understand that I do actually have a separate baby/little persona and he has needs and desires. It's important he feels like he's being listened to otherwise he gets scared and can throw a tantrum internally. When I felt I didn't need to explore my little side anymore it caused him to get scared and upset and on the surface it made my adult side very confused and I found it difficult to understand the emotions I was going through. I feel sad that I caused him that pain by almost shutting down the exploration and denying that side of me.

I'd love to hear from anyone else who's gone through similar thought processes and feelings similar to these.

A final note, I highly recommend reading the book. I rate it up there with "You're not broken"
 
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I definitely have a baby side and an adult side seperately and they remain seperate regardless of how I dress or behave . I can clearly sense a distinct change when I shift from baby to adult or adult to baby sides of myself . It can be a slow change or a rapid change but there will always be two sides of me wether I like it or not . Good read and hope you learned more about yourself .
 
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I'm sorry to read that the shame and embarrassement made an appearance. It can be very disheartening when you think you've accepted your little side. It's not nice at all but it will pass, so please don't beat yourself up over it.

ItsTimmyTime said:
I've come to understand that I do actually have a separate baby/little persona and he has needs and desires. It's important he feels like he's being listened to otherwise he gets scared and can throw a tantrum internally. When I felt I didn't need to explore my little side anymore it caused him to get scared and upset and on the surface it made my adult side very confused and I found it difficult to understand the emotions I was going through. I feel sad that I caused him that pain by almost shutting down the exploration and denying that side of me.
This is a really good summary of what it's like to have a little side. I've had it described to me that, by trying to deny your little side exists or trying to make him disappear, your big side is interacting with your little side, who is a only a baby/toddler/little one. Now, it such a little one was actually in front of you, you'd treat them kindly, make a fuss of them and want to keep them happy and safe. But, when struggling with shame, it becomes dangerously easy to talk down to ourselves, trying to, in effect, end up being unintentionally quite nasty to that part of ourselves. Just because it's not something we can see doesn't mean it's not there. What happens is you end up with, as you descibe, a scared and upset little one and this in turn makes big you feel worse.

The best thing I did to counter this was exploring my little side, but at my own pace. Having the confidence to want to try a dummy and have some snuggly teddies really was great for allowing me to understand my little side, what he likes, how to keep him happy etc. But, with something like this with different parts of ourselves, we move at the speed of our slowest member. Exploring this is something that is important to making sure your little feels heard and doesn't feel forgotten- we ignore them at our peril. However, finding that pace, balance and knowing what your little likes really helps with overcoming those horrible feelings of shame.
 
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BenNevis said:
I'm sorry to read that the shame and embarrassement made an appearance. It can be very disheartening when you think you've accepted your little side. It's not nice at all but it will pass, so please don't beat yourself up over it.


This is a really good summary of what it's like to have a little side. I've had it described to me that, by trying to deny your little side exists or trying to make him disappear, your big side is interacting with your little side, who is a only a baby/toddler/little one. Now, it such a little one was actually in front of you, you'd treat them kindly, make a fuss of them and want to keep them happy and safe. But, when struggling with shame, it becomes dangerously easy to talk down to ourselves, trying to, in effect, end up being unintentionally quite nasty to that part of ourselves. Just because it's not something we can see doesn't mean it's not there. What happens is you end up with, as you descibe, a scared and upset little one and this in turn makes big you feel worse.

The best thing I did to counter this was exploring my little side, but at my own pace. Having the confidence to want to try a dummy and have some snuggly teddies really was great for allowing me to understand my little side, what he likes, how to keep him happy etc. But, with something like this with different parts of ourselves, we move at the speed of our slowest member. Exploring this is something that is important to making sure your little feels heard and doesn't feel forgotten- we ignore them at our peril. However, finding that pace, balance and knowing what your little likes really helps with overcoming those horrible feelings of shame.
This makes so much sense @BenNevis 🤯 You literally described exactly how I felt. I did feel like I was being quite mean to my little side without actually doing it intentionally.

I understand that exploring certain aspects of my little side needs to match my level of acceptance and pushing things beyond what my adult/parent side finds comfortable could cause further shame and meanness to my little side.

It's such a crazy learning curve but when you start to put the pieces together it really does make a lot of sense.

I've never really been one to delve into my mental feelings, (I just tend to get on with things) so all of this is a very new process for me but I'm learning it can be very rewarding 😊
 
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... and once I learned all this my life made perfect sense!

If we´re being honest here, I must say that I felt a little disappointed to learn that not only was I not a unique entity of continuous conflict and struggle, but I was merely a textbook ABDL. Seems like we all go trhough the same stages, in one way or another.

In my case I struggled with self-acceptance for liking diapers way before I even started exploring my AB side. I actually used to think that it wasn´t something worth trying and that I´d never ever fall for that... until one day I bought a 12 oz. baby bottle in the supermarket... then a pacifier... then another pacifier... then a dinosaur-print sleeper... before I knew it I was sharing my life with 4-year-old-me and I was loving it. I´ve never felt ashamed for developing my little side because in some way I had already felt ashamed for it before, unconsciously, when I was only craving for diapers.

Of course I don´t go about life showing off that I´m a happy 4-year-old because of the basic respect we owe to society, but mostly because it´s something I enjoy in the privacy and intimacy of my home, and I must add that ever since I started consciously nurturing and caring for Little Me, my overall mood and happiness have improved considerably. Better than the strongest anti-depressant.

So don´t overlook your baby needs; Little-You has the power to make you ruin your life completely unconsciously if you don´t consciously pamper and nurture and love Little-You, but if you do, you´ll notice a considerable improvement in your quality of life.
 
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DinoFran said:
... and once I learned all this my life made perfect sense!

If we´re being honest here, I must say that I felt a little disappointed to learn that not only was I not a unique entity of continuous conflict and struggle, but I was merely a textbook ABDL. Seems like we all go trhough the same stages, in one way or another.

In my case I struggled with self-acceptance for liking diapers way before I even started exploring my AB side. I actually used to think that it wasn´t something worth trying and that I´d never ever fall for that... until one day I bought a 12 oz. baby bottle in the supermarket... then a pacifier... then another pacifier... then a dinosaur-print sleeper... before I knew it I was sharing my life with 4-year-old-me and I was loving it. I´ve never felt ashamed for developing my little side because in some way I had already felt ashamed for it before, unconsciously, when I was only craving for diapers.

Of course I don´t go about life showing off that I´m a happy 4-year-old because of the basic respect we owe to society, but mostly because it´s something I enjoy in the privacy and intimacy of my home, and I must add that ever since I started consciously nurturing and caring for Little Me, my overall mood and happiness have improved considerably. Better than the strongest anti-depressant.

So don´t overlook your baby needs; Little-You has the power to make you ruin your life completely unconsciously if you don´t consciously pamper and nurture and love Little-You, but if you do, you´ll notice a considerable improvement in your quality of life.
Awwww, that is amazing. It sounds like you've been through your fair share of struggles learning to accept not only just your little side but also the diaper wearing.

You definitely speak from experience and straight from the heart. Thank you so much for your post, it really is very helpful 😊

And carry on enjoying and nurturing your little 4 year old self 😍
 
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