Quitting this fetish - please read

jaco13

Contributor
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3
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Diaper Lover
heya

I’m Jacob. I’m 25 and have been into messing since childhood. I like messing in diapers and underwear. I’m not very experienced when it comes to sex, but messing isn’t the only thing that turns me on.

Recently, I’ve been doing it a lot more. As I moved into my own place, i’ve gotten the freedom to do it 2 or 3 times a week. I love the holding part, the desperation part, of course the messing part, the sitting on a hot load afterwards and lastly the “fun part” (am I allowed to go into details?) But then comes the cleanup. And the guilt. The shame. I start feeling incredibly dirty and the entire day is ruined after i’ve spent 30 minutes to an hour pleasing my brain with the satisfaction of pooping myself.

I’ve found myself isolating myself more, not wanting to go to the gym after i’ve messed myself because i just feel like a failure.

Even though i enjoy messing, i can’t deal with the rest of the feelings that comes afterwards. I need to stop doing this. Seeing a therapist isn’t an option for me.

I’ve tried to keep myself occupied, and I might have 4-5 good days, but then I feel the urge to go in my car on my way home from work, and i’ll mess myself in the parking lot of my apartment complex and there’s nothing better than the feeling of poop between my cheeks, but after i’m done enjoying myself, i literally feel like the biggest failure.

Any thoughts?
 

BigKid25

Est. Contributor
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1,155
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26
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Diaper Lover, Little, Carer
Look mate,

I'm assuming you're new here. In which case, that's a heck of a way to start off with. BUT, we are a support group and ultimately we want you to feel happy and healthy with your lifestyle choice.

There's a lot to go into that I'm far too delirious to articulate well (pulled an all nighter gaming) but the most direct thing to consider is what we call the Binge-Purge cycle. You binge by enjoying your fetish, or whatever, a bit too much to where you shut down from a post high endorphin slump (i.e. you exhaust all your feel good chemicals from overindulging and you need to recover safely for your mental health).

So then the world feels like its ending. You tell yourself you're a sick depraved and horrible person and you vow to never do this thing again. You get rid of everything and say starting now, I'm a new person! This can go on for anywhere from a few days to a few months or even years if its traumatic enough. But guess what? This part of yourself is here to stay.

Here's what you really need: self-acceptance. There's no easy road to that, and you have to stop first and decide whether what you're doing is unhealthy or not. Are you seriously damaging your physical, mental or emotional health? If you are, it's time to find professional help. If not, and you're still having a hard time with this whole thing, then you're on a path that many of us have walked on.
 
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Dylan292

Contributor
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565
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Adult Baby, Little, Incontinent, Other
Try to not wear as much that happen to me ur young tho
 

BigKid25

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I do a lot of mindfulness and meditative exercises, and it's not because it's the hip new thing to do. It's because dealing with my interests, sexuality, depression, alcoholism and former drug use required some serious help. And contrary to popular belief, you can't just will those negative parts of yourself away. You have to relax into them. Listen to those feelings, acknowledge them, understand them, but don't hype them up. Don't build them up into something they're not. Let those uncomfortable feelings move through you while you focus on breathing through them. It's okay to say, "Wow I really feel like shit. Why do I feel like shit? Am I hurting myself or someone else or is this my past trauma and negative self talk popping up? What can I learn about myself through this and how can I be grateful for that lesson. "

Again, not easy. Very simple, but also very difficult to train your mind to stop fighting discomfort and relax into the dark stuff. Which is where breath work comes into play. Look up the 4-7-8 breath and give it a try when you're having that negative self talk. The negative feelings won't magically go away from breathing, but you will give yourself the space to be ready to process those things and let them move on instead of staying stuck and controlling you.
 

BigKid25

Est. Contributor
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26
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You're not a bad person for enjoying these things. It's okay for you to be different and, dare I say it, weird. You're in a group full of people who have similar interests to you and we've all been somewhere similar to where you are now mentally. It takes time, intentionality, and sincerity, but you can make it.
 

BigBlueBear

Est. Contributor
Messages
599
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Diaper Lover, Little
I can't really say it any better than BigKid25, but I just wanted you to hear it from another person: there's nothing wrong with you. As long as you are not hurting anyone, enjoy yourself!
 
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tdlrfootedpjs

Est. Contributor
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651
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Little

PCS

Est. Contributor
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597
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Private
Much as that aspect is not something that I enjoy doing, I must admit that from time to time I used to have similar feelings about wearing and wetting nappies.

I certainly don’t have such issues now.

Ultimately, providing whatever you are doing complies with “The Three Isn’ts” then try not to be hard on yourself:

Isn’t illegal,
Isn’t harming you
Isn’t harming anyone else.
 

RosiePixie

Contributor
Messages
12
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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover
Finding this website has helped me come to terms with myself and my love of diapers. In specific, check out the binge-purge article on this website. It REALLY REALLY helped me get over the guilt and shame; and I really started to feel SO much better about myself. I wish you THE best of luck with whatever path you decide to take!
 

ElPulpo

The friendly diapered octopus
Est. Contributor
Messages
651
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47
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Diaper Lover
There's usually no use denying parts of your personality engraved into you since childhood. For example, try to exchange your favourite and your least favourite food just by deciding you want to. It may be possible because human brains can adapt impressively, but it would require a huge deal of willpower, patience, frustration and lots and lots of time. I doubt it's worth the effort chastizing yourself for decades. The alternative is getting used to it, and as I see it, you need to, as soon as possible.

So, you sometimes don't flush your brownie immediately, but what's the (fecal) matter, really? You've had the stuff already up your rectum for some time. Now it is just some centimeters or inches further, but is that really worse than having it INSIDE you? There's not much we can do about being nasty, anyway. I stink if I don't clean my surface regularly from sweat, sebum and danders. I almost always carry some half-digested mush around in my belly and I have lots of strange glands producing disturbing varieties of goo. Yuck.

Yes, you are weird. Yes, the cleaning is a pain in the ass. So what? There's always a price to pay. Your pleasure with messing will certainly excel the drawbacks. So get your mindset right. Try to celebrate your fetish. Persuade yourself that you are going to enjoy it. Accept beforehand that this enjoyment entails cleaning and that this is a sacrifice you are willing to spend. Get some positive bias into your brain because that's the thing you need - thinking positively about it.

Have fun and don't regret it.
 

Fluffybottoms

Softail
Est. Contributor
Messages
125
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Diaper Lover, Little
Try just doing the "fun part" when you feel like doing this.

I know if i have a diaper on and climax, i can't get the diaper off fast enough. It's like I've woken from a dream and feel ashamed. What happens is when these desires start to build, it comes from that back part of your brain and effectively slows down the front part of your brain. After you are done the back part of your brain goes into like a refractory period where your front brain takes over.

I have adhd as do alot of folks here and that causes your frontal cortex to run a tad slower. Meth is often prescribed to speed it up. This is why if I take stimulants(pharmaceutical meth) like Ritilan (prescribed by a doctor of course) it make my brain function properly again and focus, but someone who takes it who has a normal functioning brain get high from it.
 

nareh60280

Contributor
Messages
39
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Diaper Lover, Little
You are in a position that must of us know very well. We find pleasure in an activity that is not "normal" for most people, and you feel guilty about it.

I think that we all have to psychologically work in accepting ourselves. There is nothing wrong in being "weird", what is wrong is the feeling of shame and guilt. At the end of the day, you have to ask the following questions:
-Are you harming anyone with what you are doing?
-Are you capable of being a functional human being? (this means... Are you capable of doing your job (or studying), paying your bills, having family and friends?)

If the answers of these two questions are "yes", then congratulations! You are a functional person! And that's the only thing that is important... If you like messing yourself and wearing diapers in your free time and privacy, then GO FOR IT!!

I know it is easier said than done... But this is the mental work you have to focus on... It takes time to actually achieve this mentality...
 

RubberJin

Est. Contributor
Messages
539
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Diaper Lover
I've seen enough similar posts across various fetish sites and forums, as well as personal experience and that of friends, to know that you can't "quit" a fetish any more than you can "quit" liking chocolate - sometimes the urge is weaker, sometimes it's irresistible, but you can't wish it away.

All you can do is repress it, and that is not good for your mental health and it's corrosive in a relationship if you suppress it and hide it.

Sure, it's weird and a lot of people wouldn't understand or want to hear about it, but it doesn't hurt anyone.

In the dark old days people would have similar mental anguish and guilt about being gay and try to "quit" that because it was frowned upon by society as a perversion - and I don't think that did anyone any favours.
 

DippyDawg

Sometimes ya gotta pee yourself to be yourself.
Est. Contributor
Messages
892
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Diaper Lover, Little, Incontinent
There's been a lot of wise words shared here. And I agree with all of it. Hang in there and accept who you are and what you like to which harms no one, including yourself (unless you choose to let it do so).
 

GermanDL

Poopypants Pirate
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Somehow my post is gone, but i was saying pretty much the same
as Dippy and the others.
 

JOCKMAN

Est. Contributor
Messages
668
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Diaper Lover
I am not into messing but the few times I did this I felt great with the feeling of security of my diaper (one time in the middle of the night I woke up to something I ate that did not agree with me, I made it almost to the bathroom when my brain reminded me I had a diaper on and then it just happened, I went back to bed). The cleanup is not so great so for me it is only "semi-intentional" and not very much over the years.

So enjoy it discreetly for yourself (use a good diaper) and then clean up extensively, then move out into your social life (go to the gym to meet other people!) leaving this private part of your life in your own home / car. This is your PERSONAL liking Jacob; it does not hurt anyone else and if you feel better emotionally, then isn't that good for you? I agree that you should read the books being suggested by other members on this site to start your "research" and also feel that you have support on this site as needed for your questions. At only 25 yo, you have decades of experience from others here that can help you along.
 

podmuse

Est. Contributor
Messages
219
Role
Diaper Lover, Incontinent
I have been here before. Hello 25 also! As a kid I did the exact same I loved pooping myself. I used to steal diapers from baby cousins or depends from my grandpa. I felt the guilt the shame and the I’m never doing this again. What I was truly doing though was suppressing my feelings and thoughts for other approval. I called it my binge and purge cycles. In college I would get an overwhelming urge so I run to the store buy diapers and, well, you know and then just like you feel dirty and guilty and ashamed and I would throw them all away. By the time I was 22 I had been mentally starved for 2 years from not enjoying myself. I resumed my diaper wearing and enjoying myself. I never gave myself the opportunity to feel dirty afterward because i accepted this part of me. I have continence issues now but it was not caused by my diaper wearing it’s just my genetics so diapers aren’t always an option for me. But my point is acceptance will set you free!
 
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