Question for significant others with an ABDL

[Babyman1224]

Hi there,
I’ve posted a couple of times in the recent past and had a question for those of you in a relationship with someone with abdl desires. My wife and I have a great relationship minus the few stupid things I do from time to time. She’s completely accepting of this side of me and a willing participant. She understands my past better than I do some days. I’ve been burned in a prior relationship of many years with my high school sweetheart who knew nothing of my “insanity”. Sorry if I seem offensive but most days than not I struggle with this side of me and look at it as a bit insane. My ex wife was not willing and was repulsed by me after it was put out into the open. I was crushed. Long story short I met my wife not too long after I got divorced and we hit it off. I made the same mistake by not telling her until we were married. Yeah I know I’m not the brightest bulb at times and fortunately my current wife was far more accepting once I told her. We didn’t do much with it because we were raising kids and I didn’t think it fair to ask her to tend to me while tending to those that really need it. So here we are now kids all older and self sufficient for the most part and doing the things we do together. My question is for those that are accepting willing participants in their significant others desires did you have a problem with your “little” accepting that you were accepting? I myself am super apprehensive now with my secret desires and constantly worry that my wife isn’t really cool with everything on the inside. Now mind you she’s never given me any indication that she is apprehensive it’s just my own paranoid proclivities rearing their ugly heads. I’m just curious to see how many others have dealt with this and how you handled it. I don’t want to piss my wife off by constantly asking her if she really is okay with everything. I’m normally the most confident person in a room but when it comes to this side of me I’m literally a scared timid little boy who is afraid of being hurt again. Any input would be greatly appreciated. I don’t want to ruin a good thing with insecurity but I gotta believe most of us with this affliction suffer from a plethora of insecurities.

 

[perlFerret]

I feel the same anxiety. I constantly worry that while I may be the little ferret my mate likes to play with, I might not be the husband that my wife needs me to be, even though she does an amazing job of letting me know when she would appreciate more adult companionship and says she's never resented this side of me or even remotely disliked it.

"I’m literally a scared timid little boy who is afraid of being hurt again." - this perfectly describes me. I feel too often like a scared little boy and not often enough like a confident adult man.

I'm not sure why this happens to us but you're far from the only one. My wife and therapist both think my overbearing harpy of a mother at least contributed to it, if not outright caused it.

You have hugs from me if you'd like.

 

[MammaBunny]

Caregiver here and wife of "Little Moosey". I say relax and enjoy the fact that she's accepting and willing to be all that you want her to be. I think you need to get past the "What if's" and move on and enjoy the relationships, both of them!

 

[dogboy]

Everyone is different but my wife accepted me. I think you can tell if your mate is okay with something like that or not. My wife would buy me all sorts of "little" things like sippy cups, baby spoon and fork, footed jammies, onsies, etc. The only thing she didn't like was if I smelled like pee in the morning so I'd wear a Goodnight under my diaper as it controlled smell really well.

 

[Safari]

I agree with the post above unfortunatly I made a big mistake telling my wife it didn’t end to well and the words D I V O R C E were mentioned, so in order to save my marriage and not loose my kids I forced this part of me underground, I’m sure she knows I’m still abdl but as long as she sees nothing hears nothing and we don’t speak about it I guess we are ok. If going underground is the only way I can do this then that’s fine with me I’m not going to rock the boat, I couldn’t bear loosing them for the sake of wearing a nappy

 

[neophyte]

I think its good that you acknowledge that you need to be considerate of her and her needs, especially when it comes to being a "man". I'm in a similar boat as you but with your first wife.

I am married, have kids, and a good life. I opened up to my wife about my past where I would wear diapers. She lost it. She couldn't comprehend and it was a disaster.

BUT what I learned is that my wife, and many women, (as shallow as this is) need a "man" and someone who can provide, protect, kick some ass, and just be cool.

ABDL is not a big deal for you and me, its just a way to chill out and feel good; but to others ABDL is really really really weird and screwed up.

Keep focusing on your wife and her needs emotionally and physically and don't make diapers a big deal.

 

[Safari]

Yes I have done since that dreadful day as I also realised that as you say she needs a man not a baby, my life revolves around my family and I provide for them all and being an abdl is just a small part of who I am and I’m happy to keep it that way

 

[KittyMerriweather]

Everything is fine until we tell you it isn't.

So keep being the man who gets things done in the outside world, and appreciate you are able to be a boy when the work is done.

 

[Safari]

That is sooo true thank you I’ll bare it in mind !

 

[Boo]

I'm single rn, but I have been handling responsibilities meant for 30 year olds along with Schoolwork and a job. It hasn't been easy for me. But when I handle it, it makes my little space time enjoyable.

 

[cannamommy]

Us mommy’s/wife’s/SOs have given this a lot of thought. For those who have voiced acceptance and for those who have decided to participate on varying levels have done so willingly. The best thing to do as our littles is the decision to accept that we have accepted. Begin to normalize this interaction whatever level of acceptance that means in your relationship. I don’t take double takes if I walk in and see my little ( husband ) putting on a diaper, I don’t judge him negatively if I notice he has used his diapers, and I let him know I accept and approve every chance I get. I love him so dearly, and to all littles with SO that accept them , cherish it and enjoy it. The fear should ease over time.

 

[TabulaRasa2017]

Hi Babyman1224,

Just wanted to say a few brief things in relation to your post.

I'm glad you've found someone who accepts you for who you are - I, too, have been through divorce, and while ABDL is not why the divorce happened, my ex never did understand this side of me and was repulsed by it. Unlike you, she did know about this part of me early on and prior to our marriage, and I worked very hard at making my little side invisible. I am now in a relationship with someone who loves me and is totally accepting of this side of me. ABDL is just a natural part of our love making, and I can wear diapers whenever and however I like. When you do have someone who loves and accepts you, it does sometimes feel like they're still going to find something wrong with you or with your little side. As cannamommy says, the fear should ease over time, and you should cherish the acceptance you are getting from your SO.

For those in marriages or relationships where your SO does not accept this side of you, I have been there, and I wish you the very best and hope that you can find a way to help your partner see this vulnerable side of yourself.

For those looking for a partner, my philosophy has become: 1) tell them about your little side early on and before you become intimate; 2) know that what you need is equally valid to what your partner needs in terms of feeling loved, meeting sexual needs, etc.; and 3) know you can and should walk away from a partner who will not accept this side of you, no matter how much other things may seem to click. Yes, you can survive without indulging your little side with a partner, but isn't the point of having a partner so you can be vulnerable and give each other the things others can't? If this wasn't that important to you, you wouldn't be on ADISC asking about how to find someone who will nurture this vulnerable piece of yourself. So if a partner only wants someone that does not have a little side, shouldn't you both look for someone else? In my opinion, whereas you should respect someone not wanting to participate in your little side, you should also recognize that the road runs both ways - you should not be expected to give a partner what they need romantically, sexually, and emotionally without them also being able to give that back to you.

I'm glad, Babyman1224, that you've found someone who does accept you and in time I think you will be happier for it.

Be well everyone,

Tab

 

[Teddy02]

Those of you with accepting partners are very fortunate. I tried, as many do, to sideline my abdlness in the begining of our relationship and slowly introduce it into our joint lives ... unsucessfully. It has always amaized me how deeply we feel this childish need, and that it really will never go away, so somehow it has to be satiated. I have had a rather ‘wet’ life, bedwetting and a very small bladder, and made wearing nappies to bed a daily occurrence. It was made easier in that my wife has never really like sex. (Her mother told her at a very young age that it was wrong and disgusting!!!) She was a city high-flier and work was her motivation, so I had lots of free time (I was a freelancer) to indulge on my own, which was fine at the time. But I did buy ever more babyish nappies and plastic pants which I left out to be ‘found’. Mostly what I got back was “I suppose these are part of this baby thing”. It took me until I was in my 60s to accept who I am for myself and sod the consequences and I started wearing my nappies very openly. I have now taken the view that I am an OK human being and you have to accept me for who I am, and a large part of that is that I am very childish. Actually I think it gives me a unique view of life and keeps my mind very fresh and creative.
Wife has now accepted that dungarees are my trousers of choice however juvenile. A year ago I had my cancerous prostate removed and I am now legitimately incontinent and very happy that I can be in nappies or pull-ups all the time (although it does change how I feel about them). It would be nice to get a pat on the bottom or some comment about the little boy being wet ... but I know it will not happen, but my wife is great and we have a terrific loving life together. I also have to give credit that she bought me two of my teddy bears!

 

[Babyman1224]

I want to thank everyone for their kind responses. I should be tap dancing happy given how accepting my wife is but the fear of losing her over my “madness” weighs heavily on my mind. I’m more inclined to believe that I need to learn to accept myself and everything else will work itself out in the long run. I guess the best advice I get from all of your responses is enjoy the good times I’m having and be the best I can be towards my wife. Once again thank you all for your input.

 

[perlFerret]

enjoy the good times I’m having and be the best I can be towards my wife

This should literally define every moment of your marriage, not just regarding ABDL stuff. ;-)

 

[Cammer]

I’m in a very similar boat with the feelings that my girlfriend isn’t as ok with my ABDL side as she says. I trust her but I worry I am slowly pushing her away.

It’s very new to her but she loves me the same she says. I want her to be apart of this with me but not if it means loosing her.

 

[Deleted member 62493]

I’m in a very similar boat with the feelings that my girlfriend isn’t as ok with my ABDL side as she says. I trust her but I worry I am slowly pushing her away.

It’s very new to her but she loves me the same she says. I want her to be apart of this with me but not if it means loosing her.

My best suggestion is to tell her that last sentence word for word and let her know you're genuine about it. My ex was accepting of me, she just drew lines and made it clear what she wanted to do and what she didn't. As long as I was respectful of that as she was also respectful of me, everything worked out fine. I didn't make it our whole lives. To her it was just a kink she wasn't into, but she was willing to participate in certain parts of because she liked making me happy, and she knew that I knew that and that I respected her boundaries. I always feared that she saw me as "less than" at times. When those feelings surfaced I would take a step away from anything abdl for a while to make it clear that she was the most important to me