Mrs Zaronab
In recent reading on psychology relevant to ABDLs I've come across a phenomena which may help explain the seeming contradiction between your husband's emotional estrangement from his daughters and his otherwise loving nature (with you).
ABDLs have a distinction in their personalities between their 'big' (adult side) and their 'little'. I believe that this is a form of dissociation. It doesn't involve amnesia like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), but it's still very real. For people with sub-DID levels of dissociation, like myself and many ABDLs, there is often a divide between an adult host which is often highly functional in their work or responsibilities but emotionally numbed and seemingly self-contained, and an 'little' which is openly needy and emotional. The emotional numbing is called depersonalization. At moderate levels it is common, subtle & little noticed, especially amongst men because it 'goes with the grain' of male socialization. It is sometimes experienced emotionally as being an observer in your own life, and physically, of not fulling inhabiting your own body. The estrangement from self makes it hard for the person to sustain deep or emotional bonds with others - typically except for a partner with whom they share their emotionally vulnerable and needy 'little' side.
Paradoxically the numbing in depersonalization is often combined with significant anxiety, which again causes the person to distance from others. It is an insidious chronic phenomenon. An ABDL has often lived with it all their lives. If so, we often think it's normal, that's it's the same for everyone, or at least that's it's just who we are. We don't even have a name for what we feel, or rather don't feel. Our 'little' becomes our feeling 'part', which for all its difficulties, becomes a welcome refuge and respite from our emotionally shutdown adult side. It is like two sides of a coin.
The depersonalization and the rest of the dissociation is commonly a chronic rather than acute state. For ABDLs it had its origin in broken (insecure) attachments with caregivers in childhood and often trauma in the 'ordinary catastrophes' of childhood, like temporary separations from mother, hospitalisations, bullying etc. If any of this is relevant, the good news is that depersonalization, dissociation and broken childhood attachments can be helped in psychotherapy.