Okay...
As being ABDL, but yet a parent myself (three times in fact) that has gone through having children in diapers, I feel I have a little bit of experience I can add to this discussion.
For me as a parent, having kids in diapers really had no connection to my own desires to wear diapers. It was simply part of raising my children and I have to be honest, I anxiously looked forward to the time when they no longer needed to wear them. For one thing, there was the expense and inconvenience of packing around all the extra supplies. But I also have to admit that it was certainly a bit of an unpleasant chore. So I was happy when things "clicked" and they were able to go without wearing them anymore and I certainly did my best to encourage the use of the potty instead of diapers.
But, despite my own experience as a parent, sometimes I think we as a society are too quick to judge others. Without placing ourselves in the other person's shoes, we truly cannot know of all of the reasons why a child is 3, 4, or even 5 or older and still in diapers. There are lots of things such as developmental delays that may not seem outwardly apparent which may cause some children to simply take a lot longer to figure it out. And there are also parenting styles that may lean into letting the children decide more when they are ready than trying to force the issue when the parents want it to happen. --There are some thesis about paraphilic infantilism where the thoughts that in some cases the clinging to wanting to wear diapers can be traced to being traumatically forced out of them or shamed about it.
Certainly, when they are old enough to be going to school, then unless there are truly medical reasons why the child cannot control it, then school personnel shouldn't be in the situation of having to deal with students in diapers. If a child is not yet ready to give up diapers but there is no medical need, then it seems that perhaps they need to have some additional time before attending school. It isn't that big of a deal to hold a child back a year if they are not yet ready.
I am not suggesting that a child with a disability or that truly cannot yet control these functions not be allowed to attend. That is not what I am saying. Some children obviously need more time and adaptations should be made that are discrete and do not subject the child to being teased or feeling embarrassed by it. But without a doctor's diagnosis, then sure, teachers or even school nurses should not be required to changing diapers. Also, even at the age of kindergarten this could end up being stigmatic to the child by classmates. All things that should be taken into consideration by parents, school staff, and the child themselves as to how they feel about it.
But sorry, I digressed...
Going back to my original point, being critical of someone whose children are still in diapers at a little bit more older age than other children who are potty trained is kind of a bit of self-assuming that one's own standards are better than another. If they aren't in school and are not affecting others, then why is this something that would bother another?
I think of a story about a young mother who was in an airport line with two children, both in diapers and she was struggling to keep her children in control.
While she held one child in her arms, the other child was at her side and in particular was very soaked and in obvious need of a diaper change. Having only so many hands, she scooted the child along with her foot as the line slowly moved forward. Other travelers showed obvious distainment for this woman and gave looks of disapproval. Some were even overheard to make comments as to how poorly she was caring for her children and how terrible they were behaving.
Then one man, came up to the woman and asked if he could help. She broke down into tears and explained that she was sorry for the behavior of her children and shared how just the day before, her husband (the children's father) had died and she was trying to travel back home by herself with her children.
The man picked up the child on the floor, and despite the need for changing, held him in his arms and asked the persons in front of them if they would not mind if they could go ahead of them in line. One by one he did this with and soon the mother and her children were through the line and able to get to where she could change the child and be on their way.
So... take this story into perspective. While so many were criticizing this woman and the way she was neglecting her children and seemingly oblivious of the way they were acting, only one person took the time to see beyond the first appearance and then help the woman and her children with their needs. Instead of looking negatively upon them, he showed caring and concern and as it turns out, the situation was truly beyond the young mother's control.
For me, this story truly rings truth. While it isn't particularly about a child who is 5 and still wearing diapers, it is about seeking an understanding of a situation that may be different than it might seem. I would hope that all of us, who as DL or ABDL or any of our unique interests are often misunderstood, can realize more compassion and seek understanding, rather than judgement.
Are there some parents that simply don't care for their kids? Well, unfortunately, yes, probably all too many. But the fact remains that unless you are fully aware of the situation, you may be totally incorrect in your observation.
It seems better to err on the side of compassion rather than criticism.
Where is our own doctorate degree that allows us to determine what is the correct age for everyone to stop wearing diapers? Who among us has physiological development in their PhD title?
Just a few thoughts from being a Daddy myself.
TeddyBearCowboy
:detective3