Aquarius - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over. People think you are stupid. And many of them are right. You also enjoy sucking cock.
Pisces - You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for your flaunting of your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people do terrible things to small animals. They also eat zucchini.
Aries - You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and scornful of advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come into contact with.
Taurus - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell because you never do anything right the first time round. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. Taurus people have BO and fart a lot.
Gemini - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for thriving on incest. They also love to fondle lemmings.
Cancer - You are understanding and sympathetic to other peoples problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. This is why you'll never make anything of yourself. Most welfare recipients are Cancer people. Cancer people also think they are better than Leos.
Leo - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leos are thieving motherfuckers who enjoy masturbation more than sex.
Virgo - You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends and drives some people crazy. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep during sex. Virgos make good bus drivers. You also have cold hands and feet and drink a lot to compensate.
Libra - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man you are more than likely queer. Chances for gainful employment and monetary rewards are excellent. Most Libra women make good prostitutes. Most Libras have a venereal disease. They pass it around like a bottle of beer at a Scotchman's picnic. They seldom bathe and their heads are full of lice.
Scorpio - You are shrewd in business and clever in trading. Many believe you are a crook. They are right. You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered in their sleep.
Sagittarius - You are enthusiastic and optimistic. You have tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius' are drunks. They often leave their spouses and go to the North pole seeking fame and fortune. They are fundamentally crazy.
Capricorn - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken-shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still too long as a dog might think you are a tree and piss on you.