Please help me figure out my sexual orientation.

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Boyhood

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I personally am still unsure of my sexual orientation, though I claim to be straight, but still don't have a sexual desire for women-- I don't know what it is like to have that sexual desire for them, and I wish that someone that knows "for sure" that they are straight and "have this desire" could ask me a few questions to help me determine my sexual orientation, like "Do you feel this when this happens" kind of material, I just literally need good questions asked, not like, "do you get a rise out of porn" (and maybe that is a good question), but I know straight guys that don't, so then again maybe it is not.

The basic is that I find it utterly discusting for two guys to be gay together, (though I understand it-- if that's how they're born, those are their feelings they cannot change), but I don't feel this "attraction" to either sex, and I don't want to call myself an Asexual..... I want to be straight.

I will be glad to hear any questions or comments about this, though I truely only want to hear from people that:
1. Will ask me questions about this, and help me through it.
2. Have the same EXACT situation, not something close, so they can relate-- and they have thought out "this."

I ask for these 2 criteria, because it seems whenever I try to start a topic about myself, it gets kind of off topic with people talking about themselves instead, I'd just like to try and keep this topic "on topic" to my case if possible. Sorry if that's too much to ask, but I would appreciate it.
 
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maddi

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Well... might I suggest that you go to your doctor and have a conversation about hormones? (I'm serious...) There could be something physiological going on. I have had periods in my life where my libido drops to zero... combination of pure exhaustion and hormonal imbalance.
 

eddy200

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... and I wish that someone that knows "for sure" that they are straight and "have this desire" could ask me a few questions to help me determine my sexual orientation, like "Do you feel this when this happens" kind of material ...

...
I will be glad to hear any questions or comments about this, though I truely only want to hear from people that:
1. Will ask me questions about this, and help me through it.
2. Have the same EXACT situation, not something close, so they can relate-- and they have thought out "this." ...
I think you kind of contradicted yourself in your request for the type of people you would like to reply. Being of the former type I will respond as such.

I am striaght, I know I am, and I would bet everything I currently own and will ever own that I will be for the rest of my life. Now, I don't get a rise out of porn myself, if that makes you feel any better, but I do find myself attracted to girls out in RL, if that makes any sense. For example, If I'm out at the store and a cute girl walks by I sometimes get a little nervous but I also check her out a bit. I have been in a few relationships before, so sometimes I think what it would be like to be making out with the girl (usually only if its not the first time I've seen her, If I know her, or If she is exceedingly cute/attractive).
I am also a bit shy in public, especially with people I dont know, but if an attractive girl is involved then I am really really hesitant (almost instinctually) to approach her or induce conversation, and I also become very very self concious. I'm trying to overcome this, but it is a proccess.
Now I know a lot of straight guys who have no trouble whatsoever in approaching and courting attractive girls so that just goes to show that there is more than one type of "straight guy."
 

Pojo

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You should find out yourself...You may not know now, but you'll find out on your own in time
 

Boyhood

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I think you kind of contradicted yourself in your request for the type of people you would like to reply.
Good eye, my bad, I meant to type "either" before the 1. and 2., so "either one" would work for people to reply. Sorry if I confused anyone.
 
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Presumably, you are not gay at all, as you have already said.
You are attracted to women, just not sexually correct?
Do you ever think of yourself and a girl hanging out, doing things, although not necessarily sexin?

I personally, am attracted to girls, but I don't even know if I want sex. I play like I do, which isn't working well for getting me any girls. I always figured sex would be good, because even if you don't have a desire for it, it will still feel good.

Have you ever thought about that, the it is irrelevant if you want it or not, when you do it, it will be good?

I recently talked to a girl, that almost seemed to imply she liked me a LOT and wanted to have sex with me, this, turned me on a great deal and all I thought about for about 3 days was having sex with her.

That was leading up to this next question, any other similar experiences from you?

I probably talked more about me than I did about you, so I apologize, but it is a habit of mine that I fought, and I seemed to do OK.

The recommended path is a psychologist, preferably a younger one, to get this resolved faster than we can, however, we are cheaper.
 

ballucanb

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I was not really atracted to sex, when I was younger, I couldn't care less if someone had sex includeing me.

and you could be haveing the same feelings, watch some porn see which one you prefer, you have a long way to go at 20 don't be in such a hurry.

I had sex for the first time in my late 20's.
 

dogboy

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I would ask, assuming you masturbate, who do you fantisize about while doing this? In high school, I was having sex with my girlfriend. In college I was having sex with my room mate. So I have tried both and done it often. Neither were my real attraction. There are other attractions and alternatives, but one has to be careful where they let their mind travel. Obviously for many of the members here, diapers and infantilism rule, and that is one alternative. I think deep in your heart you know what turns you on. As for me, I liked the sex with males, but not as an intimate relation, and so I'm not attracted to men. I am attracted to some woman, but it's not overwhelming. You would be surprised how many men there are who are not overwhelming attracted to woman. One can be easily deceived by the television perseption that we are all supposed to buy into. But much of it is just t.v. hype. Don't be hard on yourself if you're not gung ho over the opposite sex. As a species, we are complicated, and don't fit easily into the box that commercial society would like to force us into.
 

Boyhood

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You are attracted to women, just not sexually correct?
That is the question I'm trying to figure out. I want to know if what I feel is any different than a straight male individual. I can say I find women are more "pretty" than men, because I don't even think about how a guy looks, and could care less how he looks. Women also spend more time in front of the mirror, perfecting their image, so it's hard to say that even if I did try to compare "which sex" I am attracted to, and came to a conclusion (which I said is women), I still don't think that it is a sexual attraction, being I can't remember one time in my life that I've been aroused by a women, and yes I've seen a lot of hot girls, I'm going to college for God's sakes, just I don't know what it's like to sexually be attracted to them.



I was not really atracted to sex, when I was younger, I couldn't care less if someone had sex includeing me.

and you could be haveing the same feelings, watch some porn see which one you prefer, you have a long way to go at 20 don't be in such a hurry.
Well, I already told you what I believe about why "porn" isn't going to solve anything here, and so did Mr. Alex, but maybe you didn't read that. By the age of 20, most professionals would say that a person should know their sexual orientation without any trouble. Thanks.



I would ask, assuming you masturbate, who do you fantisize about while doing this?
No one-- but does that make me an Asexual? I don't fantasize about anything to get hard-- though the easiest thing in my mind to be able to get hard, is DLism.

I think what you said was real wise, dogboy. I agree that perhaps our society's sexual classifications are dull. I just don't know what I'm going to do about life though.

I want to get married, and have kids, and some of you might say that "not having" a sexual attraction to your wife doesn't stop you from doing that, but will that work out in the long run? That's the big question.


It is possible to be straight and asexual. I suggest that you visit this site: Asexual Visibility and Education Network - Home It might be able to answer some of your questions.
I see that, nice information btw, forgot to mention earlier. One part explains: "Just as people will rarely and unexpectedly go from being straight to gay, asexual people will rarely and unexpectedly become sexual or vice versa." This is partly why I want to figure out what I am classified as, but it's kind of hard.


-----

I have another question..

Do you gain sexual attraction to a women after you've had sex the first time? Right now I'm a virgin, and I'm hoping for this. I'm literally praying to God to be able to be sexually attracted to women in the future.
 
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Do you gain sexual attraction to a women after you've had sex the first time? Right now I'm a virgin, and I'm hoping for this. I'm literally praying to God to be able to be sexually attracted to women in the future.
I really have no idea, I would assume, after you experience it, you would want it more. But I don't think you would just become attracted to them. Lukie is viewing the thread, he can text wall you for me.
 

Fire2box

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I personally am still unsure of my sexual orientation, though I claim to be straight, but still don't have a sexual desire for women-- I don't know what it is like to have that sexual desire for them, and I wish that someone that knows "for sure" that they are straight and "have this desire" could ask me a few questions to help me determine my sexual orientation, like "Do you feel this when this happens" kind of material, I just literally need good questions asked, not like, "do you get a rise out of porn" (and maybe that is a good question), but I know straight guys that don't, so then again maybe it is not.

The basic is that I find it utterly discusting for two guys to be gay together, (though I understand it-- if that's how they're born, those are their feelings they cannot change), but I don't feel this "attraction" to either sex, and I don't want to call myself an Asexual..... I want to be straight.

I will be glad to hear any questions or comments about this, though I truely only want to hear from people that:
1. Will ask me questions about this, and help me through it.
2. Have the same EXACT situation, not something close, so they can relate-- and they have thought out "this."

I ask for these 2 criteria, because it seems whenever I try to start a topic about myself, it gets kind of off topic with people talking about themselves instead, I'd just like to try and keep this topic "on topic" to my case if possible. Sorry if that's too much to ask, but I would appreciate it.
I don't see whats so sexually attractive about men or women. Some make look nice both none of the ever give me a "boner". Anyways I would much rather have sex with a woman then with a guy. So I don't ever plan to do it with a guy and I'll do it with a woman yet I still consider myself asexual since I don't get a rise from either sex in any situation, at least with their looks.


Also I pretty much have only masturbated to DLism type stuff. Mainly diapers itself or stories (namely Mandi's... I am joking!) I use horrible cliched stories.
 

avery

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Do you gain sexual attraction to a women after you've had sex the first time? Right now I'm a virgin, and I'm hoping for this. I'm literally praying to God to be able to be sexually attracted to women in the future.
i'm pretty sure the answer to that would be no. usually if you're not sexually attracted to someone before you have sex with them the sex is going to be fairly unsatisfying. you might be able to have sex, and even enjoy it, but it's not going to change anything about your sexuality. the best you can hope for is that it might help you discover some aspect of your sexuality you didn't know was there before.
 

dogboy

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Thinking about this some more, if you haven't had sex before with a girl/woman, it may be that you are uptight about the whole thing. I know I was the first few times. You're dealing with a whole different kind of plumbing, and that can be intimidating. Then of course it could be that you really are dependent on the fetish to get aroused. I also think that intelligent people have more problems with this than dunces. (I realize that wasn't nice to say, but it may be true.) Then there is the love angle. Everything could change if you really fall in love with the right girl. Suddenly you will see someone in a whole different light, and you may want to express that feeling sexually. Girls can be very intuitive and understanding. They know that most of us guys are clods rather than great lovers, and they often know what to do. I've often said that my wife saved me from myself. The thing that attracted me to her was that she genuinely loved me. Unconditional love from another human being is an amazing thing. I hope that happens for you. And if it does, and one thing leads to another, I can't tell you what it's like when you become a father, and see your son or daughter for the first time. The miricle of life is an amazing thing. I say all of this because they are all part of the great whole (well, no pun intended, haha.) Anyway, the secret is to not worry so much, get out there and meet a few girls, and see what happens. Leave yourself open to new experiences. What do you have to lose?
 

DannyTheNinja

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To be honest there's really no reason to feel bad at all about not getting a rise from porn or not having a real desire for sex. I'm exactly the same way. Both of those are called lust, and if you are religious then you are probably forbidden by your religion from indulging in lust. The current lack of respect for sex in modern society would have been called despicable just 50 years ago, and 100 years ago if you were caught having sex with someone other than the person of the sex opposite yours to whom you are married it would be cause for public humiliation.

I've got a girl that really likes me - maybe even loves me. She's told me she's not a virgin; I've said that that doesn't matter because that's in the past, but as long as I am with her I expect her to abstain from sexual activity until and unless we become married one day. Sexual purity is something that is still respected in modern society and expected in religion. I'm not sure exactly what you're feeling but when I'm with Jess I have a constant subconscious reminder playing, telling me that my responsibility is first to God (I'm Christian) and second to her. Maybe this is how you feel?

Don't pray to be sexually attracted to women. If you're a Christian the advice I can give you is to pray that God will show you the woman that is your match. If you're not Christian what I would say is to just don't focus on the girl's body, focus on the person inside it. If you just focus on that, rest assured that when/if you do get married you'll be having sex with her because you honestly love her, not just because you lust after her.

Sex of course feels good and makes babies but I think the purpose of it is deeper than that - it's a way for a husband and wife to celebrate their unity with one another in an intimate, wonderful way. When/if you get married, look at sex from this perspective. What matters is the relationship and genuine love you have underneath it all.

Hope this all made sense.

(Disclaimer: I know my definitions of sex in this post possibly conflict with what you the reader might believe. Sex in this context refers to sex between a man and a woman because that's what the OP has expressed that he wants to know about. It's not meant to be an attack or anything.)

--Danny :ninja:
 
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what does it even matter? its just a lable, why should it bother you? instead of trying to find yourself a lable, just ignore it. if you'r not really sexually attracted to girls and don't want to be attracted to boys, then what's your hurry? just lable it as "not top priority" and wait untill further notice. thats what i decided on.
 

Boyhood

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I appreciate the posts everyone, especially dogboy and DannyTheNinja. dogboy, I actually like a lot of your posts, and you seem to have a lot of experience in life-- thanks for the information. DannyTheNinja, you seem to be younger than me, but older in maturity than most your age. Thanks for the good advice, and I agree compeltely with what your view is on future relationships. I think you're right about changing my prayer up a little bit, in that it will be easier for God to help me.
 
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Oh so that is why that is.

Crap, I have to say it again, only time, will figure this out for you.
 

RevLegna

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Bottom line, Go with what you're feeling, who knows, you may be asexual and wont know for awhile.
 

EvaIlyxtra

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I ask this question every day. I say I am straight every day but am not attracted to the stuff that I should be. Although most of my sexual feelings are overshadowed by *b/dlism, I usually get that nervous feeling when I am around a nice looking girl. I have been in a commited relationship and I know I am straight. I get confused over time but it takes time. It's different for everybody.
 
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