Please Don't Ask Me For My Picture

Starlight99

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Can I ask everyone on here that you don't ask me for my picture? I just sent one out, and even though the girl didn't judge me at all, I still feel awful and ashamed for even looking like that, and I've been sitting here crying in sadness, embarrassment, and shame since I hit the send button. Being that I made the mistake of showing yet another person how horrible I look, I don't want anyone else seeing how I look, and I'd really appreciate it if no one else asks me for pictures of myself. It's bad enough that I have to look at myself, I don't anyone else seeing me either. Thanks.
 

Scaramouche

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Aw! I'm sorry you're feeling down. I'm sure things aren't as bad as you think they are. :hug:
 

Starlight99

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Believe me, they are. I look like a monster, I tried to explain that to her, and she still wanted to see my picture. I finally gave in and sent it to her, and now I'm more ashamed of the way I look then I was before. I always knew I looked awful, but now she knows it too. :(
 

TheCaptain

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It's probably not as bad as you think it is. We all struggle with our self image at times (including me). It's easy for us to get fixated on our own perceived flaws and things we think can be improved. You may not like the way your nose looks or hair looks or so and so looks, but I bet there's someone out there who thinks it's cute and wish they had your nose or hair!

Besides, there are a lot of people who really do care more about personality. I'm not about to lie and say looks don't matter at all, but you'd be surprised how much of a difference a winning personality makes.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

Starlight99

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Trust me, there's no one who would think anything about me is cute. I'm utterly repulsive, and I have still not found one person who thinks I look anywhere near good, nor do I think I ever will. As for personality, that is what most people care about in terms of both friends and romance, but I'm not much on that either. Basically, I'm just sad that someone else had to see me. I try to talk around with my head held as low as possible, with my eyes covered because I don't like the way my eyes look. If I didn't get hot very easily, I'd probably wear long clothes year-round. So for a person who's that prone to covering themselves up year-round to be exposed to someone who I didn't really want to see me really hurt, because all it did was bring the feelings of self-hatred to the surface. :(
 

dogboy

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I'm not thrilled about being 70 years old and how I'm aging. I do believe though, that who you are inside of your body, counts for a lot. We can't control how we look, but we can control how we act, and in this world of so much hate, a little bit of love goes a long way.
 

BabyTyrant

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There are things I hate about myself and sometime I literally my worst enemy; but things are not usually as bad as we act like they are with self esteem/depression/mental health issues.
 

Starlight99

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I definitely have something wrong mentally, even though I don't know what it is. As for "what's on the inside," that's kind of hard to figure out. I never thought there was much on the inside, either. I have no clue how to change what's on the inside, but I really wish I could. When it comes to dogboy's comment about love, I'm not sure whether he means loving others or loving myself. There's very few people besides myself that I truly hate, and I certainly don't love myself. If I were someone worthy of being loved (which is something I wish for every day), then I could love myself. Until then, I have no idea what to do, since I can't love something that doesn't deserve it.
 

dogboy

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I meant loving others, but more like caring and being nice to others. Think how many people aren't.
 

Fireband

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Hey starlight...listen,

I'm no picaso painting myself, and I have more than enough flaws that from my point of view make me impossible to date, but there have been people who loved me romantically. Take my old girlfriend. She was as close to being my wife as ever, and then she died. She saw past my scars and flaws and loved me.

I'm sure there is someone out there for you. No one is perfect. But, you seem like the complete opposite of horrible. You are a good person. Trust me, I have a knack for good people. I'd know if you where "a horrible monster" as you put it.

I've done some terrible things in life. Mostly underground fights in high school, but I put that behind me. You need to give yourself credit. If I can survive 5 suicide attempts in the past and 5 hospitalizations, than I'm sure you can fight on.

You're looks are not what defines you. I bet you could make someone happy.

If you need someone to talk to or vent to...I'm here. I've seen it all, believe me. Whether emotional abuse, suicide, identity problems, you name it I've been there. Talk to me if you'd like. I think you and I are not so different.
-fireband
 

Starlight99

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Both of you are right. I have no problem loving others, and I truly love giving care to those who have no one else. I think that might actually be my purpose in life, just to care for others, and since the people I care about are truly nice people, I have no problem with that. And fireband, even though you (and some others) see me as a really good person, but I have never seen myself like that. I don't know how to change how I see myself, or whether I should change myself to become something I like. I'd love to talk to you, since I agree, we aren't much different at all.
 

Argent

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:hug: I am so sorry you feel this way, life can be seemingly cruel with perceived imperfections.

I wish fewer decisions were made based on appearance and of course beauty is skin deep and is something that fades or even goes out of vogue.

What is always in fashion though is attempting close human connections.
 

Starlight99

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Thank you, Argent. I'd love to make a connection with someone and know I won't mess up and they won't walk away...would you like to be that someone?
 

momma2moosey

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Both of you are right. I have no problem loving others, and I truly love giving care to those who have no one else. I think that might actually be my purpose in life, just to care for others, and since the people I care about are truly nice people, I have no problem with that. And fireband, even though you (and some others) see me as a really good person, but I have never seen myself like that. I don't know how to change how I see myself, or whether I should change myself to become something I like. I'd love to talk to you, since I agree, we aren't much different at all.
Starlight99....you yourself said you have no problem loving and caring for others....that right there makes you a beautiful person!! Don’t be so hard on yourself! If you were mean and nasty, then it might be different. Focus on the positive of your loving and caring personality!!
 

Starlight99

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Wow...I wish the people that are physically close to me were as nice and caring as all of you are. I never saw myself as a mean and nasty person, although there were many times that I wish I was so that no one would try to come near me and hurt me. Being that fear and respect are two different things, I figured I'd seek fear since seeking respect doesn't usually work. The problem is that I'm too nice to do that to people, and that's how the few people I let into my heart take advantage of me. My problem isn't loving and caring for others, it's getting others to love and care for me. Most run on their own, and I chase the rest away. Also, since you're saying that there's beauty in me, why can't I see it?
 

Argent

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:hug: YES.

I think a lot of the problem is those that are down and requiring some love and support can’t immediatly reciprocate, from my experience it doesn’t necessarily mean that are emotional vampires that take all the support you give and never give anything back it might just take them time to build or rebuild their own empathy storehouse.

Sometimes I think it’s fine to support someone and let them go, revel in your own good deed and maybe look for companionship from those that want to give it on their own terms.

BTW that doesn’t mean their aren’t people out there that are more than a love vacuum, of course they exist otherwise we wouldn’t have politicians, religious leaders and corporate executives.
 

Starlight99

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Wow...yep...couldn't have said it better. I always call myself right when I truly am (which isn't too often), and if someone truly is taking advantage of my kindness, I'll know. I just wish I could find somebody who wanted to be a companion to me. Thankfully, I have several ADISC members right now, but I'm always afraid that the floor's gonna fall out from under me at some point. For me, I don't wonder if, I wonder when, and I wish I didn't have to see life that way.
 

trysexiea

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Questions stupid but what is the girl said after receiving your picture?

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Because she is the only outside person who can judge, and have an opinion on the matter.

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But usually if you have a good lifestyle, and you have not suffered a serious accident such as a severe facial burn you have no reason to, or that The outsiders find you, ugly. The only other reason I know is that you're Trans is in this case actually it's quite logical to find that are ugly corp, especially the head since that is what is most visible, and that they see more often, but it is logical since the head does not correspond to the kind of the person who is inside.

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But you know that there is a magic thing against that, there are the operations obviously, for the Trans people it's a fairly logical solution, but otherwise it's much cheaper, unfortunately it does not stay as long as an operation, but it's safe, is almost magical, the solution it's just makeup :)
 

prizedcoffeecup

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I understand your pain...I worry about how I look a lot too but try to hide it. (Maybe not a great idea though) Used to never want to share photos of myself either for the same reasons as much as I tried to force myself to anyways (was trying to break into new mental ground after some rough times)

It's entirely alright to deny people photos of how you look. Even if you've been through something physically horrible, I'm certain you still look better than you think of yourself right now and wish you well becoming more comfortable with it in the future, or at least making it through life if not that. I apologize if I come off the wrong way as I'm struggling to sort words out of anxiety and exhaustion right now, but I legitimately wish you all the greatest with overcoming or coping with your fear however you need to as I remember a time when I was so traumatized myself I could barely form a 5 word sentence in 20 minutes sometimes.

EDIT: I read back through the thread further...man, I remember going through all the same myself. I feel as though your journey is a lot different than mine, but you seem to feel the same things as I did...keep going, keep giving yourself that time to realize who you truly are day in, day out, even if you're having a lucid dream (dream you can control) go ahead and continue with it. Sometimes you may learn a lesson, other times it might just be there to calm you down. With time and lots of effort you'll slowly come to realize you carry more weight and integrity as a person than you say you feel, you'll improve and mature further even if you're already mature and you have much room to grow that is yet to be realized. This point in your life might feel like a tall tower you can't walk around, but in reality you have far more choice even within limitations to do things than you might realize. I see you breaking this boundary soon, though I can't correctly determine how soon as I'm still waking up with some coffee (lol).

Life will be tough to go through, but I know you can make it. You see yourself from multiple perspectives which is a great gift that will help you throughout your entire life used positively. You are greater than you think, and it's hard to see yourself as such, but that belief you can be great is entirely valid and one of the main reasons people succeed.
 
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